Transcript Susan Jackson-Walker, Ph.D. John Walker, Ph.D. Hockessin Center for Change      Can lose touch with who we were and what it was like (often we.

Susan Jackson-Walker, Ph.D.
John Walker, Ph.D.
Hockessin Center for Change
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Can lose touch with who we were and what it
was like (often we want to forget!)
Helps us to empathize if we can remember
What years did you attend middle
school/junior high school?
What do you remember about being 12 or 13?
What is your most salient memory of that time?
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Wide range of developmental tasks, including
cognitive, physical, and psychosocial development
Most important characteristic is “uneven
development”
Inconsistent growth patterns within each child and
across children
Behavior may swing from childlike to adult-like
Physical characteristics may be adult-like while
behavior is childlike
Lack of fit between adults’ expectations of preteens,
preteens’ expectations of themselves, and preteens’
capabilities
Makes it confusing to them and frustrating to adults
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Begin developing formal operations or abstract
thinking
Can deal with hypothetical situations
 Can consider many possibilities systematically as
well as their implications
 Can think about thinking
 Generally occurs between 12 and 14 but not firmly
established until 15; wide individual variation, with
some adults never reaching this stage
 Many early adolescents still in concrete operations;
thinking is unsystematic and there is difficulty
organizing complex material
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Can take others’ perspectives
Can now think about what others think of them
But, ability to infer others’ perspectives is not fully
developed and they are not always accurate
Assume others are thinking about them all the time
Imaginary audience – very sensitive to others’
opinions; imaginary peer group is far more critical
than actual peers (who are preoccupied with own
selves)
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Can think about abstract ideals, but lack actual
experience and are often unable to accept failure of
school, family, and society to live up to ideals
Don’t fully understand cause-effect structure of
world due to lack of experience; often feel it doesn’t
apply to themselves
Personal fable – belief in own uniqueness; feeling of
invincibility
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Wide variation in timing of puberty
Early adolescents may appear mature
physically, but lag in cognitive development,
or the other way around
Differences between early maturers and late
maturers
What they are undergoing physically and
hormonally strongly affects day-to-day
functioning
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Exploring identity, defining selves
Moving towards peers and greater peer
acceptance
Desiring more autonomy (yet still rely on
parents most)
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Things are more stressful now
Perfection Trap
Overscheduling; parents busy as “agents”
rather than forming true connection
More parent friends
Multi-task with technology
Fast tracked sexuality
Cyber-bullying
Violent media
Accessibility of drugs and alcohol
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Exposure to sexual and violent content
Harassment and bullying
Internet addiction
False self
Social skills
Privacy/financial dangers
Physical danger/exploitation
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As internet use increases, interaction with friends
and family decreases
May feel more lonely and depressed – lack of face
to face contact
Youth with poor social skills or social anxiety may
be most vulnerable (those who have difficulty with
real relationships)
Because of physical distance and lack of face to
face contact, youth feel freer to explore selves or
alternate selves
Less inhibition, fewer boundaries, less pressure
from the conscience
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Slow down the race to maturity
Relieve the pressure to be perfect
Help them enhance cognitive dev’t and
develop critical thinking skills
Opportunities to achieve competence and
success
Possess tolerance, flexibility, energy, sense of
humor
Make connections
Provide balance between Love and Limits
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Children... the masters of process
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Who is controlling the mood and direction?
How does the parent’s age drop?
Who is bringing out the worst in whom?
1) “You never let me do anything”
2) Lying
3) “You don't care about me.”
4) “You're not my real mother/father.”
5) A disgusted look or improper gesture
6) Finding your most vulnerable area and preying on it
7) “ You play favorites.”
8) “ I hate you! ”
9) “ I’ll do it later …... ”
10) Chronic, unbearable whining
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Preaching or Using Clichés
Talking in Chapters
Labeling
Futurizing
Instant Problem-Solving
“You’re so moody!”
Not tolerating experimental behavior (e.g. clothes,
hair,etc)
8) “When I was your age…….”
9) Collecting criticisms
10) Hovering
The Limits
“Discipline problems decrease as the overall climate of
the family improves”
1) Don’t take it personally
2) Exit and wait
3) Short and to the point
4) Deflectors
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Nevertheless; regardless; the rule still stands
5) Secret Signals
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STEP 1
Parents Unite
Rank order the problems
Check your gas gauge
Convert problem into a rule
(Family Agreement sheet)
STEP 2
Parents & child negotiate
Top 10 things teens care about
Negotiate Rewards and Consequences
Troubleshoot
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In-home accountability training
Encourage maturity with child input
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Involve choices
Focus on behavior, not person
Are easier to accept than punishments
Minimal and progress to max.
Helps teens build internal locus of control
The Love
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Can you name all of your child’s teachers?
Do you know who your child’s best friends are?
Do you know what he/she likes to study in school?
Do you know what book he/she is reading?
Can you name your child’s favorite athletes,
celebrities, movies, music, TV shows?
Do you know how she/he spends time after school,
in the evenings, & on weekends?
How does he/she spend his/her money?
What are the your child’s signs of unhappiness,
stress, guilt, depression, sadness, anxiety?
Who would your child go to if they needed some
one to talk to?
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Listen! (Don’t problem-solve)
Hugs
Nurturing notes
Acceptance of feelings versus behavior
Constructive criticism
Find a mutual interest
Special, unconditional outings
 Event tickets for one on one time
Be All You Can Be reports
Positive reports
 Praise publicly and criticize in private
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Positive Reports
Susan Jackson-Walker, Ph.D. and John P. Walker, Ph.D.
www.hockessincenterforchange.com
(302) 239-5255