Transcript - The Wisdom of Individuals Seeing and Being Different in a Family, a Business, or in a Crowded Brain  Presentation for the.

- The Wisdom of Individuals Seeing and Being Different
in a Family, a Business, or in a
Crowded Brain
 Presentation for the American Society of
Cybernetics Oct. 29th 2005
 The George Washington University, Mt. Vernon Campus
2100 Foxhall Road, Washington, DC

Andrea Maloney Schara, LCSWA
 www.ideastoaction.com
[email protected]
The Dynamic Tension Existing in
Emotional Systems
There are two forces  1) to be an individual
 2) the force to join in with the group - the
togetherness force- the fusion force.
 Source: FAMILY THERAPY IN CLINICAL PRACTICE, Murray
Bowen, MD
Sensitivity in One’s family of Origin
In order to function as adults’ people
often deny their attachments becoming
emotionally distance from the family.
Emotional distance can be achieved by
internal mechanisms or by physical
distances.
Family members are often unaware of
the pressure to conform or their
reactivity to it.
Pressure to Conform - Fusion –
“The Love Lock” or Dysgnosis
Emotional system can promote the
suppression of the perception of
change.
Living in the past occurs when there are
automatic reactions to others, which
includes the pressure to live by their
rules, to feel their pain or to feel the
other as a pain.
Neurofeedback – NCP
 NCP offers a physiological gateway to
observing and being present.
 One person in the family absorbs more
anxiety than others resulting in more ditches
in the brain.
 Watching the brain change promotes
diversity and coherence within the brain by
watching patterns change.
Neurofeedback Offers Information of
Change to the Brain.
Enables individuals to be more present
as observers of self and others.
Lowers overall anxiety.
Reconfigures the point where one’s
development was stuck.
The Infectious Field – The
Togetherness Force
Separating out a self from the
energy field
Anxiety and Managing Self
 Anxiety goes up
awareness goes
down.
 Humans like trees,
need deep roots and
a strong center to
with stand the winds
of change.
From automatic distancing and trying to help
and protect others, I gradually to learned to be
a bit more autonomous. ams
The Maloney- Maher Family
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GL, 1913-89
AJM 1909-67
M.40 -S.49 & 52
AMS
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AWM, 1918-74
AJM, Jr. 1950
WMM, 1943
BECOMING A BETTER OBSERVER –
ONE KEY TO BEING A LEADER
Taking responsibility for being one part of a
system.
Discovering three generations of patterns in
one’s family of origin.
In telling or listening to stories just remember Self-reference is the infinite
in finite guise.
Francisco Varela
Re-Thinking my Family
 Diagramming multigenerational
relationships.
 Genetic vulnerability and the history of how
people have been with one another.
 Coach’s job - allow people to tell and re tell
their family story, to reduce reactivity, and to
have more open, non anxious relationships.
Family Systems Theory and
Psychotherapy
Bowen Family Systems Therapist has a
responsibility to define a self and know
one’s extended family and his or her
sensitivity to others.
Self organizing systems  This term becomes meaningless, unless the
system is in close contact with the
environment, which posses available energy
and order, and with which our system is in a
state of perpetual interaction, such that it
somehow manages to “live” on the expenses
of this environment.
 Heinz von Foerster - Observing Systems
Sensitivity Goes Down as
Autonomy is Established
Open relationships
Being in good contact
Sensitivity Over Focus, Worry, Blame
and a Lack of Autonomy- Other Focus-
Emotional Process
 Basic relationships patterns, developed for
adapting to the parental family in childhood,
are used in all other relationships throughout
life.
 The basic patterns in social and work
relationships are identical to relationship
patterns in the family, except in intensity.
(Source: FAMILY THERAPY IN CLINICAL
PRACTICE, page 462)
How does Learning Help?
 Living systems must be able to compute
future events from past experiences.
 Systems need memory to become “inductive
inference computers.”
 How much uncertainty, as to future events, is
able to be removed by acquiring higher
levels of order?
 (Source: Observing Systems, Heinz von
Forester page 97)
CHANGE
What is going to change?
How is the change to be
accomplished?
What is the cause of this change?
Timeless MemoryBehavior and Learning
 Stories about the past are told in the now.
 Potential awareness of past experiences –
self-reference, self description, self –
explanation creates a space for change.
 Changes in behavior can occur automatically
when there is less anxiety and greater ability
to be present, without reacting to what is.
Observe Observers
Asking clients to tell their story.
 Then you can make an interpretation
and find confirming entities.
Or use the scientific method – Facts
proceed interpretation.
If we can’t perceive,
we cannot perceive
of the future,
and thus we do not know
how to act now.
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Goal –Obtaining Knowledge of the
Past Gives Greater Ability to Live
in the Present
Bowen Family Theory integrates past
and present experience to inform new
activities, either as thought, will or
speech and movement.
Actions taken speak of the future we
are creating…
Open Relationships
Establishing a more “open”
relationship system in the extended
family.
Becoming aware of the social pressure
to conform.
Good emotional contact is maintained by
creating a space for the other.
Finding a way to speak one’s truth without
pressuring the other to change.
Anxiety
During anxious times its is difficult to
say what he/she thinks or believes, if it
might upset people.
Those who have only duty visits home
are vulnerable to stress - marital
discord and problem with their
children.
The Wisdom of the Crown Independence keeps people from being
swayed by a single opinion leader
 People's errors balance each other out,
and guarantees that the results are
"smarter" than if a single expert had
been in charge.
“Wise crowds” or collective
intelligence needs -
(1) diversity of opinion
(2) independence of members from one
another
(3) decentralization and
(4) a good method for aggregating
opinions.
The Danger…Moving towards
fusion…….
“The more influence we exert on each
other, the more likely it is that we will
believe the same things and make the
same mistakes.”
The Design of the Brain
The other individual is seen as the
problem, people rate self as less
susceptible to bias than others.
Pronkin, Lin, & Ross (2003) gathered
data to show the eight different biases
in human judgment.
Philip Zimbardo 1971
The Prison Experiment
Showed how individuals assume roles
given a social context.
24 well tested volunteers-half assigned
role of guard and half prisoners.
Prison in basement at Stanford –where
guards and prisoners were humiliated,
etc.
People Unable to Separate Real and
Assumed Personality.
I began to feel that the person I was, was
distant from me - was remote - until finally I
wasn't that, I was # 416.
 The research was ended after five days.
 The importance of work culture and
relationships in shaping behavior.
Asch Experiments -1950’s
The coercive effects of group behavior
on the ability to see how long a line is.
35% went along with the incorrect
judgments of the majority of the group.
2005 -.- A New f.M.R.I Study on Group
Pressure by Dr. Gregory Burns
Showed the 41% of group chose the
wrong answer under social pressure.
No activation in forebrain monitoring
conscious activity.
Activity increases in right side devoted
to spatial awareness.
Independent thinkers activated right
amygdala and right caudate nucleus.
Group Pressure to Abuse FactsTogetherness
 Stanley Milgram did the classical work on
Obedience to Authority (New York: Harper
and Row, 1974) Participants willing to shock
people to levels which threatened their live.
 Milgram did that experiment many times, and
found that 65% of people would administer
shocks marked in the lethal range while the
recipients screamed, no matter if the setting
was Yale or the shopping center.
Triangles - Two agree and gain
energy at a cost to a third.
A form of cohesion in all social system.
Forming alliances with those who agree
with you can be dangerous for your
autonomy.
Detriangling
 One is in contact with other individuals about an
emotional issue.
 There is no side taking or counterattacking or
defending self.
 The goal is to stay in contact and have a neutral
response.
 Over time the family gains as one member is able to
relate more freely without taking sides and becoming
entangled in the emotional system.

