Transcript BE TRANSFORMED: PURSUING GOD’S HEART FOR FAMILIES

BE TRANSFORMED:
PURSUING GOD’S HEART FOR
FAMILIES
(Session 2)
AVRIL VAVROSKY
L.Th, M.A.
OMF INTERNATIONAL MISSIONARY
SESSION TWO: TRANSFORMATION
LEADS TO HAPPY, HEALTHY FAMILIES
This session will reveal God’s standard for
the families and God’s prescription for a
wholesome family. If we bring our families
under the Lordship of Christ, then children
grow up in a healthy environment. Your
families will be blessed for a thousand
generations. Those who disobey God’s
directives, then the sins of the fathers get
visited down to the third and fourth
generation (Ex. 20:5-6).
I. GOD’S STANDARD FOR THE FAMILY
1. 創世記Gen. 2:18, 24
The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to
be alone. I will make a helper suitable for
him.耶和華 神說：「那人獨居不好，我
要為他造一個配偶幫助他。」
For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh.
因此，人要離開父母，與妻子連合，二人
成為一體。
Marriage is God’s idea
This is the order that God has set up, that
the man leaves his parents and cleaves to
his wife. He establishes a new unit with his
wife. God’s divine intention was for
monogamy. Together they form an
inseparable union – of which sexual union
is an expression. Gen. 1:28 says that God
blessed them.
2. The Ten Commandments
Now we come to Ex. 20 and these
Commandments further protect the family.
The Ten Commandments teaches us to live in
community with God and with each other.
Three of the commandments, #5, 7 and 10 are
there for the family’s protection. These are
boundaries that protect the family because God
knew that sins like these would destroy the
family unit.
Commandments #5
5. Honor your father and your mother, so
that you may live long in the land the
LORD your God is giving you.
「當孝敬父母，使你的日子在耶和華你神所
賜你的地上得以長久。
God wants children to treat their parents
with respect. Disrespect is linked to
rebellion, pride, rejection, dislike, anger
etc.
To honor: prize highly; care for; show
respect for; obey.
Commandments #7
7. You shall not commit adultery.
「不可姦淫。
This encompasses immorality and all sexual
sins.
Adultery is so abominable to God that He
condemns it everywhere in the Bible.
The innocent party and children are the ones
who suffer the most. Prov. 6:32-22 says
that shame will follow the adulterer for the
rest of his/her life.
Commandments #10
10. You shall not covet your neighbor's
house. You shall not covet your neighbor's
wife, or his manservant or maidservant,
his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs
to your neighbor.「不可貪戀人的房屋；
也不可貪戀人的妻子、僕婢、牛驢，
並他一切所有的。」
Coveting involves the desire or lust for all
that is wrong or belongs to another
person. Those who covet are depraved.
3. Deut. 28:1-33 Blessings or Curses
All these blessings will
overtake you because
you obeyed God (2)

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
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


Success (3)
Exaltation (9, 10,13)
Fruitfulness (4,11)
Prosperity (4, 5, 8)
Victory (7)
God’s favor (2-13)
Success (12)
However, disobedience will
result in:

Humiliation (16.19,26)

Mental/emotional and
physical problems
(20,21,22,27,28)

Barrenness/unfruitful
(18)

Breakdown in family
relationships/alienation
(30,32)

Poverty (17)

Defeat (24,25,33)

Oppression (31)

Failure (20,29)

