Transcript Working with Aggressive Children

Working with
Aggressive Children
Lilly Landikusic LMFT, Founder and Director,
EMPOWERMENT COUNSELING SERVICES
Talon Greeff MMHC, Director of Residential Care,
UTAH YOUTH VILLAGE
This training and additional resources can be found at
www.utahparenting.org
Overview

Introduction




Pre-blowup





Steps for calming
Things you should do
Post-blowup



Home environment
Setup youth for success
Avoiding power struggles
During the blow-up


Stories
Dynamics of aggression
Youth issues
Writing assignments
Other Behavioral Techniques
Conclusion
Introduction



Cody, 8 year-old boy, attacked sister and mother
Charlie, 15 year-old girl, verbally abusing parents
and siblings, threats, constantly pushing limits
using anger
State mental hospital teen who was severely
developmentally delayed
9:40
Dynamics of Aggression

Research demonstrates that adjudicated youth feel they
have little or no control over their lives





Often feel they cannot make any decisions
Many youth have been moved “on a whim”
They are frustrated and angry at “the system”
They blame their parents, case managers, foster parents,
school teachers, judges and anyone else they believe is
responsible for their unhappiness
Research also shows that they feel there are two ways
they can take control of their lives: passive resistance or
physical aggression
Other Dynamics of Aggression




They may have seen aggression modeled by their family
members and mimic it
They may have experimented with aggression as a
behavior and continue to use it
They may have a physiological problem and it may be
more difficult for them to manage emotions
Progress in this area requires a longer view—immediate
consequences often do not provide immediate change
9:45
Youth Issues





Poor communicators, tend to be less verbal
Lower than average intellectual functioning
Have “anger issues”
Difficulty with change
Difficulty with relationships or attachment
We can help any youth with
aggression even those who are
severely lower functioning
Pre-Blowup

Home setup

Systems to share power
Use family meetings to setup rules and give feedback
 Use a manager system for youth leadership in the home


Weekly family activities
They are not earned, everyone gets to participate equally
 Purpose is to build relationships by having fun together

Weekly one on one time with an adult
 Have fun, demonstrate a sense of humor

Pre-Blowup

Home setup

Adequate sleep for youth or child
Reasonable, enforced bedtimes
 Medication as necessary
 Take time to put children to bed with calming routines





Story time
Back rubbing
Melatonin has been used with success
Home routines and “rhythm”
Develop an accepted schedule
 Relaxed, home rhythm, allow small disturbances

9:50
Pre-Blowup

Setup youth or child for success
Assess medication
 Observe child or youth

Determine baseline and record on calendar
 Document youth behavior on kitchen calendar

Give clear, short instructions when a child is
frustrated or upset
 Put your irreplaceable things away or in storage, help
you stay calm

Pre-Blowup

Be clear in how you will handle aggressive behavior



Have a clear plan worked out with your spouse and case
worker
Be able to describe it to the youth or child
Clear rewards and consequences for taking a time-out or for
refusing to take a time-out



Suggestion: Shorten time-out if taken immediately
Suggestion: Assign a chore for refusing to take a time-out
Suggestion: Take away privileges for refusing to complete a chore
Pre-Blowup

Practice necessary skills or behaviors daily



Practice negative consequences, like time-out
The youth should quickly do the time-out
Practice “controlling emotions”






Deep breathing
Counting
Thinking about consequences
Steps to practicing skills with youth
Avoid power struggles by giving choices
Prepares child and parent for aggressive situations
9:55
Steps for Practicing with Youth
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Describe the behavior you are teaching
Give a reason using an if/then statement
Demonstrate the behavior for the child
Have the child engage in the behavior and
practice three times
Reward
Avoiding Power Struggles



Based in giving and explaining choices
For example, if a youth says you can’t make them clean
their room. Your response would be, “I understand it’s
not fun to clean your room and you have a choice. You
can choose not to clean your room keeping you from
watching TV or you can clean your room and watch TV
sooner. It’s up to you”
Let the youth know they have the choice and
emphasize it’s up to them. We cannot literally force
anyone to do anything. We wouldn’t want to do that
because then learning doesn’t take place.
10:00
Steps to Avoiding Power Struggles
1.
2.
3.
4.
Youth says, “I won’t…You can’t make me…
No..,”
Empathy statement, “I would be more fun to
watch TV
Explain that youth has a choice, “You have a
choice.”
Explain the negative choice and its
consequence, “You can choose to not do your
chore now and lose TV”
Steps to Avoiding Power Struggles
5.
6.
7.
Explain the positive choice and its consequence, “Or
you can get right on the chore and watch TV when
you are done.”
If necessary, give youth time and return to see what
the choice is, “You need to get started in the next five
minutes.”
If the youth makes the positive choice then praise and
reward. If not, then impose a negative consequence
such as turning off the TV.
10:05
Things to Remember





Do not walk on eggshells or let child/youth train you to
accommodate their behavior
You will do the work, either now or later
Have low tolerances with small consequences, if you
consequate interrupting, name calling and yelling then
you will deal with less physical aggression
Negotiating is ok, as long as it is not bribe or blackmail
Bribe is a reward which comes before the behavior
During the Blowup


