Transcript Keeping Your Cool

Staying In Control
Anger Management Training
Introduction
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Most of the time we’re in control but
occasionally we turn into MAD MAX. With
practice we are able to learn to stay in control
of our temper all the time. However, learning
this skill takes lots of work and practice. This
slide show will teach you how to control
yourself and avoid being MAD MAX. You’ll
learn to recognise situations where you might
lose your temper. You’ll think of better
solutions to your problems and select from a
range of ideas, better ways to control
yourself.
Teamwork
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We all run into problems sometimes
controlling our temper. It’s easier if we
work as a team. Think of yourself as a
player, and me as a coach. Think of each
week as a sports game. We will try out
new ideas each week. With the coach
we’ll review successes and failures weekly,
and practice new skills for the following
week. After a term you will emerge a
winner.
Getting to Know You
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What is one thing you really like about yourself.
What do you enjoy doing the most for fun?
What other interests do you have?
What do you like the most about school?
What don’t you like about school?
If you could have a wish come true during the
night, how would things be different for you the
next day?
Game Rules
We call this game ‘Anger Management.’
Rules
 –We both attend at a set time weekly.
 -You will try 100% to practice new skills
each week.
 -You’ll be willing to report back how each
week has gone.
 The goal is to win the “Anger
Management’ game.
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Setting Goals
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Things I wish to change about me are…?
Things that might get in the road and stop
me from achieving my goal are…?
Ways that I can get around these
roadblocks are…?
Anger
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We all experience anger. This emotion is
not bad, it gives us energy and makes us
try harder. It is only when we feel it too
often, too intensely or for too long a time
that anger is troublesome. It may make
us act without thinking or do something
aggressive that hurts someone else.
Then, because of anger, we get ourselves
into trouble.
Ways Anger Helps Me
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Anger can help me in these ways.
1
2
3
4
5
6
Ways Anger Has Caused
Problems
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Anger has caused me problems in these
ways…
1
2
3
4
5
Describe times when you were
angry but were not aggressive?
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4
Max’s Game 1
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Max loved to play Aussie rules footy. He was one of
the best players on the school team. Sometimes,
when he thought he had been fouled, he lost his
temper and became MAD MAX. When he thought
the referee had made a poor decision, he would turn
red, begin to pant, and think ‘It’s unfair. I’ll kill that
ref!’ Then he would become MAD MAX. He ran over
and kicked and pushed another player. He was seen
by the ref and ejected from the game. This made him
even madder. His team lost, 3 to 2 probably because
Max wasn’t playing. Max was furious. He went
home and hit his little sister who wanted to play with
him.
Max’s Game 2
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He swore at his mum when she told him to calm
down. He went to his room and stayed there all
evening, missing his evening meal.
The next day, at school, he shouted at his team
mates when they tried to discuss the game.
Finally, he swore at a teacher who asked him to
take off his hat in class. For this, he got a one
day suspension.
Max’s Game 3 Questions
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Frequency How
many times did Max
get angry?
Intensity –How
intense was Max’s
anger each time. Rate
as a percentage from
0 to 100%
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Impulsivity When
was Max impulsive?
Consequences
What was the
outcome of each of
Max’s actions?
Consequences of My Anger
What have been the consequences of you losing your
temper?
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FREQUENCY Situations where you lost your temper
too many times?
INTENSITY Situations when your anger was too
strong for you.
IMPULSIVITY Situations where you acted without
thinking.
DURATION Situations where your anger lasted too
long.
CONSEQUENCES Situations where you experienced
unpleasant consequences from losing your temper.
Who Own’s The Problem?
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In managing anger, find out who owns the
problem.
Your friend has a fight with mum, then comes to school and is rude
to you.
A student swears at you and pushes you to impress his friends.
Your mum had a hard day at work and shouts at you.
Your girl friend refuses to go to a movie with you because she has
an assignment due tomorrow.
Your younger sister is tired and begins crying.
Your teacher phones your parents because you failed to complete
class work and you are grounded.
What to Do?
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If the other person owns the problem,
what should you do to help them?
If you own the problem, what should you
do to get your needs met?
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Why should you not get angry, if your
friend owns the problem?
Understanding Feelings
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List some of the common feelings that you
experience?
How can you tell when other kids are
experiencing each of these emotions?
Your personality is made up of thoughts,
feelings, and behaviours or things you say
or do.
SELF TALK
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WE TALK TO OURSELVES, WHEN THINGS
HAPPEN
THESE THOUGHTS ARE IN OUR HEADS, NOT
SAID ALOUD
WE ALL DO IT, IT’S NORMAL
SELF TALK COMES FROM OUR BELIEFS ABOUT
WHY THINGS HAPPEN
IT’S OFTEN AUTOMATIC
EXAMPLE OF SELF-TALK
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MAX GOT A BAD HAIRCUT He thinks
“what a bad haircut. He scalped me. I
can’t go to school like this. Everyone will
laugh. It’ll take months to grow, I feel so
embarrassed.”
What does Max think? How does he feel?
What will he say or do when he goes to
school?
EXAMPLE OF SELF-TALK 2
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SUSAN SITS BY HERSELF THINKING “I
can’t believe Julie didn’t pick me to be on
her team. I always pick her. She picked
Tammy. I think she doesn’t like me
anymore.”
What does Susan think? How does he
feel? What will she say or do when she
sees Julie next?
GIVE EXAMPLES OF SELFTALK
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GREG DIDN’T GET INVITED TO JOHN’S
PARTY.
He thinks…
He feels…
What will he say or do when he sees John
next?
What are the consequences of this?
What will be Greg’s thoughts (self-talk)?
