Transcript Conflict Resolution - Wasatch School District

Assertion &
Conflict Resolution
Passive Behavior
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When I take the other person’s rights into
account and not my own.
Don’t express your true feelings
Always agrees
Apologetic
Avoids confrontation
Based on compliance
Handles Conflict by doing nothing
Aggressive Behavior
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When I take my own rights into account and
not the other person’s.
Involves manipulation
Intimidation
Controlling
Interrupts
Domineering/Bullying
Handle conflict by harming others.
Assertive Behavior
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Believing we have a right to have ideas and
feelings. Standing up for our rights and still
respecting the rights of others.
Effective active listener
States limits and expectations
Decisive
Operates from choice
Eye Contact
Handle conflict by using problem solving.
Definitions
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Conflict: When two people disagree on an issue.
Conflict Resolution: A communication skill that
encourages a better understanding of the other
person’s point of view, helping to resolve conflicts
in a positive way.
 Win-Win Conflict Resolution: A belief that
everyone can win by co-operation and avoiding
competition and comparing
What doesn’t work in conflict
resolution?
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Yelling
Refusing to change
Name calling,
Hitting,
Walking out,
Belittling, etc.
Most Passive and Aggressive
Behaviors.
What Does Work during
Conflict Resolution?
• Assertive Techniques,
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Win-Win Attitude,
 Co-operation
• Negotiation
When might a passive style be
beneficial?
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Minor issues
When emotions run high
Power Struggles
Feelings of inferiority
When change is impossible
When might an aggressive
style be beneficial?
1. During emergencies
2. When decisions needs to be made quickly
3. To increase productivity
Defense Mechanisms
Projection:
Blame other people and things to cover
weaknesses and failures
Displacement:
Transfer emotion to someone or
something else (Take it out on . . .)
Direct Attack:
Recognize problem and strive to solve it
Idealization:
Place too much value on an object or
person
Defense Mechanisms cont.
Compensation:
Use a substitute method to achieve the
goal
Regression:
Revert back to a less mature stage of
development (Act like a 2 year old)
Conversion:
Emotion is expressed by a physical
symptom or complaint (Head ache, ulcers, etc.
Rationalization:
Explain weakness or failures by giving
socially accepted excuses.
Defense Mechanisms cont.
Daydreaming:
Imagine accomplishing or being better
than reality
Giving Up:
Stop trying to solve problems because
risk or failure is to high
Underlying issues
Personality Clash:
Conflict over similarities and/or
differences
Rights/privilege:
Conflict over the rules or laws of the
situation or over something you feel you are
entitled to
Role Expectation:
Conflict over behavior associated with a
position.
Underlying issues cont.
Value Violation:
Challenges over something important to
you.
Hug O’War by Shel Silverstein
I will not play at tug o' war
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses
And everyone grins
And everyone cuddles
And everyone wins.
Rules for fair fighting
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Negotiate from the adult point of view
Avoid ultimatums
If one loses, both loses
Say what you really mean
Avoid accusations and attacks
Own your own feelings first
Always check out your perceptions
State your wishes and requests clearly
and directly
9. Repeat the message you think you heard.
Rules for fair fighting
10. Refuse to fight dirty
11. Resist giving the silent treatment
12. Focus on the issue and deal in the present.
13. Call for “time – out” if necessary
14. Use humor not sarcasm
15. Always go for closure/resolution
Preparation
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Give a description of the problem that respects
all involved.
Explain how conflict resolution can enable all to
win, and explain the steps.
Include only those concerned.
Agree not to slip back to the win lose methods
Find a good time and place with no distractions.
Get something to write down ideas.
Identify the problem or issues
Use I Messages to explain your own concerns, needs
and basic goals
 Use reflective listening to hear and acknowledge the
other’s needs and basic goals
 Evaluate exactly what each of your actual needs are
with the problem. List needs.
 Don’t accept sudden promises not to cause the problem
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Brainstorm all possible solutions.
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Think of any and all possible ways to
solve the problem so that everyone will
have needs met.
Evaluate later NOT NOW
Do not criticize any suggestion. Feed
back with reflective listening
Write down all ideas suggested.
Evaluate the solutions
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Ask “Will it work? Does it meet all the needs of
both people? Are there any problems likely?”
Don’t accept solutions for the sake of speed
Use reflective listening and I Messages
Decide on the best solution.
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Find a solutions that is mutually acceptable to
both of you. .
If agreement seems difficult, Summarize areas of
agreement. Restate needs, and look for new
solutions.
Make certain that both of you are committed to
the solution
Implementing the Solutions
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Write this down and check all agree to it
Refuse to remind or police the solutions
If you want to set criteria for success, work out
these now
Get Agreement on who does what by when
Evaluate Results
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If the agreed upon solution doesn’t work,
remember it is the solution that failed, not the
person, and seek for a new solution.
Ask from time to time if the solution is working for
both of you.
Carry out agreed method. Wait to see if the
conflicts seems resolved.
Results of Win-Win Solutions
•More creative in Thinking up solutions
•Take more responsibility for helping everyone
have needs met
•Feeling of mutual respect
•Love grows deeper with every conflict resolved.