Transcript Slide 1

Bouncing Back:
Rewiring Your Brain for
Resilience and Well-Being
Spirit Rock Meditation Center
January 10, 2015
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net
All the world is full of suffering.
It is also full of overcoming.
- Helen Keller
Dharma, Psychology, Neuroscience
 Dharma
 Consciousness and compassion
 Clarity and connection
 Psychology
 Relational and reflective
 Conscious compassionate connection
 Neuroscience
 Self-directed neuroplasticity
Suffering
 External stressors
 Internal stressors
 Stress response
 Survival responses
 Fight-flight-freeze-appease
 Shut down, numb out, collapse
Mindfulness and Compassion
Awareness of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Acceptance of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Two most powerful agents of brain change known
to science; both foster response flexibility
Rewiring that is safe, efficient, effective
Resilience
 Hardiness: capacities to last, to endure, to persevere,
to follow through, capacities of determination and
grit.
 Coping: Face and deal with disappointments,
difficulties, even disasters; bounce back from
troubles, from adversity, from the unexpected, from
the truly awful.
 Flexibility: Adaptability, capacity to shift gears
It is not the strongest of the species that
survives,
nor the most intelligent that survives.
It is the one that is the most adaptive to change.
- Charles Darwin
Between a stimulus and response there is a
space. In that space is our power to choose
our response. In our response lies our growth
and our freedom. The last of human freedoms
is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of
circumstances.
- Viktor Frankl
Resilience
 Deal with challenges and crises
 Bounce back from adversity
 Recover our balance and equilibrium
 Find refuges and maximize resources
 Cope skillfully, flexibly, adaptively
 Shift perspectives, open to possibilities, create
options, find meaning and purpose
Evolutionary legacy
Genetic templates
Family of origin conditioning
Norms-expectations of culture-society
Who we are and how we cope….
…is not our fault.
- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind
 Given neuroplasticity
 And choices of self-directed neuroplasticity
 Who we are and how we cope…
 …is our responsibility
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- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind
6 C’s of Coping
 Calm
 Compassion
 Clarity
 Connections to Resources
 Competence
 Courage
Calm
 Manage disruptive emotions
 Tolerate distress
 Down-regulate stress to return to baseline
equilibrium
Compassion
 Care, concern for problems and blocks that de-
rail resilience
 Empathy, compassion for feelings and suffering
of self, others
 Skillful behaviors in response to difficulties and
differences
Clarity
 Focused attention on present moment
experience
 Improves cognitive functioning
 Self-awareness, self-reflection
 Shifting perspectives
 Discerning options
 Choose wise actions
Connections to Resources
 People, Places Practices
 Counter-balance brain’s negativity bias
 Strengthen inner secure base
 Access resources
Competence
 Empowerment and mastery from changing old
coping strategies, learning new ones
 Embodying, “I am somebody who CAN do
this.”
Courage
 Using signal anxiety as cue to:
 Try something new
 Take risks
 Move resilience beyond personal self
Practices to Accelerate Brain Change
 Presence – primes receptivity of brain
 Intention/choice – activates plasticity
 Practice – creates new pathways
 Perseverance – installs change
Modern Brain Science
The field of neuroscience is so new,
we must be comfortable not only
venturing into the unknown
but into error.
- Richard Mendius, M.D.
Neuroscience of Resilience
 Neuroscience technology is 20 years old
 Meditation improves attention and impulse
control; shifts mood and perspective; promotes
health
 Oxytocin can calm a panic attack in less than a
minute
 Kindness and comfort, early on, protects against
later stress, trauma, psychopathology
Neuroplasticity
 Growing new neurons
 Strengthening synaptic connections
 Myelinating pathways – faster processing
 Creating and altering brain structure and
circuitry
 Organizing and re-organizing functions of brain
structures
Mechanisms of Brain Change
 Conditioning
 New Conditioning
 Re-Conditioning
 De-Conditioning
Conditioning
 Experience causes neurons to fire
 Repeated experiences, repeated neural firings
 Neurons that fire together wire together
 Strengthen synaptic connections
 Connections stabilize into neural pathways
 Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and
negative
The brain is shaped by experience. And because
we have a choice about what experiences we
want to use to shape our brain, we have a
responsibility to choose the experiences that
will shape the brain toward the wise and the
wholesome.
