Transcript PowerPoint Presentation - Bringing the Vision to Life

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Managing Conflict
Tools of the Trade
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Learning Objectives
• Better understand conflict from a
leadership point of view.
• Acquire new tools for successfully
managing conflict situations.
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Norman Rockwell
The
Scoutmaster
A picture of . . .
what?
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• A perfect night, a perfect camp
site, perfect Scouts
• A Scoutmaster in contemplation
of perfection, serene and
satisfied
• A Scoutmaster who appears
utterly competent and in control
- OR 5
. . . are these the only
moments of peace and
quiet the poor man has all
day – when everyone else
is unconscious?
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Where was
Norman Rockwell . . .
• When the Boy Scouts were poking the
bear with a stick?
• When Cub Scout parents were
screaming about the outcome of the
Pinewood Derby?
• When the Varsity team was arguing
over officiating of the basketball game?
• When the Venture Crew could not agree
on anything about their weekend
adventure?
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Leadership . . .
• Is easy when everything is going well
(or when everyone else is unconscious)
• Usually involves managing conflict by
finding common ground among people
• Is providing tools for people to settle
their own disputes
• On rare occasions, involves making
unilateral decisions
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Exercise
• Get with a partner.
• One of you make a fist (yes, you
have to decide who [first lesson]).
• The other has 2 minutes to
convince the one to open that fist.
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Exercise Results
• Get with a partner.
• One of you make a fist (yes, you have to decide
who [first lesson]).
• The other has 2 minutes to convince the one to
open that fist.
What happened?
Was anyone successful?
If so, how?
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What Were Strategies?
• Bribery? (I’ll give you money.)
• Concern? (It’s better for you.)
• Persuasion? (If we both have open hands, we’re on
common ground.)
• Interest? (What’re you hiding in there?)
• Straightforward? (Please just open your fist.)
In a law-abiding, nonthreatening world, we
can’t make anyone do anything they don not
want to do.
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Basic Conflict
• How do you convince a 5- or 6-year-old to
put away toys and take a bath? Give me
suggestions.
• What if that doesn’t work? What if the
child digs in and refuses. Do we have to
resort to a “power over” scenario (time out;
take away a toy)?
• Think about employer and employee, or
about Scout Leader and Scout.
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In managing conflict , . .
• be aware of yourself
• be aware of others
• set the scene for cooperative
resolutions
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Be Aware of Yourself
• Why is the issue, as it exists, important to
you?
• Does it really matter whether the other
person ever opens the fist?
• Does the child really need a bath now?
• Do the Scouts really need to eat dinner now,
or just some time (self-resolving conflict)?
• Is the conflict a real issue, or a you issue?
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Be Aware of Others
• When are people most likely to do what you
want, if it is something they don’t want to do?
– they trust you
– experience says you are a reliable leader and
ally
– they understand you make decisions for the
good of the group
• Remember “Listening to Learn.” LISTENING is
the most important component of conflict
resolution. Without it, you miss vital facts,
beliefs, and assumptions.
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Set the Scene for
Cooperative Resolutions
• Listening attentively is essential to
establish a cooperative relationship.
• Think about the “Who, Me?” game and
shared experiences – you were
establishing common ground, trust,
familiarity, understanding – connections.
• Become involved – establish connections
that can be used to resolve conflict.
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The Most Important
Question
• Whenever you work with others, the most
important question to ask them is:
“What do you want?”
– When was the last time someone asked you?
– When was the last time someone really
listened to your answer?
• Now turn the questions around! When
was the last time you asked . . . ?
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Critical Questions
for Conflict Resolution
1. What do you want?
2. What are you doing to get it?
3. Is it working?
4. Do you want to figure out another way?
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Why?
• Number 1 focuses attention on real needs.
• Numbers 2 and 3 make people
responsible to discover their own solution
(DON’T SKIP THESE STEPS!).
• Number 4 allows them to invite your help.
Too often, we ask 1, then skip 2 and 3, and
go to a variation of 4 where we offer our
solution.
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Remember . . .
• you can’t control the other person, BUT
• you can persuade
• you can offer to join forces in mutual
search for a solution
• you can encourage the other person to
help be an active seeker for meaningful
answers
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Effective Communication
in Conflict Situations
• There is more than just words, remember
(eg, body language, tone of voice).
– Ask “the most important question” with
different emphases.
• Manage emotions, breathe slowly, step
back, focus on situation for what it is, not
what someone else wants to make it.
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Effective Communication
in Conflict Situations
• Work in the present and future, let the past go.
• Focus on solutions, rather than recriminations,
(Fix the problem, not the blame!).
• Any time you feel that you are not making
progress, return to the four basic questions:
What do you want? What are you doing to get it? Is it working?
Do you want to figure out another way?
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Negotiating Limits
and Rules
Are you “law abiding?”
• Actually, tell me about how you are not; for
example:
– speed limits
– getting to meetings on time
• So, are you really 100% “law abiding”; why
or why not?
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Negotiating Limits
and Rules
• Scenario #1: I have a curfew. If I’m a
“little late,” it’s OK. If I’m more than a “little
late,” it’s not OK. What are the lessons?
– Be clear about boundaries and stick to them.
– Can both sides be involved in establishing
boundaries?
– What do you want? What does the other side
want? Is there common ground? What’s
negotiable?
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Negotiating Limits
and Rules
• Scenario #2: Older boys hike ahead of
younger and out of sight, rest, then move
out again as soon as younger boys catch
up – plus, it’s in bear country. What’s the
problem?
– safety issue
– morale and team building
– appropriate leadership over all participants
Who wants what? Common ground? What’s
negotiable?
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Negotiating Limits
and Rules
• Cooperative Approach – engage everyone
on an equal basis to find a solution – ask
the “four important questions.”
• Proscriptive Approach
– This is what I want.
– This is what I understand you are doing.
– This is why it isn’t working for me.
– Here’s what I need you to do.
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Negotiating Limits
and Rules
• Proscriptive approach causes immediate
change in behavior, but allows explanation
and basis for decision, interaction on a
healthy level, and opportunity to evolve
into a cooperative arrangement.
• Works best when leaders have listened
and learned, been willing to communicate,
cared and connected.
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Negotiating Limits
and Rules
Be open about your understanding of mutual
responsibilities and expectations; for instance:
My job is
•to do all I can to ensure your
safety
•to help you get the most out
of this experience
•to be honest with you and
treat you with respect
Your job is
•to tell me when you don’t feel
safe
•to help me ensure your safety
•to be honest with me and
treat
me with respect
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Ideas to Share
More Often
• If I’m doing something that bothers you, I’d
like you to tell me in a respectful way.
• How will it be if we really get along? What
will that be like?
• If I see you’re having a problem, what do
you want me to do?
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Back to The First
Exercise
• The right words will open the fist, but it
takes awareness and understanding.
• Participants: make fists, then open them
and shake hands – the ultimate goal of
conflict resolution – find solutions that
bring us closer together, rather than push
us farther apart.
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Learning Objectives
So, do you have…
• a better understanding of conflict from a
leadership point of view? (YOU BET!)
• acquired new tools for successfully
managing conflict situations? (YOU BET!)
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Is It Worth the Effort?
YOU
BET!
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Thank You!
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