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Dr. Lois Frankel presents Table of Contents Slides 3-4: Follow-up tips from Dr. Lois Frankel Slide 5: Follow-up tips from Synthia Saint James Slides 6-7: Follow-up tips from Carol Frohlinger, Esq. Slides 8-10: Follow-up tips from Barbara Stanny Slides 11-13: Follow-up tips from Tom Henschel Slides 14-27: Dr. Kathleen Reardon, “It’s All Politics” PowerPoint Presentation Carol Frohlinger, Esq., “Hope Is Not A Strategy: Negotiation Is!” PowerPoint Presentation Slides 28-41: Follow-up tips from Dr. Lois Frankel TOP COACHING TIPS FOR WOMEN 1. Get in the game. Learn the rules, boundaries, and strategies of your workplace playing field. 2. Pay attention to the look and sound of success. Nearly 50% of your credibility comes from how you look. Another 40% from how you sound. Only 10% from what you actually say. Dress the part, use headline communications, and “act as if.” 3. Stop making miracles. Use negotiation strategies to avoid being expected to deliver the impossible. 4. Constantly build 360 degree relationships. When you need a relationship, it’s too late to build it. 5. Combine direct communications with taglines. Never put your opinion in the form of a question. State your message clearly then ask others for their input (not their approval). 6. Ask. Studies show that women get less because they ask for less – if they ask at all. 7. Develop your EQ muscle. EQ (Emotional Quotient) contributes more to long-term career success than IQ. Self-awareness, self-regulation, and social skills are all part of your EQ. 8. Dare to get rich. Doing good and doing well are not mutually exclusive. Set financial goals and work toward them. TIPS FOR BUILDING YOUR BRAND (WALLET) W = Write down what you want people to say about you when you leave a room. This should be one sentence, no more than 25 words. A = Act on it. In other words, what behaviors must you engage in if your brand is to become a reality? L = Look to the edge of the playing field. That’s where the workplace winners are. What are they doing that contributes to their success? How can you take more risks and get out from the middle of the field? L = Let others know about it. It does no good to have the best brand in the world if others don’t know it exists. Find ways to subtly and appropriately market your brand by showcasing your accomplishments. Erase the phrase, “Oh it was nothing” from your vocabulary. E = Elicit 360 degree feedback. The best brands conduct “focus” groups to determine how they can meet the consumer’s needs. In the workplace, that translates into feedback. You can’t know what you don’t know – so find out. T = Treat others with abundance. Make this part of your brand and abundance will be returned to you. In the workplace this takes the form of publicly complimenting others, freely sharing information, and lending your expertise when needed. Act from a place of “plenty” not “poverty.” There’s enough to go around. Follow-up tips from Synthia Saint James The I Will’s According to SAINT JAMES for Women Leaders 1. I will use my words to empower positivity. 2. I will send out love with my silent touch. 3. I will see the miracles in each morning’s light. 4. I will steadily plant good seeds that will grow into beautiful plants of success. 5. I will know that I am essential and that I have a definite purpose and responsibility. 6. I will turn on the joy when times get rough. 7. I will make a restful moment my perfect moment. 8. I will take the time to renew and restore. 9. I will believe in my limitless abilities. 10. I will make a place in my life for love, peace and prosperity. Follow-up tips from Carol Frohlinger, Esq. Five Tips for Effective Negotiation In A Leadership Role* 1. Know what you want. You can’t be an effective leader if you’re not a good negotiator. Consider the business objectives important to your team, group, department, division for the long term as well as the short term. Your interest, as a leader, is to support your team to meet those business objectives. What support will you need? What resources will be essential? Be very clear about the challenges that lie ahead and have a plan in mind. 2. Get out of your own way. Sometimes leaders fail because they undermine themselves. For example, you may not ask for the support you need because you are convinced you won’t get it — “Budgets are too tight right now to get another person on-board. I’m just going to have to ask the team to pick up the slack until things get a bit easier...” Watch out for self-defeating behaviors that will undermine your ability to get what your team needs to meet the goals. 3. Do your homework. With the right information, you can build a strong case, confident that what you are asking for is reasonable. What have others asked for and gotten? What other departments might derive benefit from what your team is doing? Might they be willing to contribute? Creativity counts as you craft possible solutions. 4. Expect challenges. What do you know about the people with whom you will be negotiating? What challenges are they facing? What concerns might they have? Anticipate how the other person is liable to react and think of specific ways to respond. 