- Richard J. Davidson, PhD
Pre-Frontal Cortex
 Executive center of higher brain
 Evolved most recently – makes us human
 Development kindled in relationships
 Matures the latest – 25 years of age
 Most integrative structure of brain
 Evolutionary masterpiece
 CEO of resilience
Functions of Pre-Frontal Cortex
 Regulate body and nervous system
 Quell fear response of amygdala
 Manage emotions
 Attunement – felt sense of feelings
 Empathy – making sense of expereince
 Insight and self-knowing
 Response flexibility
New Conditioning
 Choose new experiences
 Gratitude practice, listening skills, focusing
attention, self-compassion, self-acceptance
 Create new learning, new memory
 Encode new wiring
 Install new pattern of response
Re-conditioning
 Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation
 “Light up” neural networks
 Juxtapose old negative with new positive
 Neurons fall apart, rewire
 New rewires old
De-Conditioning
 Default network
 De-focusing, loosens grip
 Creates mental play space
 Plane of open possibilities
 Brain makes new links, associations
 New insights, new behaviors
Keep Calm and Carry On
Serenity is not freedom from the storm
but peace amidst the storm.
- author unknown
Calm
 Manage disruptive emotions
 Tolerate distress
 Down-regulate stress to return to baseline
equilibrium
3 Motivational Systems
 Threat-protection
 cortisol
 Satisfaction-reward
 dopamine
 Soothing-comfort-caregiving
 oxytocin
Window of Tolerance
 SNS – explore, play, create, produce…. OR
Fight-flight-freeze
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Baseline physiological equilibrium
Calm and relaxed, engaged and alert
WINDOW OF TOLERANCE
Relational and resilient
Equanimity
 PNS – inner peace, serenity…. OR
Numb out, collapse
Hand on the Heart
 Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust
 Deep breathing – parasympathetic
 Breathing ease into heart center
 Brakes on survival responses
 Coherent heart rate
 Being loved and cherizhed
 Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to
stress hormone cortisol
Oxytocin
 Hormone of safety and trust, bonding and
belonging, calm and connect
 Brain’s direct and immediate antidote to stress
hormone cortisol
 Can pre-empt stress response altogether
Touch
 Hand on heart, hand on cheek
 Head rubs, foot rubs
 Massage back of neck
 Hugs – 20 second full bodied
Calm through the Body
 Hand on the Heart
 Body Scan
 Progressive Muscle Relaxation
 Movement Opposite
Calm – Friendly Body Scan
 Awareness
 Breathing gently into tension
 Hello! and gratitude
 Release tension, reduce trauma
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
 Body cannot be tense and relaxed at the
same time
 Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15
 Focused attention calms the mind
Soles of the Feet
 Stand up; feel soles of feet on the floor
 Rock back and forth, rock side to side
 Make little circles with your knees
 Walk slowly; notice changes in sensations
 Offer gratitude to your feet that support your
entire body, all day long
Calm through Movement
 Body inhabits posture of difficult emotion (40
seconds
 Body moves into opposite posture (40 seconds)
 Body returns to first posture (20 seconds)
 Body returns to second posture (20 seconds)
 Body finds posture in the middle (30 seconds
 Reflect on experience
 “Power posing”
Sense and Savor Walk
 Notice as many pleasurable things as possible
 Use all your senses – sight, sound, touch,
smell, even taste
 Notice a smiling face; hear the song of a bird,
feel the texture of a leaf or the shape of a stick;
smell the fragrance of the air
 Deepen into a rich enjoyment of the
experience; savor the moment
 Let go, move on to the next moment; enjoy
Compassion
 Being touched, moved by experience of pain and
suffering
 Flow of kindness, tenderness, care and concern
toward experiencer of pain and suffering
 Wise action to alleviate pain and suffering
 One cannot live with sighted eyes and feeling heart
and not know the misery which affects the world.
- Lorraine Hansberry
 Compassion is a verb. – Thich Nhat Hanh
Compassion Practice
 Mindfulness
 Awareness of what’s happening
 (and our reaction to what’s happening)
 Self-Compassion
 Acceptance of what’s happening
 (and our reaction to what’s happening)
 Compassion – Common Humanity
 Wise effort in response to what’s happening
 (and our reactions to what’s happening)
Compassion Research and Study
 Center for Investigating Healthy Minds (U. Wisconsin)
 http://www.investigatinghealthyminds.org
 Center for Mindful Self-Compassion (U.C. San Diego)
www.centerformsc.org
 Kristin Neff: www.self-compassion.org
 Christopher Germer: www.mindfulselfcompassion.org
 Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE -
Stanford)
 http://ccare.stanford.edu
 Greater Good Science Center (U.C. Berkeley)
 www.greatergood.berkeley.edu
 Compassionate Mind Foundation (Paul Gilbert)
 www.compassionatemind.co.uk
Self-Compassion
 Kind, gentle attention to self when there is hurt, pain,
shame, suffering
 Powerful and immediate antidote to self-criticism, selfloathing
 Practice not to feel better but because we feel bad
 Putting own oxygen mask on first when other people
are not around
 Come into loving connected presence
 Compassion leads to calm leads to clarity; platform for
wise action to alleviate suffering of others.
