Transcript Slide 1
Bouncing Back:
Rewiring Your Brain for
Resilience and Well-Being
Spirit Rock Meditation Center
June 21, 2014
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net
All the world is full of suffering.
It is also full of overcoming.
- Helen Keller
Suffering
External stressors
Internal stressors
Stress response
Survival responses
Fight-flight-freeze-appease
Shut down, numb out, collapse
Mindfulness and Compassion
Awareness of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Acceptance of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Attention circuit and resonance circuit
Two most powerful agents of brain change known to
science; both foster response flexibility
Resilience
Hardiness: capacities to last, to endure, to persevere,
to follow through, capacities of determination and
grit.
Coping: Face and deal with disappointments,
difficulties, even disasters; bounce back from
troubles, from adversity, from the unexpected, from
the truly awful.
Flexibility: Adaptability, capacity to shift gears
It is not the strongest of the species that
survives,
nor the most intelligent that survives.
It is the one that is the most adaptive to change.
- Charles Darwin
Resilience
Deal with challenges and crises
Bounce back from adversity
Recover our balance and equilibrium
Find refuges and maximize resources
Cope skillfully, flexibly, adaptively
Shift perspectives, open to possibilities, create
options, find meaning and purpose
6 C’s of Coping
Calm
Compassion
Clarity
Connections to Resources
Competence
Courage
Calm
Manage disruptive emotions
Tolerate distress
Down-regulate stress to return to baseline
equilibrium
Compassion
Care, concern for problems and blocks that de-
rail resilience
Empathy, compassion for feelings and suffering
of self, others
Skillful behaviors in response to difficulties and
differences
Clarity
Focused attention on present moment
experience
Improves cognitive functioning
Self-awareness, self-reflection
Shifting perspectives
Discerning options
Choose wise actions
Connections to Resources
People, Places Practices
Counter-balance brain’s negativity bias
Strengthen inner secure base
Access resources
Competence
Empowerment and mastery from changing old
coping strategies, learning new ones
Embodying, “I am somebody who CAN do
this.”
Courage
Using signal anxiety as cue to:
Try something new
Take risks
Move resilience beyond personal self
Practices to Accelerate Brain Change
Presence – primes receptivity of brain
Intention/choice – activates plasticity
Perseverance – creates and installs change
Modern Brain Science
The field of neuroscience is so new,
we must be comfortable not only
venturing into the unknown
but into error.
- Richard Mendius, M.D.
Neuroscience of Resilience
Neuroscience technology is 20 years old
Meditation improves attention and impulse
control; shifts mood and perspective; promotes
health
Oxytocin can calm a panic attack in less than a
minute
Kindness and comfort, early on, protects against
later stress, trauma, psychopathology
Neuroplasticity
Growing new neurons
Strengthening synaptic connections
Myelinating pathways – faster processing
Creating and altering brain structure and
circuitry
Organizing and re-organizing functions of brain
structures
Mechanisms of Brain Change
Conditioning
New Conditioning
Re-Conditioning
De-Conditioning
Conditioning
Experience causes neurons to fire
Repeated experiences, repeated neural firings
Neurons that fire together wire together
Strengthen synaptic connections
Connections stabilize into neural pathways
Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and
negative
The brain is shaped by experience. And because
we have a choice about what experiences we
want to use to shape our brain, we have a
responsibility to choose the experiences that
will shape the brain toward the wise and the
wholesome.
- Richard J. Davidson, PhD
Evolutionary legacy
Genetic templates
Family of origin conditioning
Norms-expectations of culture-society
Who we are and how we cope….
…is not our fault.
- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind
Given neuroplasticity
And choices of self-directed neuroplasticity
Who we are and how we cope…
…is our responsibility
- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind
Pre-Frontal Cortex
Executive center of higher brain
Evolved most recently – makes us human
Development kindled in relationships
Matures the latest – 25 years of age
Most integrative structure of brain
Evolutionary masterpiece
CEO of resilience
Functions of Pre-Frontal Cortex
Regulate body and nervous system
Quell fear response of amygdala
Manage emotions
Attunement – felt sense of feelings
Empathy – making sense of expereince
Insight and self-knowing
Response flexibility
New Conditioning
Choose new experiences
Gratitude practice, listening skills, focusing
attention, self-compassion, self-acceptance
Create new learning, new memory
Encode new wiring
Install new pattern of response
Re-conditioning
Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation
“Light up” neural networks
Juxtapose old negative with new positive
Neurons fall apart, rewire
New rewires old
De-Conditioning
Default network
De-focusing, loosens grip
Creates mental play space
Plane of open possibilities
Brain makes new links, associations
New insights, new behaviors
Kindness is more important than wisdom,
And the recognition of that is the beginning of
wisdom.