God’s disfavor (23)
1. Colossians 3:18-25
Paul lays down the rules for Christian
households. In our day there is a great
debate over family values and what they
really mean.
Yet God has established a divine order for
the home and if followed will result in an
orderly, happy home
Definition of Submission
To submit (Gr. hupotasso literally means “to
line up under” suggesting a voluntary
relinquishment of one’s rights to another.
Paul always used this term to describe the
role assignment of a wife to her husband.
The concept suggests mutual submission
and intimacy, promoting a union ordained
by God with love as the cohesive agent.
Love characterizes the servant leadership
of the husband and submissive
cooperation of the wife.
What is the difference between
submission and obedience?
Submission means that we as women allow
our husbands to function as the head of
the home. This is God’s order. We cannot
usurp his authority in the home!
Obedience on the other hand, does not
mean that she now becomes his slave and
neither should he treat her as if she is his
daughter/child/slave.
Are you a submissive wife?
Why doesn’t Paul admonish us to
love our husbands?
Women are natural nurturers and by nature
it is easy for us to love. The problem that
we face is that it is not easy to respect our
husbands.
SYNONYMS: Consideration, deference,
esteem, honor, regard, reverence,
veneration.
ANTONYMS: contempt, dislike, disrespect,
repugnance.
b. Why does Paul order the husbands
to love their wives?!
It is easy for a man to treat his wife as if she were
a man. Or his property as in Paul’s day
Why does Paul warn the husbands to not be
harsh with their wives?
What
would harshness do to a relationship? This
relationship would suffer because harshness is
the same as being abusive.
What is harshness indicative of? It is indicative of
a man who does not love his wife.
c. What has God convicted of you
this evening?
Do you need to repent of anything that you
may have negatively contributed to
preventing having a happy home?
EXAMPLE: Man who couldn’t find work for
18 months. Called me and I dealt with his
relationship with his wife. He did not honor
her and actually despised her for not
having a lot of education. He repented and
within days God gave him a job.
2. Ephesians 5: 21-33
• Mutual submission is a principle that needs to
first be applied in the family. Submission,
humility, gentleness, patience and tolerance
must be characteristic of each member.
• The wife must submit to the husband’s
responsibility of leadership in the family. The
husband must submit to the needs of the wife in
an attitude of love and self-giving.
The Wife’s Role
The wife’s duty to her husband includes:
 love (Titus 2:4)
 respect (v.33),
 assistance (Gen. 2:18),
 purity (Tit. 2:5),
 submissiveness (v. 22; 1 Pet. 3:5),
 development of a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Pet.
3:4)
 and being a good mother (Ti 2:4).
The Husband’s Role
The husband is the established head of the
home and this position is assigned by
God. His leadership must be exercised in
love, gentleness and consideration for his
wife and family.
Husband
His duties include: provision for the family’s
spiritual and domestic needs (vv. 23-24;
Gen. 3:16-19; 1 Tim. 5:8); love, protection
and interest in her welfare just as Christ
loves the church (vv. 25-33); honor,
understanding, appreciation and
thoughtfulness (Col. 3:19; 1 Pet. 3:7);
absolute faithfulness to the marriage
relationship (v. 31; Matt. 5:27-28).
3. 1 Peter 3:1-7
Having a conflictual relationship with your
wife is a huge transformation buster. Peter
warns the husband that if he fails to live
with his wife in an understanding way and
not give her honor as a fellow child of God
that it would damage his relationship with
God by creating a barrier between his
prayers and God.
What does this all mean?
As Christians we come into covenant with
God and He blesses, protects us, leads
us, guides us, helps us. He provides for all
our needs. The non-Christian does not
enjoy these privileges that we have
because they are outside of God’s
covenant.
約翰福音John 3:16
We serve a loving God who cares for you, your
spouse and your family. He wants to bless
your family too, so won’t you come and join
the royal family of God?
“For God so loved the world that he gave his
one and only Son, that whoever believes in
him shall not perish but have eternal life”.
「神愛世人，甚至將他的獨生子賜給他們，
叫一切信他的，不至滅亡，反得永生。
II. DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY DYNAMICS
THAT ARE UNGODLY
Families who are not submitted to the
Lordship of Christ are out of God’s order
and therefore the home and the marriage
is not reflecting the glory of God. Make
this year, 2010, the year that you bring
your family under Christ’s Lordship.
Dysfunctional families are transformation
busters because it keeps you grounded in
wrong behaviors.
A. RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN
HUSBAND AND WIFE
Every marriage needs to come under the
Lordship of Christ. A renewed mind results in
a renewed marriage relationship. Remember
what I told you last week: Satan loves to
attack the family and destroy the harmony
between a husband and wife. His plan is to
break the family up. Some couples live in
such discord and disharmony and hatred the
only recourse for them seems to be divorce!
Satan knows that God hates divorce.
Constant bickering, fighting and arguing is
abnormal.
What will influence my marriage
negatively?
• Not loving, honoring and respecting
each other. Commit to your marriage and
to these three foundational aspects to
having a good marriage.
• Not building into his/her life and helping
him/her achieve his/her potential in Christ
and help to expand Christ’s kingdom on
earth.
