Transcript We are Alleen and Don Nilsen, and our presentation is sponsored by Arizona Humanities. The Home of Arizona Humanities is the Ellis Shackelford House, built in 1917

We are Alleen and Don Nilsen, and our
presentation is sponsored by Arizona
Humanities.
The Home of
Arizona Humanities
is the Ellis
Shackelford House,
built in 1917 on N.
Central Avenue in
Phoenix.
1
We took this picture in a museum.
The distortion reminded us of how we
sometimes see the world now that we are retired
and out of our regular routines.
2
We’ve Learned There Are Many
Facets to What Really Is a
Challenge.
For example, growing old as a man is different
from
Growing old as a woman.
And growing old in a primitive culture
is different from
Growing old in a capitalistic society
3
Here is a proverb we heard when we were teaching
English in Afghanistan for USAID between 1967 and
1969.
“IF YOU SEE AN OLD MAN, SIT DOWN AND
TAKE A LESSON. IF YOU SEE AN OLD
WOMAN, THROW A STONE.”
• Alleen was horrified, but in her youthful naiveté, she
dismissed it because as an American, she thought
she would never become “old” in the way of Afghan
women—missing teeth, bent backs, walking sticks,
and practically no health or grooming care.
• Besides she vowed to get educated so that when she
grew old she would still have something to
contribute to our family and to society.
4
Don was pleased at the male
part of the proverb.
It reminded him of
the Afghan phrase
“Safid riche,” which
is a term of respect
for a “white beard,”
i.e. someone able to
give “grandfatherly
advice.”
5
Alleen came home from Afghanistan a
Confirmed Feminist
• But when we returned to the University of
Michigan, the “real” feminists in 1970s Ann Arbor
frightened her so much that she decided to study
sexism in the dictionary rather than in life.
• She thought she could study language without
having to get involved in social issues.
• But one of her first dictionary discoveries was that
the contrasting American terms of Grandfatherly
advice and Old wives’ tales send the same
message as does the Afghan proverb.
6
A Further Surprise
• Here in Arizona, Alleen
began reading letters
and diaries of her
paternal grandmother,
who lived her whole life
in northern Arizona.
• She lived much the
same life as did the
Afghan women, e.g.
• Even in her wedding
portrait she is not
smiling because of a
missing tooth.
7
She
• Gave birth to ten children.
• In effect, was a single mother because her
husband was out of town teaching school.
• Never had running water or electricity.
• Was a community leader, instrumental in
founding the PTA in both Navajo and Apache
Counties.
• Made sure that four of her five daughters
graduated from college and had successful
teaching and family careers.
When Alleen’s father came to her 48th birthday
party, he sadly observed that his mother died at
age 48, “and she was an old woman.”
8
As we have talked and thought about these
things for the past 45 years, we have
discovered connections between language and
social issues .
• Linguistic evidence points to society’s differing
attitudes toward growing old as a man and
growing old as a woman.
• Some of the revealed prejudices are against
females of any age, but they are stronger when
the target is old and so they are more obvious.
9
The main reason for negative feelings
toward growing old, is our fear of death.
Even popular books for
young readers focus on
the desire for an afterlife.
Most religions promise an
afterlife, a resurrection or
re-incarnation.
• And think of all the
stories we have about
Heaven and Hell.
• And look at all the folk
stories of the world that
feature ghosts and
communication with
“the dead.”
10
• Rick Riordan’s Percy and the Olympians books, are filled
with mythical creatures all illustrating immortality.
• In the Harry Potter books, Lord Voldemort (whose name
means something like “Flight from Death”) is trying to
gather up the seven parts of his soul planted as
Horcruxes, in the hope that he can live forever.
• Alleen is depressed by the success of Stephenie Meyer’s
Twilight books where Bella repeatedly tortures herself—
and readers—by obsessing on the awfulness of growing
old while Edward (the vampire) will stay in his beautiful
and perfect 17-year-old body.
