Transcript No Slide Title

The Impact of Mixed
Relationships on Three
Generational Families
Reena Masrani, Patrick Leman
& Peter Smith
Goldsmiths College, University of London
“People in all cultures have fathers, mothers,
sons and daughters. But the relations
between them are not culture free”
(Ramanujan, 1983, p.171)
This poster describes a study to explore the interface between
the personal experiences of couples in mixed relationships and
the intergenerational relationships existing within their
families.
Mixed marriages in Britain
Inside the mixed marriage
•We might anticipate differences between cultures on
the social constructions of marriage.Whilst differences
are a potential source of richness they may also create
challenges for those marrying between cultures due to
different religious or cultural beliefs.
•Although differences may create tension and conflict,
by couples negotiating what customs and rituals from
both cultures they wish to practice within their family
unit, they can create their own micro-identity
described by Breger & Hill (1998) as “cultural
bricolage” so that:
“… The mixture of our backgrounds has turned out
to be a strength rather than a weakness…”
(Johnson & Warren,1994, p.2.)
•How freely customs are adopted and adapted may be
influenced by whether the “mixed family” is living
with extended kin, or within an ethnic community in
which following perceived “traditions” is important.
Children_from_mixed
relationships
•Choices of identity and cultural belonging are
unlikely to be “hard and fast”. Children may include
features from any cultural side they are a heirs to
unless a decision to choose one is forced.
•Potential problems which children may face: cultural,
ethnic and racial identification issues, lowered self
esteem, difficulties in dealing with conflicting cultural
demands, and feeling marginal in two cultures.
•Johnson & Nagoshi, (1986) found few differences
experienced between the offspring of intragroup and
intergroup marriages, but the research was done in
Hawaii where intermarriage is common and little
prejudice exists.
•Kerwin, Ponterotto, Jackson & Harris (1993) also
found no evidence of problems in biracial families
in New York.
•In Brixton in the UK, Benson (1981) found a
significant proportion of 27 racially mixed children in
20 interracial households defined themselves as white
in an attempt to deny their black heritage.
Grandparenting a child of a
different race or ethnic group
•It is interesting to look at grandparents as ethnicity
affects grandparenting styles, and values, due to
their role as a bearer of a cultural legacy
(McCready, 1985).
•The value a culture places on grandparenting is
known as grandparent’s latent identity (LGI), and
may be affected by ethnic and cultural factors
(Kornhaber, 1996).
•Kerwin et al (1993) found that grandparents with
strong religious beliefs were anxious for their
grandchildren to be brought up with an awareness
of their ethnic heritage.
Method
.
Aim: to explore the personal experiences
of couples in mixed relationships
and their families
•3 mixed and 3 non mixed
families were used so that
general experiences of family
life and those specific to
“mixed” families” could be
investigated
Grandparents
Mixed = two people from
different linguistic,
religious, ethnic groups
or nations.
Couples in in long term
relationships and
cohabiting as were also
included, because
according to Berrington,
(1998) some couples may
hold less “traditional”
marriage views.
in-depth interviews with each
family member to get a
detailed view of their experiences.
Parents
Children
Data analysis
•As people talk about their experiences their
representations and beliefs are not stable entities,
but are continuously created and negotiated, and
speakers may often contradict themselves.
•Discourse analysis is a technique which seeks to
unravel the complex richness of attitudes by
attending to the details of what is said, and how it is
presented by uncovering the layers of meaning
(Billig, 1992).
•Through talk people perform many actions e.g.,
blaming, justification or denial to achieve particular
effects (Edwards & Potter, 1993).
Steps taken in the analysis:
•Verbatim transcriptions made of each interview.
•Literature about mixed families and the
method and purpose of discourse analysis
was considered as transcripts were slowly read.
•An iterative technique was used to
identify sections considered to be significant.
These were highlighted.
•From significant statements broad themes
emerged. Sections fitting into these themes were
analysed, and ideas that reoccurred within
transcripts were arranged into discourses.
•Fragments of text most illustrative of the
discourses were picked out to provide validity, and
evidence for their existence within the transcript.
•Early assumptions were checked and rechecked.
As patterns and inferences emerged individual
transcripts were looked at to clarify ideas and see
how participants had positioned themselves within
the discourse.
•Different extracts were compared looking for
counter examples, and the conflict and tension
present (Billig, 1997).
Results
The discourses found in each family were explored
in terms of looking at general issues specific to
each generation with the other dimensions that are
•The analysis concentrates on the cultural and
religious issues which arose within the mixed
families.
