Transcript LOVE, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS From A Christian Perspective

LOVE RELATIONSHIPS
From A Christian Perspective
Gregory J. Knapp, J.D.
www.knappministries.org
[email protected]
Love Relationships
©2004 Gregory J. Knapp
1
GOALS OF SEMINAR
BIBLE-BASED SEMINAR TO EMPOWER YOU:
– Identify “True Love”
– Solve your love relationship problems
– Distinguish various types of love
– Choose the type of love relationship you want
– Become the type of lover you chose to be
– Have a love relationship worth living
Love Relationships
2
AGENDA
• CONCEPTS OF LOVE
• TYPES OF LOVE
– Defined
– Characteristics
– Examples
– Results
• TYPES OF LOVE COMPARED
• PRACTICAL IMPLEMENTATION
• CHOOSING LOVE RELATIONSHIP TYPES
Love Relationships
3
CONCEPTS OF LOVE
• WE ARE ALL LONELY AND WANT TO BE LOVED
• GOD AGREES
–
–
–
–
It is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18)
We were created for relationships – with God, family, and others
Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30)
Love your neighbor as you love yourself (Mark 12:31)
• GOD'S HIGH CALLING FOR US
– God’s command is not just to love one another, but to be a special
type of lover: An “agape” (Greek) lover – or “true lover”
– God distinguishes between this type of love and all others
– Everyone needs to fully understand “agape”; you cannot follow
God’s command if you don’t understand what He is commanding
Love Relationships
4
CONCEPTS OF LOVE
• EXAMPLES HELP “CALIBRATE” OUR IDEA OF LOVE
• DO WE REALLY LOVE THE ONES WE THINK WE
LOVE? (Romance vs. Passion)
• WHY DO WE FAIL IN THIS VITAL AREA OF OUR
LIFE?
–
–
–
–
We’ve never been taught what “true love” is
Natural man does not instinctively understand or practice love
True love is not an intense form of “like”
Most people do not understand there are many distinct forms of love,
each with a different mode of operation and result
– Many people mistake romance or sex for “love”
Love Relationships
5
CONCEPTS OF LOVE
THE NATURE OF WORDS
• A word is just a symbol for something else
• The context in which a word is used may significantly
change what the symbol stands for
• A symbol can represent anything that both parties agree
upon
• If both parties do not agree on what a symbol (word) stands
for, especially in context, no communication, or at best
miscommunication, takes place
– “Svarkn the glibit!” Gibberish unless you know what the speaker
means!
• Meaning of words often depend on who is saying them and
who is hearing them. Example of “Secure the building!”
Love Relationships
6
CONCEPTS OF LOVE
• SUMMARY: The English word “love” has many
different meanings depending on intent, manner of
usage, inflection of voice, context, and history
• The Greek language, of which most of the New Testament
is written, is very expressive, and has many words for
“love”, each with its own special meaning
• This seminar will help you understand love
relationships by concentrating on three Greek words:
Eros, Phileo, and Agape
Love Relationships
7
EROS
•
•
•
•
•
•
English: “Erotica”, but not limited to sex
A “taking” action
A
B
Self-oriented
M
W
Natural
M
W
Advertising feeds on this
Attitudes caused: - Life is gypping me
- Angry; disappointed
• Result: Unstable “Live Together” Relationship
• Duration: short
• Example:
M W2
W1
M W2
W1
Love Relationships
8
PHILEO
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
English: Philadelphia; philanthropy; brotherly love
A “give and take”
A
B
Civilized
W
M
IF
Taught this all our life
M
W
Friendship; sharing
Performance Oriented; demands perfection; never satisfied
Selfishness by agreement
40%
Attitudes caused: You owe me
Fear/domination
A
B
Looks like “love,” but can feel coldness
Result: Good “Live Together”, but
Poor Marriage; can end at any time
Love Relationships
9
AGAPE
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
No English equivalent; closest: “divine love” “true love”
Giving, without thought of return
Others-Oriented
A
B
Focuses only on other’s highest good
B
A
Unnatural; unselfish; doesn’t make sense
Sacrifices self for others, whether “worthy” or not
W M
World owes you nothing
If expect nothing, you are not disappointed
M W
Result: Life of thanksgiving; Good marriage
Attitudes caused: You owe me nothing
Freedom; no demands on others!
HW
HW
Can feel the warmth when received
H
W
Result: Life of joy; Good Marriage
The Two become One
HW
Stable, secure, and never ends
Love Relationships
HW
10
PRACTICAL IMPLEMENTATION
•
•
•
•
Varies in area of expression
Varies in love types minute-to-minute
Varies in focus of love – a balancing act
What happens if the other person is a
different type of lover?
• Focus on God’s will
• Agape means servanthood
Love Relationships
11
CHARACTERISTICS OF AGAPE
• Agape is patient, agape is kind, and is not jealous; agape does not brag
and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its
own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears
all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Agape never fails!
(1 Corinthians 13).
• Agape is fearless: You will have no fear in agape (1 John 3:18).
• Agape is giving: Greater agape has no one than this, that one lay
down his life for his friends (John 15:13).
• Agape is caring: For God so loved (agape’d) the world (you), that He
gave His only begotten Son (to die in your place on a cross as payment
in full for your sins), that whosoever believes (trusts) in Him, should
not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
• Agape’s for lovers of “light”: For God did not send the Son into the
world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through
Him...For this is the judgment: That the light (agape) is come into the
world, and men loved the darkness (eros) rather than the light (agape)
(John 3:17,19).
