Transcript Making the Best Marriage

Making the Best Marriage
Attention
We fall in love and get married. Then over the
years, love deepens, the bond strengthens,
but our feeling of marital satisfaction waxes
and wanes. Marriage is like a beautiful
garden, says Renee Colclough Hinson, Ph.D.,
executive director of The Association for
Couples in Marriage Enrichment. "It requires
skill and constant attention. If tended to, it
will thrive, but if neglected, it will wither and
die.“
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Unity for Eternity
It Takes Work —
For All of Us
"There is no couple that doesn't have to
work hard at improving their
relationship," says Sallie Foley, MSW,
author of Sex Matters for Women and
an instructor at the University of
Michigan. “Believing that the good
times will continue to roll on their
own is setup for disappointment and
disillusionment.”
Close Together
Marriage Facts
 Money. There never seems to be
enough, or if there is, one person is
upset about how the other spends it.
 Sex. It's the reason 45 percent of
couples seek marriage counseling.
Usually, one partner desires sex more
often and on different terms than the
other.
What is happening here?
 Work. Partners have different role
expectations about who does what
within and outside of the home. Can
you relate to this statement?
 Children. Couples may disagree over
how to raise and discipline children.
What are some disagreements that
might occur?
Positive Communicators
A. John Gottman, University of
Washington psychology professor
says that happy couples use five
times more positive behaviors in their
arguments than negative ones. For
instance, they draw on humor to
relieve tension and pepper the
conversation with expressions of
affection to maintain calm.”
Positive Communicators
B. Send "I" Messages. A good
example is: "I'm concerned about the
current state of affairs of home. Can
we set aside some time to discuss our
roles, responsibilities and chores
around the house?" "You" statements
are demanding, critical and
controlling, but "I" statements are
self-revealing and invite real listening
and understanding. Does this make
sense?
Together Forever
Positive Communicators
C. Be Empathetic. Listen to your
partner and give empathetic
responses to the content of the
message you're receiving. "I
understand that you feel you are
being taken for granted because you
do most of the work.” You want to
convey to your partner that you care
and can see the problem through her
or his eyes. How can this approach
be applied?
Positive Communicators
D. Think It Through. Come up with a
solution you both can accept. This
action will reinforce shared decisionmaking. Be sure to discuss the
obstacles that may thwart achieving
the solution and develop strategies to
work around them. What are some
good examples?
Solutions Makes A Difference
Positive Communicators
E. Provide Feedback. "I really
appreciate it when you take care of
this work around the house. I don't
feel like I have sole responsibility for
everything." Positive feedback will
encourage your partner to stick with
the solution.
I Corinthians: 13:4-13
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not
jealous, love is not pompous, it is not
inflated, it is not rude, it does not
seek its own interests, it is not quicktempered, it does not brood over
injury, it does not rejoice over
wrongdoing but rejoices with the
truth. It bears all things, believes all
things, hopes all things, endures all
things.
Love never fails. If there are prophecies,
they will be brought to nothing; if
tongues, they will cease; if
knowledge, it will be brought to
nothing. For we know partially and we
prophesy partially, but when the
perfect comes, the partial will pass
away.
When I was a child, I used to talk as a
child, think as a child, reason as a
child; when I became a man, I put
aside childish things. At present we
see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but
then face to face. At present I know
partially; then I shall know fully, as I
am fully known. So faith, hope, love
remain, these three; but the greatest
of these is love.
What does this mean?
Prayer
 We know that all of us need God’s
blessing at all times.
 Let us pray. Holy God our Father in
Heaven. Nothing can separate us
from your love. Bless our marriage to
grow in mutual respect and in love for
one another. By your Spirit, draw us
closer to you. In your gracious name
we pray. Amen.
Go in Peace