• Don is depressed by the Twilight books because Edward
is so “perfect” that as a male he could never compete.
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To Keep from Being Reminded
of Death, We. . .
• Illogically avoid calling someone old, and instead say
they are older, elderly, or grandmotherly.
• Refer to old people as seniors or senior citizens, who are
living their golden years—not in old folks’ homes, but in
assisted living or retirement communities.
• Give retirement communities such names as Sun City,
Leisure World, Green Valley, Golden Hills and Friendship
Village.
• Instead of saying someone has died, we say the person
has passed away, crossed over, or gone to join a loved
one.
12
Although Alleen’s Father built his own coffin—and
inlaid his cattle brands on the sides of it—we were still
surprised to see a coffin at a yard sale.
13
We make jokes about growing old to console
ourselves that we aren’t the only ones.
14
We like to, at least, try to keep up
with our grandchildren.
15
Here are a couple of our favorite Morris Udall
stories about old age and death.
• At a time of crisis during
the Civil War, Abe Lincoln
was awakened by an
opportunist who reported
that the head of customs
had just died.
• “Mr. President, would it
be all right if I took his
place?”
• “Well,” said Lincoln, “If
it’s all right with the
undertaker, it’s all right
with me.
• Old politicians never
forget. They are like the
fellow bitten by a rabid
dog. When the doctor
entered his room and
found the patient
feverishly writing on a
legal pad, he said he
didn’t think there was a
need for a will.
• “Oh, this isn’t a will!” said
the man. “It’s a list of the
people I’m going to bite.”
16
Jokes based on Gen. Douglas MacArthur’s
response to being fired by President
Eisenhower:
• Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.
• Old teachers never die; they just lose their
principles.
• Old athletes never die; they just lose their
supporters.
• Old robbers never die; they just steal away.
• Old editors never quit, they just write away.
• Old blondes never fade; they just dye away.
• Old deans never die; they just lose their
faculties.
17
Attitudes toward aging are more negative
when talking specifically about women.
• Re: Women’s right to vote, Mark Twain said it was a moot
point because women would never give their age.
• When the legislature changed a law about drivers’
licenses, the Republic headline read, “No longer a felony
for women to lie about their age.”
• Years ago the media made a big deal about Gloria
Steinem turning 40. She responded with “Yes, I’m forty
and this is what 40 looks like….If all women would be
honest about their ages, people wouldn’t be so
surprised.”
18
Animal Metaphors Reveal Human Thinking
• When comparing females to young animals, the allusions
are positive, but when the same animals are old, the
connotations are negative as in filly vs. nag, and bird vs.
old crow or old bat.
• A young girl is called a chick, but later she goes to hen
parties and cackles with her friends. Once married, she
feathers her nest, but soon feels cooped up and begins
henpecking her husband and turns into an old biddy.
• During the 2008 presidential campaign pundits created an
anti-Hillary Meal Deal mug: “Two fat thighs, two small
breasts, and a bunch of left wings.”
19
• Parents used to name little girls, Kitty, and
encouraged them to act kittenish. Older girls were
more likely to become catty, and to engage in cat
fights or live in cat houses.
• Puss, an alternate name for cats (and vaginas), is
cognate with pouch and purse. Its connection to
sexuality was shown in one of the James Bond films
about Pussy Galore and Her Flying Felines.
• The most recent cat-related term to come into
general use is the word cougar for an older woman
who goes “prowling for young men.” Whether
cougar is a positive or a negative term differs
depending on one’s point of view.
20
Males Aspire to Adulthood While
Females Cling to Youth.
• Boy Scout leaders address 12-year-olds as Men,
while 50-year-old exercise instructors address their
50-year old participants as Girls.
• Black male teenagers address each other as Man!
while black teenage girls address each other as Girl!
Women’s cosmetics are marketed under such names
as Cover Girl and Breck Girl.