Cultural Background and its
influence in “mixed families”
•In all relationships there are bound to be
differences. The key in these relationships was to
put beliefs and practices stemming from cultural
backgrounds into the context of their relationship.
Breger & Hill (1998) termed this as cultural
briocolage and there was evidence of parents
having engaged in this as they considered the
relevance and importance of certain aspects of
culture and religion to them in their families:
“neither of us care that much about those
cultural aspects to be prepared to jeopardise
the relationship.”
•However, besides having differences due to
cultural beliefs couples also felt that they were
many common points as well due to families having
similar cultural aspirations.
•Inevitably one of the aspects of culture and having
two backgrounds widens the choices of who you
identify with. In one of the mixed families where
the mother was white and father African American,
the father seemed to have certain ideas of what
cultural heritage his daughter should have:
“her dad thinks its I shouldn’t do that and
you know tell her about Father Christmas.
He hates Father Christmas because Father
Christmas is white. That’s another thing, just like
wonder woman (laughs). And errm he
thinks that is really wrong and er its not
relevant to her, er its not culturally relevant to
her, she’s black, and anyway and I think that’s
a lot of rubbish. Father Christmas is an idea
not a person”
This is interesting because the father sees “white”
images negatively, yet in terms of teaching his
daughter about “blackness” he did not foster any of
the responsibility which the mother felt he should:
“you should take her not me (laughs).
I’m not black, you are”
While wanting her daughter to have an awareness
of both cultures she felt it should be a responsibility
they both handle, according to their backgrounds.
This was echoed in one Jewish-Christian mixed
relationship. The Christian partner was happy to
allow Jewish customs and practices to be
accommodated, yet in terms of actively getting
involved he did not see that as his responsibility:
“it is up to Karen how much effort she wants
to put into that religious identity. I will I
will support it, but I’ll, its not something I
want to spend huge amounts of time
doing myself”
From children’s perspectives they did not suffer from
having two backgrounds. The mixed race daughter
mentioned above identified with both cultures and
their offerings, and related it to appearance as well:
“I am quite proud that I am American and I
am quite proud that I am English, so it don’t,
it doesn’t really matter what you look like”
Parents also thought that having two backgrounds
should not pose a problem either:
“there is no conflict because there are no strings
being pulled in opposite directions,...basically the
differences between myself and Karen my partner
are one of the things that make the relationship
work. Exploring those cultural differences in a
relationship is fun”
Exploring cultural differences and negotiation filter
down to children for example in the JewishChristian family the children were going to learn to
negotiate “cultural rocks” and mediate what they
could and could not do at their Jewish grandparents
house on the Sabbath:
“its very clear from Karen’s parents that they are
orthodox, but they are certainly quite religious
and you can’t spend that much time with them
without that being apparent. They don’t write on
the Sabbath day. So if my kids want to do writing
in their house, they can’t … so they are going to
come across those notions so they they are going
to but errm so but I think they they will learn to
mediate… in a sense the
children are learning to negotiate whatever
cultural rocks there are in the in the way
forward”
•The negotiation is not seen as problematic, but as
gaining an awareness and knowledge of what is
acceptable or appropriate and being able to make
those choices.
•However, sometimes tradition can compete with
choice.
•This couple faced the choice whether or not a son
would be circumcised. Although the issue was
discussed it never needed to be confronted as
“cleverly” they had girls. Yet each family member
was aware of the implications that either decision
could have had if a son had been born.
•It also brought a realisation to the couple that
certain things can be so ingrained in culture that
others outside of the culture may find it hard to
understand:
“something like I could go and circumcise my
son, just something I could never, he would never
ever understand, he will to this day never ever
understand, but I accept that”
Religion
•Religion was a more obvious issue in the mixed
faith family that were interviewed as in the other
two families they came from differing cultural
backgrounds where religion was not a major point
of difference.
•Parents were showing their children that there
were various options. While many may view
coming from different faiths or cultural
backgrounds as a “problem,” this need not be the
case. Even in “non-mixed” families there can be
different positions of religion. Only in mixed faith
households is it more obvious.
•For example in same religion households where
there may be differing levels of believing, the
practising of customs and traditions may be taken
for granted with little awareness of the meaning.
•In mixed households nothing can be necessarily
assumed as it is likely a conscious decision to get
involved or not is made:
“The more steps you take away from Judaism the
harder it is…I kind of have loads of dilemmas
about you know what does it mean, what what is
it Jewishness? And how much is important.”
