Transcript Grief Recovery Inc. - School District of Grafton

Grief Recovery Inc.
Helping People Grieve and Grow
4622 Still Meadow Dr.
Saginaw, MI 48603
(989) 249 - 4362
Perhaps the most valuable result
of all of education is the ability to
make ourselves do the things we
have to do, when it ought to be
done, whether we like it or not
Suicide
Suicide is NOT about death
 Suicide IS about ending pain
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Suicide Statistics
14,000
12,000
10,000
1960
20.4
8,000
6,000
4,000
2,000
0
1960
1970
1980
1990
2000
Recent Statistics
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14 teens complete suicide every day in the U.S. (X by 4.5)
Suicide is a common thought to 62% of U.S. Adolescents
The 10 to 14 age group has increased 567% since 1952
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The 10 to 14 age group has increased 120% since 1980.
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Within a typical classroom, it is likely that 3 students
(one boy and two girls) have made a suicide attempt
in the last year.
Up to 60% of high school students report having
suicide ideation
Source: Mich. Assoc. of Suicidology, Oct. 1997
Female Risk of Suicide by
Grade Level
16
14
12
10
8
3-D Column 1
15
6
4
2
0
1st Qtr
9th
10th
11th
12th
% Risk by Gender
35
30
25
20
Female
Male
15
10
5
0
thought
Plan
Attemtped
4th Qtr
National Statistics
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A school of 2,000 students experiences a completed suicide on
average every four years
For every 9 females to attempt, one completes
For every 4 males that attempts, one completes
Only 5% of all suicides are mental health patients
What we need to teach our students and staff to do is to
encourage each other
98% of the time, healthy students will not kill themselves just
because a friend does. The students at risk are the students
who were at risk before the incident occurred.
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Students abusing alcohol and other drugs
Students who are being abused/family stress/series of frustrating events
Developmental Assets
Grades 6 - 12
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Low – 14% of children have 0 – 10 assets
Avg – 62% of children have 11 – 20 assets
High – 20% of children have 21 – 25 assets
Excep – 4% of children have 26 – 30 assets
The Power of Assets Against
Risk Taking Behaviors
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
0
East
3-D Column 2
3-D Column 3
0 - 10
20-Nov
21-30
31-40
Suicide in The Middle School
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Nearly one in three 7th and 8th graders has seriously thought
about suicide
In regards to adolescent suicide, females in 8th grade (43%) are
most likely to have seriously thought about killing themselves
In regards to adolescent suicide, 8th grade females are most
likely to make a plan for suicide
14% of 7th and 8th graders report that they have tried to kill
themselves
In the past twelve months, 3% of Maine high school students
made a suicide attempt that resulted in an injury, poisoning, or
overdose that required treatment by a doctor or nurse
Source: health Risk behavior Among Maine Youth, spring 2000
Myths About Teen Suicide
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Youth who talk about suicide rarely attempt it
Talking about suicide will make it happen
The tendency toward suicide is inherited
Teenage suicides happen at night
Suicidal people leave notes
If a person want to commit suicide nothing can stop
him/her
Once a teen has been suicidal he/she is never out of
danger
Confidentiality
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Research shows that people who
completed a suicide has told 2 to 4
people of their planned demise.
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We must not be sworn to secrecy!!
Why Don’t We Have
Suicide Prevention Programs ?
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I’m the only one in my school and/or community who
is willing to learn about suicide
What if I don’t diagnose the student at risk ?
What if I mis-diagnose the student at risk ?
My administrator is afraid to deal with suicide
I am worried that if I discuss suicide with a suicidal
student it will encourage him/her to commit suicide
The community doesn’t acknowledge that teen
suicide is a problem
Native American Suicide Rates
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Tribes on reservations in the West and
Northwest have suicide rates that are four
times the national average
Tribes in the Midwest have suicide rates that
are below their state averages
The youth suicide rate is overall about 1.5
times higher than national rate.