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GIVE EXAMPLES OF SELFTALK
1
GREG DIDN’T GET INVITED TO JOHN’S PARTY.
He thinks…
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He feels…
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What will he say or do when he sees John next?
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What are the consequences of this?
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What will be Greg’s thoughts (self-talk)?
Examples of Self-Talk 2
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Max loses his library book.
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He thinks…
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He feels…
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What will he say or do?
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What are the consequences of this?
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What will be Max’s’s thoughts (self-talk)?
Examples of Self-Talk 3
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Susan thinks another girl has been saying
bad things about her to boys in her
classes.
She thinks…
She feels…
What will she say or do?
What will happen then?
What will she think/feel then?
WHICH THOUGHTS CAUSE
THESE FEELINGS?
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YOU GET INTO A FIGHT WITH A FRIEND
NOW I DON’T HAVE ANY
FRIENDS
MY FRIEND WAS MEAN TO ME ON
PURPOSE
WE’LL MAKE UP AND BE FRIENDS SOON
FEELINGS: MAD, OKAY, SAD
YOU GET A LOW MARK IN A
SCHOOL TEST
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I’M IN TROUBLE WHEN I GET HOME
I’VE GOOFED OFF INSTEAD OF WORKING
I CAN WORK HARDER AND DO BETTER
NEXT TIME
OKAY SCARED GUILTY
ABC Cartoon 1
ABC CARTOON 2
ABC Cartoon 3
ABC Cartoon 4
ABC Cartoon 5
Distinguishing Situations,
Moods, and Thoughts
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Thought, Feeling, or Situation
1. Nervous. 2. At home. 3. I'm not going to be
able to do this. 5. Talking to a friend on the
phone. 6. Irritated. 7. Driving in my car. 8. I'm
always going to feel this way. 9. At work. 10. I'm
going crazy. 11. Angry. 12. I'm no good. 13.
4:00 P.M. 14. Something terrible is going to
happen. 15. Nothing ever goes right. 16.
Discouraged 17. I'll never get over this. 18.
Sitting in a restaurant. 19. I'm out-of-control. 20.
I'm a failure. 21. Talking on the phone to my
mom.
Thoughts Feelings
Consequences
Mum likes my
Angry
sister more than
me.
Angry
Sad
Anxious
Happy
Angry
Shout at mum and
stay in my room.
Negative Tracks
Thoughts Feelings Behaviour
Teachers Anger
picking on
me.
Anger
Anger
Anxious
Sad
Happy
Lonely
Swears
Consequences
Sent to
Office
New
Feelings
More
angry
Causes of Anger
Thoughts, feelings and behaviours are related.
Each may affect the other.
Give an example of thoughts influencing behaviour.
Give an example of a behaviour influencing your
thoughts.
Which do you think is easiest to change? Why?
ABC Cartoon
ABC
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OUR FEELINGS ARE DETERMINED BY
WHAT WE SAY TO OURSELVES
THOUGHTS or BELIEFS CAUSE OUR
ANGER OR SADNESS
WE CONTROL THE THOUGHTS WE THINK
ABC STANDS FOR ADVERSITY, BELIEFS,
CONSEQUENCES
ABC Enhanced
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Adversity, or a problem may trigger you off (A)
almost like pulling a gun trigger. This affects you
like powder exploding in a shell.
what you think (thoughts)
Your feelings,
What you say or do (behavior)
After you act, others react to you
(consequences).
This, in turn, affects your thoughts, and feelings.
Identify Triggers, Thoughts, Feelings,
Behaviours, Consequences 1.
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You are giving a presentation in a school
assembly.
You think ‘I’m going to look stupid.’
Your stomach feels like lead.
You deliver your words smoothly.
Everyone thinks your presentation is good.
You think, “I’m good at this.’
You’re proud.
Identify Triggers, Thoughts, Feelings,
Behaviours, Consequences 2.
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You are late for school.
“Mum will wake me up for school”
You are kept in for being late.
You are anxious about signing in late.
You sleep in.
You think, ‘I can’t stand it.’
You skip the detention and go home.
You rush to school without breakfast.
Review ABC / Complete during
the week.
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Give two triggers that have or might upset you.
Describe your thoughts for each trigger.
Describe your feelings for each trigger.
What do you say or do for each trigger?
What are the consequences for your actions?
What thoughts and feelings occur after the
consequence?
Next: Thoughts / situations that make you angry
Why Do I Get Angry?
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What does ABC stand for?
Which is easiest to change?
Think about when you were last angry. How
did you know you were angry?
What did you think?
What did you say or do?
What were the consequences?
Max came home from school and found his
Play Station had been broken by his brother.
(Trigger)
Describe your self-talk, feelings, behaviour,
consequences and new thoughts and
Perspective
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Our perspective determines how we see the
world. It comes from our beliefs, our parents
and how we were raised.
How do you feel if you support / oppose the
Dockers and they win. Why might the Dockers
be happy even if they lose?
What would you do if you believed an eye
operation might improve your sight but knew
they could cause blindness 10% of the time.
Perspective 1
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Whether we are angry or calm about an
adversity depends on our thoughts.
If you believed other kids hated you and
wanted to hurt you, how would you
behave if you were pushed from behind.
If you believed everyone liked you and noone would touch you, how would you
behave if you were pushed from behind.
Perspective
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a honk if you love Jesus
bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the
sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just
lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had
changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd
never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting
there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window
and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for
Jesus. Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and
smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the
love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling
something about a sunny beach... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his
middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat
what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the
good luck sign back. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment
that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray
or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I
waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I
noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed
again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I
slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck
sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Honk
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What was the perspective of the driver?
How did he feel?
What was the perspective of the other
drivers? How did they feel?
Would the other drivers feel differently if
they shared or understood the perspective
of the first driver? Why?
Perspectives 2
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Think of a situation where other people
assume something will happen. Explain
how this gets them in trouble. EG John
assumes his teacher dislikes him. He… Susan thinks her walkman
was stolen. She… Greg was not invited to John’s party. He…
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Now change the person’s perspective, so
that trouble does not occur.
Perspectives Homework
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Think of a time when someone got angry with
you.
Why do you think they were angry at you?
If you get angry over any issue, tell the situation
using ABC.
Trigger,
Thoughts,
Feelings,
Behaviours,
Consequences,
New thoughts/feelings.
Anger Causing
Situations/People
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List three adversities that cause you to
become angry.
Name three people on your permanent
‘hate’ list.
List three people on your temporary ‘hate’
list. You are disliking them today.
Now rate your anger for each situation
from 0 to 100%. Outline your thoughts
backing your feelings.
Who’s In Control?
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Are you a puppet? Must you react to
everything said or done to you? If you do,
they control you.
By changing your self-talk, you become
the puppeteer, manipulating the strings.
You become in charge of what will
happen.
Learn the ‘self-talk’ offensive to take
control.
Identifying Helpful / Unhelpful
Self-talk
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I can’t stand him.
He’s a girl, he doesn’t bother me.
I’ll fix him whatever the consequences.
Don’t get bent out of shape. Be cool.
No-one can say that to me. I’ll kill him.
Who cares, anyway. He’s just a jerk.
The’re always teasing me.
Overall, I figure I’m a pretty lucky girl.
They can say what they like, it doesn’t bother me.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
I can sort this issue out cooperatively.
I can’t deal with this at all.
That’s unfair.
Kids all hate me.
I can do it.
Developing Skills in Self-Talk 1
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Increasing Anger: Trigger: Teacher raises
voice and asks me to move seats
Thought: I hate her, she always picks on
me.
Rate intensity of anger 0—100%
Say or Do: Refuse teacher request
Consequence: Sent to Student Services
Developing Skills in Self-Talk 2
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Positive Track Trigger: Teacher raises voice and
asks me to move seats.
Thoughts: I like this teacher but she’s grumpy
today.
Feelings: Feel sympathetic :Anger Rate intensity
0—100%
Say or Do: Say I’m sorry and move quietly.
Consequences: Lesson continues, get on with
work.
Practising Self-Talk Skills 1
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Increasing Anger: Select a
Trigger__________________________
_
Thoughts:________________________
_
Feelings:____________________Rating
:
Say or Do:________________________
Consequences:____________________
Practice Self-Talk Skill 2
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Decreasing Anger: Select an Adversity
or
Trigger___________________________
Thoughts:_________________________
Feelings:____________________Rating:
Say or Do:________________________
Consequences:_____________________
Identifying Irrational Self-Talk 1
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Often our thoughts pop into our heads
automatically. They are based on our previous
experiences and things we have been told.
They may not be correct. People used to think
the earth was flat. They were afraid they would
fall off the edge of the world. How would this
affect their behaviour? What was the
consequences?
Today we consider these beliefs irrational.
Identifying Irrational Self-Talk
2
 Identify the thoughts or beliefs as
rational or irrational. Explain your
decisions. How would believing these
thoughts affect your feelings and
behaviour? Restate irrational beliefs
more rationally.
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Other kids should like me all the time.
It’s ok if some kids dislike me.
I should always do my work perfectly.
No-one should ever tease me.
I should always get what I want.
I must be treated fairly.
I should keep my feelings to myself always.
There is only one way to solve every problem.
It’s ok to hurt other people.
I should never be kept waiting.
If I don’t win, I’m a failure.
Someone is to blame if things don’t go my way.
Effects of Positive Self-Talk
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Scientists have found that optimistic teams,
teams that think positively about winning,
usually win. People who are confident in
overcoming disease live longer. Politicians who
are optimistic about winning elections usually
get elected.
You are able to turn anger increasing self-talk to
anger reducing self-talk. Eg I can’t stand that
bully –could become ‘stay calm and in control.’
or ‘I’ll smash him what ever the cost’ could be “I
can get more out of this by staying calm.’
Practising Cool Self-Talk
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Restate these hot thoughts as cool thoughts.
Rate your anger level from 0-100% before and
after.
I can’t stand that girl.
He thinks he’s so hot.
He’d better shut his mouth right now.
He can’t say that to me.
He’s so full of bull.
She’s always spreading lies about me.
It’s awful when he teases me.
That should never happen to anyone.
Permanent versus Temporary
Self-Talk
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Often, when we are angry, se use self-talk that makes
the adversity ongoing or permanent by using words like
always, or never. EG he always swears at me. To be
positive, you must change the self-talk to make the
adversity short term or temporary.
Change these ongoing adversities to temporary or short
term problems.
The teacher always picks on me.
My sister hates me.
She always wants to go first.
It’s impossible for me to do Maths.
I never do well in school.
I just can’t stand liars.
No-one should ever gossip about me.
Cartoon: Wimp
Cartoon: Picking on Me
Gloomy Greg & Hopeful Holly –
Dance story
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Gloomy Greg at the School Dance
Greg: Hey Cindy, do you want to dance? Cindy:
No thanks. I'm tired.
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Greg [thinks to himself]: Way to go! I'm such a loser.
Why did I even bother to ask her to dance? I never
have any fun at these things. I should have known
she'd say no. She's popular and I'm a geek. No one's
ever going to dance with me. I always get shot down.