Love Relationships
12
LOVE TYPES COMPARED
FACTOR
EROS
PHILEO
AGAPE
Defined
Self-love
Brotherly love
Godly love
English equivalent
Erotic/selfishness
Philanthropy
“True” love
Action
Taking
Give and take
Give, without
thought of return
Genesis
Animalistic
Civilization
God
Basis
Selfishness
Selfishness by
agreement
Unselfish
Feels
Cold
Lukewarm
Warm
Driven by
Emotion
Emotion/necessity
Choice
Attitude
What do I get out of
it; do your own
thing
Will tolerate
obstacles so long as
I get what I want
Want to serve you
without thought of
what I get from it
Orientation
Self
Self/Performance
Others/Marriage
Love Relationships
13
LOVE TYPES COMPARED
FACTOR
EROS
PHILEO
AGAPE
Fear/domination
Peace/thankfulness
Permanency
Life is gypping me;
I deserve the best
Temporary/volatile
Duration unknown/
unstable
Permanent/stable
Premise upon
which based
World owes you
everything
Mate owes you
everything because
you gave yourself
No one owes you
anything
Person served
Self
Self
Others
Comparison #1
Dark/blackhole;
Anti-Christ
Dim/satellite
Light/stars/sun;
Christ
Comparison #2
Fear/evil/horror
Insecure
Safe/secure
Openness
Masks most of time
Masks part of time
Open/no masks
State of mind
Love Relationships
14
LOVE TYPES COMPARED
FACTOR
EROS
PHILEO
AGAPE
Treatment of mate
Use and abuse
Give what’s
required; take all
you can
Serve with joy
Care for mate?
No
Maybe
Yes
Fulfillment/sense
of completeness
Temporary thrills,
little lasting
satisfaction
Satisfaction rare,
unless standards are
low
Fulfilled/satisfied
A few high
achievers
Everyone
Good live-together
or poor marriage
Good marriage
No one
Who wants to
receive this “love?”
Relationship
generated
Love Relationships
Poor live-together
15
LOVE TYPES COMPARED
FACTOR
Ultimate
relationship
EROS
Single and alone
PHILEO
Together, but
separate and alone
AGAPE
Become “one”
forever
Who is loved?
Self
Self; size up others
to see if worthy of
you
Others
Center of universe
Self
Mate, so long as all
my needs are met
God
Mate
God
Schools
Bible
Who is responsible Self
to meet my needs?
Where taught?
Love Relationships
Instinctive
16
CHOOSE AGAPE!
• WHAT DOES GOD WANT YOU TO DO?
– This is my commandment, that you love (agape) one another just
as I have loved (agape’d) you (John 15:12)
– Let all that you do be done in love (agape) (1 Corinthians 16:14)
• WHAT IF YOU DECIDE TO NOT BE AN AGAPE
LOVER?
– If I speak with the tongues of men and angels, but do not have love
(agape), I have become a noisy gong or clanging cymbal. And if
I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all
knowledge, if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do
not have love (agape), I am nothing. And if I give all my
possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned,
but do not have love (agape), it profits me nothing.
(1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
Love Relationships
17
HOW TO BECOME AN AGAPE LOVER
ASK GOD TO MAKE YOU AN AGAPE-LOVER BY:
1. Admitting to God that you haven't been an agape lover, and thus have
violated His Commandment to agape one another. Love (agape) God with
all your heart, mind and soul, and love (agape) your neighbor as yourself
(Matthew 22:37,39). For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory (agape)
of God (Romans 3:23). And the wages of sin is death (separation from God
and man) (Romans 6:23). If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to
forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
2. Repenting (turning away from the way you’ve been walking), by turning
over control of your life to God, and submitting to God's control (Luke
13:5 and Romans 12:1-2).
3. Believing (trusting) that the Lord Jesus Christ died on the cross and shed
His blood to pay the price for your sins and that He rose again (Romans
10:9). For God demonstrated His love (agape) for you in that while you were
yet a sinner, Jesus died for you (Romans 5:8).
4. Asking Jesus to take control (be Lord) of your life and by confessing with
your mouth that He is now Lord of your life (Romans 10:10). Be sincere
when you ask Him to be Lord. Jesus said: “Why do you call me Lord and do
not do what I say?” (Luke 6:46).
Love Relationships
18
HOW TO BECOME AN AGAPE LOVER
ASK GOD TO MAKE YOU AN AGAPE-LOVER BY (Continued):
5. Asking God to come into your life, to save you from your sins, to give you
eternal life, and to fill your life with agape (Romans 10:13). He saves us
from a life of eros/phileo and pain, and brings us into a kingdom of agape.
“For by grace (God’s unmerited favor) are you saved through faith...it is the
gift of God; not a result of works, lest any man should boast (Ephesians 2:8,9).
Not by works of righteousness we have done, but according to His mercy He
saved us (Titus 3:5).
6. Trusting God for the fulfillment of His glorious plan for your life. “‘For I
know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and
not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope’” (Jeremiah 29:11). “For we
are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, for good works, which God
prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10). “He who
began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus”
(Philippians 1:4).
7. Following Jesus. “If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself,
take up his cross daily, and follow Me” (Luke 9:23). Love (agape) God with
all your heart, mind and soul, and love (agape) your neighbor as yourself
(Matthew 22:37,39). Seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness, and all
things will be added unto you (Matthew 6:33).
Love Relationships
19
CONCLUSION
• God is pure agape (1 John 4:8)
• He demands we WALK it, not just talk it (1 John 3:11, 16-18)
• Every moment of every day, realize the type of love you are
engaged in
• Choose agape
• Do not discriminate or be selective, but be wise. God even said
to love your enemies and do good to them. (Luke 6:27)
Quit living a cold transactional life (you get what you pay
for)… and start living a life worth living… giving to
others without thought of return… bringing joy,
happiness and love into an otherwise cold and lonely
world!
Love Relationships
20