Transcript 同尋「性」象 - Christian Mental Health Services

同尋「性」象
Gender Identity Formation
Copyright © 1997-2003 Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved
Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.
黃偉康博士
Licensed Clinical Psychologist, California, U.S.A.
ChristianMentalHealth.com
[email protected]
220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA 94104
Tel (510) 794-8898
Fax (510) 475-1473
同尋「性」象
(家長講座)
主講: 黃偉康博士
美國臨床心理學家
回應: 梁林天慧女士
浸會愛群社會服務處總幹事
同尋「性」象(家長講座)
廿一世紀香港社會最大的挑戰之一是
性開放思潮，
我們需要正視，透過關心、
聆聽、重建、同行，
協助在性捆綁中掙扎的一群，為陷入
性愛迷思的一代提供一條出路。
與家長一同探討，如何協助子女建立
正確的性別角色？
同尋「性」象
如何幫助子女在性觀念開放，
好像婚前性行為普遍、
性濫交﹝一夜情﹞、
傳媒將「性」大肆渲染等的
環境中，
建立正確的性別角色？
明報
何美華 2003-02-05
辦同志嘉年華
促進旅遊業
同志團體
教港府賺錢
同志團體指出，很多國家已虎視眈眈同志的「粉紅金錢」
(Pink Dollar)，但本港在這方面卻大大落後於人，
政府應帶頭向消費力極強的同志發掘商機。
明報
何美華 2003-02-05
辦同志嘉年華
何禮傑指出，
現時學者及科學數據亦普遍認
同每10個人便有1人是同戀，
他認為同志市場極龐大，但香
港未有好好發掘。
同尋「性」象
如何幫助子女在同儕壓力中
男校及女校中很多女性化
男孩子和男性化女孩子
“Tom Boy” 的同學，
確立健康的性別角色？
同尋「性」象
如何幫助在性別
角色困擾中的
子女？
同尋「性」象
家長在華人社會成長，
承繼較為含蓄的中國文化，
加上工作忙碌為口奔馳，
如何克服本身的限制與子
女開放地討論性別角色
的困擾？
同尋「性」象
從香港處境出發，
向家長提出幫助子女
建立正確性別角色時，
需要注意的地方。
Gender Identity Formation Stages
• Stage 1 (Birth to Four years old)
– Parental Same-Gender Attachment
• Stage 2 (Kindergarten to Stage 1 School)
– Social Same-Gender Attachment
• Stage 3 (Elementary to Middle School)
– Social Opposite-Gender Attachment
• Stage 4 (Middle to High School)
• Stage 5 (High School to College)
• Stage 6 (Beyond First Stage College & Marriage)
Stage 1
(Birth to Four years old)
Parental Same-Gender Attachment
– Separation & Individuation
– Same-Gender Attachment Failure
– Opposite-Gender Attachment
Family Tree Diagram
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son separates from mom
for psychological
individuation successfully
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son attaches with dad
for Gender-Identity
formation sucessfully
Son-1
Son-2
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son separates from mom
for psychological
individuation successfully
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son attempts to attach
to father for GenderIdentity formation
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son’s attempts to attach
to father was rebuffed
and he experiences
rejection and hurt
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Detachment Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son’s attempts to defend
against more pain from
rejection by defensively
detaching from father’s
relationship emotionally
Son-1
Son-2
Father’s Affair Hurts Daughter
Men Cannot be Faithful
1. Men are Unfaithful,
Don’t have anything
to do with Men
2. I Don’t Want to be My
Mother or like My
Mother, because She
Allow him to do it
3. Mother = Weakness
Gender-Identity Development
Separation-Individuation
• Successful Gender-Identity develops after
an early dynamic relationship (SeparationIndividuation) of child with Mother & Father
• Both Mother and Father are important for
healthy gender development of their kids
• Dynamic psychological relationship begins when
child walks & talks (Separation-Individuation)
– Where Gender-Identity Imprinting begins
Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999
Object-Relations
Separation-Individuation
theory suggests there is a critical phase
when a child will have to separate from
mother to attain gender individuation
For gender identity to be formed, child
must successfully attach to the same-sex
parent emotionally
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son separates from mom
for psychological
individuation successfully
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son attempts to attach
to father for GenderIdentity formation
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son’s attempts to attach
to father was rebuffed
and he experiences
rejection and hurt
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Detachment Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son’s attempts to
defend against more
pain from rejection by
defensively detaching
from father’s
relationship
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son has no choice but
to re-attach with mom
for emotional security
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Continues