I'm just never going to be cool enough. I don't know
why I even bothered coming to the dance. They're
always really boring.
[Greg sits down on a bench and looks very sad.]
Hopeful Holly at the School Dance
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Holly: Do you want to dance? Joe: No thanks.
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hate it when that happens. 1 guess Joe just isn't into
dancing tonight. I'll try to ask someone else. [speaks
to Sammy] Hey Sammy, how about a dance?
Sammy: No thanks, Holly.
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Holly [thinks to herself]: Ughl That's embarrassing. I
Holly [thinks to herself]: Oh, man. Another no. I'm in a
rut. Maybe I wasn't friendly enough. Okay, I'll give it
another shot, but this time I'll smile nice and big and I'll be
real friendly. [speaks to Fred, with big, warm smile] Hi,
Fred. Are you having a good time?
Fred: Yeah. I can't believe that this is the smelly old gym.
They really made it look cool.
Holly: Yeah. I heard that Mr. Rothera spent all week
getting it to look like this. I really like that shirt. Is it new?
Fred: This one? Oh, thanks. Yeah, I just got it this
weekend. I went to that new store that opened in the
mall.
Holly: Oh, yeah, I heard about it, but I haven't gone there
yet. Hey, I really like this song. Do you want to dance?
Fred: Oh, okay. Sure.
Because of Me or Because of
Someone Else
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When we are angry, we usually blame someone
else other than ourselves. This is unfortunate
because we are responsible for our own feelings.
We need to learn to take some responsibility for
our anger, and not to blame losing our temper
on something that happened to us. In the
following stories, consider who sees the situation
more realistically: Greg, Adam, or Holly? Who do
you think has more fun on the team?
Angry Adam Misses the Shoot
Story 1
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Angry Adam Misses the Shot
 Adam's soccer team loses to the Tigers. At dinner that night, his father
asks about the game.
Dad. So, Mom tells me you had a tough loss today. Sorry to hear it, kiddo.
Adam: Yeah, we got smeared. We could've won, too. Sam really blew it.
Dad: What do you mean? What happened?
Adam: Sam really can't play goalie. He let four shots go by. He didn't even
stop the ones he dove for.
Dad: That's too bad. That couldn't have been the only reason you lost,
though. What was the score?
Adam: Five to four. We would have won if it wasn't for Barry. He missed the
penalty shot. He's such a spaz. I told him to let me make it but the coach
said it was his turn. I took a penalty shot earlier - but I missed it because
Frank kept telling me what to do and I couldn't concentrate. I'm on the
worst team ever.
Because of Me Stories 2
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Hopeful Holly Drops the Ball
Holly's kickball team loses to the Primos' team. At dinner that night, her
father asks about the game.
Dad: So, Mom tells me you had a tough loss today. Sorry to hear it, kiddo.
Holly: Yeah, we got smeared. We could've won, too. We really stunk today.
Dad: What do you mean? What happened?
Holly: Well, this girl kicked a pop-up and it was right at me and I dropped it.
I couldn't believe it. It was right in my hands and I blew it. I was so
embarrassed.
Dad: That's too bad. That couldn't have been the only reason you lost,
though. What was the score?
Holly: It was ten to four, I think. We all played pretty bad. Ms. Cross wasn't
too happy. Sharon dropped the ball a couple of times. Dana didn't even get
on base and she usually kicks homers, and Kimberly dropped a pop-up too.
And they have this really big girl on their team and she killed the balL She
hit like three home runs. Ms. Cross says we need to concentrate more in the
field.
Homework ANGER LOG
TRIGGER
THOUGHT
FEELINGS
SAY/DID
CONSEQUENCES
EG My sister took my
CD.
She should stay out of
my room,
Anger 60%
Told her to give it back
rightnow.
We had a fight and got
grounded.
ANGER LOG
TRIGGER
ANGER
GROWING
COOL
THOUGHT
THOUGHT
FEELING
RATE 0100%
SAY/DO
CONSEQUE
NCE
New
Feelings
Anger Log Practice 1
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Complete the anger log for these
adversities. Check your perspective. Think
of many reasons why the other person
may get angry with you.
Mum stops you from attending a party.
A boy/girl threatens to fight you after school.
You get hit by a piece of fruit thrown at you in the school
canteen.
Now use a real case in which you felt very angry towards
someone.
Attitude
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Beliefs or your attitude influence your feelings and behaviour.
Rate these attitudes from 0 or disagree to 100%, agree fully.
Restate negative attitudes more positively.
No-one should ever laugh at me.
I can’t cope without my friends being around.
It’s awful that my closest friend is moving away.
It’s impossible to complete this assignment.
I feel hopeless when my parents lecture me.
It’s ok to smoke / do drugs because all my friends do it.
I hate being criticised / corrected in front of people.
I’m entitled to what I want right now.
I’m a no-hoper if I’m not with the ‘cool’ crowd.
I’m hopeless if I make a mistake in a game.
I should get what I want or someone will pay.
If I can’t do it well, I won’t try at all.
I get angry if I’m not treated really fairly.
If I show my feelings, other will laugh and that’s embarrassing.
If my parents let me down by not doing something they agreed ti, they should
"pay"for it .
Learning Relaxation
COMING UP WITH OTHER VIEWS: USE
THE WISE PART Of the Brain
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To get in touch with our WISE PART we need to :
(1) Check our feelings in the situation
(2) Check the thoughts that go with the feelings
(3) What exactly are we reacting to? Be specific.