• Mother-daughter look-alikes are often featured in
advertisements and illustrations. A mother is
flattered to be mistaken for her daughter but a father
does not want to be mistaken for his son.
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THERE ARE FEWER NEGATIVE, ANIMAL METAPHORS
REFERING TO OLD MEN
Even the old-goat metaphor can be more positive than
negative, as it relates to ram metaphors as with the
Los Angeles Rams football team.
Other mountain-goat metaphors include
• Dodge Ram truck
• A battering ram
• A Civil War ramrod muzzle
• Standing ramrod straight
• To ram ideas down someone’s throat
A related metaphor is how an old goat can be referred
to as a horny old man.
22
Changing Attitudes
• We’ve recently been encouraged to see a few
women proudly accepting the fact that they are
aging.
• In September of 2011, when Barbara Boxer was
conducting a Senate inquiry into a military matter
and kept being addressed as Ma’m,” she asked the
speakers to address her as Senator rather than as
Ma’m because she “had worked very hard to become
a senator,” a word cognate with senior.
• Sandra Day O’Connor in a recent interview said that
she thinks that a decision made by “a wise old man
or a wise old woman” will be the same, but still it’s
nice for the public to know that women are being
included in decision making.
23
How Healthy Is Our Present Emphasis on
Body Image?
• Certainly, we have made progress since the early 1900s when
H. L. Mencken declared that “Woman’s body is the woman,”
and when “respectable” women had to be laced into tight
corsets and hobbled by long skirts and petticoats.
• But today’s commercialization of beauty products and
procedures makes us wonder if women—either young or old—
are welcome in American society mainly because of how much
money they will spend on non-basic items.
• One of our doctoral students, Laura Walsh, just completed her
dissertation in which she showed how the most popular teen
magazines for girls, repeat the same body image as do the
products being advertised to help girls achieve this image.
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In a capitalist society, doctors love cosmetic surgery
because one procedure nearly always leads to another.
• In the 110 years since the first face-lift was performed in Berlin,
attitudes have changed dramatically. Acceptance of plastic
surgery has soared so that 75% of Americans now have
positive attitudes toward it.
• At a Fab Over Fifty Beauty Bash in Manhattan, attendees could
consult with “menopause makeover” specialists, and experts in
“Great Breasts After 50,” “Lifts, Implants, and Reductions,” and
“A Sexy Smile & Fresh Lips.”
• Between 2009 and 2010, Americans spent considerably less on
food, housing, clothes, and entertainment, but a whopping 24
% more on butt lifts.
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BUT NOT EVERYONE IS PLEASED
The Harvard Women’s Health Watch (Feb., 2012) newsletter
made these points:
• Half of Americans in their late 60s and early 70s say that
they feel ten to twenty years younger than their actual
age.
• This is fine, except when we look in a mirror and discover
that we do not LOOK ten or twenty years younger.
• Between 1995 and 2005, the number of older women
suffering from eating disorders (strict dieting, fasting,
and purging) tripled—a bad sign for both emotional and
physical health.
26
HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
Here is a sampling:
•
•
•
•
•
Breast Augmentation = $3,797
Tummy Tuck = $5,332
Butt Lift = $7,904
Collagen Injection = $673
Eyelid Surgery = $2,912
• Cosmetic surgery for seniors has increased
30% within the last 5 years and 1 out of 4
kids (11 to 16) has considered it.
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The Fembot: Heidi Montag
The Wind Tunnel: Taylor Armstrong
The Stoic: Nicole Kidman
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The Trout: Meg Ryan
The Mean Judge: Simon Cowell
The Valentine: Bristol Palin
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The Beauty Business:
Then and Now
• Year’s ago, dyeing one’s hair was to be kept secret as shown
by the slogan “Hair coloring so natural only your hair dresser
knows for sure!” Today it is almost mandatory.
• Actually, we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
People constantly watch for signs of “enhancements,” eg.