This Jewish mother saw Judaism an an important
part of her life. Her Jewishness was not based in the
religious teachings that it gave her, but the culture
and traditions it offered.
•She felt that in many ways it was a way of life and
difficult to separate the cultural and religious
aspects of it. By not practising all customs to the
full extent, and compromising it meant that she had
to make more effort to pass on the richness of the
culture to her children.
•An interesting point explored in interviews was
how all religions have common points. This Jewish
woman partnered with a Christian believed it would
be more of a problem if there no religion in her
partner’s family as then there could be no
understanding of why you feel the way about
certain traditions:
I think if it wasn’t for Dora’s religion, Charles’s
Mum’s, that would be more of a problem. There’s
some position of religion in their family, just
happened to be different religions, but there was
a, you know religion was a bit there.”
“
•The mixed children interviewed in this study were
between the ages of 8-10 in the mixed families.
They did not seem to have that much awareness or
interest in their heritage or religion:
“Its just so boring, its just muttering on about. I
don’t know its just weird. If it was a bit like
interesting I would probably like it more”
However, age or being from a same cultural and
religious background does not make it any easier to
understand religion. A 17 year old girl who had a
religious upbringing from two Christian parents
felt:
“I don’t know whether I believe in God or not,
but I do most of the time”
Family Relations
•This is an area where tension and conflict can arise
between the parent and grandparent generations,
especially as these mixed relationships threaten the
“taken for granted certainty” that may exist in non
mixed families regarding the cultural and religious
upbringing of children.
•Between the generations there was a view that as
people get older they are less able to to deal with
issues that are unfamiliar or things that they do not
know about. Another person’s cultural beliefs may
be seen as “funny ideas.”
•One grandmother whose daughter was in a mixed
culture and race relationship, where the
grandchildren did not have an input of that cultural
side, felt that problems existed:
“different upbringing completely.. Different,
different values, everything is different.”
•The relationships grandparents form with the
mixed partner can be thought of one with mixed
feelings. The Jewish woman’s father reflected on
his feelings:
“I would have prefered it to be different. Would
have been happier of course if she had even
married a Jew, but errm er well whilst I would have
liked it to be different I accept the situation now…
and I’ve grown really fond of him”
While he seems to have resolved the issue or
presents the view that he has, his daughter
considers it to be a bit different, although from
the following extract it seems she too is trying to
look at his position and understand it:
“he kind of got into a real mess because he
started acknowledging that you know he really
likes Charles and my sister’s boyfriend, even
though they are not Jewish, he really likes them.
I mean it was not the right thing to say and he
kind of got into a real mess kind of mess about it,
but its because he’s so, its so in built in him, that,
that’s what he believes that he has to say at any
opportunity, but to his credit he’s never said
negatively it about somebody personally. I mean
he has said to me in another way, you know
Charles is just so lovely, and I really like him,
and I’m really fond of him, and it’s a bit of a
problem that he’s not Jewish, but actually no he
doesn’t say that anymore.”
•Although grandparents may have ambivalent
feelings about their child’s partner these may be
resolved when grandchildren enter the equation.
•There is the continuation of the family line, with
the possibility of passing traditions and being a link
to the past (McCready, 1985).
•However, sometimes they may not be able to get
as involved as they would like:
“She just sees them going of to Synagogue and
not to Church and I think that rankles with her.
There’s not that much that I can do about it.
Errm so so that is a bit of an issue but there is a
general I think she would be jealous of whatever
grandparents, whatever the other grandparents
were. Whether they were Christian or Jewish.
That would still be there, but as another
handle”.
•With this grandmother there was a feeling of a
divide having been crossed from “shared culture” to
“one culture”. This father resolved the issue seeing
with his view of religion as knowledge. Christianity
was the dominant culture and religion which society
is permeated with and cannot really escape. Yet the
children’s knowledge of Judaism would need some
nurturing as it is a minority faith and not as
accessible as Christianity.
Conclusions
•Mixed relationships can be enriching with both
partners bringing together their experiences and
expectations to create a new household. In the
families interviewed regardless of cultural
backgrounds there were many similar themes which
would suggest that you are a parent or grandparent
first and you have a sense of what that involves
without any specific cultural expectations impacting
on that. The key factor in these relationships and
families was negotiation and to compromise.
•Children were being exposed to bits of different
cultures and some of this was in a religious context,
and they were at ease with their backgrounds.
•Grandparents could have concerns about couples
relationships, and the family, but could offer a lot in
terms of making a child’s experience more
“culturally rich.”
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