Transcript Slide 1

Are Your Emotions Sober?
Practical Ways to Improve Your Well-Being
John Howard Prin, LADC
Minnesota Recovery Connection
April 17, 2014
John Prin BIO
• Licensed Alcohol & Drug Counselor,15 years:
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In-Patient and Out-patient
Former Hazelden counselor
Current Private Practice as Educator/Speaker
• Author of three recovery books:
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Stolen Hours
Secret Keeping
Roadmap to Lifelong Recovery
• Founder of TrueYouRecovery in Minneapolis
www.TrueYouRecovery.com
Today’s Focus
• The Problem
The way a person in sobriety reacts to life’s challenges,
difficulties, and surprises may arouse emotions that are
stronger, bigger, or more intense than the situation calls
for. Out-of-control emotions can lead to relapse.
• The Solution
When a person in sobriety chooses to respond to life’s
up and downs, rather than reacting, s/he gains
perspective on those situations and maintains emotional
equilibrium. This balance fosters healthy recovery.
In a Nutshell…
From…
Self-medicating emotions
To…
Self-regulating emotions
From…
Emotional Extremes
To…
Emotional Equilibrium
Tools I Found Effective
• “Acceptance” paragraph
(p. 417 Big Book)
“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”
• The Promises
(p. 83-84 Big Book)
“We will know a new freedom and a new happiness”
“We will comprehend the word serenity and know peace”
“We will see how our experience can benefit others”
• Gratitude Book - One thing I’m thankful for each day
• Earnie Larsen’s Stage II - Self Talk Exercises
• Emotions Anonymous - “Just For Today’s”
Bill W.’s Essay
“THE NEXT FRONTIER: EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY”
January 1958
Key points in essay:
• After successful sobriety from alcohol, "many oldsters"
still lacked emotional sobriety. Bill included himself.
• Even successfully sober, and linked with the Fellowship
of AA, “peace and joy may still elude us.”
Emotional Sobriety’s Main Goal:
“How to translate a right mental conviction into a right
emotional result, into easy, happy and good living.”
“A right emotional result
Easy, Happy, Good living”
TAMING The BEAST
• Emotions that remain unmanageable
make us – and our loved ones –
miserable.
• Bill asked:
“How shall our unconscious be
brought into line with what we
actually believe, know and want.”
BASIC FLAW
“Frightful and faulty dependencies”
Dependence on "prestige, security,
perfectionist dreams" leads to
DEPRESSION
Failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually...
…is due to the "pain from demanding
the impossible – adolescent urges,
seeking top approval, perfectionism."
HOW TO CHANGE?
“If we examine every disturbance we
have, great or small, we will find at
the root of it some unhealthy
dependency and its consequent
unhealthy demand.”
“We can be set free to live and love
if we surrender these hobbling
demands.”
www.TianDayton.com
Clinically speaking…
Self Regulation
“Emotional sobriety is about finding balance
and maintaining our emotional equilibrium.”
We do so by improving our ability to self-regulate
“Balance occurs when our thinking, feelings
and behavior are congruent, when we
operate
in an integrated flow.”
Tian Dayton, PhD
YOUR TURN
Pairs Exercise
• Select a partner
• Take turns answering two questions:
1. Describe a person you know in recovery who
regulates his/her emotions successfully.
2. Describe a person you know in recovery who
regulates his/her emotions poorly.
My Journey
from Emotional Hijacking
While Addicted
Self Pity
Rage
Envy
Despair
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In Recovery
Gratitude
Forgiveness
Acceptance
Hope, trust
GOAL: To regulate my emotions, inner and
outer, appropriate to the reality of the situation
Insights from My 4th Step
MAJOR DISCOVERY:
Behind my feelings (stronger and “bigger” when
addicted) were thoughts and unexamined
statements I made to myself (self-talk) that
triggered unpleasant feelings I had to escape.
 “Life cheats me”
Anger, blame, hostility
 “My hopes and dreams fail”
Shame, guilt, inferiority
 “Others have it better than me” Fear, distrust, aggression
Replacing Negative with New
Negative
“Life cheats me”
New
 “Life blesses me”
“My hopes & dreams fail” 
“Others have it better
than me”
“I celebrate my successes”
 “I am worthy and equal
to others”
The Value of Repetition
Hint: HABIT
Once replaced, each new reasonable/
rational thought needed repeating until
it took over – often daily for 3 to 6 weeks.
New Thought
New Feelings
 “Life blesses me”
Joy, gratitude, hope
 “I celebrate my successes”
Optimism, satisfaction
 “I am worthy & equal to others” Serenity, peace, centered
Ways to Come into Balance
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Resolve early childhood wounds
Learn ways to self-soothe naturally
Develop a strong relationship network
Maintain a healthy body with exercise, rest,
nutrition, and sensual pleasure
• Find meaningful activities, work, hobbies, passions
• Process emotional ups and down as they happen
• Develop inner resources, quiet meditation,spiritual
pursuits
THANKS to Tian Dayton, PhD
Albert Ellis - 1950s
Father of CBT
Our emotions stem mainly
from our beliefs, evaluations,
interpretations, and reactions
(“cognitions”) to life situations.
These cognitions can be
either rational
(realistic, logical)
or irrational
(dysfuntional, maladaptive).
Emotional Disturbances
• People develop “emotional disturbances” and
behavioral difficulties when they take their valid
desires for love, approval, success and make
the mistake of perceiving them as dire needs.
• Emotional Disturbances largely result from
irrational, self-defeating thinking:
* “If I don’t get my way, I will go to pieces”
* “I must do better, or I’m a complete failure”
* “I ought to have success, but life is never fair”
Basic CBT Model
1. When a person is skilled at Identifying
2. and Refuting irrational beliefs,
3. and has learned to Replace these
ineffective ways of thinking with effective
and rational (realistic, logical) cognitions,
4. the Result is one’s emotional reactions
to situations improve.
Earnie Larsen’s Stage II
Thoughts 
Feelings 
Actions 
Results 
Thoughts 
Feelings 
Actions 
Results 
Also
POSITIVE
PSYCHOLOGY
Positive Self Talk
Healthy SELF TALK fuels a person’s
Emotional Sobriety:
• Negative self-definition >>>
(leads to)
• Negative behavior >>>
(leads to)
• Negative results >>>
(lead to)
“The better the
Discovery,
the better the
Recovery.”
- Earnie Larsen
This Cycle is reversed when
the person replaces NEG Self-Talk with POS
Replacing Self-Talk
OLD Self Talk
NEW Self Talk
Change “Alcohol is my best friend”
To
“Alcohol is my worst enemy”
Change “I’ll never be somebody”
To
“I am somebody”
Change “Life is out to get me”
To
“Life is full of opportunities”
Change “I don’t matter to anybody” To
“I matter a lot / am worthy”
Change “Life cheats me”
“Life blesses me”
To
Positive Self-Talk Boosts Emotional Sobriety
Stage II Recovery
(Earnie Larsen)
Stage I (Get Sober)
Past
Problem
Disease/Crisis
Consequences
Destructive Beliefs
Isolation
SELF
Stage II (Stay Sober)
Present & Future
Solution
Health/Growth
Amends
Constructive Beliefs
Fellowship
OTHERS
Emotions Anonymous
“A 12-Step program for those seeking emotional health.”
www.EmotionsAnonymous.org
The Choice is Mine:
“Just for today I will try to adjust myself
to what is and not force everything
to adjust to my own desires.”
List of “Just for Todays”…
…pick 3 that you like
See SAMPLES in HANDOUTS
True You Recovery Services
952-941-1870
www.TrueYouRecovery.com
Minneapolis, MN 55439