Transcript Positive Discipline & Guidance The keys to well-behaved children.

Positive Discipline &
Guidance
The keys to well-behaved children.
Tough Love vs. Spanking
 Most of America’s population thinks it is improper to
spank children. I recently heard from a friend who has
tried other methods to control their kids when they
have one of “those moments”.
 One that she found very effective was to just take the
child for a car ride and talk.
 They usually calmed down and stopped misbehaving
after their little outing together.
 Here is the photo of one of those sessions with my
friend’s son in case you would like to try this
technique.
Tough Love Session
Punishment
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A penalty for a wrong doing.
Severe treatment.
Use as a last resort
Forces child to obey.
Child learns to obey out of
fear.
Child Learns:
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2.
3.
RESENTMENT
REVENGE
RETREAT
1. Low self esteem
2. Sneaky
Discipline
 To bring to order through
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teaching & training.
Fair & consistent.
Child learns to obey and
be responsible for their
actions.
Self-control is the goal.
Use as often as needed,
variety of methods.
Guidance
 To give advice,
counsel or help.
 Child learns what is
expected of them.
 Learn by example.
 A parent’s daily job!!
SELF-DISCIPLINE
 The ability to control one’s own behavior.
The goal of guidance and discipline
Reasons for Misbehavior
 Normal for the age.
 For power.
 Natural curiosity.
 For revenge.
 Don’t know better.
 Feel inadequate.
 For attention.
 To feel they belong.
 Unfulfilled needs
 Environment
A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.
Why?
MISBEHAVIOR:
 Is based on a child’s
mistaken
interpretation of
how to find
BELONGING &
SIGNIFICANCE!
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70
60
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 Most common
reasons for why
children misbehave
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ATTENTION
OTHER BEHAVIORS
Where did we ever get
the crazy idea that in
order to make a child
do better, first we have
to make them feel
worse?
 Children do better
when they feel
better!
Solution to All Misbehavior:
Spend special time
With the child each Day!
ALSO>>>>>>>
Believe that children are GOOD!
Share your feelings
Find a solution together
Correct Timing - calm down
Get into the child’s world show understanding
Children will listen to you after they feel
Solution to Attention Problems:
 Ignore if possible
 Give attention when good
 Redirect
 Logical consequences
 Choices
Solution to Power Problems:
 Withdraw
 Cool off,
 Problem solve together
 Win cooperation
 Act
4 Steps for Winning Cooperation:
1. Get into child’s world
• Check it out
2. Show understanding
3. Share your feelings
4. Find a solution together
Solution to Revenge Problems:
 Withdraw from revenge cycle
 Win child over
 Solve the problem
 Take away items they could destroy
 Apologize if needed
Solution to Inadequacy
Problems:
 Avoid pity
 Encourage & train
 Create small successes
 Don’t give up
Why is this child misbehaving?
 Write the reason for their misbehavior
– Jane, 3 year old, goes into Mom’s bedroom and
uses lipstick to draw on Mom’s bedspread.
– Mom asks David (5) to set the table and he
yells, “I don’t want to”
– Mary is building a tower and soon begins
throwing them in anger.
Types of Parenting Styles
and Outcomes
 Most parent can be classified into three
main types by the style in which they
guide their children. As you look at
each, think about where your own
parents fits most appropriately. Do
each of your parents use the same
style? Do you fit the outcome?
Authoritarian:
Limits without Freedom.
 Parents’ word is law, parents have absolute
control.
 Misconduct is punished
 Affection and praise are rarely give
 Parents try to control children's’ behavior
and attitudes
 They value unquestioned obedience
 Children are told what to do, how to do it,
Outcomes of Authoritarian Style
 Obedient
 Distrustful
 Discontent
 Withdrawn
 Unhappy
 Hostile
 Not High
 Children from authoritarian
homes are so strictly
controlled, either by
punishment or guilt, that they
are often prevented from
making a conscious choice
about particular behavior
because they are overly
concerned about what their
parents will do.
Permissive:
Freedom
without
limits.
 Parents allow their children to do their own
thing.
 Little respect for order and routine.
 Parents make few demands on children.
 Impatience is hidden.
 Discipline is lax
 Parents are resources rather than standard
makers
 Rarely punish
 Non controlling, non-demanding
Outcome of Permissive Parenting
 Aggressive
 Children from permissive
 Least self—
homes receive so little
guidance that they often
become uncertain and
anxious about whether
they are doing the right
thing.
reliant
 Least selfcontrolled
 Least
exploratory
Democratic:
Freedom within limits.
 Stress freedom along with rights of others
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and responsibilities of all
Parents set limits and enforce rules
Willing to listen receptively to child’s requests and
questions.
Gives both love and limit to children
Children contribute to discussion of issues and make
some of their own decisions
Exert firm control when necessary, but explain
reasoning behind it.
Respect children’s interest, opinions, unique
personalities.
Loving, consistent, demanding
Outcomes of Democratic Style
 Happy
 Mostly self-reliant
 Mostly self-
controlled
 Content, friendly,
generous
 Cooperative
 High-achiever’
 Less likely to be
seriously
 Children whose parents
expect them to perform well,
to fulfill commitments, and to
participate actively in family
duties, as well as family fun,
learn how to formulate goals.
They also experience the
satisfaction that comes from
meeting responsibilities and
achieving success.
