Transcript Chapter Nine Adult Sexual Relationships Agenda  Discuss Dating: Fun or Serious Business?  Discuss Marriage: Happy Ever After?  Review Same-Sex Relationships  Discuss.

Chapter Nine
Adult Sexual Relationships
Agenda
 Discuss Dating: Fun or Serious Business?
 Discuss Marriage: Happy Ever After?
 Review Same-Sex Relationships
 Discuss Divorce: Whose Fault or No-Fault?
 Review Sexuality in Elderly Relationships
 Discuss Adult Sexual Relationships in Other
Places
Self Reflection Exercise:
What am I Looking for in a Sexual Partner?
 Complete the handout privately.
 Don’t share your results with others.
Dating: Fun or Serious
Business?
Types of Dating and How Do We
Meet?
Interracial Dating
Dating after Divorce or Widowhood
Sexuality in Dating Relationships
Sexuality in Elderly Relationships
Cohabitation
Dating: Introduction
 Dating is a way to discover and compare
qualities in search of the best partner
 Dating has recreational value
 Dating provides companionship, emotional
support, possibly economic support
 Factors related to those who date: better
physical & emotional health, higher selfesteem, sex-role identity
 Can be difficult for homosexuals to find dates
Dating Trends
 Many different levels of commitment
 Those with more free time (college students)
tend to date more
 Traditional dating has been replaced by more
casual dating, with less chaperoned time
 It is difficult to initiate dating, and this may
worsen as people get older and have less
ways of meeting people
Interracial Dating
 25% of college students reported currently
being in an interracial relationship
 50% would be open to dating someone of
another race
 African Americans are more open to
interracial dating than Caucasians
More exposure to white culture
More Caucasians available
Dating After Divorce or Widowhood
 Dating environment is different than when
they dated before marriage
 Widowhood is an obstacle in finding another
partner
 Fewer social opportunities to find a partner
 May decide to cohabitate, rather than remarry
 Older men more likely to date if socially active
and relatively young
 Older women more apt if healthy and mobile
Sexuality in Dating Relationships
 In college, “hooking up” is becoming more
common
 Some couples abstain from sex
 If one person in a couple is a virgin, they are
more likely to abstain if it is a female virgin
than a male virgin
 The woman’s past sexual experience more
strongly predicts a couple’s sexual behavior
Cohabitation
Class Discussion: Cohabitation
 Why do you think that cohabitation has
become more common?
 Why do you think people choose to cohabit?
Why do others chose not to cohabit?
 Are there circumstances in which you would
choose to cohabit?
Cohabitation: Issues & Trends
 Has increased in recent years; stage of courtship
 40% of U.S. couples cohabitate
 In the early 1990s, more than half of 1st marriages
began with cohabitation
 Cohabitating couples are twice as likely to be of
different races than married couples
 Common-law marriage – if a couple lives together for
a certain length of time; 13 states
 Half of cohabitating couples break up within one year
or less
 Those who eventually marry are more likely to
divorce; even more with long cohabitations
Cohabitation: Advantages &
Disadvantages
 Advantages: learn more about each other
without legal or economic ties, more realistic
than dating
 Disadvantages: unsupportive family, cut off
from friends
Cohabitation: Why Increased Relationship
Failure?
 Couples develop as separate individuals
 “Playing house” without the real marital
pressures; financial pressures
 Type of people that are more likely to cohabit
may be more likely to get divorce if faced with
marital problems
 The need to “test” the relationship likely
means a couple is not ready
Cohabitation in Other Cultures
 Less common in traditional cultures
Asian societies
Islamic societies
 Most western countries have many
cohabitating couples
France
Sweden
Marriage
Marital Satisfaction
Marital Sex Over time
Marriage in Later Life
Extramarital Affairs
Marriage in Other Cultures
Class Discussion: Marriage Expectations
 Would you ever like to get married? If so, at what
age would you like to marry?
 What area would you like to live in? City? State?
Suburban or Rural? What type of house?
 Would you ever want any children? If so, why and
how many? If not, why not?
 If you want children, how long will you wait before
you have them?
 Will you keep your name if you marry? Would you
like your partner to change his or her name? Explain.
 Will you maintain a career outside the home during
your marriage? Would you like your spouse to?
 What would be the division of labor in your
household?
View Video: “Making Marriage Last”
Marriage: Trends
 93% in the U.S. say a happy marriage is an
important life goal
 Women are more likely to marry older men
Want to be taken care of, wealth, power
 Men are more likely to marry younger women
Want conception, pregnancy, beauty
 Age at first marriage (in 2002); increasing
Men: 27
Women: 25
Percentage of never-married men and women over the age of 15 by race and Hispanic origin. Source:
U.S. Census Bureau, 2001.
