Transcript Working on a Self-Directed Work Team

Working With Difficult People
Rob Houser
User First Services, Inc.
Atlanta, Georgia
[email protected]
www.userfirst.net
Goal of this workshop
To identify strategies for working with
difficult people who we might encounter in
the workplace so we can become more
effective technical communicators.
Objectives
To recognize the pros and cons of conflict
 To identify your conflict resolution style
 To classify 10 common difficult behaviors
 To learn strategies for coping with the 10
types of difficult behaviors

You can call it an argument all you want,
but we both know it’s a fight!
---Rebecca Houser
How do you define conflict?

What words come to your mind when you
hear the word conflict?
What is conflict?
When two or more people do not share the
same beliefs, interests, or goals
 Conflict is natural and inevitable
 Conflict is often uncomfortable and stressful
 The goal of conflict resolution is not to
eliminate conflict (or the other person) but
to handle and resolve it constructively

What is difficult behavior?
Behavior that thwarts or frustrates us
 Behavior that threatens us (physically but
more likely psychologically)
 Behavior that delays or disrupts the
problem-solving process
 Defensive behavior others use when they
feel threatened and under pressure

Effects of difficult behavior
Prevents us from doing our jobs
(performance)
 Causes us not to enjoy our jobs
(motivation)
 Lowers our self-esteem and confidence
(psychological well being)
 Results in high levels of stress
(health)

Causes of difficult behavior
Learned behavior (getting their way)
 Feeling thwarted and threatened
 Exceptional levels of stress
 Reactions to their difficult behavior which
reinforce the behavior by increasing the
stress they are already feeling
 Inflexibility (on both sides)

What can you do about it?
You can’t change other people
 Learn to appreciate and draw upon the
different strengths of difficult people
 Focus on coping with difficult behavior
(adapting to other styles of communication)

Know thyself.
---The Seven Sages
How do you respond to conflict?
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument
 Consider situations in which you find your
wishes differing from those of another
person
 If neither A nor B is typical of your
behavior, select the one you would be most
likely to use
Analysis
Competing = _____
Collaborating = _____
Compromising = _____
Avoiding = _____
Accommodating = _____
Five conflict handling modes
assertiveness
more
assertive
less
assertive
Five conflict handling modes
assertiveness
more
assertive
less
assertive
less
cooperative
cooperativeness
more
cooperative
Five conflict handling modes
more
assertiveness
COMPETING
less
COLLABORATING
COMPROMISING
AVOIDING
less
ACCOMODATING
cooperativeness
more
Caveats
Percentiles based on managers’ responses
 Evaluation used by military to select and
train officers
 May be different for non-managers
 May be different for technical
communicators in general

Competing

Assertive and uncooperative
 Individual
pursues own concerns at the other
person’s expense
 Use power to win position (ability to argue,
rank, sanctions)
 Might mean standing up for your rights,
defending a position you believe to be correct,
or simply trying to win
Accommodating

Unassertive and cooperative
 Neglect
own concerns to satisfy concerns of
other person
 Element of self sacrifice
 Might mean being generous, being forced to
fall in line, or yielding to another’s point of
view
Avoiding

Unassertive and uncooperative
 Put
off pursuing concerns completely
 Conflict is not addressed
 Might mean being diplomatic, postponing until
a better time, withdrawing from threatening
situation
Collaborating

Assertive and cooperative
 Work
with other person to find solution that
satisfies the concerns of both persons
 Identifying underlying concerns and exploring
alternatives
 Might mean confronting and trying to find a
creative solution or learning from each other
through different points of view
Compromising

Intermediate assertiveness and
cooperativeness
 Find
an expedient, mutually acceptable solution
which partially satisfies both parties
 Between competing and accommodating
 Might mean splitting the difference, exchanging
concessions, or seeking a quick middle ground
position
Not quite scientific research
Only 23 people responded to initial survey
 Average Technical Communicator

 Competing
= 3 (low, 20th percentile)
 Collaborating = 6
 Compromising = 7
 Avoiding = 7
 Accommodating = 6 (high, 75th percentile)

No one person was average for all styles
Not quite scientific research

Competing was the only significant
male/female difference
 Women
= 3 (20th percentile)
 Men = 7 (70th percentile)
Not quite scientific research

1 to 4 years experience
 Low
on competing (2/12th percentile)
 High on avoiding (8/80th percentile)

5+ years experience
 More

balanced in all styles
Both groups
 High
on accommodating (6/75th percentile)
Not quite scientific research