- Theodore Rubin
Keep Calm and Carry On
Serenity is not freedom from the storm
but peace amidst the storm.
- author unknown
Calm
Manage disruptive emotions
Tolerate distress
Down-regulate stress to return to baseline
equilibrium
Window of Tolerance
SNS – explore, play, create, produce…. OR
Fight-flight-freeze
Baseline physiological equilibrium
Calm and relaxed, engaged and alert
WINDOW OF TOLERANCE
Relational and resilient
Equanimity
PNS – inner peace, serenity…. OR
Numb out, collapse
Hand on the Heart
Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust
Deep breathing – parasympathetic
Breathing ease into heart center
Brakes on survival responses
Coherent heart rate
Being loved and cherizhed
Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to
stress hormone cortisol
Oxytocin
Hormone of safety and trust, bonding and
belonging, calm and connect
Brain’s direct and immediate antidote to stress
hormone cortisol
Can pre-empt stress response altogether
Touch
Hand on heart, hand on cheek
Head rubs, foot rubs
Massage back of neck
Hugs – 20 second full bodied
Calm through the Body
Hand on the Heart
Body Scan
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Movement Opposite
Calm – Friendly Body Scan
Awareness
Breathing gently into tension
Hello! and gratitude
Release tension, reduce trauma
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Body cannot be tense and relaxed at the
same time
Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15
Focused attention calms the mind
Calm through Movement
Body inhabits posture of difficult emotion (40
seconds
Body moves into opposite posture (40 seconds)
Body returns to first posture (20 seconds)
Body returns to second posture (20 seconds)
Body finds posture in the middle (30 seconds
Reflect on experience
“Power posing”
Compassion
Respond to pain and suffering with open
heart, interested mind, willingness to help
Care, concern for problems and blocks that derail resilience
Empathy, compassion for feelings and suffering
of self, others
Skillful behaviors in response to difficulties and
differences
Compassion
Sensitivity
Attention to feelings and suffering, self and others
Sympathy
Tuning in, feeling with, being moved
Distress tolerance
Being with pain without denial or overwhelm
Empathy
Understanding without judgment, resistance, submission
Caring
Warmth, kindness, gentleness in any response
Self-Compassion
Powerful and immediate antidote to self-
criticism, self-loathing
Practice not to feel better but because we feel
bad
Putting own oxygen mask on first when other
people are not around
Come into loving connected presence
Compassion leads to calm leads to clarity
Compassion for Others - Self
Remember moment of compassion and care
for another
Evoke felt sense of compassion in your body
When flow of compassion is steady…
Place yourself in flow of compassion, care,
concern
Self-Compassion Break
Notice-recognize: this is a moment of suffering
Ouch! This hurts! This is hard!
Pause, breathe, hand on heart or cheek
Oh sweetheart!
Self-empathy
I care about my own suffering, me as experiencer
Drop into calm; hold moment with awareness;
breathe in compassion and care
May I meet this moment fully; may I meet it as a
friend
Self-Compassion Break, cont.
My pain is the pain; I’m not the only one
Kindness to self: May I be safe; May I be peaceful;
May I be free of fear; May I be free of shame; May
I accept myself just as I am; May I know this, too,
will pass; May I know I can be skillful here
Choose wisely: re-direct, shift the channel;
practice gratitude, metta; share pain with caring
other; notice coping and easing of suffering
One for Me; One for You
Breathing in, “nourishing, nourishing”
Breathing out, “soothing, soothing”
In imagination, “nourishing for me, nourishing
for you, soothing for me, soothing for you”
“One for me, one for you”
Practice breathing “one for me, one for you”
when in conversation with someone
Mindfulness
Focused attention on
present moment experience
without judgment or resistance.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Mindfulness
Pause, become present
Notice and name
Step back, dis-entangle, reflect
Catch the moment; make a choice
Shift perspectives; shift states
Discern options
Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome,
cultivate wholesome
Between a stimulus and response there is a
space. In that space is our power to choose
our response. In our response lies our growth
and our freedom. The last of human freedoms
is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of
circumstances.