5. Engage the other person. Needs exist on both sides of the table. Perspectives, feelings, and ideas differ. By showing appreciation for these differences, you put the other person at ease. As shared understanding increases, you stop pulling against each other and start working together toward a mutual solution. What values do you share? How can you be authentic as well as empathetic? Strong leaders are always on the lookout for opportunities to negotiate – meeting others’ needs as well as their own. www.negotiatingwomen.com * Adapted from Her Place at the Table: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiating Five Key Challenges to Leadership Success (Jossey-Bass/John Wiley, 2004). Follow-up tips from Barbara Stanny Overcoming Underearning THREE BIG IDEAS: • • • Your only protection is YOU! Financial success is simpler than you think. Upping your income will change your life and make you a stronger leader. WHAT IS AN UNDEREARNER? Someone who earns less than she needs or desires despite efforts to do otherwise. It has nothing to do with how much you make. You can earn six figures and still be an underearner! Underearning is not the same as “voluntary simplicity” (a conscious choice to live on less to create a simpler, saner lifestyle). Underearning is not the same as a “mindful low earner” (someone who earns little but does what she loves because it feeds her soul and still allows her to earn an “adequate” income). Underearning is not a conscious choice, it doesn’t lead to a saner life and doesn’t feed one’s soul. Underearning is a condition of deprivation (lack of money, time, joy, self worth, freedom, choices). WHY ARE SO MANY WOMEN UNDEREARNERS? 1. Social factors (glass ceiling, discrimination, old boys network, it’s only been in the last one hundred years that women could work). 2. Women have been convinced they are to blame. 3. Before women can think about earning more, they must look at why they’re underearning. • We devalue ourselves. We give away our time and skills. • We’re co-dependent. • We’re uncomfortable deviating from the norm. THREE ESSENTIAL PRICIPLES TO UP YOUR EARNINGS AND CHANGE YOU LIFE Essential Principle #1: You have to really want to make money. You must have a profit motive and a conscious and committed desire to increase your earnings. You can’t be ambivalent about making money. Set a financial goal. This year I will earn $______________. Expect coincidences and resistance. Decisions draw opportunities and may appear as coincidences. Take advantage of the coincidences. When deciding to do something different, you create tension. We hate tension (or resistance) and so we too quickly go back to the familiar. Don’t. Essential Principle #2: You have to do what you think you can’t/don’t want to do. Stretch. There are three kinds: going toward the unfamiliar; letting go; speaking up. To go to next level you need audacity. Be daring to do what can’t be done and if you fall down, show resilience – get up. Look for the pivotal points. Success lies outside comfort zone. Embrace Your Bitch: Babe In Total Control of Herself. Essential Principle #3: You have to be very careful who you hang around with. Overcoming underearning is difficult. Surround yourself with a supportive community. Underearners operate in isolation or surround themselves with naysayers. High earners surround themselves with people who cheer them on. A FEW LAST THOUGHTS… • • • • • • • • • Decide to profit. Do what you fear and surround yourself with support. Take financial responsibility and something will happen: you will change. This is about more than money: it’s about claiming your power. A powerful woman: knows who she is and she expresses herself in the world. Power is about being a responsible adult. A man is not a financial plan. Financial independence is a “rite of passage” into your power. Don’t wait one more minute to discover how powerful you are or how different your life can be through financial independence. The world will be better for it. Remember: Christopher Columbus discovered America but a woman financed the trip! Follow-up tips from Tom Henschel Acting On The Corporate Stage THE CORE CONCEPT You are onstage every minute of the workday. Your audience is all around you. Whether you’re sitting in a meeting, answering an email, or pouring a cup of tea, you’re making impressions on people. The question is are you making the impression you want to make? 1. DEFINE YOUR ROLE What adjectives do you want people to use when they describe their very best experience of you? Create a specific list of four or five adjectives or qualities you want to project. When building this list, be bold. Don’t think just about today. Think about your next position. Your dream job. You at your very, very best. Write your words on a post-it or an index card. Put the card somewhere you can see it. Your mirror at home. The dashboard of your car. Your computer. Look at the card often. Make this real. Be proactive. 