Transcript Don’t Be Mad at ME!
How to manage stress, change and anger Personnel Department Medical Services Division: Psychology Section 213/473-6958
Uncertainty about the budget Lack of consensus on a plan (Mayor, City Council, City Depts, Public Safety, Unions) Layoffs—how many, who, when ERIPs—how many, who, when Furloughs – how many hours/days; money lost What our tasks will be if we remain employed What our Depts will look like through and after the transitions
Receiving information that Comes too slowly Is incomplete Is inaccurate Is unpredictable (organic; erratic) Is sensitive or confidential
Downsizing or layoff stress differs from other types of workplace stress..
You can’t change your work performance to stop it Beyond immediate control of Management Affects wider percentage of the workforce Can be long-lasting and may reoccur Invades the home/everyone asks about it
◦ ◦ ◦ Stressor ◦ ◦ Fear of losing our job and/or Ability to care for ourselves Which can lead to Lack of trust in management Lack of trust in co-workers Lack of respect for boss and/or City
Uncertainty is more stressful than hearing bad news
People thrive on predictability and control.
W e are built to resist change.
We have scripts we live by.
We look for answers— Wherever we can find them
We may precipitate an “ending” to stop the uncertainty Or refuse to think about it at all
It feels like an emotional roller coaster
◦ ◦ ◦ Trouble concentrating on the job More inward focus leads to more errors and accidents ◦ ◦ ◦ Wasted time/decreased productivity Lack of energy/motivation Distractibility Higher absenteeism Delayed decisions Resistance against management decisions Pessimism
Worry/anxiety Withdrawal/sense of loneliness Increase in substance use Can lead to family problems/health problems
Increased stress impacts mood, sleep, physical health, behavior
Change =Loss = Grief
Grieving process begins with threat of loss Loss can lead to sadness/depression Failure to acknowledge and prepare for grief can result in morale and productivity problems
Loss (for some) of… Predictability Trust Wages and benefits Role as worker and provider Control over one’s life Structure of daily life The work family
Anger is an emotion that often propels us to move toward the source Perceived unfairness Inability to reach our goals Reaction to THREAT Perceived lack of caring or thoughtfulness Shame/sense of failure/guilt
Irritability Negative attitude toward work Potential for aggression, sabotage For those not laid off--anger/resentment about redistribution of labor
You behave the way you do because of who you are.
I behave the way I do because the situation makes me.
Angry people want two things… ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ They want to
BE HEARD
They want you to LISTEN TO THEM They want acknowledgement They want reassurance They want you to take them seriously
◦ ◦ ◦ They want you to
FIX THE PROBLEM
They want financial security They want the job to get done They want you to do what they want, when they want it
Ask the purpose of their call or visit Always introduce yourself and your role Establish rapport Acknowledge the difficult times Ask diversionary questions Try to give choices Ask how they’ve dealt with similar situations in the past Provide City resources
FIRST acknowledge the feelings and upset of the other person.
o Once the person starts to calm down, THEN move to solving the problem
Always listen before providing any kind of answer.
◦ ◦ ◦ Ask questions to gain greater clarification. Restate their problem to them. Find an area of agreement and tell them they are right.
Take it seriously, but don’t take it personally
Others will likely focus their frustration at you.
You might feel personally attacked.
You might want to defend yourself.
Don’t defend yourself by attacking back
What seems like a call to fight is often a plea for assistance.
Angry people may get “in your face” They want you to be “on their side” Find a way to “join” with them ◦ Empathize, agree or pretend you do Once you are side-by-side, you can work together
Emotions can be contagious Hostility often begets more hostility Empathize, but don’t join in Diffuse the emotion by remaining calm and reasonable Be patient
Don’t shame or blame Avoid accusations Ask, don’t demand Don’t interrupt
Get the person to articulate what problem resolution would look like in this specific case.
Keep your body language relaxed Use the angry person’s name Find a way to say, “You’re Right”
Occurs about five minutes after the person has gotten mad. People cling to the resentment. A few minutes after you think it’s over, their anger might return.
Expect this and stay calm.
The second snap is about them having the final say.
Don’t feed or fuel it.
Most Anger Does Not Aggression.
Lead to Physical However, be alert to… ◦ Immediate threat of physical harm ◦ Endangering of lives ◦ ◦ ◦ Weapons Someone making a direct threat Someone expressing suicidal or homicidal feelings
panic
Allow angry people to physically escape the situation.
Don’t block their way or prevent exit, or you may be putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Take off the heat rather than increasing the pressure! Don’t insist on solving the problem “now” when the other person is in an agitated state.
Even though a choice, person may not
really be ready
for retirement. May have lived to work instead of worked to live.
Loss of predictability Loss of role as worker and provider Loss of structure of daily life Loss of the work family Difficulty knowing what to say to those who are being laid off when retirees had a choice People “disappear”—here one day, gone the next
As people retire, they often take with them the history of the Dept. and the accumulated knowledge/culture. Others are often left to perform their tasks without necessary training or mentoring.
Many of the experienced staff who retire were the mentors--the ones others went to for advice or guidance.
We cannot always control what comes our way. We can only control how we respond to it.
Practice Patience
One moment of patience may ward off a great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Normalize/maintain structure ◦ Focus on what you can control ◦ Create a schedule and stick to it Compartmentalize job search--balance Exercise, eat sensibly, focus on remaining healthy Take time in making big decisions Monitor distractibility (driving, forms, etc.)
Don’t give into negative emotions ◦ Be aware of your emotions and label them ◦ Channel anger into positive action ◦ Update resume, job search plan, job assistance resources Don’t blame yourself—many are sharing this crisis with you Take care of heart, head and soul
Share with family ◦ Family picks up on mood. ◦ Keep your emotional center.
◦ ◦ Be prepared for changing roles in family.
Talk to your children; involve them appropriately.
Reach out to others ◦ Make a list of people who can be supportive.
◦ Don’t be embarrassed to talk about the situation.
◦ Don’t be afraid to “not” talk about it.
Cutting back in spending enables people to rediscover the value in other things Start getting rid of debt Simplify Start saving money for lean times—emergency funds Find value in activities that don’t cost money
Identify what you can and cannot control Don’t be surprised if you feel unmotivated and unhappy Manage your emotions ◦ Don’t let anger, resentment, anxiety reduce productivity or justify poor service ◦ Keep to your routines ◦ Be considerate of each other
◦ ◦ Encourage collaboration Assist each other in your changing work roles Be willing to give suggestions ◦ ◦ Recognize the complexities of management decisions If possible, start new projects People are often energized by new ideas and fresh starts
We are in this together
◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Defining moment for You “Why me?” becomes “Why not me?” You may feel more productive, efficient, and energized by the current crisis.
You may not like the job you are assigned, but it may teach you marketable skills.
You might choose to take this opportunity to pursue a new endeavor, a dream, a passion.
When one door closes, another opens.
But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don’t see the one that has opened for us. Alexander Graham Bell
Keep your sense of humor
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King Jr.
You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
Swami Satchidananda A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others throw at him.
David Brinkley