Transcript Interpersonal Skills

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
Assertion
Assertive People are
Reasonable and Direct
PREVIEW

This chapter will take a step by step process to
explore, identify, understand, learn, and apply
and model three emotional intelligence (EI)
skills:
Assertion
 Anger Management
 Anxiety Management
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ASSERTION
Defined-the ability to clearly and honestly
communicate your thoughts and feelings to
others in a straightforwardness and direct
manner.
 Key Notes

respect the rights of others
 express your thoughts and feelings
 be constructive with your comments
 treat others as you want to be treated

UNDERSTANDING

Three ways to respond (communication
continuum):
deference-response is hurtful to you, and the person
never understands your true thoughts or feelings
 assertion-skill area; communication skill is essential
to communicate, especially under most stressful
situations
 aggression-response is hurtful to the party you are
communicating to
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LEARNING

Three parts to an assertive message:
try to use the first-person singular pronoun; I
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describes the event or situation that is connected
to the thought or feeling
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informs the person receiving the message what you are
addressing
tells the person what you want to happen versus
the current situation
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

makes the message genuine
don’t leave it open to interpretation
Remember it is okay to, “agree to disagree”
LEARNING (CONT’D)

When the pressure and stress increase and a
situation is vital to you, communication is more
difficult


therefore, the level of skill required to communicate
is higher
Learning to skillfully deal with the following
emotionally intelligent behaviors will allow you
to fully develop the EI skill of assertion:
cognitive focus: learning how and when to say what
you really think and feel
 emotional focus: learning how to feel better when
communicating with others
 action focus: choosing how you communicate when
under stress

APPLY AND MODEL
Wisdom unites knowledge and behavior, and
assertion is a key skill
 Being able to communicate assertively may take
some work and practice, because this may be a
new way for you to interact with others

AGGRESSION AND DEFERENCE
It is imperative to manage your strong negative
emotions; anger, fear, etc.
 Being angry is easy, nevertheless keeping that
anger in control (right person, right degree, right
time, right purpose, and right way) is challenging
 Knowing certain circumstances that could make
you vulnerable to managing negative emotions is
vital

REFLECTIVE THINKING AND EMOTIONAL
EXPRESSION
Our initial reaction (quick responses) to an event
may make a response negative
 Essential to be thoughtful and skilled with your
response
 There is a series of interrelated sequences to an
emotional experience:

the perception of an event
 the automatic interpretation of the event
 the interpretation of your response, and
 the specific emotional outcomes of anger, fear,
sadness, or joy
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ANGER MANAGEMENT
Defined-the ability to express anger
constructively in relationships to Self and other.
 Key Notes

aggression violates, overpowers, dominates, or
discredits another person
 aggression negatively affects relationships

UNDERSTANDING
Anger is a normal human emotion, and everyone
experiences it
 Proper identification of the anger is fundamental
before you can constructively express the emotion
 Not controlling you anger will shorten your life
and damages its quality, and damage
relationships
 Exercising a choice over how you want to express
anger, your life will improve and benefits will be
recognized both psychologically and physically

LEARNING
Learning to control and express anger is one of
the most important skills you can learn and
practice in your daily life
 Identifying emotions accurately is the first step
in controlling anger
 To do so, you must differentiate between a
thought, a feeling, and a behavior

frustrations and jealousy are thoughts
 psychological abuse and violence are behaviors
 anger is the emotion
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LEARNING (CONT’D)

Three intense emotions cause problems (past,
present, and future):
anguish-called sadness or depression and comes from
emotional thoughts of the past
 anger-occurs in he present and stems from the
thoughts of what is or isn’t happening
 fear-is called anxiety, tension, worry, and confusion
and its origin is from worrying about what bad things
can happen in the future


Remember, without proper thought, each angry
thing you do or say can increase and escalate the
anger to rage
APPLY AND MODEL
 It
can become impossible to think or act
productively if the anger we are feeling
becomes extremely high or too intense
 We can become part of the anger, at which
time one angry behavior leads to another
 Make yourself take a self imposed “TimeOut”
 Provide yourself with time and permission
to reflect with the problem
 BE PATIENT AND PRACTICE
ANXIETY MANAGEMENT
Defined-is the ability to manage self-imposed anxiety
(fear) and effectively communicate with others
 Deference is the degree to which and individual
employs a communication style that is indirect, selfinhibiting, self-denying, and ineffectual for the
accurate expression of thoughts, feelings, or behaviors
 Reasons why people act non-assertively:
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confusing firm assertion with aggression
confusing deference with politeness
mistaking deference for being helpful
failing to accept personal rights
having a deficit in skills
UNDERSTANDING
Being assertive versus deferent with your
communication style will improve your selfesteem, relationships, and stress mgt
 People who use deference are kind and polite
people who have sensitivity (empathy) to others
 Staying true to your own feelings and thoughts
and maintaining your sensitivity are by-products
of communicating with assertiveness

APPLY AND MODEL

A few methods to help you:
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dealing with my fear of making an oral presentation and
asking for help in preparing for it
coming to grips with my uncertainty about a major and
scheduling time for career counseling
exploring my negative feelings about the class and deciding
to withdraw rather than settling for a mediocre grade
developing my computer skills at the university lab instead
of remaining confused about how to do an internet search
confronting my uptight exam behavior and attending a
skills training seminar on managing test anxiety
think about other topics that may help you develop the
assertive skill
WHEN EMOTIONS ARE NEGATIVE

The primary human emotions are:
anger-helps us fight
 fear-helps us flee
 sadness-helps you let go or disengage
 happiness-helps us engage and enjoy the present


Remember emotions are only negative when their
intensity and duration cause damage to our or
another person’s life!
LEARNING ACTIVITY
Reflect on a time when you were aggressive and
defensive. What was the situation? How did you
handle the situation? What was your
communication style during the situation?