Negative Influences
• Not respecting spouse according to God’s
word: disdain because not making enough
money, not good-looking enough, getting too
fat/old and therefore despising spouse.
• Bringing into your marriage the negative things
from your past and for imitating your parents’
dysfunctional ways. (Father spoke harshly to
his wife and therefore you now do the same
thing etc.)
• Not praying with each other or reading
Scripture together.
Negative Influences
• Fighting and arguing with each other. According to
James 4 this is because of four influences: the
desires that battle within us, sin, pride and the devil.
Fighting is a sign that your needs are not being met.
Discover how to meet your spouse’s needs. This is
also an indication that you are not putting into her
emotional bank.
• Not going on dates with your spouse and letting
him/her know that they are the most important
person in your life. Often spouses develop a roving
eye and look to the opposite sex to fulfill that need.
• Abusive to each other: to abuse your wife is to
become an enemy of God. Check out Malachi 3:16.
QUESTION: What constitutes abuse in
a relationship?
• Verbal abuse which includes name calling, swearing at
each other, cursing each other.
• Physical abuse – hitting, shoving, pushing, withholding
food etc.
• Emotional abuse – refusing to talk to spouse, controlling
his/her every move, telling spouse where to go, what to
buy, whom they are allowed to see etc. Confess for not
putting into her emotional tank.
• Mental abuse – playing mind games with spouse.
• Financial abuse – withholding finances, refusing to share
the budgeting with spouse, opening an account without the
other spouse knowing, spending money on self etc.
• Sexual abuse – withholding sex from one another in order
to punish or control the spouse; conversely forcing your
spouse to have sex when it is not consensual or when the
spouse is not feeling well; using sex to dominate your
spouse.
B. RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN
PARENTS AND CHILDREN
Dysfunctional families prevent children from
attaining all that God has in store for them.
God has plans for your children (Jer.
29:11), but they cannot fulfill their Godgiven destiny if they are filled with rage,
hatred, anger, rebellion and woundedness
due to rejection and hurts. Children need
to feel safe. The only place where they
should feel truly accepted and loved is in
the family.
馬太福音Matt. 24:12
Jesus then announced, “And because iniquity
shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold”
只因不法的事增多，許多人的愛心才漸漸冷淡
了。 (Matt. 24:12). This has begun to
happen! The world has seen a sharp increase
in violence, lawlessness, and general
immorality and iniquity. Riots, looting, arson,
murder, pornography, violence in movies,
profanity, and the breakdown of the home and
family -- all are contributing to a world gone
berserk and gangs and rioters running
amok! Civil disorder and ethnic strife and
hatred are rapidly increasing.
Col. 3: 20
• Paul here addresses children. Do your
children obey you in everything? If not,
would you be willing to seek help?
Obedience pleases the Lord and results in
long life for those who honor and obey
their parents. (Eph. 6:1-3).
• Are you helping your child to achieve
pleasing the Lord and shooting for long
life?
歌羅西書Col. 3:21
“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they
will become discouraged.”你們作父親的，
不要惹兒女的氣，恐怕他們失了志氣。
What is Paul talking about here?
1. It is the solemn obligation of parents to
instruct and correct their children in the Lord..
Punish only intentional wrongdoing.
2. Parents have to be an example of Christian
conduct and life. They should care more for
their salvation than pushing them to study, get
a profession of their choice and have social
standing. In other words, your expectations of
your child need to be realistic.
3. Parents you cannot show favoritism with
your kids. “Jung nan ching nye” should
never be part of your Christian household.
To favor one child over the other will scar a
child for life and that child will struggle with
feelings of rejection, unworthiness and
never being good enough. You rob a child
of his/her God-given potential and you will
have to give an account for how you
treated God’s gift to you.
4. Children need compassion, kindness,
gentleness, patience and respect.
5. Fathers please remember that when a girl turns 11
years old, and she begins to develop into a young
woman, that this is the most critical time of her
development. Most men unconsciously reject their
daughters at this stage, confusing the girls. What
happens then is that the girl becomes a flirt. She
needs that father influence in her life. If she doesn’t
get it she will look for it in other men. I have seen this
behavior many times over.
6. With boys, when they are neglected by their fathers,
they develop behavioral problems due to rejection,
some become effeminate and others drift into
homosexual behaviors
7. Watch what you say to your kids.
Constant belittling them and calling them
derogatory names can damage their
psyche and influence their life in a
negative way. This is tantamount to
cursing your children.
8. Parents keep your yelling and arguing to a
minimum. Research has shown that this type of
behavior causes anxiety in a child. Once anxiety
sets in it is almost impossible to get rid of. Some
kids will need medication for the rest of their
lives. Fear is another problem that will develop.
We are all human and we will engage in yelling
and fighting, but if you tell the child that it is not
his fault and you humble yourself and apologize
to your child - that is going to negate the harmful
effects of your behavior
9. Encouraging your child is vital to their
