Transcript The One
Is there anybody out there??
No “Dr Phils” here! This is only one particular
approach and perspective to this topic.
This topic is a sensitive and personal one.
Developed with a lot of surveying, study,
reflection and prayer.
We’re going to lead into a bit of a discussion
and reflection on the topic then break open
for discussion round the room.
How we understand this idea in popular
media?
There are a lot of questions:
Is there really only one perfect person out there
whom you are supposed to marry?
How do you know who that person is? Let alone
find them in the first place?
What if “The one” doesn’t like me!?
I can’t find anyone. Should I lower my
standards?
What about falling in love with a friend?
“...Well, he’s not the one as I hoped for... but I
can change him into “the one”!...can’t I??”
I found the one, she was everything I hoped for
but she left me (or I messed it up), I guess I’m
destined to be alone for the rest of my life.
I’m terrified that the one is out there and I only
get one shot at getting this right. I could get
married to the wrong person and spend a
lifetime in misery!!
“Why does God make
this so hard!!??”
- “Ask and you shall receive...” ???
The world is full of different and unique
people!
“you’ll just know when its the one!!!”
◦ (“...you’ll feel your heart drop down, splash into
your stomach and explode into butterflies!!!”)
Falling in love!
This is the natural way God designed us.
I would not recommend to ever get married if
you are not attracted to each other.
Attraction can draw out what is best in us.
True attraction is not only to ones physical
beauty but also to their inner beauty.
“Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the
woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
(Prov 31:30)
A relationship stands on whatever foundation you
choose.
If its foundation is pleasure, or character or virtue,
then the marriage will stand and fall on how
enduring these qualities are.
The question then becomes, does the covenant of
marriage hold on a mutual and equal giving of
love?
“Love is not merely a
sentiment. Sentiments
come and go. A sentiment
can be a marvellous first
spark, but it is not the
fullness of love.”
- Pope Benedict XVI,
Deus Caritas Est, 2007
To place their welfare
above our own comfort, is
the true depth of love.
Ultimately one must ask themselves: “Am I ready to
give my life for this person to become good?”
Here we see a key nature of love: it is a choice!
“Even if they are a “doozy”?”
This decision to love does
not rest on looks,
character or virtues, or
even perfect mutual love...
it is based on the
unchanging value of a
person.
“It (love) is put to the test most severely when the
sensual and emotional reactions themselves grow
weaker...
Nothing then remains except the value of the person,
and the inner truth about the love of those connected
comes to light. If their love is a true gift of self, so
that they belong to the other, it will not only survive
but grow stronger, and sink deeper roots.
Whereas if it was never more than a synchronization of
sensual and emotional experiences it will lose its
reason for existence and the persons involved will
suddenly find themselves in a vacuum.”
- JPII Love & Responsibility
Fr Anthony Percy: Theology of the body made simple:
Do I see myself marrying this person?
Do I see myself having children with this
person?
Does this person love God more than me?
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How is your friendship?
Can you disagree lovingly? Or are there issues of
manipulation, anger or guilt involved?
Do you think that your prospective spouse would
make a good parent?
If you died, would you be happy for your spouse to raise
your kids on their own without any correction from you?
Are you prepared for your son to turn out exactly like his
father? And daughters like their mothers?
How is your prospective spouse’s faith?
The church allows mixed marriages but advises against them
because of the difficulties they present within marriage.
Are you financially ready? Is your career stable?
What do your friends and families say? They often
know you the best!
The best guide is the other persons character
and virtue.
◦ Similar faith often ensures more unity in important
values.
◦ Trust, Communication, Apologising/Forgiveness
A successful marriages are not the result of
finding the perfect person, but of loving the
imperfect person that you have chosen to
marry.
The Problem of Singleness: Loneliness
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There’s no one waiting at the airport,
no one with whom to discuss problems,
no one to call when you backed your car into a tree!
Often self-pity, despair and resignation make us quite
vulnerable and trapped in ourselves.
Being single does not have to mean being alone. In
fact it is important that you invest in good
friendships.