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son has no choice but
to re-attach with mom
for emotional security
Forming Defensive
Attachment
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Intensifies
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son generalizes
defensive detachment
to defensively attach to
girls and women: Nonaggressive & softer
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Intensifies
Father
Mother
Daughter
Girl 1
Girl 2
Son-1
Son-2
Generalization
intensifies. Father
becomes a stanger
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Intensifies
Father
Mother
Daughter
Girl 1
Girl 2
Son-1
Son-2
Generalization
intensifies. Men are
unfamiliar
Girlfriend
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Solidifies
Grandma
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-2
Son-1
Men are objectifiedcurious-sexualized
Girl 1
Girl 2
Girlfriend
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Solidifies
Aunt 1
Grandma
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-2
Son-1
Men are objectifiedcurious-sexualized
Girl 1
Girl 2
Girlfriend
“Detachment” “Orphaning”
• Cannot Identify With
Mother
• Detach from Mother
• The Self became
“Orphaned”
• Detached Identity
• Detached Self
• Seeking Attachment
• Same-Gender Attachment
Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999
• Mother-Daughter Separation: Individuation
• Father-Daughter Attachment: Gender-Identity
“Confirmation” process
– “I am not mother, but I am myself as a wanted girl”
• Father-Daughter Detachment: Confusion
• Mother-Daughter Attachment-Enmeshment
– Defensive Attachment: “I am wanted as a girl”
– “I am not mother, so I must not be like her”
• Rejects Gender-Identity with mom for Individuation
Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999
• Imprinting: An Opportune-Window of time
for Gender Identity to take place
– Successful attainment: Secure Gender Identity
– Attainment failure: Incomplete Gender Identity
• When Imprinting period is passed, child
becomes more vulnerable in Gender Identity
• Non-Gender-Imprinted child: Seeks attainment
indiscriminately due to desperation: Mother
Fathers’ Characteristics
• Inexperience-Distracted: “Teenage Dads”
– Dads’ orphaned, fostered, disconnected
– Dad’s role was insignificant: “ego-centric”
• Having children “Out-of Wedlock”
• Physically abusive
– Fear-Shame-Blame based “Parenting”
– Sexual-Genital based teasing: “Put-Downs”
• Survival: Dads’ Identity at expense of son
Mother’s Characteristics
• Inexperience: “Teenage Moms” Immature
– Husband unable to meet her Emotional Needs
– Her role is not involved enough: “Grandma”
• Having children “Out-of Wedlock”
• Emotional Enmeshment: “Favorite Child”
– Unable to help sons-daughters detach from her
– Sexual-Boundary Exposure: Intended or not
• Survival: Mom’s identity at expense of kids
Stage 2
(Kindergarten to Elementaty)
Social Same-Gender Attachment
• Polarization-Strengthening Process
– Gender Identity
• Opposite Gender seen as a threat
– Clear Limits Boundaries across gender lines
• Gender Stereotyping: Hair-cut, clothes, toys,
• Same-Gender familiarity preferred
Therapeutic Approaches to
Treatment of GID
Stage 2
(Kindergarten to Primary School)
Parents and teacher need to be in cooperation
Prevent GID child from ridicule & bullying
No cross-dressing for to please Mother’s desires
Same-Gender Parent influence: Acceptance
Dad: Spend more time with son: Gender specific
Mom: Spend more time with daughter: Gender specific
Picture Credit: Janelle Ching, used by permission
(Dr. & Mrs. Stephen & Lisa Ching, 2002)
Stage 3
(Elementary to Middle School)
Social Same-Gender Attachment
• Physical Gender Identity Differentiation
– Pre-Puberty Gender Ambiguity
– Masculine Features: Security vs. Insecurity
– Feminine Features: Security vs. Insecurity
• Acceptance vs. Rejection of Body
– Body Discomfort of troubled children
Therapeutic Approaches to
Treatment of GID
Stage 3
(Elementary to Middle School)
Boys: Dads aligns with son to protects them
Girls: Dads able to relate to daughters, Mom
is considered strong person, avoid being
victims of sexual abuse by close family
members
“I was raped when I was 14”!
