Transcript 研讨会4: 非暴力的沟通方式
Slide 1
Practice of Non-Violence
非暴力的实践
Process of Communication
沟通的过程
Slide 2
What are the Different
Parenting Styles ?
不同的子女养育方式有哪些？
Slide 3
Styles of Parenting
子女培养方式
• Authoritarian
• Indulgent
• Permissive
专制的
放纵的
宽容的
• Authoritative or Democratic
权威或民主的
Slide 4
•
Authoritarian – Strict rules & regulations Boundaries
are very rigid and shutters go up.
专制的——严格的规章制度。
界限非常严格，儿童抵制情绪逐渐上升。
•
Indulgent - Unable to discipline children.
放纵——无法约束儿童。
•
Permissive - No limits or boundaries for the child to act
within.
宽容——对儿童的行动没有限制或界线。
•
Authoritative - Good discipline, healthy attitudes,
encourage self-direction in children, Enabling parenting.
权威——良好的纪律、健康的态度、鼓励儿童自主自立
以及养育子女。
Slide 5
When we are angry, exasperated or
create a tense atmosphere in the
home, what are the signals we give
to our child?
当我们在家里生气、愤怒或者使气
氛紧张时，我们无形中传达给了孩子
什么样的信号呢？
Slide 6
What actions of your parents made
you anxious when you were a child?
在您孩提的时候，父母什么样的行
为会让你感到焦虑不安呢？
Slide 7
What signals do we give our child when
we say?
当我们说“XXXXX”的时候，我们给了孩子
什么信号呢？
(i) “You drive me nuts!” and
“你快让我疯了！”
•
“You could have done better.”?
“你可以做得更好！”
Slide 8
Roleplay 角色扮演
Your child is helping you to wash the dishes. She
is not very happy to be doing this task because
she wants to go out to play with her friends. She
drops a plate and breaks it. You are feeling very
frustrated with her already and this really makes
you feel angry.
您孩子在帮您洗碗碟，她不是很乐意做这件
事，因为她非常想要和朋友们出去玩。忽然，她
丢下一个盘子，把它打碎在地板上。您原本就对
她感到十分沮丧失望，而这件事使您更加生气
了。
Slide 9
Do you remember being hurt
by something someone said to
you in your childhood?
您是否还记得童年时被别人说
的话伤害过的情形？
Slide 10
4 Types of Conversations
4种沟通的类型
1. Light Talk:浅层交谈:
Social chit chat. There is no sharing of deep ideas or
thinking.
一般的闲聊，没有深层想法或思想的交流。
2. Advice or lecture: 建议或讲座：
Communication is not on the same level. One is a giver
and the other a receiver.
不是在一个平台上沟通。一方是给予者，而另一方
是接收者。
Slide 11
3. Aggressive Talk:攻击性交谈
Arguing and blaming someone, full of anger and
negativity.
争论和指责别人，充满了愤怒和消极情绪。
4. Heart to Heart communication :心与心的沟通
Heartfelt, non-judgmental, empathetic.
发自内心的、非判断的、富于感情的沟通。
Slide 12
Give as many features as possible of
尽可能给孩子多方面的：
(i) conditional love and
有条件的爱
(ii) unconditional love
无条件的爱
Slide 13
Would you like to narrate and share
an episode in your life as a child when
you felt you were being loved
conditionally? How did you feel?
请讲述和分享一件孩提时让您感到
是有条件的被爱着的一件事。您当时的
感受是什么样的呢？
Slide 14
What are the attitudes and behaviours
that block progress, particularly with
older children and spouse?
有哪些态度和行为会妨碍相互关系的发
展，尤其是与年龄较大的孩子以及自己
的配偶相处沟通时？
Slide 15
Communication Blocks
沟通障碍
1. Lack of understanding of thoughts, feelings, values and goals of
the other person.
缺少对别人思想、情感、价值观和目标的了解。
2. Domination – “should have” / “ought to” statements.
控制——“应该”或者“必须”的言辞。
Slide 16
Communication Blocks
沟通障碍
• 3. Criticizing，orderingth，reatening，manipulating,
denying.
•
批评、命令、恐吓、操纵、否定。
• 4. Ignoring, changing the topic, avoiding confrontation.
•
忽视、改变话题、逃避面对。
Slide 17
5. Judgmental attitude.
评价态度。
6. Sarcasm.
嘲讽。
7. Labeling (lazy, shy, etc.)
标记（懒惰、害羞等） 。
8. Verbal and physical abuse.
口头和肢体语言的滥用。
9. Sound – tone of voice, anger, screaming, shouting.
声音——口气语调、愤怒、尖叫、喊叫。
Slide 18
What
are
behaviours
the
that
attitudes
help
in
and
your
communication?