Tip #1 – Embrace your singleness.
◦ Give yourself unreservably to the Lord
◦ Become content in this:
“I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content.”
– St Paul writing to the Phillipians
◦ Before we become happily married, we need to become
happily single. Marriage won’t change you internally.
◦ Develop and invest in good friendships
◦ God may be allowing you your time of singleness
specifically to form you into the husband, wife or parent
that you will need to be.
Tip #2
- Become the best version of you!
A happy, content and secure woman or man is going
to be far more attractive.
◦ What areas of our life may we need to be working on in
some of these areas?
The best husband and father will be a guy who is
single-hearted for God. The same applies for women.
If you want a man of God, become a godly woman. All
these great qualities I look for in a guy, do I live
according to the same expectations? Like attracts
like.
Pray for him/her, for their wellbeing and good. You
are already loving your future spouse today!
Tip#3
Go
-
- Go to where the good ones are!
fishing where the “good fish” bite!
Youth groups/Church groups
Cenacle or prayer groups
Retreats, Conferences
Volunteering
Birthday parties, going out and having fun
in general!
Tip #4
-Don’t settle for less
All of us deserve a spouse who is single-heartedly focussed
on God.
A life without a spouse is actually far more tolerable than a
life married to someone who is insensitive, puts you down
and otherwise utterly selfish.
The character of the men a woman attracts rests largely in her
hands. Set high standards and you will attract the kind of
men prepared to meet these standards.
“He will be as much of a gentleman as she requires.”
Men seek out to please and court a lady, you have incredible
power to influence him.
When it comes to “changing” a person; minor flaws yes, but
major flaws no!
“Where will I find a guy like that?
I’ll be in a nursing home by the
time he shows up.”
Place this in the hands of God.
1st Reading of Christ the King
Ezekiel 34:11-17
The Lord says this: I am going to
look after my flock myself and
keep all of it in view. As a
shepherd keeps all his flock in
view when he stands up in the
middle of his scattered sheep,
so shall I keep my sheep in
view. I shall rescue them from
wherever they have been
scattered during the mist and
darkness. I myself will pasture
my sheep, I myself will show
them where to rest – it is the
Lord who speaks...
...I shall look for the
lost one, bring back
the stray, bandage
the wounded and
make the weak
strong. I shall watch
over the fat and
healthy. I shall be a
true shepherd to
them.
Do we believe this?
Christ wants to guide us to good pasture... to good
things... Our Father in Heaven wants to give us
good things.
“What father would give his son a stone when he
asked for bread?”
- Matthew 7:9
Where are you at with this? Do we give God a free
hand to move in our circumstances? Do we let God
in?
What is the difference between sheep and goats?
“Know that I have plans for your welfare, to
give you a future and a hope.” (Jer 29:11)
“We know that in everything God works for
good for those who love him.” Romans 8:28
For almighty God..., because he is supremely
good, would never allow any evil whatsoever
to exist in his works if he were not so allpowerful and good as to cause good to
emerge from evil itself.
- St Augustine.
Is there really only one perfect person out there
whom you are supposed to marry?
How do you know who that person is? Let alone
find them in the first place?
What if “The one” doesn’t like me!?
I can’t find anyone. Should I lower my
standards?
What about falling in love with a friend?
“...Well, he’s not the one as I hoped for... but I
can change him into “the one”!...can’t I??”
I found the one, she was everything I hoped for
but she left me (or I messed it up), I guess I’m
destined to be alone for the rest of my life.
I’m terrified that the one is out there and I only
get one shot at getting this right. I could get
married to the wrong person and spend a
lifetime in misery!!
Summary:
The first step to finding “the one”, is that we
must become the right one –an ongoing work!The second step is to hang out where the good
young men and women are.
Who is “The One”?
When we choose a person to love forever,
they become “The One” for us.
“Do not worry and say “What are we to eat?”
or ‘What are we to drink?” or “What are we to
wear?”... Your heavenly Father knows that you
need them all. But seek first the Kingdom of
God and His righteousness, and all these
things will be given to you besides.”
Matt 6:31-33