2. ACT AS IF A) EXTERNALLY Who in your life exemplifies one of the words on your list? Observe that person as if you were a camera. Watch their behaviors. What do they do that evokes the quality you’re focused on? Do they speak in a particular way? Do they carry themselves in a particular way? Do they ask particular questions repeatedly? Get specific. B) INTERNALLY Look inside you. You chose that particular word for a reason. There’s a spark of that word in some part of your life. Find it. Cherish it. Blow gently on it as if it were a fragile ember. Bring it to life. Most likely this part of you is one you have resisted for a long time. Perhaps you don’t feel you deserve it. Perhaps there is fear attached to it. Or perhaps someone told you once that it wasn’t “good” or “lady-like” or “nice.” Your resistance to this word may be old and deep-seated. But so is your attraction to it. Now, consciously, as an adult, choose to bring this part of yourself forward. REHEARSE Let’s imagine one of your words is “expert.” How would you rehearse “expert”? Here’s how: by thinking of “expert” as many times a day as you can in as many different settings as possible. • You’re about to make a phone call. Before you pick up the handset, you think, “I’m going to make this call like an expert.” • You’re about to go into a meeting. Walking down the hall you think, “During this meeting I want to listen and contribute like an expert.” • You’re going to lunch with a client and think, “I want to show up as an expert all through lunch.” See how often you can think the word. Most people can only retain the word for the first minute or so. Then it vanishes completely from their consciousness. Most people stop there. Don’t. Keep rehearsing. That was only your first rehearsal. If you could only remember your word for one minute the first time, aim for two minutes next time. And three minutes the time after that. Don’t try to predict what’s going to happen when you think of your word. Don’t force anything. It’s just a rehearsal. Your job is to explore and see what you find. There is no pre-determined outcome. Finally, don’t rehearse in high-risk settings. Your brain won’t have enough extra capacity to allow you to explore a new word. Instead, look at tomorrow’s calendar and pick a comfortable, low-risk situation for your rehearsal. As you go to sleep tonight, tell yourself what you’re going to do. “Tomorrow, during my meeting with Lisa,I’m going to think of ‘expert’as many times as I can. And we’ll see what happens.” PERFORMANCE You’re given an opportunity to be highly visible. A presentation. A report at someone’s staff meeting. An interview. Whatever it is, it’s an important moment for you. The day before, a little voice in your head whispers to you. “Ohmigod, what if . . . “ And a whole disastrous scenario unfolds. Your stomach sinks. Suddenly your excitement turns to dread. Welcome to “performance.” Here are five ideas for managing yourself when the pressure’s on. 1. The audience doesn’t know anything. You feel like everyone knows your secret, but they don’t. Your feeling is lying to you. Your secret is safe unless you give it away. So don’t give it away. 2. Don’t try to kill the little nasty voice in your head. You can be nervous and still do your job. You can co-exist with that voice. Treat that little saboteur’s voice like a car-alarm in the background. Ignore it and get on with the job at hand. Don’t talk back to it or give it energy. 3. In the moment of opportunity, if that voice pops up again, don’t let it distract you. (That’s what it’s trying to do, by the way. It’s trying to take you out of the moment - as if whatever you are doing is too much to bear!) Instead of being distracted and leaving your body, connect with the people you’re with. Really look at people. Notice things about people. Ask them questions. “What questions do you have about this so far?” Make it a dialogue instead of a monologue. 4. Separate stories from reality. Your whispering voice will tell you stories. (“If this doesn’t go well, I’m never going to get a second chance.” Or “Oh, her arms are folded. She looks so bored. I must really suck.”) Those stories feel like facts. But they’re not. They’re stories. Get real. 5. Don’t get connected to the outcome. You don’t know what’s going to happen. Worrying about the outcome sounds like this: “Ohmigod, this sale could make me more money than I made all last year!” Or, “If I screw up this presentation the whole project is going down in flames.” Every ounce of energy you allow to go to worry reduces your capacity. When you worry about achieving the outcome, you reduce the possibility that you’ll achieve it! Your job is to be present and authentic and at your best. Don’t think ahead to the outcome. Stay in the moment. Remember, we’re all actors on the corporate stage. We get to choose our role and craft how others experience us. IT’S ALL POLITICS Dr. Kathleen Reardon, Professor The Marshall School of Business USC DEFINITION • Organizational politics involves using unsanctioned methods for achieving desired ends. • Politicians go around and through those of us who are predictable, who lack versatility. • You have to know the political arena where