Murray Bowen, MD (1913-1990)
 Defining a self in the family of origin by
managing self in relationship to others while
specifically avoiding focus on polarizing old
emotional issues in the nuclear family, and
being clear about what one believes and will
or will not do.
Family Therapy in Clinical Practice (pgs 539 – 545)
We forfeit three fourths of ourselves in
order to be like other people.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Murray Bowen, MD
 System therapy cannot remake that which
nature created, but through learning how the
organism operates, controlling anxiety, and
learning to better adapt to the fortunes and
misfortunes of life, it can give nature a better
chance."
(Source: FAMILY THERAPY IN CLINICAL PRACTICE,
page 410)
My book in processLegitimate Leaders: Taking off the
Relationship Blinders
I Interviewed Ten Leaders
Gathered stories on how
leaders gain strength by
understanding relationships.
This book is about being a leader—
either by default or by desire—and
designing a compass to guide you as
you implement your leadership goals.
Along the way, you’ll also learn a bit
about family systems theory and the
man who invented it all, Murray Bowen,
M.D.
Telling Your Story of How people
Influenced You - name five people 1) The conflict or confusion
2) Strategy adapted
3) The transformation
4) The Leadership Prescription Box –
Future Directions for Me
“The Mindful Compass”
(North) Define a vision – This is what I
will or will not do (South) Resistance to change in
yourself and/or in any system
“Mindful Compass”
(West) The ability to connect with
people and understand the history
of relationships
(East) The capacity to be separate
Becomes a better observer and
controlling one’s emotional reactivity
Understand your past sensitivity so
you can Back out of intense situations
Slow down emotional reactions
Make neutral or loose comments
Stay in good humor
Learn by asking –
What did this situation teach me?
Defining a Self
 A more mature self emerges when people are
calmer – one way - NCP
 Know the family and or works system- the
expectations and patterns of relating – who
is close - who is on the outside?
 Understand the many generations without
blame, listening to the various stories,
respecting the diversity of answers and
people.
 Know what you are willing to do and say so.