Transcript The Interpersonal Communicatin Book 11th Ed.

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CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 1)
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Chapter 4: Listening in
Interpersonal Communication
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The Importance of Listening
Learn
Relate
Influence
Play
Help
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 2)
 Listening is a five stage process; the stages
overlap and are performed simultaneously
 Listening is never perfect
 Listening is a skill that can be improved
 Listening is not the same thing as hearing
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 3)
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The Process of Listening
Stage 1: Receiving – the physiological, passive
process of hearing vibrations around you.
Ways to improve receiving
1. Focus your attention- (What is said & not said? Verbal & nonverbal messages?)
2. Avoid distractions- (take off your headphones)
3. Maintain your role as listener- (avoid interrupting)
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 4)
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The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 1: Receiving
Disclaimers – statements you make to listeners so your
message won’t be interpreted negatively
1. Hedging (“I may be wrong here, but…”)
2. Credentialing (“As someone who plays piano, I…”)
3. Sin licenses (“I know this not be the place to discuss business, but…”)
4. Cognitive disclaimers (“I know you’ll think I’m crazy, but let me
explain the logic of the case”)
5. Appeals for suspension of judgment (“Don’t hang up on me
until you hear my side of the story”)
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 5)
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The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 2: Understanding - you learn what the
speaker’s thoughts and emotions mean
Ways to improve understanding
1. Avoid assuming you understand
2. See the speaker’s messages from the speaker’s point
of view
3. Ask questions for clarification
4. Rephrase or paraphrase
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 6)
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The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 3: Remembering
You remember not what was said, but what you
remember was said
Memory is reconstructive, not reproductive
To truly remember, info needs to pass from short
term memory to long term memory
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 7)
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The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 3: Remembering
Ways to improve remembering
1. Focus your attention on central ideas
2. Organize material into categories or chunks (shopping
list)
3. Relate new information to information you already
know
4. Repeat key names or concepts to yourself (“Hi, Alice!” v.s.
“Hi!”)
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 8)
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The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 4: Evaluating – consciously or
unconsciously judging the message
Ways to make better critical judgments
1. Resist evaluating until you fully understand the
speaker’s point of view
2. Separate facts from the speaker’s opinion or
viewpoint
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 9)
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The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 4: Evaluating
Ways to make better critical judgments
3. Identify speaker’s bias, slant or self-interest
4. Recognize fallacies in reasoning
 Name calling & ad hominem
 Testimonial (white-coated actor selling toothpaste)
 Bandwagon (“everyone else does”)
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 10)
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The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 5: Responding – giving immediate or
delayed feedback to the speaker on what you
think and how you feel about the message
Ways to improve responding
1. Support the speaker with listening cues
2. Take responsibility for what you say; use I-statements
and avoid anonymity
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 11)
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The Process of Listening (cont.)
Stage 4: Evaluating
Ways to make better critical judgments
3. Resist responding to the speaker’s feelings by trying
to solve their problems
4. Focus on the other person
5. Avoid being a “thought-completer” listener
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 12)
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The Process of Listening (cont.)
1. Physical and mental distractions
2. Biases and prejudices
3. Lack of appropriate focus
 Irrelevant details
 Only what relates to you
 Listen on in order to counter or reply
4. Premature judgment
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 13)
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Listening Barriers
Three cultural differences influence listening
1. Language, meanings, and accents (ex. The word,
“House”)
2. Nonverbal behaviors
Display rules – cultural rules that govern what
nonverbal displays are appropriate
3. Is direct or indirect feedback more
appropriate?
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 14)
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Culture, Gender and Listening
Gender differences influence listening
1. Women listen to build rapport and relationships
(rapport talk); men listen to build respect with
knowledge and expertise (report talk)
2. Listening cues - women give obvious listening
cues, men listen more quietly; women appear to
listen more than men.
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 15)
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Culture, Gender and Listening (cont.)
Gender differences influence listening
3. Amount and purpose
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Men listen to women less than women listen to men
Listening indicates subordinate status
Men’s questions are argumentative and competitive,
women’s are supportive
Research is conflicting
Gender roles are changing
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 16)
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Culture, Gender and Listening (cont.)
1. Empathic and objective listening
 Empathic listening – listen to feel the other’s
feelings, fully understand the other’s meaning;
usually the preferred mode of listening
 Objective listening – measure someone’s feelings
against objective reality
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 17)
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Styles of Effective Listening
How would you respond with empathy to each of these comments? Assume that all
people are your peers.
1) I just can't seem to get my act together. Everything just falls apart as soon as I get
involved.
2) I never felt so alone in my life. Chris left last night and said it was all over. We were
together for three years and now—after a ten-minute argument—everything is lost.
3) I just got $20,000 from my aunt's estate. She left it to me! Twenty thousand! Now, I
can get that car and buy some new clothes.
4) I just can't bear the thought of going into work today. I'm really fed up with the
company. They treat us all like idiots.
5) A Camry! My parents bought me a Camry for graduation. What a bummer. They
promised me a Lexus.
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 18)
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How Can You Express Empathy?
Adjusting your empathic and objective
listening
Punctuate from the speaker’s point of view
Engage in equal, two-way conversation
Seek to understand both thought and feeling
Avoid “offensive” listening
Strive to be objective
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 19)
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Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
2. Nonjudgmental and critical listening
 Nonjudgmental listening – listen with an open
mind toward understanding
 Critical listening – listening to analyze and
evaluate messages
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 20)
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Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Adjusting your nonjudgmental and critical
listening:
Keep an open mind and avoid prejudging
Avoid filtering out and oversimplifying complex
messages
Recognize your own biases; watch for assimilation
Avoid sharpening (focusing on only one thing)
Recognize the fallacies of language
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 21)
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Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
3. Surface and depth listening
 Surface listening – listening to the literal meaning
of words and sentences
 Depth listening – listening to underlying message
about the person’s feelings and needs
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 22)
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Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
3. Surface and depth listening (cont.)
Regulating your nonjudgmental and critical listening:
Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages
Listen for both content and relational messages
Make special note of self-referential statements –
statements referring back to speaker
Don’t disregard surface or literal meaning
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 23)
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Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
4. Polite and impolite listening
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Avoid interrupting the speaker
Give supportive listening cues
Show empathy with the speaker
Maintain eye contact
Give positive feedback
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 24)
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Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
5. Active listening - sending back to speaker what
you think he or she meant in both content and
feelings
 Check your understanding of what speaker
said and meant
 Let speaker know you acknowledge and
accept their feelings and
 Helps speaker further explore their thoughts
and feelings
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 25)
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Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Avoid solution messages in active listening
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Ordering messages
Warning and threatening messages
Preaching and moralizing messages
Advising messages
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 26)
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Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)
Techniques of active listening
a. Paraphrase speaker’s meaning
b. Express understanding of speaker’s feelings
c. Ask questions
CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 27)
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Styles of Effective Listening (cont.)