Positive Words
 unavoidable
(2), challenging, directly, flexible,
inevitable, human, politics, necessary

Negative Words
 uncomfortable
(2), stressful (3), frustrated,
friction, tired, distracting, obstacle, unfortunate
Not quite scientific research

Positive Words
 Fairly

mixed conflict styles
Negative Words
 79%
especially low in competing
 71% especially high in accommodating
Impact of tendencies
Extreme tendencies in conflict styles could
lead those who used negative words to
describe conflict to feel powerless and
deprived of respect and recognition
 Managers who are especially high in
accommodating often delay discipline and
may lack overall direction for the group

Questions to answer
Do these preliminary numbers hold true
across a wider number of our members?
 Do non-mangers have different averages
than managers, even in our field?
 Why do technical communicators seem to
have higher than average tendencies to
accommodate?

Flexing your conflict styles
Remember that no one conflict style is right
 Recognize your natural tendencies when
initially faced with conflict, and learn to
adjust them according to the situation

Competing
When quick action is necessary
 For unpopular courses of action for
important issues
 On issues of company welfare when you
know you are right
 To protect yourself from others taking
advantage of your non-competitive behavior

Collaborating
To find a solution that uses the best of both
approaches when neither position can be
compromised
 When you want to learn from others
 If you need to gain commitment from others
 To work through hard feelings that have
interrupted an interpersonal relationship

Compromising
When goals are not greatly important and
short-term relationships are important
 When both sides have equal power and will
not budge
 To achieve temporary settlements to
complex issues
 To make decisions quickly under deadlines
 If collaboration or competition fails

Avoiding
When issue is trivial or will pass quickly
 When your concerns will not be addressed
 When potential damage of conflict
outweighs the benefits of resolving it
 To let people cool down
 When gathering more information
outweighs value of making a decision
 When others can resolve it more effectively

Accommodating
When you realize you are wrong
 When issue is more important to other than
yourself and you want to maintain a
cooperative relationship
 To build goodwill for later issues
 When you are losing
 To maintain harmony, avoid disruption
 To allow subordinates to learn on their own

Summary of conflict handling
No one way of resolving conflict is always
right
 Choose the right method for the right
situation (user-centered, contextual)
 Learn to be flexible when dealing with
conflict, switching to different styles as the
situation changes

Have you learned lessons only of those who
admired you, and were tender with you, and
stood aside for you?
Have you not learned great lessons from those
who braced themselves against you, and
disputed the passage with you?
---Walt Whitman
10 Common Difficult Behaviors
Sherman Tanks
 Snipers
 Exploders
 Know-it-all
Experts
 Think-they-knowit-all

Super-Agreeables
 Indecisives
 Unresponsives
 Negativists
 Complainers

Sherman Tanks
Attacking, accusing, abusive, abrupt,
intimidating, overwhelming, confrontational
 Feel strong need to prove that their view of
the world is always right
 Get irritated or angry if sense resistance
 See tasks as clear and concrete
 Value aggressiveness and confidence

Snipers
Teasing, innuendoes, not-too-subtle digs
used to make you look foolish in groups
 Hides behind crowds and social constraints
 Often very witty
 Share Tank’s strong sense of how others
should act but is often unrealistic
 Can turn into a Tank if exposed

Exploders
Adult tantrum, rage barely under control
 When person feels thwarted or threatened
 May cry, be silently enraged, or yell/scream
 Anger often moves to suspicion and
blaming
 Creates highest amount of resentment
among others of all behaviors

Complainers
Find fault with everything, complain
constantly, accusatory, prescriptive
 Feel someone should be doing something
but feel helpless to take action
 Have distinct idea of what should be done
 Usually is some truth to their complaints

Unresponsives
Close down, even when asked direct
question (answer yes, no, I don’t know)
 Clam up when you need a response or
expect conversation
 Difficult to determine why they are silent

Super-Agreeables
Want to be liked and loved by everyone
 Make others feel liked and approved of
 Tell you things that are satisfying to hear
 Often use humor to ease conversation
 Say “Yes” to everything but often don’t
deliver because they are over-committed
 Can secretly be resentful of doing so much

Negativists
Feel defeated and dispirited as though they
have little power over their lives
 Pessimistic, more bitter than complainers
 Bring others down quickly
 Say “We’ve tried this before” or “That
won’t work” without looking for solutions

