Transcript Coping with your losses

COPING WITH YOUR LOSSES
Julie Larson, LCSW
www.julielarsonlcsw.com
WHEN ACTIVE TREATMENT ENDS
When others are ready to celebrate the end of your
treatment, cancer survivors often experience a
mix of emotions/reactions after treatment ends.
THE POSITIVE FEELINGS:
Acknowledging personal strengths
 Deepened relationships with loved ones
 Excited about the future
 New desire to set personal goals
 A sense of gratitude and appreciation for life
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WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
WHEN ACTIVE TREATMENT ENDS
THE “Not-so-Positive” FEELINGS
Fear of Recurrence: Worry about future unknowns
 Anxiety: Concern about not being in active treatment
 Concerns about physical appearance
 Sadness
 Depression
 Grief
 Anger about having had the life disruption of cancer
 Financial concerns
 Guilt or Regret
 Emotional numbness
 Spiritual uncertainty
 Learning new ways to care for yourself
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GRIEF 101
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Denial. Shock. Numbness.
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Anger. Irritation. Frustration.
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Bargaining. “If I do this, then…”
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Sadness. Isolation. Ache. Void. Empty.
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Acceptance. New perspective. Awareness.
Insight.
AM I GRIEVING?
RECOGNIZING SYMPTOMS
Crying
 Lack of energy
 Uncertainty
 Changes in sleeping or eating habits
 Feeling withdrawn or unmotivated
 Irritable, demanding, underlying “buzz” of anger
 Hyperactivity, fear of slowing down
 Decreased productivity, trouble concentrating
 Avoidance of others or fear of being alone
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THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF GRIEF…
SELF CARE: SADNESS. ANGER.
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What helps you feel safe enough to be really sad?
People?
 Location?
 Comforts?
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Pay very close attention to what it is (thought?)
that makes you stop crying? Why….
 Anger is energy. What can you do with that
energy?
 Do you know your triggers?
 Have you taken the time to really understand
those trigger thoughts?
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Vital Steps to Caring for You
THE WORK OF BEING AT WORK:
 Realize
when you are stressed. Why?
Triggers?
Certain people? External Events?
 Begin
to learn your “Warning Signs”: The
build up to an emotional moment.
 Know
your people!
1.
2.
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4.
Make a list of different ways you care for
yourself
Consider your five senses
What can you do at work? Home? When
you are out socially? In the middle of the
night?
If being with people is
part of your list, what
are you doing together?
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Remember your feelings about talking about your
diagnosis will likely change day to day.
Try not to ignore your need to share your worries,
fears and questions.
Often talking with others helps you work through
concerns or uncertainties in a natural way.
Try not to put on a “happy face” if you are not feeling
that way. Your true feelings are more helpful to
everyone.
Remember when others have awkward or hurtful
responses it likely has nothing to do with you but is
more related to their own feelings or past experiences.
Talking about cancer can be complicated. Most
conversations are not a one shot deal, they are an
ongoing dialogue. Keep being as open as you can.
THE DIRTY LITTLE HABITS OF OUR
THOUGHTS…
 Assumptions
 All
or nothing thinking
 Over-generalizing
 Unfavorable comparisons
 Personalizing
 Dwelling on the negative
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 “Shoulds”/“Musts”/”Oughts”
CHALLENGING DISTORTED
THINKING
 What
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is the event?
 What are your emotions?
 How intense are these emotions 1 – 10?
 Initial negative self-talk
 Gather evidence of other possibilities?
 Challenge the thought distortions
 Does this lead to a different feeling?
AFFIRMATIONS
Affirmations are healing, positive messages you
give to yourself to counter your negative selftalk.
 Three
Types of Affirmations:
 “I am…” (A statement about you)
 “I can…” (A statement of your potential)
 “I will…” (A statement of change in your life)
ACTIVITY:
WRITING AFFIRMATIONS
ACTIVITY: Writing Affirmations
 Write three (or more) affirmations
HOMEWORK: Find Time for You
 Read this list to yourself daily
CAUTION: Resist the “Cheese Factor”
GETTING TO KNOW YOU…
The “YOU INVENTORY”
 What underlying qualities would you
want others to know about you?
 Did you learn anything new about
yourself since you were diagnosed
with cancer?
 Would any of these qualities be important
in your relationships with others?
 How would you share this information
within your disclosure of your diagnosis?
YOUR BEST RESOURCE: YOU!
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The “STUFF” Inside You
Understanding your personal meaning
 Visualizing your individual hopes and dreams
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Every feeling matters
 Cancer has a way of educating you about YOU
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Think back
 Rename the experience
 Use some of those skills now for your benefit
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ACTIVITY:
ROLE MODEL SEARCH!
Let’s dish about your role models, the people you
admire.
1.) Who comes to mind
2.) What qualities or characteristics about this
person do you like?
IN SUMMARY:
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Listen to yourself. Come to understand what
you are feeling, thinking and needing.
Learn how to care for yourself.
Decide who the best audience is for you today
related to what you need to express.
Prepare yourself for important conversations.
Know your emotional “hot spots”.
Reach out to good friends or a therapist to help
you better understand your feelings and support
you as you