Transcript Slide 1
Troubled Youth Conference, Utah
May 7, 2015
Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net
Connections
Increasing the social connections in our lives is
probably the single easiest way to enhance our
well-being.
- Matthew Lieberman, UCLA
Linda Graham, MFT
Marriage and Family Therapist – 25 years
Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for
Maximum Resilience and Well-Being
2013 Books for a Better Life award
2014 Better Books for a Better World award
www.lindagraham-mft.net
[email protected]
There are no mistakes when there is learning.
- Julia Butterfly Hill
The brain learns from experience
People can learn to respond differently
To manage stress
To bounce back from adversity
People can choose new experiences that
Create new coping strategies
Rewire old coping strategies
People can strengthen their response flexibility
To recover their resilience and well-being
Resilience for Students
Manage impulses, appropriate behavior
Curiosity, openness to learning and change
Process-encode information into memory
Use information creatively and productively
Imagine, think, plan
Navigate social world, social intelligence
Empathic interactions with others
Develop identity, core values, moral compass
Contribute to larger community, world
Premise of Catalyzing Brain Change
Different neural activities underlie
Different levels of brain functioning, thus
Different mechanisms of brain change
Four mechanisms of brain change to address
Four levels of student functioning
Incremental Skills to Quantum
Learning
When overwhelmed, stressed, survivor of trauma
Restore baseline calm, presence, equilibrium
When stuck in negative, defensive patterns
Antidote negativity bias; install more resilient strategies
When de-railed by shame
Rewire toxic shame and inner critic; recover secure base
When open to learning
Expand to intuition, imagination, creativity, flow, flourishing of
authentic self
Modern Brain Science
Neuroscience technology is 25 years old
The field of neuroscience is so new,
we must be comfortable not only
venturing into the unknown
but into error.
- Richard Mendius, M.D.
Neuroscience of Brain Change
Mindfulness meditation improves attention
and impulse control; students get better
grades, higher SAT scores; schools have less
violence, less bullying
Oxytocin (neurostransmitter of safety and
trust) can calm a panic attack in less than a
minute
Kindness and comfort protects against stress,
trauma, psychopathology - lifelong
Neuroplasticity
Greatest discovery of modern neuroscience
Growing new neurons
Strengthening synaptic connections
Myelinating pathways – faster processing
Creating and altering brain structure and circuitry
Organizing and re-organizing functions of brain
structures
The brain changes itself - lifelong
Evolutionary legacy
Genetic templates
Family of origin conditioning
Norms-expectations of society
Who we are and how we cope…
…is not our fault
Given neuroplasticity
and choices of self-directed neuroplasticity
Who we are and how we cope…
…is our responsibility
- Paul Gilbert,PhD, The Compassionate Mind
The brain is shaped by experience. And because
we have a choice about what experiences we
want to use to shape our brain, we have a
responsibility to choose the experiences that
will shape the brain toward the wise and the
wholesome.
- Richard J. Davidson, PhD
Mechanisms of Brain Change
Conditioning
New Conditioning
Re-Conditioning
De-Conditioning
Conditioning
Experience causes neurons to fire
Repeated experiences, repeated neural firings
Neurons that fire together wire together
Strengthen synaptic connections
Connections stabilize into neural pathways
Without conscious intervention, is what happens
in the brain all the time
Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and
negative
Conditioning – Skills and Functions
How brain learns from experience
Encodes learning, behaviors, skills in
neural circuitry
Develops pre-frontal cortex
Strengthens inner secure base, personal
sense of self
Professional relationship = re-parenting
Attachment Styles - Secure
Parenting is attuned, empathic, responsive,
comforting, soothing, helpful
Attachment develops safety and trust, and
inner secure base
Stable and flexible focus and functioning
Open to learning
inner secure base provides buffer against
stress, trauma, and psychopathology
Insecure-Avoidant
Parenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical,
rejecting
Attachment is compulsively self-reliant
Stable, but not flexible
Focus on self or world, not others or emotions
Rigid, defensive, not open to learning
Neural cement
Insecure-Anxious
Parenting is inconsistent, unpredictable
Attachment is compulsive caregiving
Flexible, but not stable
Focus on other, not on self-world,
Less able to retain learning
Neural swamp
Disorganized
Parenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is
“checked out,” not “there”
Attachment is fright without solution
Lack of focus
Moments of dissociation
Compartmentalization of trauma
Pre-Frontal Cortex
Development kindled in relationships
Executive center of higher brain
Evolved most recently – makes us human
Matures the latest – 25 years of age
Most integrative structure of brain
Evolutionary masterpiece
CEO of resilience
Pre-Frontal Cortex - Functions
Regulate body and nervous system
Quell fear response of amygdala
Manage emotions
Attunement – felt sense of feelings
Empathy – making sense of experience
Insight and self-knowing
Response flexibility
Planning, decision making
True Other to the True Self
The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt
sense of being held in the mind and heart of an
empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.