you work, know your political style, and how to stretch beyond it. Dr. Kathleen Reardon TYPES OF POLITICAL ARENAS • • • • Minimally Political Moderately Political Highly Political Pathologically Political Dr. Kathleen Reardon POLITICAL STYLES • • • • Purist Team Player Street Fighter Maneuverer Dr. Kathleen Reardon ARENA AND STYLE FIT • Purist: Best fit is minimally political arena • Team Player: Best fit is moderately political arena • Street Fighter: Best fit is moderately or highly political arena • Maneuverer: Best fit is highly or pathologically political arena Dr. Kathleen Reardon IDENTIFY YOUR ARENA • What is your preferred style? • How do you know? • Which arena do you believe suits you best? • How good is your present fit of style to arena type? Dr. Kathleen Reardon HOW THE POLITICALLY ASTUTE THINK • Past assumptions • Beyond predictability • On the look-out for choice points Dr. Kathleen Reardon HOUSE OF OPPORTUNITY (1) Most of us knock at the front door and leave if no one answers. Dr. Kathleen Reardon THE SKILLED LOOK FURTHER There are usually back doors, windows, etc. Dr. Kathleen Reardon GENERATING OPTIONS Mind maps are useful for doing this. Subject Overpower Trade Demeanor Overall goals Link w Dr. Kathleen Reardon Angrily Image W ords No Logic r Late n Emotio P hysical Graciously Reluctantly Fram e ak bre e ad u s r Pe Separately Open Acquiesce/ Q uit a ke Ta k As Im passe tion s e u aq Verbal Confront Redirect Their ideas Their interest ted Poin Threat Coerce Toge ther STEERING CONVERSATIONS • MARK: Well, well, well… Look who’s on time for a change. () • ED: (apologetically) I’m rarely late.() • MARK: Oh-ho! We’re feeling defensive as well! () • ED: (looking at the floor) Not really.() • MARK: (smirking) Sorry, Ed-- but it sure seems that way to me.() Dr. Kathleen Reardon STEERING CONVERSATIONS • MARK: Well, well, well… Look who’s on time for a change. () • ED: Whoa, Mark, that was a deadly cut. You must have been practicing that all night. Dr. Kathleen Reardon IDENTIFY CHOICE POINTS SAMPLE CASE • Decide what you’ll say (tone, how to start, main points you’ll make, reasoning, BEST supporting arguments) • Where might things go off track? • What are your options if they do? • Now let’s see what happens to the best of plans. Dr. Kathleen Reardon DEVELOP A COMEBACK REPERTOIRE • • • • Know your style limitations? Respond, don’t react. Be ready for CHOICE POINTS. Don’t be predictable or you’ll fall right into their hands. Dr. Kathleen Reardon HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY: NEGOTIATION IS! Carol Frohlinger, Esq. Co-author, Her Place at the Table Co-founder, Negotiating Women, Inc. CALL TO ACTION • • • Think differently about negotiation. Get out of your own way. Take your skills to the next level. © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. WHAT IS NEGOTIATION, REALLY? • “Negotiation is the process where interested parties resolve disputes, agree upon courses of action, bargain for individual or collective advantage, and/or attempt to craft outcomes which serve their mutual interests.” - Wikipedia © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. It’s about reaching agreement! DEMYSTIFYING NEGOTIATION • • • • • Transactional or Relationship? Formal (“Big N”) or Informal (“little n”)? Negotiation is situational – no absolutes. Authenticity is key. Not just about the issues, people matter too! © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. WOMEN AND LEADERSHIP AND NEGOTIATION © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO BE AN EFFECTIVE LEADER? Men Say: Women 16% Women 9% Men 41% Women Say: No Difference 50% Men 33% Source: Elle/MSNBC.com Work and Power Survey © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. No Difference 51% WHO WOULD YOU RATHER WORK FOR? Men Say: Women 13% Men 30% Women Say: Women 12% No Difference 57% Men 37% Source: Elle/MSNBC.com Work and Power Survey © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. No Difference 51% GENDER MATTERS © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. CALL TO ACTION • Think differently about negotiation. • Get out of your own way. • Take your skills to the next level. © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. WAYS WE CAN GET IN OUR OWN WAY 1. Bargaining ourselves down. 2. Thinking we can pick up the slack. 3. “Avoiding” difficult people. 4. Confusing toughness with effectiveness. 5. Failing to recognize opportunities to negotiate. © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. CALL TO ACTION • Think differently about negotiation. • Get out of your own way. • Take your skills to the next level. © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. TAKE YOUR SKILLS TO THE NEXT LEVEL • “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” • Practice out loud – avoid a moment! • Debrief every chance you get. © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. CALL TO ACTION • Think differently about negotiation. • Get out of your own way. • Take your skills to the next level. © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc. WHAT WILL YOU DO DIFFERENTLY? © 2007, Negotiating Women, Inc.