Transcript Slide 1

Dispute Resolution
Where There’s Smoke,
There Doesn’t Have To Be a Fire!
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This Workshop Is About
“Dispute Resolution”
• Recognizing potential problems with volunteers,
players, parents and spectators
• Becoming aware of the tools available to resolve these
problems and minimize the disruption and wasted time
caused by failing to nip the issues in the bud
• Recognizing when problems escalate to the point that
a due process review is necessary after limiting,
suspending or terminating the involvement of a NonExecutive Member from AYSO.
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This Workshop Is Not About
“Due Process”
• Not how to conduct a due process
administrative review
• Not how Executive Members are disciplined
• Not the affect of due process reviews
THERE IS A SEPARATE
WORKSHOP FOR THAT
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The whole world’s
sitting on a ticking
bomb, so keep your
calm and carry on.
Aloe Black
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Why Should Problems be Defused Before
They Require Due Process?
De-escalates – helps make a bad situation better
Protects – the integrity of the program for the players, their
families and the volunteers
Resolution – provides closure/finality, without the anxiety of a
full-blown hearing
Saves – years of volunteering if worth saving
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A Perspective on Dispute
Resolution
AYSO
Disputes
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Due
Process
Have you been involved in a resolving an AYSO Dispute?
In what capacity?
How did it work out?
Were you pleased
with the way
it worked?
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When dealing with
people, remember you
are not dealing with
creatures of logic, but
creatures of emotion.
Dale Carnegie
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What are the Factors that
Make People Difficult?
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A Few Factors
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Think they know it all
Want it done their way or else
They are irrational
Think they are special or want special treatment
Only work alone or are controlling
They are disrespectful to AYSO and its philosophies
They want to be in charge
They always find something to complain about
They are verbally abusive, intimidating or bullying
They deal with gossip or politics rather than facts
Most People Don’t Think They Are Difficult…
...And That Makes Your Job Harder
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Intellectuals solve
problems, geniuses
prevent them.
Albert Einstein
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When a Problem Arises,
What Should Be Your
GOAL?
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Fight Your Instinct to Respond Immediately
Instead:
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Keep it in perspective
Don’t be defensive
Be positive and patient
Focus on the problem, NOT the person
Keep an open mind
Make sure the right person is handling the problem
Try to understand the other person’s point of view
Seek the other person’s ideas
End on a positive note
Use the tools AYSO provides in these difficult situations
Nothing astonishes
men so much as
common sense and
plain dealing.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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The GOLDEN Rule of Dealing
with Difficult People—
TREAT THEM THE WAY
YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE
TREATED YOURSELF!
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If someone attacked
me, I wouldn't let
them get away with it.
I'd take them on. I
now perceive my job
to include allowing
people to vent their
rage.
Ed Koch
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FIRST:
LISTEN!
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Good Listening Techniques Include
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Face the speaker
Maintain eye contact
Minimize external distractions
Respond appropriately to show that you understand
Focus solely on what the speaker is saying
Minimize internal distractions
Keep an open mind
Avoid comparing to a similar situation
Wait until they finish to defend yourself
Engage yourself
I have a respect for
manners as such,
they are a way of
dealing with people
you don't agree with
or like.
Margaret Mead
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Some Good Words To Use
“I understand”
“I hear you”
“Uh huh”
“Interesting”
“Really?”
“What happened next?”
“What do you think?”
“I’ll look into that”
“What can we/I do to help?”
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I've been
putting out fire
with gasoline.
David Bowie
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Some Words To Avoid
“You’re wrong”
“You’re an idiot”
“Because I said so”
“Shut up”
“Over my dead body”
“Stop whining”
“Never”
“@#&%!!”
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EMPATHY vs. SYMPATHY
• Understanding and feeling
another person’s emotions
• Putting yourself in someone
else’s shoes
• Feeling “with” someone
else
• No judgments
• Makes the other person
understand that you are
listening
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• Feeling sorry for another
person’s situation
• Putting a barrier between
yourself and another
person
• Feeling “for” someone else
• Judgments
• Gives the other person the
impression that you agree
with them
And Now It Is Time For…
Bad Instructor Theatre
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Our whole life
is solving puzzles.
Erno Rubik
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Group Activity
Break into groups
Quickly choose a real dispute situation that
one of you has dealt with
Discuss how you handled it (without using
real names), and what, if anything you might
do differently
One member of each group will make a
brief presentation to everyone about the
situation and how it was handled
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So please, please, please,
let me, let me, let me,
let me get what I want
this time.
The Smiths
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Can You Fix The Problem?
• Not every problem
can be fixed
• Not every problem
should be fixed
• Not every problem
is in your power to fix
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You can't always get
what you want
But if you try
sometimes, well you
just might find,
You get what you need.
The Rolling Stones
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AYSO has all sorts of tools/resources
to help you deal
with difficult people in a positive,
proactive way
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Know when
to ask for help,
where to find
help and
who to ask for help
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What are the Available Tools and Resources?
Job descriptions
RC checklist
AYSO.org
Standard Regional
Guidelines
• eAYSO.org
• aysotraining.org
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• Position Manuals
• Regional Assessment
Program
• Section EXPO
• Reference Book
• Kids Zone
Maybe Your Best Resource is…
Your AYSO Team!
RC
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Volunteers should seek to resolve all
disputes involving people in an
amicable fashion.
• Compromise is preferable to more
severe forms of resolution
• Almost all problems can be addressed
without the need for a formal process
Use all the tools available to you,
and don’t be afraid to be creative
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Ways to Address Disputes That Don’t
Require Limiting, Suspending or
Terminating Activity
–Evaluation
–Education/Training
–Mentoring
–Counseling
–Warnings
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One thing is sure. We
have to do something.
We have to do the best
we know how at the
moment . . . ; If it doesn't
turn out right, we can
modify it as we go along.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Scenario 1
A father comes to you at the field during a U-10 game,
screaming that the referee, a 14 year old volunteer, is
doing a terrible job, especially calling offside.
What do you do?
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Scenario 2
You observe a coach from another Region standing on
the field of play during the game, and the ball hits her.
The referee asks her to leave the field and return to the
technical area and she refuses. The opposing coach,
from your Region, approaches and they start yelling at
each other while play continues.
What do you do?
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Scenario 3
During a Regional Board meeting, a Board member
suggests that in order to compete against other
Regions, paid coaches should be hired for the teams.
He complains bitterly that his 7 year old daughter has a
lousy coach, and that her soccer future is over.
What do you do?
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Scenario 4
You discover that the Regional Treasurer is paying
vendors with a fat wad of cash that she keeps in her
purse.
What do you do?
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I ask myself, is all
hope lost?
Is there only pain
and hatred and
misery?
Nick Lowe
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What Happens When Problems
Can’t Be Worked Out?
• “Executive Members” (NBOD members, Special Directors,
ADs and RCs) can only be removed by the NBOD, but can
be suspended by the level above them, but only when the
program is in imminent danger or a crime has been
committed
• Non-Executive Members (all other volunteers and players,
their parents and guardians) may have their participation in
AYSO limited, suspended or terminated by imposing a
discipline or sanction
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At That Point, The Volunteer is Entitled to
DUE
PROCESS!
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But That is the Subject of a Different
Workshop
Any Questions?
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