Men ages 15 to 24 account for 65% of all
suicides among Native Americans
source: University of Minnesota, Kiosk Study
Suicide in African American
Youth
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Experts fear that if the alarming increase in suicide of Black
American Youth continues, it will be the leading cause of death
by 2003 of Black Adolescents
According to Dr. George Gaines of the Health Department of
The City of Detroit: “there are unique causes”
– “The slave experience/middle passage – engrained a hypertension
into their culture’
– “Double consciousness – African and American – two thoughts, two
ways of life”
– “Living with the struggle – Cultural depression. Because of past
hurts and some times present hurts they experience
– Most experts claim that two main reasons for Adolescent Black
suicide in America are related to economic and living conditions
Latinos and Suicide
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Hispanics are a very diverse population. There are
such great differences that it is hard to isolate
symptoms different from other cultures.
However, a close study of the literature reveals two
influential concepts, especially to Hispanics:
– Religion – A sin against God
– Family – Many have strong family systems
Hispanics born outside the U.S. are at a lower risk
Source: Dr. orlando Villegas, MAS Conference, 1998
Latinos and Suicide
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According to the Southwest Detroit Hispanic
Community: “As Hispanics Americanize, they
become more vulnerable to suicide.” Research
seems to suggest that they may be right.
A study conducted by the University of california
shows that “the longer Hispanics are in the U.S., the
more vulnerable they are to suicide.”
Basically they are coming from a strong family
system to a country with a weak family system.
Latinos and Suicide
Religion and family are major factors in the
prevention of Hispanic suicide. Dr. orlando Villegas
states “this is true 99 out of 100 times.” However,
if a Hispanic was suicidal, they would be rare if
they:
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1. Talked to a friend
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2. Talked to a teacher
The most likely people a Hispanic will talk to is:
1.
A family member
2.
Church clergy
Caution !
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Practitioners must be careful to realize
that ethnicity is a complex factor in
determining suicide risk.
Suicide and The Gay
Adolescent
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Most studies show that the Gay Adolescent is 2 to 3
times more likely to make a suicide attempt
Some studies claim that they are 5 times more likely
to make a suicide attempt
It is reported that 30% of Gay Youth who come to
youth services are on prescribed medication for
depression
30% of Gay Youth who have come out of the closet
have themselves reported making serious suicide
attempts.
Our Goals Today
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Recognize causes of suicide
Assess suicidal risk
Take general steps to help
Getting parents and the community involved
Understanding the suicidal person
Grief after suicide
Brain chemistry and the suicidal person
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You can make a difference !!!
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Social-Cultural Factors
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More guns in U.S. households than adults
Western culture glorifies violence
62% of men use guns to kill themselves
40% of women use guns to kill themselves
3 million children in U.S. are abused and neglected
1 out of 4 women who attempt suicide have been
raped
Source: National Bureau of Statistics
Main Causes of Suicide
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Substance Abuse
Break up of the family
Depression
Feelings of insecurity
Illness
Broken love affairs
Economic conditions – poverty or wealth
Why Are They Thinking
Suicide ?
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Relief from problems
End of a burden
Solution to problems
Revenge
How to Recognize A
Potential Suicide Individual
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Poor self concept
Usually an antisocial isolate. They are introverted and become
withdrawn
A drastic change of behavior
Usually will make open threats or lay clues for ending their life
Excessive use of alcohol or other drugs
Change in habits of appearance
Gives away prized posessions
Poor communications with family and friends
A history of prior acts of suicide
What To Look For
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Previous Attempts
Scratching or superficial cutting of the body
Themes of death or depression in writing, art, talk
Verbalization of intentions
Recent significant loss
Discord in home
Sudden decline of academic performance
Acute personality changes
Statements like “I’d be better off dead,” “nothing matters,” “I
won’t be a bother to you much longer,” etc.
Feelings of hopelessness and rejection
Danger Signs Review
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Talking or joking about suicide
Statements about being reunited with a deceased loved one
Statements about hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness
Preoccupation with death. In the person’s music, literature, art,
etc.
Writing letters or leaving notes referring to death or “the end”
Suddenly happier, calmer
Loss of interest in things once cared deeply about
Giving away prized possessions
Danger Signs Cont.