- Viktor Frankl
Mindfulness
Pause, become present
Notice and name
Step back, dis-entangle, reflect
Catch the moment; make a choice
Shift perspectives; shift states
Discern options
Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome,
cultivate wholesome
Notice and Name
Thoughts as thoughts
Patterns of thoughts as patterns of thoughts
States of mind as states of mind
Identify belief systems and identities as
Mental contents, patterns of neural firing
Mindfulness
Catch the moment; make a choice
- Janet Friedman
Every moment has a choice;
Every choice has an impact.
- Julia Butterfly Hill
Autobiography in Five Short
Chapters – Portia Nelson
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit
My eyes are open,
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
-Portia Nelson
Modes of Processing
Focused
Tasks and details
Self-referential
Defocused
Default network
Plane of open possibilities
Mindfulness Dissolves
the Stuff of “Self”
Quantum physics investigates matter
Matter is more space than stuff
Mindfulness investigates “I”
Self is not static or fixed; is ever-changing, ever-unfolding
True Self is flow of beingness
Rest in Simply Being
Awareness of Awareness
Insights, epiphanies, revelations
Wisdom teaches me I am nothing.
Love teaches me I am everything.
Between the two, my life flows.
- Sri Nisargadatta
Pre-Frontal Cortex
Toggles back and forth between focused and
defocused modes of processing
Integration of two modes; integration of right
and left hemispheres, integration of higher
and lower brain
Deeper brain functioning; brain itself more
reslient
Consciousness
True Nature
Wiser Self
Adult Self
Inner Child
Brahma Viharas
Loving Kindness
Compassion
Sympathetic Joy
Equanimity
Bouncing Back:
Rewiring Your Brain for
Resilience and Well-Being
Spirit Rock Meditation Center
June 21, 2014
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net
Belly Botany
Select one square foot patch of ground
Observe patch from one foot away/above
Observe for 2 minutes
Light and shade, movement and stillness, life
and decay/death
Stand up, look around at the larger view
Notice shifts in perspective
Bouncing Back:
Rewiring Your Brain for
Resilience and Well-Being
Spirit Rock Meditation Center
June 21, 2014
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net
Connections to Resources
People
Love guards the heart from the abyss. - Mozart
Places
…I rest in the grace of the world…. – Berry
Practices
As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an
archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood,
the wise shape their lives. - Buddha
Practices as Resources
Yoga, meditation, tai chi, chi gong
Sleep
Nutrition
Movement-Exercise
Laughter
Learn Something New
Hanging Out with Healthy Brains
Sleep
Housekeeping
Reset nervous system
Consolidate learning
Take mental breaks
Take Mental Breaks
Focus on something else (positive is good)
Talk to someone else (resonant is good)
Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)
Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue
Nutrition
Less Caffeine
Less Sugar
More Protein
Movement - Exercise
Oxygen – brain is 2% of body weight, uses 20%
of body’s oxygen
Endorphins – feel good hormones, brighten
the mind
Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) grow new brain cells, will migrate to where
needed
Laughter
Increases oxygen and blood flow, reduces risk of
heart disease and stroke
Releases endorphins – body’s natural pain killer
Reduces stress hormone cortisol, lowers blood
pressure
Triggers catecholamines, heightens alertness in
brain
Releases tension in body, balances nervous
system
Laughter
Promotes work productivity
Reduces stress
Promotes creativity and problem-solving
Reduces mistakes, increases efficiency
Promotes group cohesion
Promotes learning (through play)
Eases loss, grief, trauma
Learn Something New
Speak a foreign language
Play a musical instrument
Juggle
Play chess
Crossword puzzles when you don’t know the
words
Hanging Out with Healthy Brains
Brain is social organ; matures and learns best
in interactions with other brains
Social engagement regulates nervous system
Resonant interactions prime the brain’s
neuroplasticity; promotes learning and growth
Positive Emotions-Behaviors
Brain hard-wired to notice and remember
negative and intense more than positive and
subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a
species
Leads to tendency to avoid experience
Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is
more open to approaching experience,
learning, and action
Positive Emotions
Gratitude
Awe
Generosity
Compassion
Delight
Serenity
Love
Curiosity
Kindness
Joy
Trust
Positive Emotions
Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness
More friendships, social support, collaboration
Shift in perspectives, more optimism
More creativity, productivity
Better health, better sleep
Live on average 7-9 years longer
Resilience is direct outcome
A hundred times every day, I remind myself that
my inner and outer life depend on the labors of
other people, and that I must exert myself in
order to give in the same measure as I have
received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein
Gratitude
2-minute free write
Gratitude journal
Gratitude buddy
Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
Take in the Good
Notice: in the moment or in memory
Enrich: the intensity, duration, novelty,
personal relevance, multi-modality
Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in
body
Circle of Support
Call to mind people who have been supportive
of you; who have “had your back”
Currently, in the past, in imagination
Imagine them gathered around you, or behind
you, lending you their faith in you, and their
strengths in coping
Imagine your circle of support present with
you as you face difficult people or situations
Positivity Portfolio
Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails
expressing appreciation of you
Assemble phrases on piece of paper
Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor,
carry in wallet or purse
Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days
Savor and appreciate
The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
- Wendell Berry
One summer night, out on a flat headland, all but surrounded by the
waters of the bay, the horizons were remote and distant rims on the
edge of space. Millions of stars blazed in darkness, and on the far
shore a few lights burned in cottages. Otherwise there was no
reminder of human life. My companion and I were alone with the
stars: the misty river of the Milky Way flowing across the sky, the
patterns of the constellations standing out bright and clear, a blazing
planet low on the horizon. It occurred to me that if this were a sight
that could be seen only once in a century, this little headland would
be thronged with spectators. But it can be seen many scores of
night in any year, and so the lights burned in the cottages and the
inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the beauty overhead;
and because they could see it almost any night, perhaps they never
will.
- Rachel Carson
People as Resources
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled
by the spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep
gratitude of those who have lighted the flame
within us.
- Albert Schweitzer
True Other to the True Self
The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt
sense of being held in the mind and heart of an
empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.
- Diana Fosha, PhD
To see and be seen: that is the questions, and
that is the answer.
- Ken Benau, PhD
Ah, the comfort,
The inexpressible comfort
Of feeling safe with a person.
Having neither to weigh out thoughts
Nor words,
But pouring them all right out, just as they are,
Chaff and grain together;
Certain that a faithful hand
Will take them and sift them;
Keeping what is worth keeping and,
With the breath of kindness,
Blow the rest away.
- Dinah Craik
Attachment Styles - Secure
Parenting is attuned, empathic, responsive,
comforting, soothing, helpful
Attachment develops safety and trust, and
inner secure base
Stable and flexible focus and functioning
Open to learning
inner secure base provides buffer against
stress, trauma, and psychopathology
Insecure-Avoidant
Parenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical,
rejecting
Attachment is compulsively self-reliant
Stable, but not flexible
Focus on self or world, not others or emotions
Rigid, defensive, not open to learning
Neural cement
Insecure-Anxious
Parenting is inconsistent, unpredictable
Attachment is compulsive caregiving
Flexible, but not stable
Focus on other, not on self-world,
Less able to retain learning
Neural swamp
Disorganized
Parenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is
“checked out,” not “there”
Attachment is fright without solution
Lack of focus
Moments of dissociation
Compartmentalization of trauma
Attachment - Hindrances
Secure - True Nature, Wiser Self
Insecure avoidant – aversion/hatred
Insecure anxious – greed, grasping, clinging
Disorganized – delusion, confusion
Seeing Ourselves as Others See Us
Imagine sitting across from someone who
loves you unconditionally
Imagine switching places with them; see
yourself as they see you; feel why they love
you and delight in you; take in the good
Imagine being yourself again; taking in the love
and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.
