Transcript A Family Systems Approach to Congregational Life

Emlyn A. Ott
American Association of Pastoral Counselors
Leesburg, Virginia
20 April 2012
www.healthycongregations.com
Family Systems Theory Is Not for
the Faint of Heart
Family Systems for the Leader, Their Family
and Congregation 101
Or…
Family Systems Theory 1001
Or both….
Equipping, Challenging, Clarifying with
Grace….
Who Was Murray Bowen?
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Psychiatrist who was trained in traditional psychoanalytic model who
became convinced that the impact of the family and multigenerational
family process stirs the presence of “symptoms” in each generation;
focusing on individual pathology did not lead to increasing ability for
humans to function deeply and fully.
Studied families with schizophrenic members first at Menninger and
then at NIH. Leader in the “family movement” which led to many
different approaches to family systems theory in the 50’s and the 60’s.
Developed a theory that considered eight concepts and two life forces
as being important to looking at families and groups of people who
find themselves together for a purpose.
Made use of observation and scientific language to describe the natural
processes associated with human life
Contributions led to the development of what is now called “Bowen
theory” or “natural systems theory”
Continued research done at The Bowen Center for the Study of the
Family (www.thebowencenter.org)
What Do You Know About Bowen
Theory or Natural Systems?
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Eight Concepts – triangles, cut-off, sibling position,
differentiation of self, nuclear family emotional process,
family projection process, multigenerational family
process, societal emotional process
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Two Life Forces – anxiety and closeness/distance
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A Ninth Concept – spirituality
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Further Research on the concept of the “Unidisease”
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Impact of Bowen theory on religious communities and
organizational life
Natural Systems Observation
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Who and what gets worried about (family projection process)
When relationships get wobbly, what happens and are those
relationships stuck (triangles)
How do relationships between siblings and parents create
expectations and dynamics (sibling position)
What patterns and emotions seem to be carried on in multiple
generations (multigenerational transmission process)
How does anxiety and togetherness function (emotional system)
Where is there no contact with ideas or people (cutoffs)
How well are family members functioning with their whole selves
(differentiation)
What is the impact of societal pressures (emotional process in
society)
@Emlyn A. Ott, 2010
For the Birds
2001 Academy Award
Winner for Best
Animated
Short
 What do you observe?
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Common Tricky Understandings
(Fallacies???)
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Systems theory is about leadership
Systems theory is about managing conflict
Systems theory is about managing change
Busyness is the same as overfunctioning
Talking to another person is the same as
“staying connected”
Systems theory is about getting out of triangles
The leader’s job is to lower systemic anxiety
And an extremely tricky concept…
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Non-anxious presence….
Do we confuse this concept with an
“Anxious Absence?”
The only time that we are truly without
some form of anxiety is……
when we are dead.
A General Systems Approach:
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What’s So Unique About Systems
Thinking?
Movement away from cause and effect
thinking.
All things/beings are related.
Everything is multi-causal
General Systems and Natural
Systems
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Yes! There is a difference!
General Systems Theory is used for organizational
understanding and to encourage us to think bigger and
outside of our comfort zone.
Natural Systems Theory/Emotional Process
understanding looks at the unique structure that has
been created in us that encourages the challenge
between closeness and separation—called one of the
“life forces” by Murray Bowen.
By observing created life, we have a view of those
processes and relationships that are a part of the world
and a perspective on a Holy Other and belief systems as
well
“For the Birds”
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Animated short which won the Academy
Award in its category in 2001
Included on the “Monsters Inc.” DVD.
Pixar has created some profound and
thoughtful pieces of work!
Ability to observe natural process in a
variety of venues
The Core Concept: Differentiation
Courage to define self… invested in the welfare
of the family or organization AND self,
neither angry nor dogmatic…energy goes to
changing self rather than telling others what
they should do…knows and respects the
multiple opinions of others…can modify self in
response to the strengths of the groups… not
influenced by the irresponsible opinions of
others.
Murray Bowen
Differentiation According to
Rabbi Edwin Friedman
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It is the lifelong process of striving to keep one’s
being in balance through the reciprocal external
and internal processes of self definition and self
regulation.
It means the capacity to become oneself out of
oneself with minimum reactivity to the positions
or reactivity of others—while staying connected.
Being able to live in your own skin more and
more of the time.
Anxiety and Responsibility
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Anxiety exists in all relationships.
Anxiety is created as beings deal with the
tension of the life forces of closeness and
separation.
Anxiety propels the “F words”: fight, flight,
freeze, fuse, frenzy, fornicate
Karen Armstrong adds another “F word”
What brings anxiety and responsibility together?
How anxiety is handled. Moving toward
thoughtfulness.
Extraordinary Relationships
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Thinking systems, watching process (Roberta Gilbert)
The ideal: separate, equal and open
“Emotions are the intense reactivities, both physiologically and
mental, including the instincts, that are generated in the part of the
brain that humans share, anatomically and functionally, with the
rest of the animal kingdom.”(page 38)
Five familiar and well-defined relationship patterns:
A. Conflict
B. Distance
C. Cut-off
D. Dysfunctional Spouse (also called
overfunctioning/underfunctioning reciprocity)
E. Dysfunctional child (also called triangling)
Extraordinary Relationships in
the Bible – Why are faith
community leaders drawn to
family systems?
Differences in
Systems/Congregations
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The need for comfort and challenge is inherent
in the human being and in any organization
where human beings gather.
How can differentiation of self be encouraged in
communities of faith?
Concepts of fusion and cut-off – both are
responses to anxiety and the problem of being a
self and having closeness with others.
Focusing on Strength
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All congregations face times of testing, difficulty
and conflict.
Conflict is not good or bad—it is the process of
dealing with it that is instructive.
Focusing on process can encourage the
strengths of individuals and the corporate body.
Strength means keeping in mind the issues,
being aware of the emotional reactions, working
on not reacting BACK, and focusing on hope and
“promise” in the midst of community challenges.
Key to the Kingdom?
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The ability to deal with resistance while
staying on course.
Resistance truly threatens the leader’s lifelong process of differentiating a self.
“Resistance is the greatest gift of the
whole process.”
Learning How to Be Able to Be
More Objective
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Draw a picture
Move into an observer role
Stay in the dance!
Conversation Time
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Process: each speak without interruption
or questions
Talk about your position in your family.
In what ways do you understand how you
respond to anxiety in yourself or others;
and how do you manage “closeness and
separateness” with family and friends.