(4)Get in touch with our WISE PART and ask ourselves,
do I want to go on feeling like this or do I want to feel
different? I have a choice. (Look at the consequences for
ourselves and others if we follow our feelings with
behaviour). Will the outcome show respect for ourselves
and the other? If not.....
(5) What can I think to make myself feel better and
show respect for myself and the other.
Anger Log Practice 2
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Complete the anger log for these
adversities. Check your perspective. Think
of many reasons why the other person
may get angry with you.
You fumble a footy pass and everyone boos.
Your mum tells you off for not tidying your room and doing your homework.
Someone puts ice-cream in your bag and it melts over your notes/clothes.
You are late handing in a school assignment and the teacher phones your
parents.
Think of an adversity which recently caused you to feel angry.
Anger: Give ABC’s for these:
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Max had studied very hard for a test. None of
the material he studied was on the test.
Susan’s mum insisted that she come home every
day directly after school finished.
When Jim comes to school, he is chased on his
bike by four boys who say they’ll get him after
school.
Now give ABC’s where each student thinks
helpful thoughts that control their anger /
behaviour.
AN
Russell and Mom 1
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Russell: Hey, Mom, a bunch of kids from school are going to
Wildwood for the weekend.
Mom: Well, Russell, I don't know. I have to think about it. Who's
going and who's driving?
Russell. Rob Reckless is going and his dad, Mr. Reckless, is driving.
Mom: Who else is going with you? I don't want you hanging out
with that Turner girl. She's a bad influence.
Russell: Jeez, Mom, lighten up. Lisa's not that bad. She just got in
trouble that one time. Other kids will Be there too.
Mom: Is there a telephone number where I can reach you?
Russell: Sheesh, Mom, relax. I'm not a little kid anymore. I can take
care of myself. I doubt there's a phone. The place we're staying at is
right on the beach. And anyway, none of the other kids' parents are
making such a big deal about this. Why are you always getting on
my case?l
Russell and Mom 2
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Mom: I don't like the sound of this. I'll tell you
what: Dad and I will take you to the beach next
weekend.
Russell: Oh hey, great. Won't that be fun. Me
and my parents hanging out at Wildwood. I can
hardly wait! Why not just ground me instead?
Mom: Russell, I've made up my mind. You're
not going. That's final.
[Russell goes to his room.]
Russell [thinking to himself]: 1 really hate her.
She's such a witch. She always does this to me.
She never lets me do anything fun. She makes
Russell and Mom 3
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Wait a minute. I'm pulling a Hemlock. Sherlock wouldn't let himself
get all upset over the first thought that pops into his head. He'd
look for evidence. Let's see ... Does my mom ever let me do fun
things? Well, last week she did let me go to Great Adventure, and
she lets me go alone to the movies all the time [evidence]. And, oh
yeah, she usually lets me invite friends over to play Nintendo
[evidence]. I guess she does let me do some fun stuff. Maybe she's
just worried about Mr. Reckless [alternative]. He does have a bad
driving record. And maybe she doesn't really like me to be around
Lisa [alternative]. After all, she did get into a lot of trouble for
stealing from the girls locker room. Maybe she's worried about there
not being a phone because she likes to be able to get in touch with
me in case something goes wrong, like when I broke my ankle
playing soccer last year [alternative].
I'm still mad that I can't go. But I guess I don't hate Mom. I feel a
little bit better knowing that at least she had some good reasons for
saying no. Maybe she'll let me bring Andrew to the shore with us.
That would be a lot better than just me and them. I think I'll ask.
Russell and Mum Questions 2
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What was Russell's first explanation about why his mom wouldn't
let him go to the shore?
If Russell was like Hemlock, what would he have done?
How did Russell act more like Sherlock instead?
What evidence did he find?
Did Russell come up with any other ways of understanding why his
mother said no?
If Russell hadn't looked for evidence about whether his mother
never lets him have any fun, how do you think he would have felt?
What do you think he would have done?
How do you think he felt after he looked for evidence and thought
of other reasons why his mom wouldn't let him go?
What do you think he does next?
The ABCDE Scripts Introduction
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Read these scripts to the class.
Have the children point out when evidence
is used to challenge pessimism and when
optimistic alternatives are offered.
Explain what is meant by ‘energization.’
ABCDE PRACTICE
Meredith Slide 1
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Adversity: I went to a party at my friend Meredith's
house. Her parents took us all to a movie. They said
they'd pick us up at ten. Once it got dark, Lauren took
out a squeeze bottle from her backpack. She said she
filled it with stuff from her parents' liquor cabinet . Beth
and Steph and Tammy were psyched about it and they
all started taking turns drinking it. They started giggling
like it was so funny. The people around us kept telling us
to be quiet. Lauren told me to take some but I didn't
want to. Then they started telling me that I was a wimp
and no fun and stuff. They kept on hassling me about it.
Meredith Slide 2
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Beliefs: I'm such a wuss. They're all doing it. I should too. I'm
always such a baby. Everybody I know drinks . It's not a big deal .
Anytime we do something fun or wild I get scared and back out.
I'm such a baby.
Consequences: I felt stupid - really, really stupid. I pretended
like I didn't care- I just kept staring at the movie- but I really
felt like crying . It's like I felt embarrassed and scared and sad all at
once . I hated it .
Disputation: Just because I didn't drink doesn't make me a
wuss. I mean, it's not brave to just do what everybody else is
doing. That can be wussy too. Sometimes it's even harder not to
do what all your friends are doing. It's like what Mr. Riley called
being a majority of one. I guess that's what I am. And anyway, not
everyone drinks . I know Sari and Lisa Eckles don't drink . And I
do a lot of wild things. Like I was the one that played the practical
joke on Miss Harmony. And it was my idea to wrap the toilet
paper around Ms. Gretchen's house after the championship. That
was pretty fun.
