Transcript Lecture X - University of Alberta

Lecture 10
Attraction, Affiliation
and Love
Outline
Attraction and Liking
Love
Attachment
Equity Theory
Interpersonal Communication
Relationship Dissolution
Factors Influencing Attraction
Propinquity - Proximity
Mere-exposure effect
Similarity
Reciprocal Positive Evaluations
Physical Attractiveness
Proximity - Quote 1a
Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe
that friends are necessarily the people
you like best, they are merely the people
who got there first
- Sir Peter Ustinov, 1977
Proximity - Quote 1b
When I’m not near the one I love, I love the
one I’m near
- E. Y. Harburg, 1947
Propinquity (Proximity)
A powerful predictor of friendship is
geographical nearness
- Proximity kindles liking
Actually it is not geographical distance that is
critical but “functional distance”
How can you make friends?
Mere-exposure effect
The tendency for novel stimuli to be more
liked after repeated exposures
Do people like the Mona Lisa or is it a
familiar face? To know her is to like her
Can we use this to get people to like us?
Frequency of Exposure and Liking in the Classroom
(from Moreland & Beach, 1992)
Attraction Rating
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
0
5
10
15
# of Times the RA came to Class
Similarity
We like people that are similar to us
Newcomb (1961) – Dormitory Study
People who are similar provide social
validation of beliefs
We assume it will be enjoyable to spend time
with those who are similar to us
‘Birds of a feather’ or
‘Opposites attract’
Demographics
Personality
 Two warm people or two cold
people
 Dominance vs. Submissive
Physical Attractiveness
 Folkes (1982) – dating service study
Another Quote
The average man is more interested in a
woman who is interested in him than he is
in a woman with beautiful legs
- Marlene Dietrich (1901-1992)
Reciprocal Liking
We like to be liked
We like those who like us
Curtis & Miller (1986)
Participants in Pairs
Told target that other participant doesn’t like
them
Attractiveness – Quotes 2
IT IS ONLY SHALLOW PEOPLE
WHO DO NOT JUDGE BY
APPEARANCE
- Oscar Wilde, 1891
Effects of Attractiveness on
Liking
Buss & Barnes (1986)
Asked university students what qualities they
want in a mate
Effects of Attractiveness on
Liking II
Walster (Hatfield) and colleagues (1966)
• University of Minnesota dance (N = 752)
• Battery of personality test
• Blind Date (Not the TV show)
What is Beautiful is Good
Stereotypes:
What are they?
Snyder, Tanke, & Berscheid (1977)
How to Pick-up
THAT’S RIGHT READ THE TITLE
Opening Lines –
Which are Most Effective
Kleike et al. (1986)
Cunningham (1989)
Likeability of Target Person as a
Function of their Pick-Up Line
9
Likeability
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
Cute/Flippant
Neutral
Type of Pick-Up Line
Direct
Test of the “No one is Ugly After
2 a.m. Hypothesis”
Pennebaker et al. (1979)
“How attractive are the men/women here
tonight?”
What is Love?
“Love is something so divine,
Description would but make it less;
‘Tis what I feel, but can’t define,
‘Tis what I know, but can’t express.”
- Beilby Porteus
Zick Rubin (1970)
The Love Scale
3 Factors:
1) Attachment
2) Caring
3) Intimacy
Companionate vs. Passionate
Love
Companionate Love

The affection we feel for those with whom our
lives are deeply intertwined
Passionate Love

A state of intense longing for union with
another. Passionate lovers are absorbed in one
another, feel ecstatic at attaining their partner’s
love, and are disconsolate on losing it.
Love Styles (Hendrick &
Hendrick, 1992)
Eros


passionate
physical appearance
Ludus


game-playing
no commitment
Storge


friendship
slow-moving to
commitment
Mania


possessive
obsessive
Agape


altruistic
gentle, caring, dutiful
Pragma


pragmatic
match on vital statistics
The Triangular Theory of Love
(Sternberg, 1988)
Commitment
Passion
Intimacy
Attachment
Parent-child relationships

Secure


Avoidant


Characterized by trust, a lack of concern with being abandoned
and the view that one is worthy and well liked
Characterized by a suppression of attachment needs
Anxious/ambivalent

Characterized by a concern that others will not reciprocate
one’s desire for intimacy, resulting in higher-than-average
levels of anxiety
Attachment
2 Kinds of Avoidant Attachment
(Bartholomew, 1990; Bartholomew &
Horowitz, 1991)

Fearful Avoidant


Characterized by avoidance of close relationships
because of mistrust and fears of being hurt
Dismissive Avoidant

Characterized by claims of self-sufficiency and no
need for close relationships
Maintaining Relationships
Social Exchange Theory
Interpersonal Communication
The Role of Positive Illusions
Quote
“What, after all, is our life
but a great dance in which we are all trying to
fix the best going rate if exchange?”
- Malcolm Bradbury, 1992
Social Exchange/Equity Theory
Equity

A condition in which the outcomes (i.e.
rewards) people receive from a relationship are
proportional to what they contribute to it (i.e.,
costs; cf. reward/cost ratio)
Comparison level

People’s expectations about the level of rewards
and costs (punishment) they deserve in a
relationship.
Quotes
“What is a friends? I will tell you.
It is a person with whom you dare to be
yourself.”
- Frank Crane
Interpersonal Communication
Self-disclosure

The act of deliberately revealing significant,
personal information about oneself that would
not normally be known.
Dimensions of self-disclosure
Breadth (quantity) of information
 Depth (intimacy) of information

Role of Positive Illusion
Love is blind
Idealization of our romantic partners in order to
maintain the relationship
Murray & Holmes (1993)
Study 1: asked if partner tended to initiate conflicts
Study2: asked to list similarities and differences
Why Relationships End
“To marry a woman you love and who loves
you is to lay a wager with her as to who will
stop loving the other first.”
- Alfred Capus
Relationship Dissolution
Ways of coping with a failing relationship
(Rusbult et al., 1986, 1987)
Loyalty
 Neglect
 Voice

Predictors of Relationship Failure
Rubin, Peplau, & Hill (1981)
Followed 231 dating couples. After 2 yrs 103
couple broke up.
Finding
 Best predictor:Unhappiness of female
The Happiness Continuum
Married men  Single women 
Married women  Single men
Relationship Dissolution
Who is more likely to break-up with
who?
Who is more negatively effected?
Male or Female?
Breaker or Breakee?