Marital Satisfaction Factors
 In general: self-disclosure, physical &
emotional intimacy, personality similarities
For men: frequency of pleasurable
activities done together
For women: frequency of pleasurable
activities focused on emotional closeness
 Quality of spousal friendship influences
satisfaciton.
 Marriage quality peaks in the first few years,
declines to midlife, rises again
Couples usually put more effort into the
marriage in the beginning
Factors Affecting Commitment
 Satisfaction and comittment are different
issues: couples may remain married even if
they are unhappy with their relationship.
 Marriages last longer when both:
have a positive marital attitude,
view their partner as their best friend,
like their partner as a person,
believe marriage is a long-term
commitment
Impact of Marriage
 Married couples tend to be happier, healthier,
and live longer
 Health benefits mostly for men
Wives monitor husband’s health
Wives have many role responsibilities
Having Children or Remaining
Childless
 Relationship quality is impacted by timing of
having children
 Children decrease relationship time
 Married couples with children tend to have
lower marital satisfaction than those without
 Satisfaction decreases as the number of
children increases
 Satisfaction is high before kids, declines until
kids are teens, increases when kids leave
Marital Sex: Changes Over Time
 Passion is high early in marriages, but slowly
dissipates
 40% married couples have intercourse 2+
times/week; 50% do so a few times/month
 Most couples experience a decrease in
intercourse over time, mostly due to marital
pressures (children, jobs, housework, money)
 Positive correlation between frequency &
satisfaction with sex life
Marriages in Later Life
 Older women more likely to be widowed
 Those still married are usually happy, men
more so than women
 Women typically care for a sick husband and
lack emotional support
 Older men are twice as likely to remarry
Women outnumber men in older age
Older men tend to marry younger women
Remarriages in Later Life
 Remarriage after widowhood healthier if:
acquainted for awhile before marriage
children and peers approve
good health
financial stability
adequate living conditions
 Remarriages after 40 tend to be more stable
 May cohabitate rather than remarry
Marital status of the population age 65 and over, by age group and sex, in 2003. Source: Federal
Interagency Forum on Aging-Related Statistics, 2004.
Extramarital Affairs: “It Just
Happened”
 Less than 5% of societies are more strict
about forbidding affairs than the U.S.
 Almost all couples expect exclusivity
 Factors related to cheaters:
Stronger sexual interests
Permissive sexual values
Less satisfaction in their relationship
Opportunities for sex outside of the couple
Extramarital Affairs: Attitudes
 75% of Americans believed extramarital sex
was intolerable
 20% of women, 15-35% of men reported
extramarital sex
Process of Developing an Affair
 Become emotionally close to someone
 Keep relationship secret
 Start to do things together; “dating”
 Sexual and emotional affair
Extramarital Affairs: Issues & Trends
 Married couples are the most deceptive about
sex outside of the relationship
 Women more likely disturbed by emotional
infidelity; tend to engage in emotional affairs;
tend to have affairs when older
 Men more likely disturbed by sexual infidelity;
tend to engage in sexual affairs; typically
when younger
 90%+ affairs due to emotional needs not met
Open Marriages: Sexual Advertising
 Comarital sex – consenting of married
couples to sexually exchange partners
Swingers/Polyamorists
 About 3 million swingers in the U.S.
 Many support groups, internet contacts
 Swingers tend to be white, middle-class,
middle-aged church goers
 Often have “safe-sex” circles
Marriages in Other Cultures
 Some countries do not have dating systems
 All societies have marriage customs, though they
vary among all societies
 Arranged marriages still exist
60% of marriages worldwide are arranged
Japanese business class, Iran, rural China
 Courtship may be ritualized
Yaruros of Venezuela, Hottentots of South Africa
 Extramarital sex is forbidden in many cultures, but is
often tolerated
Typically tolerance is for men, not women
Types of Marriages in Other Cultures
 Polygamy – having more than one spouse
 Polygyny – having more than one wife
Common in Africa and the Middle East; Mormon
fundamentalist groups in the U.S.
Wives have lower fertility rates
Men gain prestige & power, women gain
protection of a wealthy man
 Polyandry – having more than one husband
Less common than polygyny
Usually to keep inheritance together
 Consanguineous marriages – woman marries a
relative to maintain family property
Same-Sex Relationships
Sexuality in Same-Sex Relationships
Same-Sex Marriage
Same-Sex Relationships in Other
Cultures
View Video: Marriage Ammendment
Same-Sex Marriage: Issues & Trends
 Same-sex marriage isn’t linked to
procreation, which the U.S. attempts to guard
 Same-sex marriages may be more unstable
due to pressures of social disapproval
 Domestic partner acts – benefits are granted
if a couple lives together
Sexuality in Same-Sex Relationships
 Usually the emotionally expressive partner
maintains the sex life, for lesbians & gay men
 Some lesbians have trouble initiating sex
May be due to female social pressures
 Gay men have less troubles initiating sex and
are more sexually active than lesbians
May be due to longer love making for
lesbians, biology, females’ comfort
initiating, men use sex for expressing
feelings
Same-Sex Marriage: Legal Issues
 Defense of Marriage Act (1996) –
each state can recognize or deny any
same-sex marriages
spouse is referred to as the other sex
 Vermont (2000) passed a civil union statute
 Massachusetts (2004) gave full marriage
rights to same sex couples
 7 states (CA, CT, DC, HI, ME, NJ, VT) grant
legal status to same-sex couples
Same-Sex Relationships in Other
Cultures
 Netherlands, Belgium, Canada, & Spain are
the only Western countries that have currently
legalized same-sex marriage
 Australia provides equal rights
 Accepted in France
 Ireland lacks support
Divorce
Why do People Get Divorced?
Divorce & Sex
Adjusting to Divorce
Divorce: Issues
 While it is reported that the divorce rate is
50% in U.S., this is a misrepresentation of the
likelihood of divorce!
 No-fault divorce – makes divorce easier and
more acceptable
 Covenant marriages – restrictive rules &
regulations for ending a marriage
 Couples have many reasons for staying
together, even though unhappy:
children, religion, lack initiative
Divorce: Trends
 Divorce rates are highest in teen women and
decline with age
 Early marriages have a greater risk of divorce
 Typically, divorce occurs early in a marriage;
median was 7.1 years in 1988
 Interracial marriages have high divorce rates
 Typically one partner wants the divorce (75%
of the time female’s initiate), the other is
shocked
Why Do People Get Divorced?
 Social Factors
 Predisposing Factors
 Relationship Factors
 Divorce and Sex
 Adjusting to Divorce
 Divorce in Other Cultures
Divorce: Social Factors
 Accessibility and low cost
 Equitable division of marital assets
 More acceptable in U.S. society
 Religious groups are less opposed than in the
past
Predisposing Factors for Divorce
 Marry at a young age, emotional immaturity
 Marry because of an unplanned pregnancy
 Have more than five children
 Short interval from marriage and children
 Protestant (vs. Catholic or Jewish)
 No religious affiliation
 Prior divorce; divorced parents
Relationship Factors in Divorce
 Communication problems
Avoidance,
Demand & withdrawal
Lack constructive communication
 Women feel unloved, belittled, & criticized
 Men feel neglected and that they have
incompatible interests, values & goals
 Both sexes reported loss of sexual interest
Divorce and Sex
 The older a person at divorce, the less sexual
behavior afterwards
 As religiousness increases, the likelihood of
having another sexual partner decreases
 Liberal attitudes & no children increase the
likelihood of having another sexual partner
 Men are more likely to find another partner
Adjusting to Divorce
 For some, it can be emotionally & physically
painful
 Women have increased depression, men
have poorer physical & mental health
 Older people experience more psychological
problems
 Divorced people have less in common with
their married friends
Adjusting to Divorce
 Women’s incomes tend to decline
 20% of divorced fathers with children don’t
provide assistance
 Some women’s careers may improve
 Most divorced individuals adjust well, and
75% remarry
 Typically 4 years between divorce &
remarriage
 Men are more likely to remarry than women
Divorce in Other Cultures
 In most societies, divorce is relatively simple
and accepted
 Not so in mostly Roman Catholic countries
 Easier for men to obtain a divorce in some
countries
Egypt, Israel
 Many reasons for divorce, though different
patterns in different societies
Sexuality in Elderly
Relationships
View Video: “Love, Intimacy, and Sexuality
(Growing Old in a New Age)”
Sexuality in Elderly Relationships:
Issues and Trends
 Society links sexuality with youth, though
most elderly are sexually interested and
active
 50% of 60 years+ Americans report sex is as
good, or better than, when they were younger
 Frequency of intercourse declines with age
 Sex once/month, or more – about 50% of
those 60+; 40% wanted it more often
Elderly Relationships: Sexual Behavior
 Most common behaviors over 80: touching,
masturbation, sexual intercourse
 No differences related to sexual orientation
 Preferences may change: less intercourse
and more oral sex
 Factors related to sexual maintenance: age,
physical health, medications, satisfaction in
life, partner availability
Difficulties
 Most common sexual problem for elderly
women: lack of tenderness & sexual contact
 Discontinuance of intercourse in a marriage is
typically due to the male’s refusal or inability;
erectile problems due to a variety of reasons