有利于沟通的态度和行为有哪些呢？
Slide 19
Communication Windows
沟通的窗口
1. Speak frankly – from your “heart”.
坦率的说——发自内心。
2. Ask questions to understand (confirm by paraphrasing).
通过提问去了解（通过释义去确定）。
3. Validate feelings / affirm / appreciate.
证实情感/肯定/欣赏。
Slide 20
Communication Windows
沟通的窗口
4. Attentive, reflective listening
全心全意，有所思的倾听
5. Empathy
共鸣
6. Encouragement
鼓舞
Slide 21
How can we effectively ask our
children (or other members of
family) to change their behavior
which is hurtful to us?
如何才能有效地使孩子（或其他的
家庭成员）改变他们那些对我们造成伤
害的行为？
Slide 22
•
•
•
Summary
总结
Good communication facilitates love, and heightens understanding.
良好的沟通有利于爱，并能加强理解。
Good communication requires some inner peace so we can respond rather than react.
良好的沟通需要一些内心的平静，以便我们能够回应，而不仅仅是反应。
Poor communication techniques such as blame, criticism, and forced obedience
undermines self-respect of the child. It builds blocks to communication.
蹩脚的沟通技巧，例如指责、批评、强迫顺从等会伤害孩子的自尊，给沟通带来了障
碍。
Slide 23
•
•
•
Attentive Listening, speaking honestly, empathy & encouragement are windows to
good communication.
专心倾听、诚实讲话、共鸣和鼓励都是沟通的好窗口。
There are four kinds of communications – Light Talk, Advice or Lecture,
Aggressive Talk and Heart-to-Heart Communication.
有四种类型的沟通——浅层交谈、建议或讲座，攻击性交谈和心与心的沟通。
We can build relationships only on heart-to-heart communication.
我们只有通过心与心的沟通才能建立人际关系。
Slide 24
• Learning to relate from heart-to-heart is a
rewarding manner of communication – it is
Non-violent.
学习心与心的沟通是一种十分有益的沟通方式
——这就是非暴力。
Slide 25
Insights ：What have you learned or thought
about in a different way during today’s
workshop?
自我反思：在今天的研讨活动中您学到了
什么？产生了什么新的思考？
Action plan：What new thing are you
going to try out with your family
from now until the next workshop?
行动计划：从现在开始，直到下次活动
前，您将会尝试做哪些新的活动，采
取什么新的行动？
Practice of Non-Violence
非暴力的实践
Process of Communication
沟通的过程
Slide 2
What are the Different
Parenting Styles ?
不同的子女养育方式有哪些？
Slide 3
Styles of Parenting
子女培养方式
• Authoritarian
• Indulgent
• Permissive
专制的
放纵的
宽容的
• Authoritative or Democratic
权威或民主的
Slide 4
•
Authoritarian – Strict rules & regulations Boundaries
are very rigid and shutters go up.
专制的——严格的规章制度。
界限非常严格，儿童抵制情绪逐渐上升。
•
Indulgent - Unable to discipline children.
放纵——无法约束儿童。
•
Permissive - No limits or boundaries for the child to act
within.
宽容——对儿童的行动没有限制或界线。
•
Authoritative - Good discipline, healthy attitudes,
encourage self-direction in children, Enabling parenting.
权威——良好的纪律、健康的态度、鼓励儿童自主自立
以及养育子女。
Slide 5
When we are angry, exasperated or
create a tense atmosphere in the
home, what are the signals we give
to our child?
当我们在家里生气、愤怒或者使气
氛紧张时，我们无形中传达给了孩子
什么样的信号呢？
Slide 6
What actions of your parents made
you anxious when you were a child?
在您孩提的时候，父母什么样的行
为会让你感到焦虑不安呢？
Slide 7
What signals do we give our child when
we say?
当我们说“XXXXX”的时候，我们给了孩子
什么信号呢？
(i) “You drive me nuts!” and
“你快让我疯了！”
•
“You could have done better.”?
“你可以做得更好！”
Slide 8
Roleplay 角色扮演
Your child is helping you to wash the dishes. She
is not very happy to be doing this task because
she wants to go out to play with her friends. She
drops a plate and breaks it. You are feeling very
frustrated with her already and this really makes
you feel angry.
您孩子在帮您洗碗碟，她不是很乐意做这件
事，因为她非常想要和朋友们出去玩。忽然，她
丢下一个盘子，把它打碎在地板上。您原本就对
她感到十分沮丧失望，而这件事使您更加生气
了。
Slide 9
Do you remember being hurt
by something someone said to
you in your childhood?
您是否还记得童年时被别人说
的话伤害过的情形？
Slide 10
4 Types of Conversations
4种沟通的类型
1. Light Talk:浅层交谈:
Social chit chat. There is no sharing of deep ideas or
thinking.