Mindfulness and Compassion
Activate Caregiving System
 Mindfulness
 Focuses awareness on experience
 May I accept this moment, exactly as it is
 Self-Compassion
 Focuses kindness on experiencer
 May I accept myself exactly as I am in this moment
 Activates caregiving system
 Shift from reactivity and contraction to openness,
engagement
Caregiving System
 Activates oxytocin, hormone of safety and
trust
 Down-regulates stress hormone cortisol
 Returns nervous system to calm, equilibrium
 Creates left shift; brain more open to, engaged
with experience; larger perspective
 Common humanity – social engagement
Mindful Self-Compassion
Shifts Brain Functioning
 In the present moment – restores equanimity
 Over time – creates new patterns of behavior
 Becomes way of being – natural, effortless
Affectionate Breathing
 Sit comfortably; breathe slowly and gently.
 Incline your awareness toward your breathing
with tenderness and curiosity
 Let the body breathe itself; notice the natural
nourishing and soothing of the body
 Feel the whole body breathe
 Allow the body to be gently rocked by the breath
 Savor the stillness and peace in the body
Loving Kindness with
Self-Compassion
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Sit comfortably, focus on gentle breathing, in and out
Feel breath in entire body; let your body breathe you
Breathe into areas of physical stress, discomfort
Notice difficult emotions; incline awareness toward
contraction or discomfort
 Self-compassion phrases: “May I be….”
 Your own phrases of kindness, tenderness, care
 Rest in stillness and peace in body
Soften-Soothe-Allow
 Sit comfortably; notice sensations in the body
 Recall moderately difficult situation; visualize this
 Identify strongest emotion; name and validate emotion
 Locate where you feel emotion in your body
 Soften into that locatioin
 Soothe yourself: May I hold this experience in loving
awareness
 Allow experience to be as it is
 Soften-soothe-allow
Self-Compassion Break
 Notice moment of suffering
 Ouch! This hurts! This is painful.
 Soothing touch (hand on heart, cheek, hug)
 Kindness toward experiencer
 May I be kind to myself in this moment
 May I accept this moment exactly as it is
 May I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am
 May I give myself all the compassion I need to
respond to this moment wisely
One for Me; One for You
 Breathing in, “nourishing, nourishing”
 Breathing out, “soothing, soothing”
 In imagination, “nourishing for me, nourishing
for you, soothing for me, soothing for you”
 “One for me, one for you”
 Practice breathing “one for me, one for you”
when in conversation with someone
Caregiving with Equanimity
Everyone is on his or her own life journey.
I am not the cause of this person’s suffering,
nor is it entirely within my power to make it go
away,
even if I wish I could.
Moments like this are difficult to bear,
Yet I may still try to help if I can.
Compassion for Others
 Mindfulness of experience
 It is what it is
 Self-compassion
 I accept myself, exactly as I am
 Common humanity
 Just like me
We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a
thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our
actions run as causes and return to us as results.
- Herman Melville
Compassion
 Sensitivity
 Attention to feelings and suffering, self and others
 Sympathy
 Tuning in, feeling with, being moved
 Distress tolerance
 Being with pain without denial or overwhelm
 Empathy
 Understanding without judgment, resistance, submission
 Caring
 Warmth, kindness, gentleness in any response
Compassion Meditation
 May you be free of suffering, and from all
causes of suffering, and from causing any
suffering.
 May your pain and sorrow ease.
 May you know a deep inner peace.
You Tube video:
Giving to those who give to the homeless
If we could read the secret history of our
enemies we should find in each man’s life
sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all
hostility.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of
their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither
sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core
of their reality, the person that each one is in the eyes
of the Divine. If only they could all see themselves as
they really are. If only we could see each other that
way all the time. There would be no more war, no
more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed….I
suppose the big problem would be that we would fall
down and worship each others.