Energization: I started to feel a little better. I still couldn't wait
to get out of there 'cause I was scared they'd get caught, but I
didn't feel so sad or embarrassed. I just watched the rest of the
movie and ignored them.
ABCDE Practice 2 (Down’s Script 1)
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Adversity: My brother is five years older than me. He's sixteen. But
he can't drive. He's got Down's. So he looks different. He isn't as
smart as most kids his age. But he tries real hard at stuff. I love him
but sometimes I get mad at him. Like the other day. We walked
over to Suburban Square. We were going to buy a birthday present
for our dad. We went in this store called Sharper Image - they have
all these neat machines and stuff. Anyway, a couple kids from my
school came in. They're okay guys. I started talking to them and
then Stevie starts calling me. I told him to hold on a minute, but he
just kept on calling me, all excited like. The guys I was with started
laughing, so I turned around. Stevie was lying down on this bed
that has these rollers that move up and down. It like gives you a
massage. Stevie was clapping his hands and acting real goofy. He
kept on calling me and laughing real loud. Everybody started
staring. I got really mad and pulled him off it. I yelled at him pretty
bad. I told him he can't ever hang out with me ever again.
ABCDE Practice 2 (Down’s 2) Analysis
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Beliefs: I hate Stevie. How come I got stuck with a brother like him. He's
always doing stupid stuff to embarrass me. Everyone at school thinks I'm a
weirdo 'cause of him. They're always calling me names and stuff. He's such
a loser. I wish he wasn't ever born.
Consequences: I was feeling really mad. I wanted to punch him real hard. I
guess I was also embarrassed. I wanted to get out of there as fast as I
could. And I didn't even want to look at Stevie. Like I wanted to pretend I
didn't know him.
Disputation: Sometimes it's really hard to be with him. He does do goofy
things at times. But it's not like he does it on purpose. He just can't help it.
It's like he's a little kid in a big body. When I'm mad I sometimes think it
would be better if he weren't around, but we have a lot of fun together
too. He makes me laugh a lot and he cheers me up when I'm in a bad
mood. I'd miss him if he weren't my brother. Sometimes I do get called
"retardo" at school, but not so much. And it's really only by Alex. He's
mean to everyone. Last time he started getting on me, Kathy and Billy told
him to knock it off, so I guess they don't think I'm weird.
Energization: I started to feel less mad at him. I was still feeling
embarrassed, but not so much as before.
ABCDE Practice 3 Lamar 1
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Adversity: My mom and dad split up a couple years back. Now she's
dating this new guy named Lamar. He's starting to come around a
lot. My mom acts so different when he's around. the other night,
Lamar came over for dinner. She made me and my sister clean the
whole entire house. We even had to move all the furniture and
clean behind it. We never do that. Then she cooked this really fancy
meal and she made me polish the silverware. I hate the smell of
that stuff. It makes me sick. Then she got all dressed up and put on
all this goopy makeup and put her hair up all fancy. She never does
that either. She never wears makeup. I don't even think she combs
her hair. When he came over he tried to be so nice and polite and
funny. It was pathetic. Whenever I started talking, my mom barely
listened. She'd just grunt something in my direction. But when
Lamar opened his mouth - she was so into it. He started talking
about that movie where the lady doesn't talk and wants to play the
piano all the time. He was saying how great he thought it was and
she acted like she liked it too, but it was a total lie. Me and Becky
saw it with her. We were bored out of our minds and she said she
didn't think it was so good either. She said it was overrated.
ABCDE Practice 3 Analysis Lamar 2
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Beliefs: She's so two-faced. She acts all different
for Lamar. And she never pays us any attention
anymore. I bet she wishes we weren't around so
she could spend all her time with her new
boyfriend. All she cares about is him. She doesn't
care what happens to me anymore. I don't think
she loves me so much anymore.
Consequences: I was really sad and mad too. I
didn't want to say anything else all night. 1 just
wanted to sit there real quiet and wait to be
excused. I just kept staring at my plate and hoped
real hard that Lamar would choke on his food. I
tried to turn my body so that I could only see Mom
and Becky. I pretended Lamar wasn't there.
Disputation Lamar 3
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Disputation: Well, she does act different when he's around. I mean,
our house is cleaner than it's ever been. But I guess she's just trying
to make a good impression. I do that too sometimes. Like when I
liked Timmy. I tried to look real nice and say things that were cool. I
guess grown-ups do that too. She definitely spends a lot of time
with Lamar, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't love me or
doesn't want to be with me too. Like last week, he wanted to come
over and take us all to this museum - oooh, fun - but she said that
we couldn't 'cause we were going to the park. I think he wanted to
come, but she said it was girls' day out. And next week, me and her
are going to lunch and to a movie, just the two of us. I hope she
ends up not liking him. That'd be great. I can't take all this cleaning.
Energization: I started to feel okay again. Becky started talking
about our school and I said some things too. I even looked at Lamar
a couple times
Disputing Beliefs
Other Techniques: Relaxation
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In games, you’ve seen the reverse, where the
ball is faked to one person, and secretly handed
to someone else.
Sometimes we feel that everything is too much.
When we feel frustrated, anger has a better
chance to take over. In games, and in handling
anger, ‘time-out’ is sometimes the best strategy
for regrouping your defenses.
Deep breathing and muscle relaxation are two
excellent ‘time-out’ measures.
Recognizing Stress
How do you look or feel when you are
feeling stressed and tense? What selftalk may occur?
 How do you look / feel when you are
relaxed? What self-talk occurs?
