Transcript Slide 1
Marriage Course & Relationship Central THE MARRIAGE COURSE TRACK DELEGATE NOTES PRESENTED BY: REV DEREK AND CATHY RUST MARRIAGE COURSE TRAINING WEBINAR MAY 23RD 2011 Marriage Course & Relationship Central CONTENTS INTRODUCTION PRINCIPLES OF THE COURSE PRACTICALITIES OF THE COURSE: CONTENT AND FEATURES OF THE COURSE HOW TO GET STARTED HELPFUL RESOURCES PRAYER CONTACT INFORMATION Marriage Course & Relationship Central BACKGROUND Derek and Cathy Rust are experienced church leaders and National Coordinators for The Marriage Course here in the US. British Derek and Australian Cathy have been married for 23 years and have 4 children. They live and run Marriage Courses in Washington DC. Authors of the Courses, Nicky and Sila Lee, have been on the staff at Holy Trinity Brompton (HTB) in London since 1985. (HTB is the home of the Alpha course.) They have been married for 30 years and have 4 children. The Marriage Course started in 1996, The Marriage Book resources in 2001. published in 2000 and the other The Marriage Preparation Course started in 1985 and resources were published in 2004. Please see www.the marriageprepcourse,org for info on The Marriage Preparation Course. Currently 802 Marriage Courses running in UK, 3002 worldwide including 320 in the USA. There are 484 Marriage Preparation Courses worldwide. Marriage Course & Relationship Central THE MARRIAGE COURSE KEY POINTS Easy to run - DVD-based and no formal training needed for leaders 8 sessions - meal/talk/discussion Emphasis on privacy and creating the right atmosphere Very practical teaching based on Christian principles but accessible to everyone Course aimed at all married and long-term cohabiting couples Acts as an ideal follow up to The Marriage Preparation Course (we suggest to engaged couples they come back two years into their marriage to do The Marriage Course) Marriage Course & Relationship Central FOUR PRINCIPLES BEHIND THE COURSE: 1.MARRIAGE AND THE HEALTH OF A SOCIETY 2. THE OPPORTUNITY TO TEACH CHRISTIAN 3. THE MOST EFFECTIVE 4. MARRIAGES VALUES FOR RELATIONSHIPS TIMES FOR STRENGTHENING MARRIAGES MUST GROW AND BE FLEXIBLE TO CHANGE Marriage Course & Relationship Central PRACTICALITIES OF THE COURSE 1.CONTENT Content of the course is illustrated by ‘The Marriage Wheel’. (On next Slide) Each segment of the wheel represents one session starting at top right with ‘Building Strong Foundations’ The rim around the outside which holds the wheel together is commitment - and that’s an underlying theme running through the whole course You’ll see we’ve put God at the centre - as the hub - and at different places throughout the course, we speak very personally about the difference it makes having God at the centre of our marriage Marriage Course & Relationship Central Marriage Course & Relationship Central SESSION 1 – BUILDING STRONG FOUNDATIONS We look at two particular areas: Discovering each other’s needs and desires Spending time together we suggest regular, once a week ‘marriage time’ SESSION 2 – THE ART OF COMMUNICATION We talk about the importance of communication both speaking at the level of our emotions and listening effectively. We give a demonstration of effective listening and then couples practice communicating their feelings and listening effectively to each other. Marriage Course & Relationship Central SESSION 3 – RESOLVING CONFLICT We look at four key principles for handling conflict: - expressing appreciation - recognizing our differences - tackling problems together - learning to pray together SESSION 4 – THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS We look at ways we have hurt each other and how unresolved hurt acts like a blocked drain. The drain needs to be cleared so there is no backlog of unhealed hurt and unresolved anger. We look at a 3-fold process for clearing a backlog and keeping the drain clear: -identifying hurt -apologizing -forgiving each other Some people may be worried about stirring things up but in our experience this session facilitates the healing that needs to happen before a couple can move forwards. Things may get worse before they get better. This session is often the hardest - but it is pivotal in the course as a whole for many couples. Marriage Course & Relationship Central SESSION 5 -THE IMPACT OF FAMILY – PAST AND PRESENT This session focuses on helping couples to recognize how their family background affects the way they relate to each other. They also consider how to build a good and healthy relationship with their parents, in-laws and wider family, and how hurt from childhood can be healed. Many couples dismiss this evening. They think they don’t have any problems Then as we talk about how our family background and growing up profoundly affect our marriage, couples become more aware of what they’ve brought into their marriage as a result We look at how important the principle of leaving our parental home is Resisting control and interference by parents and in-laws On the positive side we look at doing what we can to build a good relationship with parents and in-laws and the wider family We also help couples recognize and heal areas of pain from childhood Marriage Course & Relationship Central SESSION 6 – GOOD SEX We put sex near the end of the course because a good sexual relationship is only possible when all the other areas are addressed Knowing the role of sex in marriage Six elements of a good sexual relationship: - The importance of communication - The importance of tenderness - The importance of responsiveness - The importance of romance - The importance of anticipation - The importance of variety Marriage Course & Relationship Central SESSION 7 – LOVE IN ACTION Based on The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman Up-beat session to go out on! Understanding the five ways of expressing / communicating love: words / time / touch / presents / actions This session helps couples discover what makes their husband or wife feel loved Marriage Course & Relationship Central SESSION 8 – THE MARRIAGE COURSE PARTY (VALENTINES PARTY) A real party setting -Tables of 8 - candles / tablecloths / flowers / music (e.g. live jazz band) / party food. - The evening starts with a drink and meal Talk (25 mins) - 3 elements from The Marriage Course that can make an immediate difference in a marriage Testimonies (10 mins) - from 3 couples who have just done the course Conclusion (5 mins) - coffee; guests given an invitation to the upcoming course An opportunity for people to invite friends (many of whom wouldn’t think of doing the course but who enjoy the evening and many of them then decide to do the course). The party gives them ‘a taster’. It could be put on a few weeks before you start the course as a way of attracting guests. Marriage Course & Relationship Central 2. FEATURES OF THE COURSE/ DESIGN Key features of both courses – INSPIRE i) I: INVESTMENT building healthy marriages ii) N: NO GROUP WORK There is no group work. We make it clear that no couple is required to disclose anything about their relationship to anybody else. But they are expected to talk to their husband or wife. Indeed the discussions between them are the most important parts of each evening. Top tips If you sit couples together for the meal make sure that during the discussion times each couple can talk privately without being overheard. If you are in a home you may want to provide separate rooms for the discussion times. If you are in a larger venue you will need to spread out the couples and play background music so they cannot be overheard. (Make sure music doesn’t go too loud or soft!) Marriage Course & Relationship Central iii) S_: SPECIAL ATMOSPHERE A SPECIAL ATMOSPHERE: ‘ATMOSPHERE ARCHITECTURE’ We want to make it like a ‘night out’ for each couple. Creating the right atmosphere is a key ingredient of the course. Top Tips Find a suitable venue you can make as atmospheric and welcoming as possible (a home is best for small courses) Use candles, lighting, music, flowers, table decorations etc. to create a restaurant feel Provide a meal Serve coffee/tea and dessert during longest discussion time Find people to help you Marriage Course & Relationship Central iv) P: PRACTICAL -practical tips for couples to use in their marriage v) I: INSTILL HABITS -building skills that will help maintain a lasting marriage -life long tools Marriage Course & Relationship Central vi) R: RELEVANT FOR ANY COUPLE -Whether they are newly married or have been married a long time -Whether they are Christians and regular church goers, or not involved in the church at all -Whether they are young or old – there is no age restriction -Whether they have a strong marriage or their marriage is in trouble If cohabiting and wanting to explore marriage, The Marriage Preparation Course is usually the most appropriate. If they have been cohabiting for a number of years and want to invest in their relationship, they are welcome to come on The Marriage Course (we hope they might see the importance of commitment and think about marriage – a number of cohabiting couples who have done The Marriage Course have subsequently decided to marry). Top tips Most people come on the course on recommendation of friends so make sure you have lots of invitations available When publicizing the course use couples with good marriages speaking about their experiences (as well as those with difficulties) to help break the stigma that it is only for couples in trouble Encourage leaders to come on the course and endorse it Marriage Course & Relationship Central vii) E: EASY TO RUN Those who lead The Marriage Course need to be people with a passion for marriage. For them these courses can be a tool that will help them reach out to couples inside and outside the church to strengthen marriages. If presenting the talks yourselves you will need to be a married couple and you will need to be happy sharing the Christian beliefs discussed in the course. Top tips Make sure you have the support of your church leader Find people to pray for and with you Build a team of support around you Go through the course yourself first Find at least one counselor in your area for referrals Start running the course with the DVD set and then move onto doing the talks live if and when you feel confident If you are doing the talks live, both husband and wife should share the speaking. Personalize the scripts on the CD ROM by including your own stories and experiences. Marriage Course & Relationship Central ROLLING PROGRAM Like Alpha we run the course three times a year. Most people come on the course through the personal recommendation of someone else they know who has done a course. As soon as we started to have couples from outside the church, this led to them inviting their friends, usually also from outside the church. Top Tips Spread 8 sessions out and avoid key holiday dates Always have the dates of the next course available Register your course so people know where to find one in your area Make sure you include contact details so people know who to phone with questions Marriage Course & Relationship Central HOW TO GET STARTED Find out if The Marriage Course is running near you and go on it or get together with 2 or 3 other couples who are friends and go through The Marriage Course with the DVDs in a home. In this way you can enjoy having a meal together over 7 evenings and have the chance to review the material yourself and to see if you would like to run The Marriage Course. If you decide to run either course, work out the best venue where you can create the right atmosphere. This might be in a home if you think it will provide enough space for couples to have their own private conversations. Work out how much you need to charge to cover the cost of venue, food and resources. Find the name of one counselor to whom you would be happy to recommend a couple who need more help. Please register your course - that allows us to support you in the future and, if you would like, we can put your course on our website so that couples living near you can find out about your course. We hope that soon there will be enough courses so that any couple in the USA can find a course within easy reach of them. Set a date for the start of the course and advertise it with invitations, posters and through your church, community and local press. Marriage Course & Relationship Central PRAYER ‘Apart from me you can do nothing’ (John 15:5) - spiritual battle - involved in God’s work - corporate and individual prayer - prayer for guests - prayer for leaders and support couples Marriage Course & Relationship Central RESOURCES FOR GUESTS: Guest manual – one for each guest The Marriage Book on a book table with other marriage related books. FOR LEADERS: DVD set Leaders’ guide If doing your own talks: the CD Rom speaker notes and slides Leaders’ DVD FOR PUBLICITY: Introductory DVD (for leaders) Introductory brochure Invitations and poster AlphaUSAWebsite THE MARRIAGE COURSE STARTER KITS All the resources are available through the store at Alpha USA website. www.alpharesources.org Call: 1-800-DO-ALPHA (362-5742) Marriage Course & Relationship Central CONTACT INFORMATION IN THE USA: telephone: (800) 362-5742 Email: [email protected] [email protected] Website: www.themarriagecourseusa.org Facebook: The Marriage Course USA IN THE UK: The Family Life and Relationships Department Alpha International Holy Trinity Brompton Brompton Road London SW7 1JA Email: [email protected] Website: www.relationshipcentral.org www.themarriageprepcourse.org Telephone: + 44 (0) 20 7052 0322