- Diana Fosha, PhD
To see and be seen: that is the question, and
that is the answer.
- Ken Benau, PhD
New Conditioning
Choose new experiences
Gratitude practice, listening skills, focusing
attention, self-compassion, self-acceptance
Create new learning, new memory
Encode new wiring
“Little and often”; install new pattern of
response
Cues to Practice - ANTS to PATS
Identify habitual negative pattern of response
Identify new, positive response to counter/replace
Identify cue word or phrase to name negative and
positive
Criticism - Compassion
Use cue to break automaticity and change the
channel
Repeat the practice as many times as necessary
Re-conditioning
Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation
“Light up” neural networks
Juxtapose old negative with new positive
Neurons fall apart, rewire
New rewires old
Re-conditioning
Resource with memory of someone’s compassion
toward you
Evoke compassion for your self
Evoke memory of someone being critical of you
(or inner critic)
Hold awareness of criticizing moment and
compassionate moment in dual awareness
Drop the criticizing moment; rest in the
compassionate moment
Modes of Processing
Focused
Tasks and details
New conditioning and re-conditioning
De-focused
Default network
Mental play space
De-conditioning
De-Conditioning
Default network
De-focusing, loosens grip
Creates mental play space
Can open to worry, rumination
Can open to plane of open possibilities
Brain makes new links, associations
New insights, new behaviors
De-Conditioning
Imagination
Guided visualizations
Guided meditations
Reverie, daydreams
Brain “plays,” makes own associations and
links, connect dots in new ways
Reflect on new insights
Compassionate Friend
Sit comfortably; hand on heart for loving awareness
Imagine safe place
Imagine warm, compassionate figure –
Compassionate Friend
Sit-walk-talk with compassionate friend
Discuss difficulties; listen for exactly what you need
to hear from compassionate friend
Receive object of remembrance from friend
Reflect-savor intuitive wisdom
Practices to Accelerate Brain Change
Presence – primes receptivity of brain
Intention/choice – activates plasticity
Practice – creates new pathways, new more
resilient habits of coping
Perseverance – installs change
Catalyzing Brain Change
When in overwhelm, stress, trauma
NEW conditioning: new experiences restore calm,
equilibrium
When stuck in negative, defensive patterns
NEW conditioning: antidote negativity bias, install new
more resilient coping strategies
When overwhelmed by shame
RE-conditioning: recover inner secure base
When open to learning
DE-conditioning: expand to intuition and imagination
Intelligences
When in overwhelm, stress, trauma
SOMATIC intelligence: body-based skills of calm and compassion
When stuck in negative, defensive patterns
EMOTIONAL intelligence: heart-based skills of positive emotions,
curiosity, optimism
When de-railed by shame
RELATIONAL intelligence: skills to heal heartache, access support
and resources, navigate peopled world
When open to learning:
REFLECTIVE intelligence: catch the moment, make a choice;
dream and soar
6 C’s of Coping
Calm
Compassion
Clarity
Connections to Resources
Competence
Courage
Calm
Manage disruptive emotions
Tolerate distress
Down-regulate stress to return to baseline
equilibrium
Calm through the Body
Hand on the Heart
Touch/Hugs
Body Scan
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Power Posing
Mindfulness and Compassion
Awareness of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Acceptance of what’s happening
(and our reactions to what’s happening)
Two most powerful agents of brain change known
to science; both foster response flexibility
Rewiring that is safe, efficient, effective
Mindfulness and Compassion
Activate Caregiving System
Mindfulness
Focuses awareness on experience
May I accept this moment, exactly as it is
Self-Compassion
Focuses kindness on experiencer
May I accept myself exactly as I am in this moment
Activates caregiving system
Shift from reactivity and contraction to openness,
engagement
Self-Compassion Break
Notice moment of suffering
Ouch! This hurts! This is painful.
Soothing touch (hand on heart, cheek, hug)
Kindness toward experiencer
May I be kind to myself in this moment
May I accept this moment exactly as it is
May I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am
May I give myself all the compassion I need to
respond to this moment wisely
One for Me; One for You
Breathing in, “nourishing, nourishing”
Breathing out, “soothing, soothing”
In imagination, “nourishing for me, nourishing
for you, soothing for me, soothing for you”
“One for me, one for you”
Practice breathing “one for me, one for you”
when in conversation with someone
Caregiving with Equanimity
Everyone is on his or her own life journey.
I am not the cause of this person’s suffering,
nor is it entirely within my power to make it go
away,
even if I wish I could.
Moments like this are difficult to bear,
Yet I may still try to help if I can.
Emotional Intelligence
Perceiving, identifying, managing one’s own
emotional landscape with openness and curiosity
Regulating negative emotions
Cultivating positive emotions
Maintaining emotional vitality and equilibrium
Recognizing others’ emotions, empathizing with
emotional causes of behaviors
Responding to one’s own and others’ emotions
skillfully and compassionately
Positive Emotions
Gratitude
Awe
Generosity
Compassion
Delight
Serenity
Love
Curiosity
Kindness
Joy
Trust
Negativity Bias – Left Shift
Brain hard-wired to notice and remember
negative and intense more than positive and
subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a
species
Leads to tendency to avoid experience
Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is
more open to approaching experience,
learning, and action
Positive Emotions
Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness
More friendships, social support, collaboration
Shift in perspectives, more optimism
More creativity, productivity
Better health, better sleep
Live on average 7-9 years longer
Resilience is direct outcome
A hundred times every day, I remind myself that
my inner and outer life depend on the labors of
other people, and that I must exert myself in
order to give in the same measure as I have
received and am still receiving.
- Albert Einstein
Gratitude
2-minute free write
Gratitude journal
Gratitude buddy
Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
Take in the Good
Notice: in the moment or in memory
Enrich: felt sense in the body
Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds
Repeat: 6 times a day; install in long-term
memory
True Other to the True Self
The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt
sense of being held in the mind and heart of an
empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.
- Diana Fosha, PhD
To see and be seen: that is the question, and
that is the answer.
- Ken Benau, PhD
Deep Listening
The most basic and powerful way to connect to
another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps
the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention….A loving silence often
has far more power to heal and to connect
than the most well-intentioned words.
- Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.
Resonance Circuit
Resonance – vibe, emotional contagion
Attunement – felt sense, explicit, non-verbal
Empathy – verbal, cognitive, coherent
narrative
Compassion – concern, caring, help
Acceptance – pre-requisite for resilience and
lasting change
Neuroscience of empathy
Dyadic regulation
Social engagement system
Vagal brake
Fusiform gyrus regulates amygdala
Restores equilibrium
See Yourself as Others See You
Imagine sitting across from someone who
loves you unconditionally
Imagine switching places with them; see
yourself as they see you; feel why they love
you and delight in you; take in the good
Imagine being yourself again; taking in the love
and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.
The Guest House - Rumi
This being human is a guest-house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness come
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you
out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
- Rumi
Reconditioning of Shame that
De-Rails Resilience
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience
of believing we are flawed and therefore
unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes
we are capable of change. We cannot change and
grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use
shame to change ourselves or others.
- Brene Brown, PhD
Just that action of paying attention to ourselves,
that I care enough about myself, that I am
worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to
unlock some of those deep beliefs of
unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain.
