Transcript Going to the Heart of the Bedroom

“What a happy and holy fashion
it is that those who love one
another should rest on the
same pillow.”
- Nathaniel Hawthorne
The
Marriage Bed
When we marry, we are
choosing to share life more
deeply with each other
than with anyone else
This place of intimacy
and exclusivity is where
God wants to live
“What melody does God like
most? It is the sound of the
laughter of an eternal married
couple that like each other and
rejoice.”
- True Father
What is one of the best ways that
married couples have to rejoice?
Sex is meant to be a
deep encounter of
body and soul and to
enhance the quality of
a marriage
It what ways does sexual intimacy
enhance a marriage relationship?
Strengthens bond
Expresses love
Reinforces exclusivity
Helps heal conflicts and revitalizes
Connects us to God and to each other
It’s
fun
!
Best sex is between happily
married couples
Good lovemaking depends on
attitude, connection
andcharacter
Does my partner feel
accepted and safe?
Is there real friendship between us?
Is there honest communication?
Am I thinking about my
spouse’s needs before my own?
Our sexual relationship develops
as the other aspects of our
relationship grow and develop.
living from the inside out
What do we
bring with us
to the
marriagebed?
our maturity
and immaturity
bad habits
mistakes
secrets
our
expectations
our hopes
our fears
our
personality
differences
our concepts about romance
our gender
differences
our bodies
our hearts
our
parents
our
our in-laws
our
principled
education
Worldly education
“A man and a woman getting
married and making love is not
something you should be
ashamed of. This is
something most dignified,
holy and beautiful.”
Can be hard to go
from“sex is bad”
to Father’s version
“In your family life during marriage,
in order to feel true joy, you should
bring God into the center and make
a relationship where you can love
each other while watching God
rejoicing together with you.”
How do we do that?
Realize it has never really
been done before
Begins with our own
relationship with God
Make sure we clean up
everything before we go into
the Blessing
requires
vulnerability,
sensitivity,
and courage
Sex reflects our relationship,
our moods, our values, our
comfortableness with each other.
Sex has many flavors and expressions.
loving, passionate, sensual, playful, tender,
romantic, I’ve missed you, I’m sorry,
Heavenly Father is right here…
Our sexual
relationship
develops as we
grow in love
Barriers to Good Sex
Unspoken likes and desires
Ignorance
Performance anxiety
Fears about appearance
Fear of pregnancy
Differences of desire
Unspoken anger and tension
Poor Communication
• Vague - unsure what they want, expecting
spouse “should know”.
• Afraid – of hurting each other/of painful
feedback.
• Embarrassed
• Assumes too much – doesn’t ask or listen/
projects own feelings.
Gender
Differences
Men have a
performance imperative
• Way more testosterone than
women.
• Higher sex drive.
Women have an
intimacy imperative
• 10 times as much oxytocin as men.
• Called the ‘cuddle hormone’.
• Puts emotional connection at a
premium.
Also, men tend to
compartmentalize.
Men tend to be able to enjoy
lovemaking even when they
are upset or anxious.
Worry doesn’t affect sleep.
Arousal patterns are different.
Men are visual
Women are emotional
Timing is
different too
Men heat up quickly, women simmer slowly
How do these differences
play out in relationship?
She needs to feel
loved, connected
and special
A women’s needs for love and
security must be satisfied
before she can experience
a strong desire for sex.
This can be hard to
understand for
husbands as it is not
their experience.
Wives can misunderstand
their husbands and think
“he only wants one thing”.
Men often need sexual love
before they can open up and
receive their wives’ love.
Just as a wife needs love to
open up to sex, a husband
needs sex to open up to love.
The desire for sex often signals the
desire to reconnect and share love.
So what do these
differences mean?
sensitivity
What makes women feel loved?
When a husband takes care of
things, a wife can relax and enjoy
the feeling of being taken care of
and that someone is there for her.
How do men feel loved?
When he knows he is being
successful in making his wife
happy and secure.
When a wife appreciates the
little things he does for her.
Stress
Leave him in the cave –
he’ll come out when he’s ready.
Women need
to talk
and talk…
and talk…
If you let your wife talk thru’ her
feelings, she will feel better, and
feel connected to you.
needed and
appreciated
loved and
listened
to
Where you are at now
standards for
matched couples
After the Blessing
Don’t slide - decide
Forty Day Condition
First night
Don’t take each other for granted
Daily investment
All about complementing
each other:
The similarities draw you
together and the differences
provide you with
opportunities to care for
each other
As you learn to
serve each other,
you grow in your
ability to serve
others.
God wants to use
your spouse to help
you grow and to
enhance your life.
Couples who have
trust and honesty
between them,
and confidence in
their spouses’ love
and acceptance.
Recipe for
great sex:
Best Attitude for Good Sex:
• Help each other
• Become an expert in what
your spouse likes
• Have a giving attitude
• Include God
A happy marriage bed is
built with love and trust
“Once they become one, the
man’s heart is in the heart of the
woman, the woman’s heart is in
the heart of the man. The hearts
of the man and woman are in the
heart of God.”
True Father
The End
The End
standards for
matched couples
it takes time
…and practice