Transcript To I Do Or Not To I Do…That Is The Question

Pre-Marriage Discussion
1/15/2011
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Session 1 – Knowing God and His Will
Session 2 – Group Discussion
Session 3 – When The Time Comes
Lunch
Session 4 – We Love Each Other, What Could
Possibly Go Wrong?
Session 5 – Group Discussion
Session 6 – What Now?
Where are you today? How is your personal
relationship with Him now? Does it need
work?
 Do you know the Word of God? Will you study
to show your self approved? Become a
diligent workman unashamed to proclaim
Him.
 Am I a servant now or self-focused?
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 Word of God – does it encourage,
forbid, or ignore?
 Godly counsel from authorities and
those that know you well
 Circumstances
 Humility
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Bible begins and ends with a wedding – Jesus first
miracle was at one – heading to a wedding feast
“Not good for man to be alone” – Genesis
Leave his father and mother join with his wife –
Genesis/Matthew/Ephesians
He who finds a wife finds a good thing – Proverbs
Two are better than one and a three stand cord is
not quickly broken – Ecclesiastes
 Being single allows you to be totally
devoted to the Lord – 1 Corinthians 7
 Not less of a person if not married
 Marriage seems to stop in heaven
 While most will marry, not all will or
should (Paul –remain as I am?)
What do those in authority say about
your decision?
 What do those that know you best say
about you or your decision?
 What do those that are more mature and
experienced say to you about this
decision?
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Really only two questions involved if marriage
is in your future –
Who and when
Are you considering marriage for the right
reasons?
Is this the right time? Can you provide? Are you
running away from something? Are you
attempting to prove something to someone?
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Being willing to admit you made a mistake or
you are not ready
Being willing to listen to others that are older
and wiser
Not demanding your own way or timing
Trusting God for direction and confirmation
Better to be happily married for 40 years than
miserably married for 50!
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Is your relationship with God growing?
Are you seeking Him daily for wisdom and grace?
Are you spending time in the Word of God?
When facing major decisions:
Consult the Word, your authorities, pay
attention to the circumstances, and remain
humble
Step out in faith for you can’t steer a parked car!
 1. What is the most important
attribute that I should be
looking for in a future spouse?
 2. What should a future spouse
be looking for in me?
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What type of spirit is within that body?
What is the commitment to the Lord?
How mature is the person emotionally?
How do they treat others, specifically their
family?
Do we have similar interests and goals?
Are they selfish or self-less?
Biblically – many ways to get a spouse
 Trade for them, capture them, slay their
male family members, meet them on
your wedding day as arranged by parents
or older siblings, etc.
 In our day two primary ways – some sort
of dating or some sort of courtship
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A guy and girl spending time together
enjoying each others company without any
intention of pursuing marriage or a deeper
commitment.
Often self focused and is noncommittal
Morally dangerous, potential scars, begins a
pattern of breaking relationships instead of
creating enduring ones
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A guy and girl begin a relationship with the
express purpose of pursing marriage
The end goal is not just personal enjoyment,
but seeking the Lord about spending the rest
of your life with this person
Still will not prevent hurts, immorality is still
possible without effective guidelines
Reinforces the lifelong concept of marriage
Of our actions and how they impact others
 Guys – paying special attention to a young
lady launches an entire series of thoughts
that usually focus on marriage
 Girls – flirtations/clothing can give the
wrong impression as to your character and
desires
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Pray and observe
Focus on life long traits not just physical
attraction
Kindness, servanthood, growing walk with
God, spiritual or carnal
Fruit production – Galatians 5:22-23
Include parents early on for wisdom and
protection
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½ of all couples divorce now – including those
in the Church
Almost all of them said they loved each other
and vowed to stay married until death
Why?
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Lack of commitment to the Lord or backsliding
Lack of commitment to the covenant of
marriage thus allowing a back door exit
An illusion of what married life was going to be
like – two becoming one is a volatile process
Entertaining thoughts that should have been
taken captive
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Failure to realize the spiritual nature of
marriage, its significance and the attacks
against it
Failure to recognize that help is needed, then
being humble enough to seek it out
While $, the physical relationship, children,
etc. are often blamed, the underlying reasons
are spiritual and so is the solution.
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$, in-laws, how much time is spent with family
and friends, same friends or different?
Vacations, child training, free time, hobbies,
establishing a new home, home chores
Hurts, wounds, forgiveness, sensitive,
insensitive, anger, pouting, assigning motives
Love and Respect Seminar by Dr. Emerson &
Sarah Eggerichs based on Eph 5
 A newly married couple faces a
major decision – relocating for a
job and the couple disagree –
how does this get resolved?
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Ephesians 5:22-33 explains what God expects
Servant leaders and faith filled followers
Love as Christ loved the Church and line up
under an imperfect authority with faith in God
God expects the two to become one and
function as one and that takes death-to-self
daily
No one is perfect except Christ – forgive and
walk on
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While single, seek the Lord – Invest your time
and energy in growing and serving others
The issue is always God’s will and not our
personal happiness or goals
God has placed authorities in your life for a
reason – include them and listen to them
Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church –
What will we present to the waiting world?
 Let no one despise you for
your youth, but set the
believers an example in
speech, in conduct, in love, in
faith, in purity.