• Being Woman is
Weakness
• Rejecting Female
Gender in order to
Feel Safe
• Lesbianism: A Way to
be Strong - In Control
• An Unhealthy Way to
Cope With Abuse
Stage 4
(Middle to High School)
Social Same-Gender Attachment
• Self-affirmation & acceptance:
– Girls: Make-up & clothes
– Boys: Power & strength: Sports & work-out
• Interest & Curiosity over opposite gender
– “Puppy Love”: Dating begins
• Affirmation through opposite sex peers
– Comfort with opposite sex peers
“Not One of the Girls”
Not Identify With Girls
1. Feel Different
2. Detached from Peers
Members (same age)
•
Unable to Gender
Identify with Female
3. To Seek Clear
Identity
•
Be Opposite of Peers
Therapeutic Approaches to
Treatment of GID
Stage 4
(Middle to High School)
Focus is with the children, not only parents
Same-gender peer acceptance is important
Boys: Athletics potential, self-acceptance of
body, reduce individual sports, team work
Girls: Make-ups practices, dresses, girl-play
Stage 5
(High school to College)
Social Opposite-Gender Attachment
• Security in self-affirmation & acceptance:
– Girls: Less self-conscious & preoccupation
– Boys: Power & strength: Sports & work-out
• More matured interest over opposite gender
– Steady Dating begins
• Affirmation through opposite sex peers
– Comfort with opposite sex peers
Therapeutic Approaches to
Treatment of GID
Stage 5
(High school to College)
Boys: Reduce Same-sex sexual fantasies,
increase same-sex non-sexual relationships
Girls: Reduce codependent same-sex
emotional relationships, find a male mentor
(teacher, coach), resolve conflicts with dad
and mourn abuse issues with self or mom
Stage 6
(Beyond College & Marriage)
Navigate a mutually nurturing committed
relationship through Marriage & Parenting
• Marital Relationship
Can merge without threat of over-crowding
Can be autonomous without fear of abandonment
• Parenting Relationship
Can affirm gender of same-sex children
Can affirm gender of opposite-sex children
Therapeutic Approaches to
Treatment of GID
Stage 6
(Beyond College & Marriage)
Refer to mental health professional
Specific personal addiction issues
Men: Sexual addiction (Internet, gay sex)
Women: Emotional-Relational addiction
Therapeutic Approaches to
Treatment of GID
• Gender Identity Disorder is an Identity
problem and not a sexual disorder per se
• While sexual issues are symptoms, the key
to treatment is not only sexual in focus
• The focus is in the area of Gender security development
• Boys: Masculine Identity Security
• Girls: Feminine Identity Security
Therapeutic Approaches to
Treatment of GID
Intervention strategy is different for each age
group
Younger the child
The easier & more effective is the treatment
It is most important to diagnose early
Average referral is three and a half year-old
Remember: Most are victims of sexual abuse
Therapeutic Approaches to
Treatment of GID
Specific Hong Kong Issues
• Absentee Fathers & Depressed Mothers
–
–
–
–
Detachment-Rejection of Father & significant males
Detachment-Rejection of Mother & significant females
Increased of Gender Confused male & female children
Increased of GID boys and girls
• Filipina maids: At-risk-boys
– Women’s emotional dominance: Detachment
– Ambivalence toward male gender: Teasing & touching
– Intentional or “casual” sexual exploitation & abuses
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