self-esteem. Most Asian parents forget to
encourage their children. American dads
do better in this area. Give your child hope
and help that child see a wonderful future
for himself.
10. Project a future for them. Encourage
them to dream, plan for their future and
instill hope in them.
I have heard many a dad or mom say to
their kids: “You’ll never amount to much.”
This is a form of a curse. What they think
you think of them will affect them for the
rest of their lives. EXAMPLE: Tiffany, 28
year old American.
C. RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN
COUPLES AND PARENTS
In Col. 3, when Paul tells the children to
obey their parents, we should note that
Paul here is addressing children, those
who are not yet adults.
QUESTION
Have you honored them in old age through
care and financial support? Have you
shown them respect? Do you keep in
contact with them or are you too busy to
call them? Do you agree or disagree
with this statement: “To neglect your
parents is tantamount to abuse?” Have
you forgiven your parents for the wrong
they may have done to you? For abusing
you? Neglect? Broken promises?
QUESTION
As an adult how does your role now change
with your parents?
What is the difference between obedience
and honor?
How have you allowed your parents’ rule to
negatively influence your household so
that God’s order for the home is turned
upside down? EXAMPLE: Man whose
Mom wants to use Feng Shui to control
the family.
HANDOUTS
How involved are your parents in your
marriage? On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your
parents and your spouse’s parents.
How enmeshed are you with your parents?
On a scale of 1 to 10 rate yourself.
Take out your handouts and fill them in now.
III. ACTION STEPS
A. FOR HUSBAND AND WIFE:
• Commit to your relationship with your
spouse and stand together. Don’t be
divided because a divided house will never
stand. Jesus said that it wouldn’t stand.
• Aim to please the Lord in the way you treat
your spouse. Aim to please the Lord in the
way you treat your children.
• Develop a partnership and friendship with
your spouse
• Do whatever it will take to make your
marriage successful: go for counseling,
deliverance ministry, join groups, etc.
• Serve one another.
• Submit to one another.
• Realize that at times you won’t always
feel like being in love. That is where
commitment comes in.
B. FOR PARENTS AND
CHILDREN:
• Dedicate your child to the Lord when they are
born.
• Teach them to fear the Lord and stay away from
evil.
• Teach them to obey you through Biblical
discipline.
• Protect them from harmful influences. Be aware
that Satan is out to destroy your child and will do
anything in his power to do so. Therefore restrict
what movies, games etc they see and play
• Make your children aware that God is always
watching them.
• Help your child early in life to dedicate their lives
to Him.
• Encourage them to remain separated from the
world.
• Have daily family devotions.
• Teach them that God has a plan for their lives.
• Prepare them to endure suffering for Christ.
• Pray for your children daily. Fasting is very
powerful.
• Let your kids know just how much you love
them. Let your kids know that you love
them unconditionally. If you don’t someone
else will and that person may be a
pedophile.
• Have fun with your child and help build good
memories.
• Allow your child to tell you when they have
embarrassed them, hurt them, or did something
that is not pleasing to them. This takes great
humility on the parent’s part.
• Don’t criticize or scold them in front of others,
mock them, belittle them, call them dumb, stupid
etc. Rather, communicate optimism and
expectancy. Isn’t this what God does for us? C/f
Jer. 29:11.
C. FOR COUPLES AND THEIR
PARENTS
God calls us to honor our parents, but once
we get married the husband is to cleave to
his wife.
You can still honor your parents, but slavish
obedience is not the same as honoring them.
Many families suffer because the husband is a
slave to his parents. Open an account for your
parents and when they need money you take
from that account. I have seen families suffer
and not have enough food on their tables or
clothes to wear because all their money was
going to help their families back home. Our first
priority is our own immediate family – that is our
God-given responsibility.
Families back home can place unreasonable
demands on us that God never intended
for us to take care of and because we are
embarrassed and want to show the family
back home that we have “made it”, we
give in to the pressure and short-change
the needs of our own family. This type of
behavior is related to pride, fear of losing
face and shame because you are not
living up to your parent’s expectation.
Set clear boundary rules in your family when
parents come to stay. Communicate these rules
in a loving way to your parents. Get others to
help pray for you. Bind Satan from interfering
and using your parents to undermine your
authority in your home. The husband needs to
stand up and take his place of authority. When
your parents break your rules ask God for
wisdom in what to do. You can also ask your
pastor and other godly, mature Christians for
advice.
If your parents do ancestor worship or other
worship, then daily pray for God’s
protection on your family.
You can ask them to refrain from
worshipping in your home and wait until
they go home. You are not forbidding them
from worshipping in their way, just not in
your home.
IV. CONFESSION
• Right now we are going to do some family
confession. Take out your sheets.
• Now is the time to put these sins under the
blood. If we don’t then Satan has the legal
right to attack us.
• Ask God to help you forgive anyone that
needs to be forgiven.