一般的闲聊，没有深层想法或思想的交流。
2. Advice or lecture: 建议或讲座：
Communication is not on the same level. One is a giver
and the other a receiver.
不是在一个平台上沟通。一方是给予者，而另一方
是接收者。
Slide 11
3. Aggressive Talk:攻击性交谈
Arguing and blaming someone, full of anger and
negativity.
争论和指责别人，充满了愤怒和消极情绪。
4. Heart to Heart communication :心与心的沟通
Heartfelt, non-judgmental, empathetic.
发自内心的、非判断的、富于感情的沟通。
Slide 12
Give as many features as possible of
尽可能给孩子多方面的：
(i) conditional love and
有条件的爱
(ii) unconditional love
无条件的爱
Slide 13
Would you like to narrate and share
an episode in your life as a child when
you felt you were being loved
conditionally? How did you feel?
请讲述和分享一件孩提时让您感到
是有条件的被爱着的一件事。您当时的
感受是什么样的呢？
Slide 14
What are the attitudes and behaviours
that block progress, particularly with
older children and spouse?
有哪些态度和行为会妨碍相互关系的发
展，尤其是与年龄较大的孩子以及自己
的配偶相处沟通时？
Slide 15
Communication Blocks
沟通障碍
1. Lack of understanding of thoughts, feelings, values and goals of
the other person.
缺少对别人思想、情感、价值观和目标的了解。
2. Domination – “should have” / “ought to” statements.
控制——“应该”或者“必须”的言辞。
Slide 16
Communication Blocks
沟通障碍
• 3. Criticizing，orderingth，reatening，manipulating,
denying.
•
批评、命令、恐吓、操纵、否定。
• 4. Ignoring, changing the topic, avoiding confrontation.
•
忽视、改变话题、逃避面对。
Slide 17
5. Judgmental attitude.
评价态度。
6. Sarcasm.
嘲讽。
7. Labeling (lazy, shy, etc.)
标记（懒惰、害羞等） 。
8. Verbal and physical abuse.
口头和肢体语言的滥用。
9. Sound – tone of voice, anger, screaming, shouting.
声音——口气语调、愤怒、尖叫、喊叫。
Slide 18
What
are
behaviours
the
that
attitudes
help
in
and
your
communication?
有利于沟通的态度和行为有哪些呢？
Slide 19
Communication Windows
沟通的窗口
1. Speak frankly – from your “heart”.
坦率的说——发自内心。
2. Ask questions to understand (confirm by paraphrasing).
通过提问去了解（通过释义去确定）。
3. Validate feelings / affirm / appreciate.
证实情感/肯定/欣赏。
Slide 20
Communication Windows
沟通的窗口
4. Attentive, reflective listening
全心全意，有所思的倾听
5. Empathy
共鸣
6. Encouragement
鼓舞
Slide 21
How can we effectively ask our
children (or other members of
family) to change their behavior
which is hurtful to us?
如何才能有效地使孩子（或其他的
家庭成员）改变他们那些对我们造成伤
害的行为？
Slide 22
•
•
•
Summary
总结
Good communication facilitates love, and heightens understanding.
良好的沟通有利于爱，并能加强理解。
Good communication requires some inner peace so we can respond rather than react.
良好的沟通需要一些内心的平静，以便我们能够回应，而不仅仅是反应。
Poor communication techniques such as blame, criticism, and forced obedience
undermines self-respect of the child. It builds blocks to communication.
蹩脚的沟通技巧，例如指责、批评、强迫顺从等会伤害孩子的自尊，给沟通带来了障
碍。
Slide 23
•
•
•
Attentive Listening, speaking honestly, empathy & encouragement are windows to
good communication.
专心倾听、诚实讲话、共鸣和鼓励都是沟通的好窗口。
There are four kinds of communications – Light Talk, Advice or Lecture,
Aggressive Talk and Heart-to-Heart Communication.
有四种类型的沟通——浅层交谈、建议或讲座，攻击性交谈和心与心的沟通。
We can build relationships only on heart-to-heart communication.
我们只有通过心与心的沟通才能建立人际关系。
Slide 24
• Learning to relate from heart-to-heart is a
rewarding manner of communication – it is
Non-violent.
学习心与心的沟通是一种十分有益的沟通方式
——这就是非暴力。
Slide 25
Insights ：What have you learned or thought
about in a different way during today’s
workshop?
自我反思：在今天的研讨活动中您学到了
什么？产生了什么新的思考？
Action plan：What new thing are you
going to try out with your family
from now until the next workshop?
行动计划：从现在开始，直到下次活动
前，您将会尝试做哪些新的活动，采
取什么新的行动？