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Unusual visiting or calling people one cares about - saying their
good byes
Self destructive behavior (alcohol or other drug abuse, self
injury or mutilation, promiscuity)
Risk taking behavior (reckless driving/excessive speeding,
carelessness around bridges, cliffs or balconies, or walking in
front of traffic
Having several accidents resulting in injury. Close calls or
brushes with death. Obsession with guns or knives.
Suicide: How We Can Help
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Be a good listener
Evaluate the individual
Don’t suggest that they go and do it
Accept every feeling and complaint the person expresses
Don’t be afraid to ask the person directly
Beware of fast recoveries
Be supportive and affirmative
Seek further consultation
Help the person realize that a completed suicide is irreversible
Remind the person that depressed feelings do pass
Never leave the person alone in an acute crisis
Suicide Assessment
SLAP
S - How SPECIFIC is the plan
 L - How LETHAL is the proposed
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method
 A - Have they ACQUIRED the means
or how AVAILABLE is the means
 P - What is the PROXIMITY of helping
resources when and where the person
plans to attempt
Prevention Tips
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Remove guns from the home - less likely for students
to act on impulse
Early detection of substance abuse
Family therapy for families experiencing multiple
stressors
Upon signs of depression - evaluating for psychiatric
disorder
Listen, Listen, Listen
How Can I Help ?
Review
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Be direct
Be willing to listen
Be non-judgemental
Get involved
Don’t dare
Don’t act shocked
Don’t be sworn to secrecy
Recognize your limitations
Do’s and Don’ts Review
Talking to a person in crisis
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Don’t
– Sound shocked
– Stress the shock on family and friends
– Engage in a philosphical religious
debate
– Assume responsibility for a person’s
actions
Do’s
Talking To A Person In Crisis
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Do
– Emphasize alternatives
– Stay calm and understanding
– Use constructive, open questions (how are you
planning – open, are you thinking about killing
yourself – closes)
– Mention family as a source of support
– Emphasize tackling problems one at a time
– Develop a contract with the person
– Emphasize that if he completes it, there is no second
chance
– Process all contacts with another counselor
Major Recovery Goals
For The Person In Crisis
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Get the person to normal functioning as
quickly as possible
Help them gain control
Help them establish a sense of
equilibrium
Help the re-establish a sense of trust
Help them regain hope
Personal Resource Survey
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Friends I can count on
Family members I can share with
Relatives I am comfortable with
School people who are supportive
Clergy I trust and talk to
Any other caring person
Helping Those Left Behind
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Major Issues:
– Rejection
– Shame
– Blame
– Loneliness
– Guilt
– Anger
– Trauma
Dealing With The Survivors
Our goal is NOT to make suicide
acceptable, but to free the stigma
surrounding those who must cope
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 If the survivors choose, they don’t
have to cope in silence
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Grief Reactions Of
Survivors Of Suicide
Shock
 Denial
 Guilt
 Emotional Outburst/Irritability
 Depression or Sadness
 Anger
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General Guidelines For Helping
Survivors Of Suicide
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Initiate Conversation – different grief
Don’t say “I know how you feel”
Listen non-judgementally
Let them know the death was NOT their fault
Provide grief information about suicide
Don’t let the survivors feel like they are alone
Let them know this will be a difficult time
Encourage them to be kind to themselves
Guidelines For Helping
Survivors Of Suicide Part 2
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Don’t try to answer the question “why”
Recognize that survivors are often angry and
you may be the recipient of their anger
Be aware of copy-cat syndrome
Inform survivors that the grief process is long
lasting, averaging 24 months
Things To Keep In Mind For The
Classroom Teacher When Discussing A
Classmates Suicide
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Encourage students to express their feelings
Try not to glamorize the act
Repeat NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE
Reinforce that suicide is a tragedy
Don’t allow someone to become bigger in death than
they were in life.
