Working on a Self-Directed Work Team
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Transcript Working on a Self-Directed Work Team
Working With Difficult People
Rob Houser
User First Services, Inc.
Atlanta, Georgia
[email protected]
www.userfirst.net
Goal of this workshop
To identify strategies for working with
difficult people who we might encounter in
the workplace so we can become more
effective technical communicators.
Objectives
To recognize the pros and cons of conflict
To identify your conflict resolution style
To classify 10 common difficult behaviors
To learn strategies for coping with the 10
types of difficult behaviors
You can call it an argument all you want,
but we both know it’s a fight!
---Rebecca Houser
How do you define conflict?
What words come to your mind when you
hear the word conflict?
What is conflict?
When two or more people do not share the
same beliefs, interests, or goals
Conflict is natural and inevitable
Conflict is often uncomfortable and stressful
The goal of conflict resolution is not to
eliminate conflict (or the other person) but
to handle and resolve it constructively
What is difficult behavior?
Behavior that thwarts or frustrates us
Behavior that threatens us (physically but
more likely psychologically)
Behavior that delays or disrupts the
problem-solving process
Defensive behavior others use when they
feel threatened and under pressure
Effects of difficult behavior
Prevents us from doing our jobs
(performance)
Causes us not to enjoy our jobs
(motivation)
Lowers our self-esteem and confidence
(psychological well being)
Results in high levels of stress
(health)
Causes of difficult behavior
Learned behavior (getting their way)
Feeling thwarted and threatened
Exceptional levels of stress
Reactions to their difficult behavior which
reinforce the behavior by increasing the
stress they are already feeling
Inflexibility (on both sides)
What can you do about it?
You can’t change other people
Learn to appreciate and draw upon the
different strengths of difficult people
Focus on coping with difficult behavior
(adapting to other styles of communication)
Know thyself.
---The Seven Sages
How do you respond to conflict?
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument
Consider situations in which you find your
wishes differing from those of another
person
If neither A nor B is typical of your
behavior, select the one you would be most
likely to use
Analysis
Competing = _____
Collaborating = _____
Compromising = _____
Avoiding = _____
Accommodating = _____
Five conflict handling modes
assertiveness
more
assertive
less
assertive
Five conflict handling modes
assertiveness
more
assertive
less
assertive
less
cooperative
cooperativeness
more
cooperative
Five conflict handling modes
more
assertiveness
COMPETING
less
COLLABORATING
COMPROMISING
AVOIDING
less
ACCOMODATING
cooperativeness
more
Caveats
Percentiles based on managers’ responses
Evaluation used by military to select and
train officers
May be different for non-managers
May be different for technical
communicators in general
Competing
Assertive and uncooperative
Individual
pursues own concerns at the other
person’s expense
Use power to win position (ability to argue,
rank, sanctions)
Might mean standing up for your rights,
defending a position you believe to be correct,
or simply trying to win
Accommodating
Unassertive and cooperative
Neglect
own concerns to satisfy concerns of
other person
Element of self sacrifice
Might mean being generous, being forced to
fall in line, or yielding to another’s point of
view
Avoiding
Unassertive and uncooperative
Put
off pursuing concerns completely
Conflict is not addressed
Might mean being diplomatic, postponing until
a better time, withdrawing from threatening
situation
Collaborating
Assertive and cooperative
Work
with other person to find solution that
satisfies the concerns of both persons
Identifying underlying concerns and exploring
alternatives
Might mean confronting and trying to find a
creative solution or learning from each other
through different points of view
Compromising
Intermediate assertiveness and
cooperativeness
Find
an expedient, mutually acceptable solution
which partially satisfies both parties
Between competing and accommodating
Might mean splitting the difference, exchanging
concessions, or seeking a quick middle ground
position
Not quite scientific research
Only 23 people responded to initial survey
Average Technical Communicator
Competing
= 3 (low, 20th percentile)
Collaborating = 6
Compromising = 7
Avoiding = 7
Accommodating = 6 (high, 75th percentile)
No one person was average for all styles
Not quite scientific research
Competing was the only significant
male/female difference
Women
= 3 (20th percentile)
Men = 7 (70th percentile)
Not quite scientific research
1 to 4 years experience
Low
on competing (2/12th percentile)
High on avoiding (8/80th percentile)
5+ years experience
More
balanced in all styles
Both groups
High
on accommodating (6/75th percentile)
Not quite scientific research
Positive Words
unavoidable
(2), challenging, directly, flexible,
inevitable, human, politics, necessary
Negative Words
uncomfortable
(2), stressful (3), frustrated,
friction, tired, distracting, obstacle, unfortunate
Not quite scientific research
Positive Words
Fairly
mixed conflict styles
Negative Words
79%
especially low in competing
71% especially high in accommodating
Impact of tendencies
Extreme tendencies in conflict styles could
lead those who used negative words to
describe conflict to feel powerless and
deprived of respect and recognition
Managers who are especially high in
accommodating often delay discipline and
may lack overall direction for the group
Questions to answer
Do these preliminary numbers hold true
across a wider number of our members?
Do non-mangers have different averages
than managers, even in our field?
Why do technical communicators seem to
have higher than average tendencies to
accommodate?