- Thomas Merton
Altruism – Generosity - Service
In every community, there is work to be done.
In every nation, there are wounds to heal.
In every heart, there is the power to do it.
- Marianne Williamson
You don’t need to do everything. Do what calls
your heart; effective action comes from love. It
is unstoppable, and it is enough.
- Joanna Macy.
Positive Emotions
Gratitude
Awe
Generosity
Compassion
Delight
Serenity
Love
Curiosity
Kindness
Joy
Trust
Negativity Bias – Left Shift
 Brain hard-wired to notice and remember
negative and intense more than positive and
subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a
species
 Leads to tendency to avoid experience
 Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is
more open to approaching experience,
learning, and action
Positive Emotions
 Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness
 More friendships, social support, collaboration
 Shift in perspectives, more optimism
 More creativity, productivity
 Better health, better sleep
 Live on average 7-9 years longer
 Resilience is direct outcome
Benefits of Self-Compassion
 Increased motivation; efforts to learn and grow
 Less fear of failure; greater likelihood to try again
 Taking responsibility for mistakes; apologies and
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forgiveness
More resilience in coping with life stressors
Less depression, anxiety, stress, avoidance
Healthier relationships; more support and, less control
and/or aggression
Increased social connectedness, life satisfaction, and
happiness
A hundred times every day, I remind myself that
my inner and outer life depend on the labors of
other people, and that I must exert myself in
order to give in the same measure as I have
received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein
Gratitude
 2-minute free write
 Gratitude journal
 Gratitude buddy
 Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
Take in the Good
 Notice: in the moment or in memory
 Enrich: the intensity, duration, novelty,
personal relevance, multi-modality
 Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in
body
Circle of Support
 Call to mind people who have been supportive
of you; who have “had your back”
 Currently, in the past, in imagination
 Imagine them gathered around you, or behind
you, lending you their faith in you, and their
strengths in coping
 Imagine your circle of support present with
you as you face difficult people or situations
Positivity Portfolio
 Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails
expressing appreciation of you
 Assemble phrases on piece of paper
 Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor,
carry in wallet or purse
 Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days
 Savor and appreciate
Bouncing Back:
Rewiring Your Brain for
Resilience and Well-Being
Spirit Rock Meditation Center
January 10, 2015
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net
Mindfulness
Focused attention on
present moment experience
without judgment or resistance.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Mindfulness
 Pause, become present
 Notice and name
 Step back, dis-entangle, reflect
 Catch the moment; make a choice
 Shift perspectives; shift states
 Discern options
 Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome,
cultivate wholesome
Notice and Name
 Increasingly complex objects of awareness:
Sensations as sensations
Emotions as emotions
Cascades of emotions as cascades
Thoughts as thoughts
Patterns of thoughts as patterns
States of mind as states of mind
Identities, belief systems and identities as
 Mental contents, patterns of neural firing
 Awareness itself- a vast sky that clouds and storms pass
through
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Mindfulness
 Pause, become present
 Notice and name
 Step back, dis-entangle, reflect
 Catch the moment; make a choice
 Shift perspectives; shift states
 Discern options
 Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome,
cultivate wholesome
Mindfulness
Catch the moment; make a choice
- Janet Friedman
Every moment has a choice;
Every choice has an impact.
- Julia Butterfly Hill
Autobiography in Five Short
Chapters – Portia Nelson
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit
My eyes are open,
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
-Portia Nelson
Modes of Processing
 Focused
 Tasks and details
 Self-referential
 Defocused
 Default network
 Plane of open possibilities
Mindfulness Dissolves
the Stuff of “Self”
 Quantum physics investigates matter
 Matter is more space than stuff
 Mindfulness investigates “I”
 Self is not static or fixed; is ever-changing, ever-unfolding
 True Self is flow of beingness
Rest in Simply Being
Awareness of Awareness
Insights, epiphanies, revelations
Wisdom teaches me I am nothing.
Love teaches me I am everything.
Between the two, my life flows.
- Sri Nisargadatta
I am larger than I thought. I did not know I held so much
goodness.