Flabby necks with tight faces, or for the kind of glamorous
makeover, Governor Jan Brewer had.
• Kathie Lee Gifford was pictured in our local Sunday paper
saying, “I have no lines in my forehead. What do you think I
do? Iron it every morning? You think people don’t know I use
Botox?”
30
• An especially nasty campaign sign displayed at a venue
for a speech by Nancy Pelosi read, “BOTOX DOESN’T
WORK ON THE BRAIN!”
• At ASU, Alleen prepared student teachers for going into
high school classrooms. She would give them a talk
about modest dress and how they shouldn’t let their
breasts show even when they leaned over. Don accused
her of trying to rid the world of small—or sometimes
large—pleasures.
• Finally, the Director of all ASU student teachers gave up
on her “dress appropriately” speech because she grew
tired of arguing with girls who would say, “I paid a lot of
money to look like this and I’m not going to cover it up!”
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Today Men Are the New Market, but it is Still
Controversial
• Donald Trump is teased for his elaborate comb-over and almost
any man wearing a wig is accused of wearing a rug.
• The first joke we heard about Arizona’s former Governor
Meacham was “The shame of wasting a $400 toupee on a twobit head.”
• Even more than with women, the emphasis is on “staying
young” and “virile.” Virile is based on the old Latin word vir,
meaning “man,” which is seen in such words as virtue,
virtuous and werewolf.
• The term “Viagra” relates to life, as in “viable” and “vitality.”
The “promised” rewards for using Viagra opened the door to
the way that commercial interests now treat men much like
women have been treated for decades.
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“I Feel Pretty” was the title of a TIME magazine
piece connecting capitalism to health and
beauty treatments for men.
Between 1997 and 2010, skin care products for men (aftershave,
eye gels, wrinkle erasers) climbed from a $40-million business to
over $207-million.
Menaji, a cosmetics company for men has grown 70% each year
since its founding in 2000.
When they market to soldiers overseas, they call their concealer
Camo.
And how many of you think that Bruce Jenner’s goal was to
change himself into a “typical” 65-year-old woman?
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Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner
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In Conclusion
• We started this PowerPoint thinking we would do a “Ms.
and Mr. Debate about Gender Issues,” but we soon
realized that growing old is a challenge for both men and
women, but fortunately today we have more time to learn
how to manage it.
• Think how much you learned during four years of high
school or college. Today most of us will have more years
than that to learn how to be old.
• When Social Security was begun in 1932, the average life
expectancy was 62 and it wasn’t distributed to people
until they were 65, which is what made it cost effective.
• Today, if we are in our 70s and in pretty good health, we
have a good chance of making it into our 90s.
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Growing Old in a Capitalist Society
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
ADVANTAGES
Disadvantages
Fold-up Canes
Disabled License Plates
Hair Coloring
Dental Care
Wheelchairs
Sidewalks
Senior Discounts
Airport Advantages
Handicap Facilities
• A Gazillion Salespeople
• False Promises of
Everlasting Youth
• Complicated Money
Management
• Complicated Insurance
• Media Images that We
Can’t Keep Up With
• A Loss of Control
37
Things That Get Better with Age
• We can start bragging—instead of lying—
about our age.
• We have an excuse for not doing those
things we didn’t like to do anyway.
• As our skin gets thinner, old scars come
back and like a scrapbook remind us of our
adventurous lives.
• We begin to look better in our old photos.
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• People who have felt bad about having crooked
teeth, can rejoice at still having their own teeth.
• Alleen always hated being taller than 90% of the
boys, but now that she’s shrunk two inches she
says she has a whole new circle of eligible men.
Also, she doesn’t have to shave her legs as
often because with bifocals, she doesn’t see the
hairs.
• In conclusion, think of the elderly woman who
comforted her doctor by saying “I’m not asking
you to make me younger. I want you to make me
older.”
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Mary Maxwell’s Deadpan Prayer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPFCn3itBFE&feature=youtu.be
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