Stay about 10 feet away from the youth
De-escalation begins with delivery of a
consequence
Youth may tantrum to avoid a consequence
 Deliver one consequence, additional chores or lose
privileges for a day
 Don’t pile consequences on or think that delivering a
consequence will result in compliance


Steps for calming down youth
10:10
Steps for Calming the Youth
Express empathy or praise
Describe behavior you need them to stop
1.
2.
•
•
•
Describe what you want them to do
3.
•
•
•
4.
Yelling
Swearing
Stomping around
Short instructions
Pleasant voice
Don’t expect compliance but praise approximations
Repeat first three steps until youth calm down
Allow time for them to calm down
During the Blowup


Only discuss the child’s behavior, not the issue
or situation that began the blow-up
Ignore any “baiting”
“You’re nicer to the other kids”
 “You are so unfair”
 “You don’t know what it’s like nowadays”




Monitor your own behavior
Remove any audience
Explain how youth can resolve the situation
10:15
During the Blow-up

Know when to restrain



Know how to restrain



Hurting self or others
Severe property damage
Don’t restrain if you cannot, will make situation worse
Add charges to youth
Plan for support


It is your job to manage your youth in your home
Lean on resources for necessary help
During the Blow-up

Know when to call the police

Teenager assaults parent




Severe property damage



“You need to put the knife down in 5 seconds or I will have to call
the police”
Youth needs to learn that familial violence is unacceptable
Inhibits parents ability to deliver and enforce consequences
Take youth property as consequence, youth cannot be allowed to
damage home to get property back
Damage the youth cannot fix, repair or make restitution
Severe potential harm or damage


Stealing a car
Taking a weapon
10:20
Things you Should Do



Track youth who are aggressive
Avoid blocking exits or areas of travel
Appear relaxed and calm





Slouch
Lean against a wall
Break eye contact
Remain about 10 feet away—no closer!
Remember—you are in charge and in control


It is a matter of time
You don’t need to convince them you are in charge
Post Blow-up





Wait a significant time, usually several hours or until the
next day, and have the youth practice what they should
do instead of blowing up
It should be a neutral time that is convenient for you
and the youth
Keep the practice short and resist lecturing
The youth should practice three times
Have a reward for practicing that is used quickly.
Reduce the consequence, candy bar, extra time out of
bed
10:25
Post-blowup




Apply consequence that is reasonable, not
punishing
Suggestion: youth lose privileges for half a day,
lose privileges for a full day
Do a combination of consequences like a major
chore, several role-plays and written assignments
Teach with the consequence—teach a skill that
will help the youth avoid blowing up in the
future
Writing Assignments and Other
Techniques



Have youth fill out worksheet on SODAS
Complete Aggression Log or calming down worksheet
Practice emotional regulation techniques









Counting to ten
Thinking about consequences
Thinking about what you want
Thinking about something pleasant
Thought-stopping/Taking a minute
Time self out
Put pleasant things in your room
Sing positive song to yourself
Develop a positive saying to repeat to yourself
10:30
SODAS





SITUATION: One sentence describing the
situation
OPTIONS: List at least three options available
DISADVANTAGES: List at least three
disadvantages for each option
ADVANTAGES: List at least three advantages
for each option
SOLUTION: Pick one of the options
Calming Down Worktable
Things that make
me angry
Telling me no
How I can tell I
How I can calm
am getting angry
down
– Body signals
My face feels hot, Take a deep
I start to talk fast breath before
speaking
Other Behavioral Techniques

Differential reinforcement of incompatible behavior



Focus on teaching skills that make it impossible to do the
negative behavior
You cannot yell if you are speaking in a normal voice
Differential reinforcement of other behavior


Focus on teaching and rewarding skills rather than providing
a negative consequence for a behavior
Rewarding a youth for being sensitive to others’ needs makes
it less likely you will need to provide a negative consequence
for hitting
10:35
Differential Reinforcement of
Incompatible Behavior




It is easy to get frustrated with problem behavior and apply a
negative consequence
Focus instead on reinforcing positive behavior
It is a simple concept: praise and reward behavior that is the
opposite of the behavior you don’t want to see
The trick is to reward the good behavior that prevents them
from doing the bad behavior





You cannot yell if you are using a normal voice, so praise a normal voice
You cannot be hitting if you are touching softly, so praise touching softly
Singing instead of yelling
Complimenting others instead of complaining
Praise and reward a strength that makes it impossible for the
youth or child to do the problem behavior
Differential Reinforcement of Other
Behavior




Identify the problem behavior
Identify the skill or behavior that the youth have
or you would like them to have
You can use shaping and chaining to build on a
strength
Reinforce the behavior or skill you want to have
rather than the problem behavior
Breathing deeply
 Complimenting
 Any of the emotional self-regulation techniques

10:40
Conclusion




Working with aggressive youth and children can
be frustrating
Have a long-term view and track the progress so
you can see it
Modeling patience, polite asking and sensitivity
to others helps youth learn more quickly
Everyone can learn and change
This training and additional resources can be found at
www.utahparenting.org
Contact Information
Presenters:
• Talon Greeff MMHC, Director of Residential
Care, UTAH YOUTH VILLAGE
(801) 272-9980
• Lilly Landikusic LMFT, Founder and Director,
EMPOWERMENT COUNSELING SERVICES
(801) 604-1134