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- Walt Whitman
Pre-Frontal Cortex
 Toggles back and forth between focused and
defocused modes of processing
 Integration of two modes; integration of right
and left hemispheres, integration of higher
and lower brain
 Deeper brain functioning; brain itself more
reslient
 Consciousness
 True Nature
 Wiser Self
 Adult Self
 Inner Child
Brahma Viharas
 Loving Kindness
 Compassion
 Sympathetic Joy
 Equanimity
Belly Botany
 Select one square foot patch of ground
 Observe patch from one foot away/above
 Observe for 2 minutes
 Light and shade, movement and stillness, life
and decay/death
 Stand up, look around at the larger view
 Notice shifts in perspective
People as Resources
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled
by the spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep
gratitude of those who have lighted the flame
within us.
- Albert Schweitzer
Kindness is more important than wisdom,
And the recognition of that is the beginning of
wisdom.
- Theodore Rubin
True Other to the True Self
The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt
sense of being held in the mind and heart of an
empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.
- Diana Fosha, PhD
To see and be seen: that is the questions, and
that is the answer.
- Ken Benau, PhD
Ah, the comfort,
The inexpressible comfort
Of feeling safe with a person.
Having neither to weigh out thoughts
Nor words,
But pouring them all right out, just as they are,
Chaff and grain together;
Certain that a faithful hand
Will take them and sift them;
Keeping what is worth keeping and,
With the breath of kindness,
Blow the rest away.
- Dinah Craik
Attachment Styles - Secure
 Parenting is attuned, empathic, responsive,
comforting, soothing, helpful
 Attachment develops safety and trust, and
inner secure base
 Stable and flexible focus and functioning
 Open to learning
 inner secure base provides buffer against
stress, trauma, and psychopathology
Insecure-Avoidant
 Parenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical,
rejecting
 Attachment is compulsively self-reliant
 Stable, but not flexible
 Focus on self or world, not others or emotions
 Rigid, defensive, not open to learning
 Neural cement
Insecure-Anxious
 Parenting is inconsistent, unpredictable
 Attachment is compulsive caregiving
 Flexible, but not stable
 Focus on other, not on self-world,
 Less able to retain learning
 Neural swamp
Disorganized
 Parenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is
“checked out,” not “there”
 Attachment is fright without solution
 Lack of focus
 Moments of dissociation
 Compartmentalization of trauma
Attachment - Hindrances
 Secure - True Nature, Wiser Self
 Insecure avoidant – aversion/hatred
 Insecure anxious – greed, grasping, clinging
 Disorganized – delusion, confusion
Seeing Ourselves as Others See Us
 Imagine sitting across from someone who
loves you unconditionally
 Imagine switching places with them; see
yourself as they see you; feel why they love
you and delight in you; take in the good
 Imagine being yourself again; taking in the love
and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.
Compassionate Friend
 Sit comfortably; hand on heart for loving awareness
 Imagine safe place
 Imagine warm, compassionate figure –
Compassionate Friend
 Sit-walk-talk with compassionate friend
 Discuss difficulties; listen for exactly what you need
to hear from compassionate friend
 Receive object of remembrance from friend
 Reflect-savor intuitive wisdom
Welcome Them All
 Wiser Self welcomes to the “party”
 characters that embody positive and negative
parts of the self
 with curiosity and acceptance of the message
or gift of each part and
 honors each part of the “inner committee”
The Guest House - Rumi
This being human is a guest-house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness come
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you
out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
- Rumi
Reconditioning
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Anchor in present moment awareness
Resource with acceptance and goodness
Start with small negative memory
“Light up the networks”
Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms
Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)
Refresh and strengthen positive
Let go of negative
Rest in, savor positive
Reflect on shifts in perspective
Shame De-Rails Resilience
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience
of believing we are flawed and therefore
unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes
we are capable of change. We cannot change and
grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use
shame to change ourselves or others.
- Brene Brown, PhD
Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding
place.
- Zora Neale Hurston
Love guards the heart from the abyss.
- Mozart
Just that action of paying attention to ourselves,
that I care enough about myself, that I am
worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to
unlock some of those deep beliefs of
unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain.
- Elisha Goldstein
Reconditioning
 Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation
 “Light up” neural networks of problematic memory
 Cause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and
instantly rewire by:
 Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts
or disconfirms;
 Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories
held in simultaneous dual awareness
 Causes the falling apart and the rewiring
Wished for Outcome
 Evoke memory of what did happen
 Imagine new behaviors, new players, new
resolution
 Hold new outcome in awareness,
strengthening and refreshing
 Notice shift in perspective of experience, of
self
Relational Intelligence
 Setting limits and boundaries
 Negotiating change
 Resolving conflicts
 Repairing ruptures
 Forgiveness
Forgiveness - I
For the many ways that I have hurt and harmed
myself, that I have betrayed or abandoned
myself, out of fear, pain, and confusion,
through action or inaction, in thought, word or
deed, knowingly or unknowingly…
I extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness. I
forgive myself. I forgive myself.