Suicide does not solve problems, it causes them
Stress there is no second chance for a completed suicide
Take note of students unusually upset by this
discussion. Make referrals if necessary
A Few Suggestions When
Working With Survivors
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Keep a list of contacts
Let them cry
Don’t try to protect them – tell them “every thing will be
okay”
Don’t try to “fix” the problem
Don’t tell them “its God’s will”
Don’t quote bible verses
Keep opinions about the completor being in Heaven or
Hell to yourself
Remember, you don’t know how they feel
The survivors should not be told what to feel
Mention the completor by name
Know your limitations. Work in pairs if possible
Suggestions For Survivors
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Structure your time, keep busy
Don’t label yourself as “crazy.” reassure
yourself that you are normal and having
normal reactions
Talk with others. Talking about it can help
Reach out. People do care. Spend time with
others
If you choose to exercise, alter these periods
with periods of relaxation
Avoid alcohol and other drugs
Suggestions For Survivors 2
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Realize that your family and close
acquaintances are also under stress
Eat regular meals, even if you don’t feel like it
Get plenty of rest
Give yourself permission to feel rotten. It’s
normal
If you like to write, keep a journal to express
your thoughts and feelings
Avoid caffeine. Remember, you need sleep and
caffeine interferes with ability to sleep
Suggestions For Survivors 3
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Don’t make any major life changes unless it
absolutely must be made
Do appropriate things that feel good to you
Do make routine daily decisions. Regain
control
Flashbacks are normal, don’t fight them. They
usually decrease in time and become less
painful
Maintain as normal a schedule as possible
Seek professional help if you feel
overwhelmed. This is Not a sign of weakness
Suicide Specific Media Policy
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Avoid providing specific details of method
Avoid romanticization of the suicide
Avoid descriptions as ‘unexplainable”
Avoid “simplistic” for the suicide
News stories concerning suicide should NOT be
printed on the front page of any section of the
newspaper
The word “suicide” should not be in the
heading
The picture of the deceased should not be
printed
Parent Meeting After
A Student Suicide
Set perimeters before the meeting
concerning:
effective parenting skills
suicide prevention skills
Don’t turn the microphone over to the
public
many people have personal
agendas
problems of different religions
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Keep the media out of the meeting ! ! !
Memorials
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Death from suicide
– No announcement over the PA
– No moment of silence
– No school sanctioned tributes
– Encourage close friends to celebrate
life
Source: Michigan Assoc. of Suicidology
Reasons Why Memorial
Services Are Not Advised
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A memorial service runs the real risk of
glamorizing or romanticizing the suicide
Students who feel unimportant may
come to believe that suicide is a way to
become important
– (Elder, 1995; Grollman 1990; Wilson Institute 1988)
Memorials can serve to increase the
attractiveness of suicide as a solution
to problems (Catone et al, 1991)
Five basics of An
Appropriate Letter to Parents
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Start out with sensitivity: “we are sad to
announce”
Stress what the school is doing “The crisis
team has activated a plan,” crisis rooms are set
up and staffed by counselors for students and
staff who may need extra help”Teachers have
been trained and equipped with appropriate
plans,”
Encourage parents to talk to their child and
listen to his/her concerns
5 Basics Cont.
Offer details about funeral
arrangements or memorial
services, and donations. Details
about how the tragedy occurred
usually are not appropriate
 Encourage parents to call if the
school can be of any further
assistance
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Stop and Think ! ! !
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10 seconds for each question
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Name the 5 wealthiest people in the world
Name the last 5 Heisman Trophy winners
List last 5 winners of Miss America contest
Name 10 people who have won Nobel prize
Name last 6 Academy Award Winners for best actor
and best actress
– Name last decade’s worth of World Series winners
– How did you do ? ? ?
The Point
The point is, none of us remember
the headliners of yesterday. These
are no second rate achievers. They
ARE the best in their fields.
 But the applause dies. Awards
tarnish. Accolades and
certifications are buried with their
owners
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Stop and Think
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Here’s another quiz. See how you
do on this one:
– List a few teachers who aided your
journey through school
– Think of 5 people you enjoy spending
time with
– Name 6 heroes whose stories have
inspired you
The Lesson
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The people who make a difference
in your life are NOT the ones with
the most credentials, the most
money, or the most awards.
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They are the ones that most care !
Remember
 “We
can do no great things,
only small things with great
love”
 Mother
Theresa