Transcript EFFECTIVE PARENTING

EFFECTIVE PARENTING
A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE
PRIMARY OBJECTIVES
 Establish an understanding of the biblical
role of a parent.
 Provide practical and useful tools parents
can use to increase their effectiveness.
Who will benefit from this discussion?
 God’s children
 As much as you may admire your parents, we all
have made mistakes (including your parents).
 Children
 Parents
 Grandparents
 Great-grandparents
Who do you think you are?
 Child of God disciplined by God
 Child of parents who exercised authority
 College Trained Public School Educator
 25 years teaching experience
 Successful father of three young adults
Who does God hold responsible?
Children
Who does God hold responsible?
Parents
^
Children
Who does God hold responsible?
Dad & Mom
Parents
^
Children
Who does God hold responsible?
Dad
^
Dad & Mom
Parents
^
Children
PARENTAL OBSTACLES
 Alcoholism/Drug Abuse
 Step-parents
 Dr. Benjamin Spock
PARENTAL PROBLEMS
 Alcoholism/Drug Abuse
 Step-parents
 Dr. Benjamin Spock
 Cultures of Female Deity Worship
What is in mankind?
“Now when He was in Jerusalem at the
Passover, during the feast, many believed
in His name, observing His signs which He
was doing. But Jesus, on His part, was not
entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all
men, and because He did not need anyone
to testify concerning man, for He Himself
knew what was in man.” John 2:23-25
We are like a pot, a bottle, a glass…
 We can pour cranberry juice into it, or
 power steering fluid.
 Both are red, but one is lethal.
 Holy Spirit, or unholy spirits?
How do children perceive themselves?
As the center of the universe!
 ‘My child would never
do anything like that!’
 Later in life: ‘He just is
not capable of doing such
a thing!’
NEVER, NEVER EVER; NEVER
EVER, EVER ASK A CHILD
WHAT THEY WANT!
In doing so you are …
 … teaching them to “want.”
 … making them feel as though you don’t
know what is best for them.
 … making decisions for the household
based on what they “want,” giving them
the power to make decisions for the
parents and the household.
South American Sears Manufacturing Plant
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Built facility
Hired employees
1st pay check - more than previous year’s income
Monday-factory was barren
IDEA!
 Give out Sears
catalogs to everyone!
 Factory never closed
again.
God’s desire for us
 “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”
Psalm 23:1
 “Do not worry then, saying, `What will we eat?' or
`What will we drink?' or `What will we wear for
clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these
things; for your heavenly Father knows that you
need all these things. “But seek first His kingdom
and His righteousness, and all these things will
be added to you.” Matthew 6:31-33
NEVER, NEVER EVER; NEVER
EVER, EVER CALL A CHILD NAMES!
 “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘You
shall not commit murder’ and ‘Whoever commits
murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you
that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be
guilty before the court; and whoever says to his
brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty
before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You
fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.”
Matthew 5:21-22
 Modern terminology – idiot, jerk, stupid…
Teach your children …
“You shall therefore impress these words of
mine on your heart and on your soul; and you
shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they
shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall
teach them to your sons, talking of them when
you sit in your house and when you walk along
the road and when you lie down and when you
rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of
your house and on your gates, so that your days
and the days of your sons may be multiplied on
the land which the Lord swore to your fathers to
give them, as long as the heavens remain above
the earth.” Deuteronomy 11:18-21
Educating Relationships
 10 Commandments
 Relationship with God
 Relationship with others
 Manners
 Children should
 … politely respond when addressed - i.e. speak when
spoken to
 … say “thank you”
 You must know what they are learning
 Oneg
 Chores: learn responsibility, learn to enjoy
working – acquire a sense of accomplishment
THIS IS LOVE
 “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline;
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therefore be zealous and repent.” Revelation 3:19
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but
bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
“He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who
loves him disciplines him diligently.” Proverbs 13:24
“Do not hold back discipline from the child, although
you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall
strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from
Sheol.” Proverbs 23:13-14
“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who
gets his own way brings shame to his mother.”
Proverbs 29:15
How old is old enough to
be disciplined?
When they demonstrate blatant defiance
i.e. You know they know what they should
not do, but they do it anyway.
Don’t wait until you
can’t take it anymore!
POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT
 Catch the child doing good!
 Try to give rewards for right behavior, rather
than focusing on what they do wrong.
 Talk with your child/children (turn off the
television/computer/play station)
 Engage in activities with your children
 Let your children witness you in a posture of
humility before the Lord.
One-in-Seven Rule
 Reward good behavior one out of seven
times.
 Works both ways, i.e. negative behavior
that goes unrecognized only one out of
seven occurrences reinforces the negative
behavior.
 Consistency is crucial!
 Too much work?