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There are many muscles.We recognise our muscles only after we
exercised them, such as running.Your legs or hands get sore.
People's muscles tighten up when the’re angry . Their necks or
shoulders get tense. They clench their teeth . Their stomach turns
into knots and their fists clench up . The muscles in their legs and
hands are tense and tight .
Muscular Relaxation
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Name some of the muscles on your body. Start
with your feet and work upwards. Include the
calf, thighs, buttocks, stomach, back,
chest,biceps, tricepts, shoulders, neck, mouth,
face, eyes, forehead, scalp.
Imagine you feel pretty angry. Which muscles
tense up on you?
You can’t feel tense and relaxed at the same
time.
Muscular Relaxation / Deep
Breathing.
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Close your mouth, take a deep breath through your nose . . . hold it. . .release . .
.Now put your right hand on your stomach, and your left hand on your chest . Now
take a long, slow, deep breath through your nose again Feel what happens to your
stomach and chest. This is “deep-breathing ." How do you feel now?
Let your eyelids close . . . Tense your hands into fist . . . Relax hands . . .Imagine a
heavy bag you've been carrying is released . See it float away . . .Tightness in my
arms runs down my arm and out of my fingers . . . Tightness in your legs runs
down your legs and out your toes . . . Your am weightless . . .You feel like you are
floating on air . . .Tense your shoulders by pulling them forward as tight as you can
. . . Relax shoulders . . .Tense your shoulders again but pull them back instead of
forward. . .Relax shoulders . . .Tense/wrinkle your forehead as tight as you can . .
.Relax the forehead. . . Tense/clench you jaws . . .Relax jaws . . .Open mouth as
wide as you can and tense facial muscles . . .Relax jaw and facial muscles . .
.Tense stomach . .Relax . . .Tense back . . .Relax . . .Tense right leg . . .Relax . .
.Tense left leg . Relax . . .
How relaxed did you feel from 1-100%?
Muscular Relaxation / Deep
Breathing: Practice
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Sit back, picture an adversity when you felt
really angry. What was said or done to you?
What did you say or do? Remember your selftalk. Now rate your anger from 0-100%
Now, take some deep breathes slowly. Tell
yourself to be calm. Consciously tense and relax
muscle groups; hands, arms, toes, feet, calves,
shoulders, face and eyes. Now rate your anger
from 0-100%
Relaxing Activities
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To get rid of stress and anxiety, engage in
your favourite activities such as exercise,
by walking, or riding your bike, dancing,
playing sport.
List the activities which you enjoy doing
which are relaxing such as reading, seeing
a
movie,_____________________________
Problem Solving
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Relaxation exercises and activities help you to avoid anger.
Playing footy is like life, it’s challenging with big opponents, a
slippery ball and small goals. You need total focus, coordination,
speed and strength. If you push or trip someone you are penalised.
You can’t afford to lose your temper. In school and life, it’s the
same. Getting angry only hurts you.
Problem solving is an effective strategy to use against your
opponent, anger.
STOP What’s the adversity?
THINK What’s the options?
JUDGE the helpful solution
DO Carry it out.
APPRAISE Did it work?
Problem Solving Example 1
1 . STOP: What's the problem?
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Who : Bully at school
What : Called me a "punk"
When: 12:3b
Where : At recess, in front of everyone
Why: He likes to show off or maybe it's his way of getting attention.
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THINK: What can I do? Brainstorm solutions .
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Consider as many solutions as you can. Don't worry about whether it's a
good or bad solution.
1) Ignore him.
2) Insult him back.
3) Walk away.
4) Hit him .
5) Try to joke with him.
6) Hope the recess bell rings .
Anything else?
7)
8)
9)
10)
Problem Solving Example 2
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3. JUDGE: What's the best solution?
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For each SOLUTION in #2, write down what you think would happen,
OUTCOME, if you did it . RATE each solution as + (good) or - (bad). Then
pick the best.
1) Ignore him He would keep it up.
2) Insult him back He'd probably try to hit me.
3) Walk away He'd leave me alone but others +/-might think I'm a "chicken"
4) Hit him
5) Joke with him
6) Hope bell rings
8)
9)
10)
Pick the best solution and circle it .
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4. DO: Try it out.
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We'd both be sent to the Principal .
He might start laughing. +
It might not ring soon enough .
-Run the play.
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5. Appraise: Did it work?
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Now you try Problem-Solving
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STOP
What Adversity/Problem________________________________________________________________________________
When:
Where:
Why :
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
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THINK: What can I do? Brainstorm solutions .
__________________________________
JUDGE____________________________
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What are the outccomes or consequences for each solution? Which is the best solution? Why? Rate each as good + or bad -
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DO_______________________________
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Try it out.
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APPRAISE_________________________
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How did your solution work? If it doesn’t work, try another solution.
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PROBLEM SOLVING
ACTIVITIES 1
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TRY EACH OF THESE ACTIVITIES USING THE
PROBLEM SOLVING MODEL
Your calculator disappeared from your school
bag at recess.
You forgot your lunch money, missed breakfast
and feel very hungry.
Max's tired and wishes to view his favorite TV
programme, but his sister is watching another
channel.
Think of a problem you had recently which made
you feel angry.
PROBLEM SOLVING
ACTIVITIES 2
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TRY EACH OF THESE ACTIVITIES USING THE
PROBLEM SOLVING MODEL
My brother borrowed my football without asking
and now I have friends over to play and no ball.
Dad wants you to visit grandmum in hospital,
but you want to go to a party instead.
Think of a problem you had recently which made
you feel angry
Personality Types
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Passive, Passive-Aggressive, Assertive,
Aggressive Match these to labels below.
