Transcript Attraction & Intimacy

Attraction & Intimacy
Liking & Loving Others
I. We need to belong or connect with
others in enduring, close relationships.
Why???
**Promotes survival (more hands to help build
shelter)
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**Positive love relationships promote happiness &
well-being as well as increase chances offspring will
thrive.
**Jilted, widowed, & divorced people more likely to
experience depression than those in happy
relationships.
What’s is like to be ostracized?
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Horrible & harmful!!!
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Those ostracized –more likely to have
depression, anxiety, & difficulty restoring
relationships.
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Being ignored by one’s in-group or society is
neglect—a form of emotional abuse.
II. Friendships
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What factors nurture liking & loving?
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1. Proximity
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2. Physical attractiveness
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3. Similarity Versus Complementarity
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4. Liking those who Like us
A. Proximity:
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Being in close proximity often breeds
liking.
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People tend to marry someone who lives
close to them (same neighborhood; job)
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Why does proximity breed liking???
1. Interaction:
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Those with whom our paths cross (work,
school, gym, military) are more likely to
become our friends.
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Interaction enables us to explore our
similarities to see if there’s mutual liking.
Availability
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It’s harder to get to know people who don’t
live nearby, work in the same field, or go to
a different school.
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Physical availability makes getting to know
others easier.
Why does proximity encourage affection
rather than animosity?
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--Adaptability-it’s adaptive to get along with
those nearby.
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--Common ground—We can discover each others
similarities easier when they are close by.
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--Merely anticipating interaction-boosts liking
2. Mere-exposure- to stimuli boosts our
preferences for them.
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Zajonc (1968, 1970) flashed images of Chinese
figures to Ss for brief time periods on session 1.
During session 2, Ss were flashed with the same
images as well as new ones for longer time periods.
They had to rate their preference for each image.
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Ss preferred images they had previously been
exposed to.
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Thus, mere exposure leads to liking even when
people are unaware they have been exposed.
B. Physical Attractiveness
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1. Attractiveness and dating - A woman’s attractiveness is a good
predictor of her dating/relationship
frequency,
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This is less true for men.
Do men care more about the attractiveness
of the female than vice versa???
Hatfield Study (1966)- matched 752 University of
Minnesota 1st year students for a “welcome week” dance.
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Students were given personality & aptitude tests, but
were actually matched randomly with another student.
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During dance, couples were paired together to talk &
dance for over 2 hours.
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Males were more likely to “like” the female if he thought
she was attractive.
2. The Matching phenomenon (likes
attract likes)
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People tend to be attracted to those who are similar in
physical attractiveness & intellectual status.
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If one partner is lacking in “attractiveness” they usually
have other qualities that compensate (wealth, status,
power).
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Younger women & older men (Donald Trump
 & Marla Maples, Michael Douglas & Kathryn
 Zeta-Jones).
3. Attractiveness stereotype
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We are hard-wired to like attractive people.
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Both children & adults will stare longer at people
with attractive than unattractive faces.
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We tend to rate attractive people as more:
intelligent
Successful
Happy
Seuxally responsive
friendly
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Who determines attractiveness?
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What is most average is beautiful (Langlois &
Roggman, 1994) found the most average face is
considered the most beautiful.
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These researchers digitized 32 faces of college
students & used a computer to average them.
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Ss judged the “averaged” faces as more appealing
than 96 % of individual faces.
Why should average-ness & symmetry
determine what’s attractive?
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May signal health & fertility.
C. Similarity vs. complementarity
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The more similar people are (beliefs,
values,etc.) the more likely they are to have
relationships with one another.
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We are less likely to like others who share very
different values than ourselves.
D. Liking those who like us
We tend to like those who like us (cool, the
mutual admiration society!!!!)
We have to believe this is sincere, & not selfserving on the other person’s part.
III. Love
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How do we define it?
Two types:
 --Passionate
 --Companionate
A. Passionate Love:
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Is emotional, exciting, & intense
(rollercoaster ride of joy & despair).
Theory of passionate love
 Passionate love is the psychological
experience of being biologically aroused by
someone we find attractive.
Schater & Singer’s theory of emotion
Dutton & Aron Bridge (1974) study:
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A young attractive female approached individual male
Ss as after they had crossed a wobbly suspension high
above a rocky river.
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The female asked each male to fill out a questionnaire.
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When the S finished, the female gave him a piece of
paper with her phone # & invited him to call her.
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In contrast to a control group (a solid bridge not far
above water), the males in the experimental group were
more likely to call the female.
Do males & females differ in how they
experience passionate love?
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Yes!!!
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Men fall more readily in love than women do.
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Men fall out of love more slowly & are less likely
than women to break-up a premarital romance.
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Women focus on emotional content of
relationship, men focus more on physical aspects
of relationship (Hendrick and Hendrick, 1995).
B. Companionate love
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The highs & lows of passionate love wane with
time. (The Honeymoon is over!!!!!)
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After 2 years of marriage, spouses express
affection about half as often as when they were
newlyweds.
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Companionate love is less intense, but long lasting
& satisfying.
IV. Ending Relationships: The Party’s
Over
U.S.- 50% divorce rate
Who is more likely to divorce?
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Those in individualistic cultures
 Those marrying for love
 Getting married before age 20
 Both grew up in unstable homes
 Lack of stable income
 Dated a short time before marrying
 Are not similarly educated
 Live in a big city
 Were pregnant before marriage