Transcript Dealing with Negative People Some Practical Questions

The Portable Mentor Presentation Series
Dealing With
Negative People
Some Practical Questions & Answers
A Presentation for the Ohio
Award for Excellence Council
Kendall L. Stewart, MD, MBA, FAPA
June 14, 2002
SOMCPress
You just can’t please some people. A farmer complained about his eggs and his wife’s weight.
What’s in this for me?
• We all know some negative people, and they
suck the joy out of our lives.
• These people flourish and annoy at every level
of every organization.
• Dealing effectively with these folks is a
challenge for every organizational leader.
• Your skill in dealing with negative people will
make a difference in the quality of your life
and in the performance of your organization.
• This presentation will suggest some practical
strategies that can improve your effectiveness
as an organizational leader.
Sometimes you just have to laugh, A drunk called me complaining that his wife was drunk.
What are some successful strategies
for dealing with negative people?
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Identify them.
Accept them.
Understand them.
Identify with them.
Ignore them.
Involve them.
Convert them.
Avoid them.
Circumvent them.
Use them.
• Persuade them.
• Confront them.
• Stop rewarding
them.
• Punish them.
• Ridicule them.
• Isolate them.
• Fire them.
• Leave them.
Negative people follow patterns too. A man was hauled into court for shooting a condor.
Understand them.
• Why?
– They have good reasons
for behaving this way.
– Since being unpleasant is
so personally
unsuccessful, it must be a
reaction to something.
– They are behaving
predictably.
– They are impaired, or
they may be evil.
– This realization will help
you keep from taking
their behavior personally.
• How?
– Monitor your own
emotional arousal—it fogs
your lenses; they usually
affect others the same
way.
– Observe with detached
interest this animal
behavior.
– Pay attention to their
emotional arousal.
– Watch for what triggers
their attacks on others.
– Observe how others
respond to their
outbursts.
– Observe them over time.
Our ability to ignore things is legendary. Jews and Jesus. Protestants and the Pope. Two Baptists. . .
Ignore them.
• Why?
– This limits their power to
cause disruption.
– It removes the air that
feeds their fire.
– It provides negative
feedback.
– It sends an important
and powerful messages
to others.
– It discourages others
from adopting a
negative posture
because of its perceived
effectiveness.
• How?
– Remain civil but
emotionally aloof.
– Remain emotionally
detached.
– Focus on the point made
instead of the way it was
made.
– Stop rewarding negative
behavior by responding
preferentially to these
squeaking wheels.
– Reinforce appropriate
dissent by pointing out
its greater effectiveness
The best way to silence whiners is to put them in charge. I once gave a physician the JCAHO manual to review.
Convert them.
• Why?
– No organizational
advocate is more
passionate than a
recent convert.
– Negative people often
care deeply, but are
simply impaired in
expressing themselves.
– Negative people often
force leaders to make a
compelling case for
what needs to be done.
This is a good thing,
and deserves a
respectful response.
• How?
– Listen. Really.
– Accept their feelings.
– Legitimize their
perceptions.
– Ask for permission to
persuade.
– Make the case.
– Admit the weakness in
the case.
– Ask for time.
– Ask for help.
– Deliver.
– Document.
A drunk used to wander into my Dad’s church and announce that the Lord had given him a song.
Isolate them.
• Why?
– Many negative people
are vital to your
success.
– Everyone knows these
folks are negative.
– Left alone, they will
bring others down.
– Unchallenged, they will
intimidate highly
motivated people,
discourage risk-taking
and stifle innovation.
– Isolation permits
continued contribution.
• How?
– Make a careful and
deliberate decision that
this is the best option.
– Confront the negative
person about his assets
and weaknesses.
– Take formal action after
explaining to the
involved person why.
– Avoid public
humiliation of the
isolated person.
Everyone will already
know why.
Sometimes there is a definitive answer. A man was jumping on a manhole cover saying 98…98…
Fire them.
• Why?
– When a person’s “net
worth” turns negative
and is not likely to
improve, failure to take
action is irresponsible.
– Tolerating unredeemed
negativity demoralizes
the committed rank
and file.
– This is how culture is
built.
• How?
– Confront them with
the necessity for
change, and the
consequence of failure
to conform.
– Document this
confrontation.
– Be fair but firm.
– When you decide it is
hopeless, act quickly
and move on.
Where can I learn more?
• Stewart, Kendall L, “Dealing with Negative People: Some
Practical Guidelines,” A SOMC White Paper, SOMC Press, 2002
• Stewart, Kendall L., The Portable Mentor: Practical Guidelines
for Organizational Effectiveness, SOMC Press (In Press)
How can we contact you?
Kendall L. Stewart, M.D.
Medical Director
Southern Ohio Medical Center
1805 27th Street
Portsmouth, Ohio 45662
740.356.8153
[email protected]
www.somc.org
What questions do you have?
What
strategies have worked for you?
Southern Ohio Medical Center
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