Transcript Conflict Resolution: A Key Skill of an Effective Leader

Academic Administrators
Leadership Series –
Managing Conflict
Chris Loschiavo, JD Associate Dean of Students and Director
of Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution
Overview
• Tools for conflict resolution
• Work through case studies
The PIN Model of Conflict
POSITIONS: What we state we want
INTERESTS: What we really want
NEEDS: What we must have
The PIN Model
Consider …
Professor Smith and Professor Rollins
were in your departmental staff meeting
today. You sensed some tension in the air.
Professor Rollins has been in charge of
recruiting new graduate students to the
department and Professor Smith, a newer
professor to the University was put on the
committee to work with Professor Rollins
and the two don’t seem to be
communicating very well. They begin to
argue during the meeting about new
strategies for recruitment.
Positions (Tip of the Iceberg)
What we state we want
“Listen to me.”
“My idea is a good one.”
“If you won’t take my
suggestions, I want off the
committee.”
Interests (Just under waterline)
What we really want
“I don’t want to waste my time.”
“I want my contributions to be
valued.”
“I am an equal player in this
department.”
Needs (Deep under surface)
What we must have
“I need to feel respected.”
“I need to know that my
contributions are valued and that
I am a valued member of this
department.”
The role of Unmet needs in
driving conflict
• All Violence/Anger Is An Expression Of An
Unmet Need
• How Recognizing Interests/Needs Support
Positive Outcomes (Empathy)
• CHAMPPP Universal Needs
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Conflict Resolution Tools for
YOU
Engaging in Healthy Dialogue
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Active & Reflective Listening
Being Attentive
Summarizing & Restating
Reframing
You / I Statements
Listening
Active Listening
• Paying Attention
• Listen with an open mind
Reflective Listening
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Demonstrate Empathy
Signals understanding
Non-verbals: nodding, eye contact
Verbals: rephrasing and reframing
Attending
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BODY POSTURE
EYE CONTACT
NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS
PAYING ATTENTION
AVOID NERVOUS BEHAVIORS
Summarizing/Restating
• Ability to reflect information back to someone
in your own words.
• Confirms to the speaker that you were listening
to them
Restating
Question Prefaces:
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So you are saying that…
In other words…
It sounds like you...
I’ve heard you say that…
Summarizing/Restating
Example:
Student #1: I am teaching six classes this semester
and I don’t have a lot of time.
Student #2:You are saying that you are very busy
because of your heavy course load.
Reframing
• To reinterpret a statement or comment into a
problem-solving frame.
• Restate what is said
• Remove negative language
• Reframe the discussion from positions to
interests
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Reframing
Using reframing to deescalate:
• Faculty #1: You’re a liar. You said you would give me
the opportunity to run this clinical experience.
• Department Chair #2 :It sounds like you are angry
because you felt you were promised the opportunity to
teach this clinical experience
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Reframe this statement
How would you reframe this to state an interest?
• “He’s a liar. Every time he promises to do
something he has broken that promise. I can’t
trust him.”
Reframe this statement
How would you reframe this to state an interest?
• “John is a jerk. He always disagrees with me.
Every time I make a suggestion he criticizes it.”
Practice Active Listening and Reframing
(content and feelings)
Active listening activity
• Get with a partner. For 1 minute, one of you
describe a conflict that is going on in your
department. The second person, should display
poor active listening skills (interrupt and offer
suggestions, don’t pay attention). Then we will
switch.
• For 1 minute, the next person will describe a conflict
in their department. The second person should be
listening and should engage in active listening and
reframing.
“I” vs “You” Statements
• Use "I" statements when describing the problem to
avoid criticizing or placing blame.
• For instance, say “I feel angry when you interrupt what I am
saying in our departmental staff meeting," instead of, “You are
disrespectful of me!"
• To do otherwise will likely upset the other person and
escalate tensions.
“I” vs “You” Statements
“You” statements tend to attack and/or place blame
• “You never show any concern for my feelings!”
“I” statements tend to have the speaker assume
responsibility for her or his feelings.
• “I feel angry when you talk with Sally instead of listening to
what I have to say in our staff meetings.”
“I” vs “You” Statements
How could you re-word this?
• “You really tick me off when you dominate conversations.”
Poisons in Communication
Some words and phrases are more likely to be
perceived as rude, abrasive, or insulting, and make
it easier for the listener to act in a defensive or
retaliatory manner.
These are considered poisons in communication
and offer a good opportunity for reframing or
questioning.
Poisons in Communication
Commands
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You should…
You shouldn’t…
You will…
You can’t…
You must…
Comparisons
•You’re just like…
•You’re nothing like…
•She would never…
•If I were you I’d …
Poisons in Communication
Exaggerations
• Always
• Never
• Constantly
• Everybody
• Nobody
• Six times = two
• Weeks = days
Other Poisons
•Shaming
•Ignoring
•Name-calling
•Threatening
•Blaming
•Contempt
•Anger
Anger
Anger is:
• A physical or psychological defense against
something
• A response to not getting what we want
• A response to our belief that we are being
violated in some way
Managing Anger
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Check your own emotions and don’t get angry
Acknowledge the anger (Validate)
Restate / Reframe
Questions
Take a Break
Move on to something else
Empathy
An unwavering presence that enables a deep and
meaningful connection with another person.
Reflecting another’s feelings, interests and needs
without any judgment or evaluation.
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
The ladder of inference
The Ladder of Inference
“An inference is a conclusion reached about something unknown on the basis of some things that are known.”
-Roger Schwarz, The Skilled Facilitator: Practical Wisdom for Developing Effective Groups, p.86
Abstract
Attribute cause and/or
motives
Infer meaning from
selected data: Paraphrase
and assign “real” meaning
Select certain data
Directly observable data
She wants to keep the graduate and
undergraduate programs
completely separate
She’s upset because she thinks I
shouldn’t have invited so many
graduate students
“…I wonder why you chose to
invite so many graduate students.”
Supervisor: “Your presentation
was good, but I wonder why you
chose to invite so many graduate
students.”
Specific
CHECK YOUR INFERENCES TO SEE IF THEY ARE ACCURATE!!
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
What power dynamics are present
in your department?
– Silent brainstorming activity
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Some dynamics to think about
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Department Chair and faculty
Tenured faculty and non-tenured
Adjuncts
Faculty and staff
Faculty and students
others/?
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Scenarios
• You are the Department Chair and there is a
conflict in your department regarding services
provided by your administrative support staff.
Some of your faculty feel as though one of their
colleagues is monopolizing her time and they
have come to you. They are angry because they
feel as though they don’t have the same support
as this other faculty member. What would you
do?
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Work through more role plays
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt
Questions?
Contact us
• Associate Dean and Director: Chris Loschiavo
[email protected]
• Associate Director: Laura Matthews: [email protected]
• Asst. Director: Matthew Scruggs [email protected]
• Asst. Director: Ashleigh Wade [email protected]
• Program Asst.: Keondra Brown [email protected]
• Graduate Assistants: Mick Early and Christine Natal
• Undergraduate Case Coordinators: Jasmin Tahirovic, Alexa
Jacobson, Kaitlyn Hargrove
Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for
Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt