Transcript Prevalence of Domestic Violence in Canada

Jennifer Thibodeau, MSW, RSW, CSAT (C)
Steven Thibodeau, PhD, RSW, CSAT (C)
Jackie Thibodeau, BHSc, RPC (C)
website: www.LifeSTARAlberta.com
What is Sexual Addiction?
 “Sexual addiction is operationally defined as a
pathological relationship with a mood-altering
experience. Sexual addicts no longer have the ability to
say no or choose; they are unable to control their cycle
of thinking, feeling, and acting when it comes to their
sexual behaviors” (Carnes, 2001)
Criteria for Sex Addiction
Patrick Carnes
 Loss of control
 Severe consequences due to sexual behavior
 Inability to stop despite adverse consequences
 Persistent pursuit of self destructive or high-risk
behavior
 Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior
 Sexual obsession and fantasy as primary coping
strategy
 Increasing amounts of sexual experience because the
currently level of activity is no longer sufficient
 Severe mood changes around sexual activity
 Inordinate amounts of time spent in obtaining sex,
being sexual, or recovering from sexual experiences
 Neglect of important social, occupational, or
recreational activities because of sexual behavior
Ten Types of Sex Addicts
A total of 10 “types” of sexually compulsive behaviors
emerged in the sex addicts surveyed by P. Carnes, Ph.D.
Fantasy Sex
Sexually charged fantasies, relationships,
and situations.
Arousal depends on sexual possibility.
Seductive Role Sex
Seduction of partners.
Arousal is based on conquest and
diminishes rapidly after initial contact.
Voyeuristic Sex
Visual arousal.
The use of visual stimulation to escape
into obsessive trance.
Exhibitionistic Sex
Attracting attention to body or sexual
parts of the body.
Sexual arousal stems from reaction of
viewer whether shock or interest.
Paying for Sex
Purchasing of sexual services.
Arousal is connected to payment for sex,
and with time the arousal actually
becomes connected to the money itself.
Trading Sex
Selling or bartering sex for power.
Arousal is based on gaining control of
others by using sex as leverage.
Intrusive Sex
Boundary violation without discovery.
Sexual arousal occurs by violating
boundaries with no repercussions.
Anonymous Sex
High-risk sex with unknown persons.
Arousal involves no seduction or cost
and is immediate.
Pain Exchange Sex
Being humiliated or hurt as part of sexual
arousal; or sadistic hurting or degrading
another sexually, or both.
Exploitive Sex
Exploitation of the vulnerable.
Arousal patterns are based on target
“types” of vulnerability.
Sexual Addiction
 Due to the wide availability of unmonitored internet
use by adolescents there is a predicted tsunami of
sexually addicted people ( Carnes 2010)
Truths
 Highly addictive
 Changes the Brain
 Destroys emotional, physical and





spiritual health
Negative impact in relationships
Distorts healthy sexuality
Promotes objectification
Decreases empathy and sensitivity to others
Connected to illegal activities
Prevalence of Domestic
Violence
• One woman in six is physically or sexually
abused by her husband, ex-husband or live
in partner (Lawson, 1992)
• Rape is a significant or major form of abuse
in 54% of violent marriages (AMA, 1992)
The relationship between domestic
violence and sexual addiction
 Addictive sexual disorders are frequently
associated with domestic (sexual)violence …
 … many of the same factors that predispose
an individual to the development of an
addictive or compulsive sexual disorder can
also predispose one to being a participant in
a violent sexual relationship (Irons, 1996)
 While Carnes (1990) advises us that sexual addiction
represents the antithesis of love … it is also important
to note that sexual violence is often a significant
feature of addictive sexual disorders.
Cycle of Violence passed from
generation to generation
 We have been taught that sexual abuse in
childhood or adolescence is often sustained
and then repressed or split off during
growth and development … only to affect
relationships decades later.
The Addictive Cycle
Belief
System
Unmanageability
Impaired Thinking
Addictive
Cycle
Preoccupation
Shame
Despair
Guilt
Ritualization
Compulsive
Behavior
© 2008
Cycle of Sexual Violence in
Relationships (Irons, 1996)
Such efforts
are short
lived
Physical
Altercations
Sexual
activity as a
moodaltering
behaviour
Isolated and
vulnerable
Efforts to
reconcile
difference
Progression of sexual violence
• Light bondage: indirect pressure to submit to unwanted sexual activity
• More overt coercion: may include an insistence on sexual performance
• Blatantly Violent sex: Sex may deteriorate into hostility, repressive
bondage, human degradation, intense combat, aggravated assault, rape
 It is important to recognize the degree of
exploitation of power, and the use of control
and aggression by the addict, so that
legitimate issues of domestic violence and
sexual assault can be named and explored
therapeutically at the appropriate juncture.
 [Sex Addict] I look back now and know that my
wife was the perfect partner for me to be able to
have this other life. She always wanted to believe in
me. I controlled her with anger. She had been
raised by a raging father, and then her stepfather
sexually abused her. All I had to do was raise my
voice and ask, ‘How can you doubt me after all I do
for you? You should be grateful.” I’d see the shift in
her eyes and she would crumble. Then I’d switch to
telling her everything was okay, telling her I really
loved her, and acting like I forgave her for her
suspicions.
Therapeutic Strategies
 It is common that when an addict is
confronted with his exploitation of power
and control, and victimization of another,
he will commonly express denial
The addict will try to reframe the behaviour,
from that of perpetrated violence, to that of
an alternative and fully consensual sexual
life style.
Opening Pandora's Box (Iron)
 The risk of escalating violence is a concern as others
(partners and other family members) learn of the
abusive behaviour
 The partner (victim) may not be aware the violence is
being addressed in therapy and may not be able to
defend against the increased risk of and lowered
threshold for abuse
The role of therapist with the
abused partner
 While the addict (perpetrator) may ask the
therapist to be a bystander and do nothing,
…. the partner (victim) asks the therapist to
‘share the burden’; demanding action,
engagement and remembering (Herman)
The lives of partners
 [partner] My life has been riddled with the horror of
addiction. My father committed suicide when I was
only a year old. My mother had just left him due to his
‘womanizing’. Today we know it as sex addiction. I
began believing early that if I could just keep the
peace, protect my cousins, stop the depression,
everyone would be happy, and then I would be safe.
My idea of an attractive man was my uncle, a harddrinking, raging handsome woman-chaser. I used sex
addicts in much the same way they used me to recreate our family history.
Partners of Sex Addicts
 … often grew up in families where addiction to alcohol,
drugs, food, and work were present (Schneider &
Schneider, 1996)
 …were more likely to have experienced sexual,
physical, or emotional abuse as a child (Crawford,
1996)
 … have difficulty bonding emotionally and
experienced rigid responses to change in their families
of origin (Wildmon-White and Scott Young, 2002)