Know-it-all Experts
Highly productive, thorough and accurate
thinkers, careful planners
 Believe facts and knowledge provide
stability; answers lie within themselves
 Low tolerance for correction/contradiction
 Condescending, don’t wait for others to
catch up to their thought process or seek
input from others

Think-they-know-it-all
Seek the admiration and respect of others by
trying to act like experts when they are not
 Don’t always know they are not experts
 Curious people; like to learn a little about a
lot of things

Indecisives
Put off making important decisions because
they don’t want to hurt anyone
 Have high standards
 Strive to help people
 Usually stall until the decision is made

If civilization is to survive, we must
cultivate the science of human
relationships--the ability of all people, of
all kinds, to live together, in the same
world at peace.
--- Franklin D. Roosevelt
10 Coping Methods
Sherman Tanks
 Snipers
 Exploders
 Know-it-all
Experts
 Think-they-knowit-all

Super-Agreeables
 Indecisives
 Unresponsives
 Negativists
 Complainers

Sherman Tanks
Stand up for yourself without fighting
 Give them time to run down
 Don’t worry about being polite, just get in
 Get their attention, carefully
 Get them to sit down
 Speak from your own point of view
 Avoid a head-on fight
 Be ready to be friendly

Snipers
Surface the attack
 Give the sniper an out (ask questions)
 Seek group confirmation or denial of the
sniper’s criticism
 Move on to solve any problems uncovered

Exploders
Give them time to run down
 Show that you take them seriously
 Interrupt the interaction

Complainers
Listen attentively to their complaints
 Acknowledge what they say
 Be prepared to interrupt to acknowledge
 Don’t agree or apologize
 State the facts without comment and
apology
 Move quickly into problem solving

Unresponsives
Ask open-ended questions
 Use the friendly, silent stare
 Don’t fill the space
 Comment on what’s happening
 If clam opens up, listen rather than talk
 If clam stays closed, terminate meeting and
reschedule

Super-Agreeables
Make honestly non-threatening
 Be personal - when you can
 Listen to their humor
 Be prepared to compromise

Negativists
Avoid getting drawn in
 State your own realistic optimism
 Don’t argue
 Don’t rush into proposing solutions
 Set a horror floor
 Use comments to make decisions
 Be ready to take action on your own

Know-it-all Experts
Do your homework
 Listen and acknowledge
 Question firmly, but don’t confront
 Ask extensional questions to get details
 Acknowledge their competence
 Make time for reflection
 As last resort, let them be the expert

Think-they-know-it-all
State the facts as an alternative version
 Give them a way out

Indecisives
Establish a comfort zone
 Surface the issues
 Help them problem solve (make decision)
 Reassure after decision is made
 Strengthen the relationship

The person who grabs the cat by the tail learns
about 44 percent faster than the one just
watching.
--- Mark Twain
Positive Intent
Control (to get the job done)
 Sherman
Tanks, Snipers, Know-it-alls
Perfection (to get it right)
 Complainers,
Negativists, Unresponsives
Approval Seeking (to get along)
 Super-agreeables,
Indecisives, Negativists
Attention Getting (to get appreciation)
 Exploders,
Think-they-know-it-alls, Snipers
Basic strategy - with time to think
Describe the behavior in detail
 Write down your understanding of behavior
 Review your interaction with this person
(what worked and didn’t work)
 Choose the proper coping behavior
 What do you need to learn and practice
 Create an action plan and follow through

Basic strategy - no time to think
Determine positive intent and valued criteria
 Listen (but stop destructive behavior)
 Summarize (length depends on behavior)
 Clarify
Speak to be heard
 State your positive intent
 Tell your story from your point of view
 Don’t damage the relationship, if possible
Conclusion
Coping with difficult people is never easy
and hardly ever fun
 Getting along with other people, even the
difficult ones, is as important a skill for us
as good writing and Java scripting
 We make better decisions as a group, but
groups and teams also have tendencies
towards certain conflict styles

Conclusion
Practice coping techniques in safe situations
 Avoid attributing internal motives to
behavior; assume good intentions
 Remember that everybody is somebody’s
difficult person at least some of the time

Recommended Books
Bramson, Robert M. Coping With Difficult
People. Dell Publishing. New York: 1981.
Bolton, Robert and Dorothy Grover Bolton.
People Styles at Work. American
Management Association. New York: 1996
Brinkman, Rick and Rick Kirschner. Dealing
With People You Can’t Stand. R.R.
Donnelley & Sons. New York: 1994.