Transcript Assertiveness Training

Assertiveness Training
What is an assertive personality?
You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in
such a way that the rights of others are not violated
– Implies that you can express your personal likes and
interests
– You can talk about yourself without being self-conscious
– You can accept compliments comfortably
– You can openly disagree with someone
– You can ask for clarification
– You can say “NO”
What about those who don’t show
assertive behavior?
People who show relatively little assertive behavior
do not believe they have a right to their feelings,
beliefs, or opinions.
They reject the idea that they are equal to others
They have difficulty objecting to exploitation or
mistreatment
They grew up doubting themselves and looking to
others for validation and guidance
What are the 3 basic styles of
interpersonal behavior?
Aggressive – opinions, feelings, and wants are
honestly stated, but at the expense of others
– Advantage – get what they want
– Disadvantage – make enemies and people avoid them
Passive – opinions, feelings, and wants are withheld
altogether or expressed indirectly
– Advantage – minimizes responsibility for making
decisions
– Disadvantages – low self-esteem and having to live with
others decisions
What are the 3 basic styles of
interpersonal behavior? (cont)
Assertive – opinions, feelings, and wants are clearly
stated without violating the rights of others
– Advantage – active participation in making decisions,
getting what you want without alienating others, emotional
and intellectual satisfaction of respectfully exchanging
feelings and ideas, and high self-esteem
What is your script for change?
Look at your rights, what you want, what you need, and what
your feelings are about the situation
Arrange a time and place to discuss your problem that is
convenient for you and the other person
Define the problem as specifically as possible’
Describe your feelings so that the other person has a better
understanding of how important the issue is to you
Express your request in one or two easy to understand
sentences
Reinforce the other person to give you what you want
What if the other person doesn’t
get it?
In some cases, positive reinforcement may be ineffective
If the person seems resistant or you’re having trouble
motivating them to cooperate
– Utilize negative consequences for failure to cooperate
– Most effective ones are descriptions of the alternative
way you will take care of yourself if your wishes aren’t
met
• If we can’t leave on time, I’ll have to leave without you.
Then you’ll have to drive over later on your own.
LADDER script
Look at your rights and goal in the situation
Arrange a time and place to discuss the situation
Define the problem specifically
Describe your feelings using “I” statements
Express your request simply and firmly
Reinforce the other person to give you what you
want
Is body language important to
assertiveness?
Yes, it portrays confidence in what you are
saying and doing
Important body language cues:
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Maintain direct eye contact
Maintain an erect body posture
Speak clearly, audibly, and firmly
Don’t whine or use an apologetic tone of voice
Make use of gestures and facial expressions for
emphasis
Is listening important to
assertiveness?
Yes, it is just as important for you to hear the other person
as for them to hear you
Sometimes you will need to deal with an issue that is
important to the other person before they will be able to
focus on what you have to say.
– This is especially true when what you want conflicts with long
unspoken and unmet needs of the listener
Steps to listening assertively
– Prepare
– Listen and Clarify
– Acknowledge
Learn how to avoid manipulation
Broken record
Content-to-process shift
Defusing
Assertive delay
Assertive agreement
Clouding
Assertive inquiry
Laughing it off
Accusing gambit
The beat-up
Delaying gambit
Why gambit
Self-pity gambit
Quibbling
Threats
Denial