Want their own way, always.
Secretly seek revenge.
Try to meet needs without hurting others
Throw tantrums, lose temper, shout
Communicate needs and feelings honestly
Never say anything and needs are neglected
Questionnaire Personality Types
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How do you handle a teacher who accuses you
of cheating when you havn’t.
Your girl friend stands you up.
Your friend borrows your Science text without
asking.
A girl cuts in front of youin a canteen queue.
You are upset by another girl / boy spreading
gossip about you.
Your parents yell at you unnecessarily.
Guided Fantasy / Role Play
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Skill and confidence in taking ‘time-out’ to
deep breathe and relax your muscles also
gives you the opportunity to relax further
and leave your anger behind.
AGGRESSIVE TRACK
MANIPULATIVE (PassiveAggressive) TRACK
PASSIVE TRACK
ASSERTIVE TRACK
Assertiveness Role Play 1
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Think of a situation where you think your
personal rights have been trashed and you feel
angry..
Figure out what you want to happen.
Role play the adversity in an assertive but not
aggressive way. Try to use I STATEMENTS.
I FEEL ANGRY WHEN YOU… BECAUSE….
CABCAA Changing Tracks Programs Training Manual
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DISTORTED THINKING THAT KEEPS US
STUCK IN OLD TRACKS
BEING RIGHT: You go out of your way to prove yourself right, as if you are
continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct.
Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any lengths to demonstrate
your rightness. (A good recipe to encourage friends and partner/s to stay
away.)
CATASTROPHISING: Your expectations are dominated by disaster. You
notice or hear about a problem and start "what ifs:" What if they find out
how dumb or bad. .. etc. I really am? What if tragedy strikes? (A good
recipe for anxiety and depression.)
AUGHTISM: Life is full of "oughts, shoulds, musts, have tos". You have a
list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. You feel
angry and/or guilty when you or others break these rules. (A good recipe for
conflict and stress .)
CONTROL FALLACIES: (External control) . Others do it to you. Things just
happen to you. You have no control. You see yourself as a helpless victim of
fate. You can't be held responsible. OR (Internal control) . You are
responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you, as if you
can control how they feel. (A good recipe for apathy or frenzy and worry.)
1
CABCAA Changing Tracks Programs Training Manual
DISTORTED THINKING THAT KEEPS US
2
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STUCK IN OLD TRACKS
FILTERING: You take the negative details and magnify
them while filtering out all positive aspects of the situation
in accordance with your negative Tracks . (A good recipe to
maintain a low self-esteem and becoming a pessimist. Such
a person is to be avoided.)
POLARISED THINKING: Things are black and white, good
or bad. You have to be perfect or you are a failure. There is
yes or no. There is no grey or middle ground . (A good
recipe for conflict and ineffective interrelationships).
FALLACY OF CHANGE: If others changed your problems
would disappear. People have to change so that your needs
can be met because it depends on others whether your
needs are met or not. Therefore, you have to change
people because your happiness seems to depend entirely
on them. (A good recipe for unhappiness and broken
DISTORTED THINKING THAT KEEPS US STUCK
IN OLD TRACKS 3
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FALLACY OF FAIRNESS: You know what is fair better than anyone else. Unfortunately
people wont agree with you and so you feel resentful. (A good recipe for rebellion
and nusery.)
BLAMING: Everyone else is responsible for the way you feel. You need to blame
anyone and everyone . (A good recipe for giving away personal power and
responsibility.)
OVERGENERALISATION: You come to a general conclusion based on a single piece of
evidence or situation. You may often hear yourself say "always or never" when
describing when a behaviour or incident occurs . You generalise one or two qualities
into a negative global judgement. (A good recipe for prejudices and rigidity .)
PERSONALISATION: Thinking that everything that people do or say is some kind of
reaction to you as a person. You don't separate the deed from the doer concerning
others.
COMPULSIVE COMPARING: You are forever comparing yourself to others, trying to
determine who is smarter, better looking, etc. You also make comparison of others
with others. (A good recipe for a critic, a gossip, and someone not to be trusted.)
EMOTIONAL REASONING: You are motivated by your feelings. You believe that what
you feel is true - automatically. Even though your feelings are activated by irrational
thinking you follow them. (A good recipe for disaster in interpersonal and financial
situations.)
REWARD FALLACY: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as though
there is someone keeping score. You feel bitter when the reward doesn't come. (A
good recipe for disappointment and bitterness.)
Homework Assertiveness
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Write about an adversity where you were
assertive.________________________________
_______________________________
Who was involved?___________________
Where were you?_____________________
How did you handle the
situation?___________________________
What was the
consequence?____________________________
_______________________________________
__
Humour
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Telling a joke or exaggerating or distorting
a situation to create laughter is another
way to defeat your opponent, anger.
Explain how humour works?
How can it improve your attitude to life?
A friend has called you ‘gay.’ Demonstrate
use of humour to defeat anger.
Practising Humour
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1 . Think of another time you were really
angry . . .
2. How does your body feel? . .
3 . Now switch your thinking to the funniest
thing that ever happened to you . . .
4. How do you feel now? . .
Practice
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You now have five plays to use against
your opponent anger. Describe Each.
Self-Talk
Relaxation
Problem Solving
Assertion
Humour
Finish
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It is important to practice daily what
you've learned at home, in school, during
games, at parties, with friends, or
wherever you are.
Defeat the opponent, ANGER.
Congratulations! YOU'VE COME A LONG
WAY AND HAVE A RIGHT TO BE VERY
PROUD OF YOURSELF!!