Forgiveness - II
For the ways that I have hurt and harmed you,
have betrayed or abandoned you, caused you
suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my
pain, fear, anger, and confusion…
I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your
forgiveness.
Forgiveness - III
For the many ways that others have hurt,
wounded, or harmed me, out of fear, pain,
confusion, and anger…
I have carried this pain in my heart long enough.
To the extent that I am ready, I offer you
forgiveness. To those who have caused me
harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.
Forgiveness is not an occasional act;
It is a permanent attitude.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
Boundin’
Competence
 Empowerment and mastery from changing old
coping strategies, learning new ones
 Embodying, “I am somebody who CAN do
this.”
You can’t stop the waves,
But you can learn to surf.
-Jon Kabat-Zinn
As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an
archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves
wood, the wise shape their lives.
- Buddha
Learning Model
 Unconscious Incompetence
 Conscious Incompetence
 Conscious Competence
 Unconscious Competence
Find the Gift in the Mistake
 Regrettable Moment – Teachable Moment
 What’s Right with this Wrong?
 What’s the Lesson?
 What’s the Cue to Act Differently?
 Find the Gift in the Mistake
Coherent Narrative
 This is what happened.
 This is what I did.
 This has been the cost.
 This is what I learned.
 This is what I would do differently going
forward.
I am no longer afraid of storms,
For I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
Courage
It’s as wrong to deny the possible
As it is to deny the problem.
- Dennis Seleeby
Courage
A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships
are for.
- Grace Hopper
Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.
Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking
- Tim McMahon
Do One Scary Thing a Day
 Venture into New or Unknown
 Somatic marker of “Uh, oh”
 Dopamine disrupted
 Cross threshold into new
 Satisfaction, mastery
 Dopamine restored
Human Brain:
Evolutionary Masterpiece
 100 billion neurons
 Each neuron contains the entire human genome
 Neurons “fire” hundreds of time per second
 Neurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neurons
 Trillions of synaptic connections
 As many connections in single cubic centimeter of
brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxy
Practices as Resources
 Yoga, meditation, tai chi, chi gong
 Sleep
 Nutrition
 Movement-Exercise
 Laughter
 Learn Something New
 Hanging Out with Healthy Brains
Sleep
 Housekeeping
 Reset nervous system
 Consolidate learning
 Take mental breaks
Take Mental Breaks
 Focus on something else (positive is good)
 Talk to someone else (resonant is good)
 Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)
 Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue
Nutrition
 Less Caffeine
 Less Sugar
 More Protein
Movement - Exercise
 Oxygen – brain is 2% of body weight, uses 20%
of body’s oxygen
 Endorphins – feel good hormones, brighten
the mind
 Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) grow new brain cells, will migrate to where
needed
Laughter
 Increases oxygen and blood flow, reduces risk of
heart disease and stroke
 Releases endorphins – body’s natural pain killer
 Reduces stress hormone cortisol, lowers blood
pressure
 Triggers catecholamines, heightens alertness in
brain
 Releases tension in body, balances nervous
system
Laughter
 Promotes work productivity
 Reduces stress
 Promotes creativity and problem-solving
 Reduces mistakes, increases efficiency
Promotes group cohesion
 Promotes learning (through play)
 Eases loss, grief, trauma
Learn Something New
 Speak a foreign language
 Play a musical instrument
 Juggle
 Play chess
 Crossword puzzles when you don’t know the
words
Hanging Out with Healthy Brains
 Brain is social organ; matures and learns best
in interactions with other brains
 Social engagement regulates nervous system
 Resonant interactions prime the brain’s
neuroplasticity; promotes learning and growth
There is a natural and inviolable tendency in
things to bloom into whatever they truly are in
the core of their being.
All we have to do is align ourselves with what
wants to happen naturally and put in the effort
that is our part in helping it happen.
- David Richo
Mastering the art of resilience does much more
than restore you to who you once thought you
were. Rather, you emerge from the experience
transformed into a truer expression of who you
were really meant to be.
- Carol Orsborn
Bouncing Back:
Rewiring Your Brain for
Resilience and Well-Being
Spirit Rock Meditation Center
January 10, 2015
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net