- Elisha Goldstein
Reconditioning
Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation
“Light up” neural networks of problematic memory
Cause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and
instantly rewire by:
Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts
or disconfirms;
Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories
held in simultaneous dual awareness
Causes the falling apart and the rewiring
Reconditioning
Anchor in present moment awareness
Resource with acceptance and goodness
Start with small negative memory
“Light up the networks”
Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms
Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)
Refresh and strengthen positive
Let go of negative
Rest in, savor positive
Reflect on shifts in perspective
Wished for Outcome
Evoke memory of what did happen
Imagine new behaviors, new players, new
resolution
Hold new outcome in awareness,
strengthening and refreshing
Notice shift in perspective of experience, of
self
Relational Intelligence
Receiving/reaching out for help
Setting limits and boundaries
Negotiating change
Repairing ruptures
Forgiveness
Receiving-Reaching Out for Help
Identifying conditioned patterns
Avoiding/rejecting; clinging
Practicing the opposite pattern
Asking/receiving; activating/experimenting
Allowing the new pattern to settle in
Self-compassion when new practice is difficult;
evokes shame
Setting Limits and Boundaries
Identify values that determine limit
Create context of mindful empathy
Assert limits/boundaries
State consequences
Enforce consequences
Negotiating Change
Speaker requests dialogue
Speaker/listener create conditions to be heard
Speaker states topic sentence
Speaker uses “I” statements; focuses on own
perceptions, reactions, needs
Listener reflects back; no interruptions,
questions, defenses, explanations, judgments,
criticisms
Negotiationg Change, part 2
Listener summarizes; speaker corrects
Speaker identifies 3 behavior he/she can do to
meet identified need and 3 behaviors partner
can do to meet identified need; positive,
measurable, within time frame
Each chooses one behavior to do in time frame
Each acknowledges the other when behavior is
done
Repairing Ruptures
Acknowledge existence of rupture; desire to
repair
Each states own experience, hurts, needs
Each listens to and empathizes with
experience, hurts, needs of other
Each takes responsibility for their actions and
acknowledges impact
Each asks and offers forgiveness
Forgiveness
Forgiving ourselves
Asking others for forgiveness
Forgiving others
for harm, hurt, betrayal, abandonment
out of fear, anger, hurt, confusion
in thought, word, or deed
knowingly or unknowingly
De-conditioning - Quantum Learning
Insights
Epiphanies
Revelations
Aha!s
Therapeutic break-throughs
Defocused mode
Dreams
Daydreams, reveries
Stream of consciousness
Imagination
Guided visualization
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
For while knowledge defines all that we
currently know and understand, imagination
points to all we might yet discover and create.
- Albert Einstein
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the
rational mind is a faithful servant. We have
created a society that honors the servant and
has forgotten the gift.
- Albert Einstein
Wiser Self
Imagine yourself five years from now: wise,
compassionate, good, strong, alive and vibrant
Ask this Wiser Self: how did you become like
this? What did you have to overcome or let go
of to become like this? What one word of
advice do you have for me?
Inhabit this Wiser Self briefly; what does it feel
like to become your Wiser Self?
Welcome Them All
Wiser Self welcomes to the “party”
characters that embody positive and negative
parts of the self
with curiosity and acceptance of the message
or gift of each part and
honors each part of the “inner committee”
Human Brain:
Evolutionary Masterpiece
100 billion neurons
Each neuron contains the entire human genome
Neurons “fire” hundreds of time per second
Neurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neurons
Trillions of synaptic connections
As many connections in single cubic centimeter of
brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxy
How to Replenish Human Brain
Exercise-Movement
Sleep - Rest
Nutrition
Laughter-Play
Learn Something New
Hang Out with Healthy Brains
Exercise - Movement
Macro
cardio – BDNF
Yoga, qi gong – move the energy
Micro
3-minute better than nothing workout
Move your body once every hour
Sense and savor walk
Sleep - Rest
Macro – 8 hours every night
Housekeeping
Reset nervous system
Consolidate learning
Sleep hygiene
Micro
Take mental breaks; switch the channel
Take a nap
Mini-meditate (10 breaths)
Take Mental Breaks
Focus on something else (positive is good)
Talk to someone else (resonant is good)
Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)
Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue
Nutrition
Macro
Eat healthy!
More protein, more water, less sugar, less carbs,
less calories, less caffeine/alcohol
Micro
Savor (eat a raisin meditation)
Eat one meal a day without doing anything else
Laughter-Play
Macro
Have a good time at family/friends
dinner/celebration
Schedule a play date
Schedule a silly date
Micro
Watch a 4-minute Happify Daily video
Read two minutes of jokes
Learn Something New
Macro
Speak a foreign language
Play a musical instrument
Juggle
Play chess
Micro
Learn a new poem, quote, flower, bird each day
Hang Out with Healthy Brains
Macro
Friendships, extra-curricular activities and clubs,
athletics, choir
Practice gratitude at family dinners
Micro
Read 10 pages of a good book, magazine article, blog
post
Send the link of the above to a friend
Send a text or email of gratitude, acknowledgement,
appreciation to friend, co-worker
Connections
Increasing the social connections in our lives is
probably the single easiest way to enhance our
well-being.
- Matthew Lieberman, UCLA
Linda Graham, MFT
www.lindagraham-mft.net
[email protected]