MOM SONG
Click to listen to
the song
Discipline Techniques
Each child is different and
different things will work for each child.
Positive Statements
 Telling a child what they CAN do, rather
than what they CAN’T do.
 Instructions are more clear.
 Children feel good.
 Works for: all ages!
 “Please walk” instead of
“Don’t run”
Practice – Positive Statements
What would you say?
 Don’t hit your sister again!
 Don’t forget your lunch!
 Don’t slam the door!
 Don’t climb up the slide!
 Don’t listen to that kind of music!
Redirect Attention
 If a child is doing something you do not
want them to do….give them something
else to do.
 Distract them with another option
 Works for: young children
6 months to 10 years
Reverse Attention
 Ignore inappropriate behavior and deal with
problem when child is no longer seeking
attention.
 Only works if child is trying to get
attention.
 Works for: older children
ages 7-18.
Time Out
 Gives children an opportunity to re-gain
control of their emotions.
 One minute for each year.
 Quiet spot, tell them why they are there, restate the rule, have them apologize at end.
 Works for: young children
ages 2 – 9.
Loss of Privilege
 Remove a privilege if behavior is
inappropriate.
 Lots of different privileges can be removed.
 Be consistent! Follow through.
 Threats are no good…stick to it.
 Works for: older children
ages 5 – 18.
Setting Limits
 Children need limits on their behavior.
 They want to know what is acceptable and
allowed.
 Rules should be fair, consistently enforced
and help children learn responsibility and
self-control
 Works for: all ages!
Limited Choices
 2 or 3 options.
 Gives child a sense of
power and control.
 Offer only real
possibilities.
 Can help reduce
temper tantrums.
 Works for: 2 and up.
Natural & Logical Consequences
 Things that naturally happen without
parental interference.
 Logical: 4 rules to follow
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Related to misbehavior
Not done in anger
Short duration
Unpleasant
 Works for:older children
ages 7 - 18
Write a natural and logical
consequence for each misbehavior.
 2 children fight over whose turn it is to play
video games.
 A child is not ready for school on time.
 A child does not come home on time from a
friends house for dinner.
Make sure the message of LOVE
always gets through:
CLASSROOM DISCIPLINE:
1. Have rules and remind
them often
2. KEEP RULES
SHORT & SIMPLE
1. Be nice to teacher and
classmates
2. Raise hand to speak
3. Walk in halls
DISCIPLINE STEPS:
1. Redirect
2. Check it out
3. Speak to the child about the problem
4. Give choices
5. Use logical or natural consequences
6. Use time out if still out of control
CLASSROOM DISCIPLINE
cont’d
 Sometimes it helps to whisper to the child
 Resist giving attention to the disruptor
– “Someone is disturbing the class”
 Move closer, place hand on shoulder
 Involve them
 Talk privately
– “What can I do to get your help?”
FORBIDDEN DISCIPLINE
ACTIONS:
 SPANKING
 NO TEASING
 SLAPPING
 NO HUMILIATION
 HITTING
 NO INSULTS
 SHAKING
 NO THREATENING
 PULLING
 NO FRIGHTENING
 PINCHING
 NO LAUGHING AT
Confirmed incidents will be grounds for immediate
dismissal from a childcare job.
ALWAYS REMEMBER:
MISTAKES R WUNDERFULL
OPPERTUNITEEZ 2 LERN!
– Recognize your mistake
– Reconcile “I’m sorry”
– Resolve: Focus on solutions rather
than blame.
Appropriate Behavior Child Care
Management Techniques
(as found in the state test guide)
 If one area of the classroom creates physical
aggression try changing the room arrangement
 Locate a child with a short attention span next to
the teacher
 Invite and gently take the child’s hand and walk
when a child will not come out of an area
 Give children the opportunity to make limited
choices
 Give positive reinforcement when a child tells the
truth
 Explain/how to use toys appropriately and redirect
with appropriate items
 Call attention to a child that is participating
correctly
 Give a time limit when they need to change when
a child doesn’t want to take turns
 Put away the distracting influence and involve
him/her in helping with the activity when a child
does not seem to be paying attention
 Minimize blame, have child clean up, assist as
needed when children not cleaning up
MORE REMINDERS:
 Cleaning up can be made into a game encourages a good
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attitude toward work by having the children help
Remind them of rules and encourage problem solving
when children are arguing
Giving a few minutes warning helps children get ready to
come inside
Tell them to use their inside voices (positive statement)
when a child is squealing, yelling shouting
Try using a positive statement to correct disruptive
behavior (i.e. tell the child “you shared something now you
need to listen”)
Have child who has distracting toys put them away
Stop and ask all the children to return to their places;
 Acknowledge and bring them back t the activity
when a child interrupts with personal stories, etc.
 Calmly keep the child from running away, hold
him/her if the child runs away from you
 Tell child you will listen to her when she can talk
in a calm voice if they are whining, crying, etc.
 Remove the child from the environment if the
child is aggressive, fighting, etc.
 Ignore temper tantrums if the behavior is for
attention and no one is in danger of harm
 Explain that tantrums are not acceptable
ASSIGNMENT:
 Complete the positive guidance practice
sheet about ANNIE AND THE TERRIBLE,
NO GOOD, VERY BAD WEEK.
THE END