Welcome Them All
Wiser Self welcomes to the “party”
characters that embody positive and negative
parts of the self
with curiosity and acceptance of the message
or gift of each part and
honors each part of the “inner committee”
The Guest House - Rumi
This being human is a guest-house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness come
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you
out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
- Rumi
Shame De-Rails Resilience
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience
of believing we are flawed and therefore
unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes
we are capable of change. We cannot change and
grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use
shame to change ourselves or others.
- Brene Brown, PhD
Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding
place.
- Zora Neale Hurston
Love guards the heart from the abyss.
- Mozart
Just that action of paying attention to ourselves,
that I care enough about myself, that I am
worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to
unlock some of those deep beliefs of
unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain.
- Elisha Goldstein
Reconditioning
Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation
“Light up” neural networks of problematic memory
Cause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and
instantly rewire by:
Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts
or disconfirms;
Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories
held in simultaneous dual awareness
Causes the falling apart and the rewiring
Reconditioning
Anchor in present moment awareness
Resource with acceptance and goodness
Start with small negative memory
“Light up the networks”
Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms
Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)
Refresh and strengthen positive
Let go of negative
Rest in, savor positive
Reflect on shifts in perspective
Wished for Outcome
Evoke memory of what did happen
Imagine new behaviors, new players, new
resolution
Hold new outcome in awareness,
strengthening and refreshing
Notice shift in perspective of experience, of
self
Relational Intelligence
Setting limits and boundaries
Negotiating change
Resolving conflicts
Repairing ruptures
Forgiveness
Forgiveness - I
For the many ways that I have hurt and harmed
myself, that I have betrayed or abandoned
myself, out of fear, pain, and confusion,
through action or inaction, in thought, word or
deed, knowingly or unknowingly…
I extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness. I
forgive myself. I forgive myself.
Forgiveness - II
For the ways that I have hurt and harmed you,
have betrayed or abandoned you, caused you
suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my
pain, fear, anger, and confusion…
I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your
forgiveness.
Forgiveness - III
For the many ways that others have hurt,
wounded, or harmed me, out of fear, pain,
confusion, and anger…
I have carried this pain in my heart long enough.
To the extent that I am ready, I offer you
forgiveness. To those who have caused me
harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.
Forgiveness is not an occasional act;
It is a permanent attitude.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
Competence
Empowerment and mastery from changing old
coping strategies, learning new ones
Embodying, “I am somebody who CAN do
this.”
You can’t stop the waves,
But you can learn to surf.
-Jon Kabat-Zinn
As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an
archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves
wood, the wise shape their lives.
- Buddha
Competence
Bodily felt sense of “Sure I can!”
Based on previous experience
No matter what, no matter how small
Ownership
Learning Model
Unconscious Incompetence
Conscious Incompetence
Conscious Competence
Unconscious Competence
Find the Gift in the Mistake
Regrettable Moment – Teachable Moment
What’s Right with this Wrong?
What’s the Lesson?
What’s the Cue to Act Differently?
Find the Gift in the Mistake
Coherent Narrative
This is what happened.
This is what I did.
This has been the cost.
This is what I learned.
This is what I would do differently going
forward.
I am no longer afraid of storms,
For I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
In every community, there is work to be done.
In every nation, there are wounds to heal.
In every heart, there is the power to do it.
- Marianne Williamson
Courage
It’s as wrong to deny the possible
As it is to deny the problem.
- Dennis Seleeby
Courage
A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships
are for.
- Grace Hopper
Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.
Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking
- Tim McMahon
Do One Scary Thing a Day
Venture into New or Unknown
Somatic marker of “Uh, oh”
Dopamine disrupted
Cross threshold into new
Satisfaction, mastery
Dopamine restored
Boundin’
There is a natural and inviolable tendency in
things to bloom into whatever they truly are in
the core of their being.
All we have to do is align ourselves with what
wants to happen naturally and put in the effort
that is our part in helping it happen.
- David Richo
Mastering the art of resilience does much more
than restore you to who you once thought you
were. Rather, you emerge from the experience
transformed into a truer expression of who you
were really meant to be.
- Carol Orsborn
Bouncing Back:
Rewiring Your Brain for
Resilience and Well-Being
Spirit Rock Meditation Center
June 21, 2014
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net