Transcript The Adult Years Singles and Sexuality      #s almost tripled from 1970 – 2002 Former stigma is almost gone Varying sexual activity levels Serial monogamy.

The Adult Years
Singles and Sexuality
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#s almost tripled from 1970 – 2002
Former stigma is almost gone
Varying sexual activity levels
Serial monogamy – a succession of sexually
exclusive relationships
But most choose long-term relationships
Cohabitation
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Living together in a sexual relationship without marriage
Nearly 60% who married in the early 90’s
cohabited first
Domestic Partnership – cohabiting in a committed
relationship
Much more common, now with rights
Less traditional gender-roles
Domestic Partnership
Advantages
Together because they want to be
 Less traumatic to break up
 Occasional legal advantages
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Disadvantages
Not as faithful
 Occasional stigma
 Many legal hazards
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More on Cohabitation
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Usually the status doesn’t last
50% marry or bolt in 2 years
Only 10% last 5 years
Unhappiness increases as time goes on
Couples have high divorce rates
Marriage
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Universal institution with familial, sexual, economic and
legal aspects
A source of emotional and financial support
Usually healthier and happier
Recent study – just holding your husband’s hand
quells apprehension for women in strong
marriages
More Marriage
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Two basic approaches
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Collectivist
unites two families
often arranged
“rational” decisions can enhance long-term
stability
The Individualistic View
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Union is a realization of individual goals
and desires
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Feelings of love form basis
Expectations
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We want much more than a stable unit to raise
children
But can we really expect:
happiness,
financial security,
sexual satisfaction,
spiritual and emotional growth, and
social status?
Modern-day Obstacles
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Can we really expect all that when former support
networks lack their past strength?
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Many married couples live in big, sprawling
cities, far from family, stressed for $, child-care
help and emotional backing.
Marital Satisfaction
Gottman – certain patterns predict
unhappiness and divorce – over 90% of
the time!
 The ratio of + to – comments and
activities
 Need a ratio of 5 to 1
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What are they talking about?
Facial expressions of disgust, fear or
misery
 And especially,
 Verbal expressions of contempt from wife,
 And stonewalling from husband
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More on the Magic Ratio
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The 5:1 ratio trumps compatibility, whether or
not they fight, etc., etc.
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Women who initiate discussions diplomatically and
men who listen have marriages that last
Furthermore
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The ratio works regardless of the three common
marital styles:
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Validating – calm listeners who work out
problems but can lack passion
Volatile – passionate disagreements balanced
with respect, but at risk for physical aggression
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Another Style
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Conflict Avoiding – these couples avoid
conflict at any price, but often leave problems
unresolved
Sex Within Marriage
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Increasing satisfaction
Post Kinsey:
wider variety of behaviors
more enjoyment
more foreplay
happier sex-lives, better marriages
Quantity & Quality
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More sex corresponds with better sex
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But the quality of sex often declines as the
marriage endures
Limits
Men are more satisfied
 Some marriages are sexless
 Modern life can exhaust
 Children invade privacy and limit
spontaneity
 The sameness of routine marital life
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Extramarital Sex
Interaction between marital persons and someone
besides their spouse
 While some societies allow, most prohibit
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Why Cheat?
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Great variability in human behavior
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To prove to themselves that they are still
attractive
As an escape from an unhappy union
To end an undesired marriage
For sex when unavailable
For excitement or revenge (9%!)
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Who Cheats?
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The young – 18-30
The oversexed
Those who have more chances
Women are just as likely
It boils down to the person (cheater) not the
relationship
How common?
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Hard to tell
Kinsey – 50% of men, 25% of women
NHSLS – 25% of men, 15% of women
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The Internet has caused more affairs
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What Next?
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Lying and secrecy avoid trust
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Strong feelings of betrayal
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But the end is not inevitable