Flexing your conflict styles
Remember that no one conflict style is right
Recognize your natural tendencies when
initially faced with conflict, and learn to
adjust them according to the situation
Competing
When quick action is necessary
For unpopular courses of action for
important issues
On issues of company welfare when you
know you are right
To protect yourself from others taking
advantage of your non-competitive behavior
Collaborating
To find a solution that uses the best of both
approaches when neither position can be
compromised
When you want to learn from others
If you need to gain commitment from others
To work through hard feelings that have
interrupted an interpersonal relationship
Compromising
When goals are not greatly important and
short-term relationships are important
When both sides have equal power and will
not budge
To achieve temporary settlements to
complex issues
To make decisions quickly under deadlines
If collaboration or competition fails
Avoiding
When issue is trivial or will pass quickly
When your concerns will not be addressed
When potential damage of conflict
outweighs the benefits of resolving it
To let people cool down
When gathering more information
outweighs value of making a decision
When others can resolve it more effectively
Accommodating
When you realize you are wrong
When issue is more important to other than
yourself and you want to maintain a
cooperative relationship
To build goodwill for later issues
When you are losing
To maintain harmony, avoid disruption
To allow subordinates to learn on their own
Summary of conflict handling
No one way of resolving conflict is always
right
Choose the right method for the right
situation (user-centered, contextual)
Learn to be flexible when dealing with
conflict, switching to different styles as the
situation changes
Have you learned lessons only of those who
admired you, and were tender with you, and
stood aside for you?
Have you not learned great lessons from those
who braced themselves against you, and
disputed the passage with you?
---Walt Whitman
10 Common Difficult Behaviors
Sherman Tanks
Snipers
Exploders
Know-it-all
Experts
Think-they-knowit-all
Super-Agreeables
Indecisives
Unresponsives
Negativists
Complainers
Sherman Tanks
Attacking, accusing, abusive, abrupt,
intimidating, overwhelming, confrontational
Feel strong need to prove that their view of
the world is always right
Get irritated or angry if sense resistance
See tasks as clear and concrete
Value aggressiveness and confidence
Snipers
Teasing, innuendoes, not-too-subtle digs
used to make you look foolish in groups
Hides behind crowds and social constraints
Often very witty
Share Tank’s strong sense of how others
should act but is often unrealistic
Can turn into a Tank if exposed
Exploders
Adult tantrum, rage barely under control
When person feels thwarted or threatened
May cry, be silently enraged, or yell/scream
Anger often moves to suspicion and
blaming
Creates highest amount of resentment
among others of all behaviors
Complainers
Find fault with everything, complain
constantly, accusatory, prescriptive
Feel someone should be doing something
but feel helpless to take action
Have distinct idea of what should be done
Usually is some truth to their complaints
Unresponsives
Close down, even when asked direct
question (answer yes, no, I don’t know)
Clam up when you need a response or
expect conversation
Difficult to determine why they are silent
Super-Agreeables
Want to be liked and loved by everyone
Make others feel liked and approved of
Tell you things that are satisfying to hear
Often use humor to ease conversation
Say “Yes” to everything but often don’t
deliver because they are over-committed
Can secretly be resentful of doing so much
Negativists
Feel defeated and dispirited as though they
have little power over their lives
Pessimistic, more bitter than complainers
Bring others down quickly
Say “We’ve tried this before” or “That
won’t work” without looking for solutions
Know-it-all Experts
Highly productive, thorough and accurate
thinkers, careful planners
Believe facts and knowledge provide
stability; answers lie within themselves
Low tolerance for correction/contradiction
Condescending, don’t wait for others to
catch up to their thought process or seek
input from others
Think-they-know-it-all
Seek the admiration and respect of others by
trying to act like experts when they are not
Don’t always know they are not experts
Curious people; like to learn a little about a
lot of things
Indecisives
Put off making important decisions because
they don’t want to hurt anyone
Have high standards
Strive to help people
Usually stall until the decision is made
If civilization is to survive, we must
cultivate the science of human
relationships--the ability of all people, of
all kinds, to live together, in the same
world at peace.
--- Franklin D. Roosevelt
10 Coping Methods
Sherman Tanks
Snipers
Exploders
Know-it-all
Experts
Think-they-knowit-all
Super-Agreeables
Indecisives
Unresponsives
Negativists
Complainers
Sherman Tanks
Stand up for yourself without fighting
Give them time to run down
Don’t worry about being polite, just get in
Get their attention, carefully
Get them to sit down
Speak from your own point of view
Avoid a head-on fight
Be ready to be friendly
Snipers
Surface the attack
Give the sniper an out (ask questions)
Seek group confirmation or denial of the
sniper’s criticism
Move on to solve any problems uncovered
Exploders
Give them time to run down
Show that you take them seriously
Interrupt the interaction
Complainers
Listen attentively to their complaints
Acknowledge what they say
Be prepared to interrupt to acknowledge
Don’t agree or apologize
State the facts without comment and
apology
Move quickly into problem solving
Unresponsives
Ask open-ended questions
Use the friendly, silent stare
Don’t fill the space
Comment on what’s happening
If clam opens up, listen rather than talk
If clam stays closed, terminate meeting and
reschedule
Super-Agreeables
Make honestly non-threatening
Be personal - when you can
Listen to their humor
Be prepared to compromise
Negativists
Avoid getting drawn in
State your own realistic optimism
Don’t argue
Don’t rush into proposing solutions
Set a horror floor
Use comments to make decisions
Be ready to take action on your own
Know-it-all Experts
Do your homework
Listen and acknowledge
Question firmly, but don’t confront
Ask extensional questions to get details
Acknowledge their competence
Make time for reflection
As last resort, let them be the expert
Think-they-know-it-all
State the facts as an alternative version
Give them a way out
Indecisives
Establish a comfort zone
Surface the issues
Help them problem solve (make decision)
Reassure after decision is made
Strengthen the relationship
The person who grabs the cat by the tail learns
about 44 percent faster than the one just
watching.
--- Mark Twain
Positive Intent
Control (to get the job done)
Sherman
Tanks, Snipers, Know-it-alls
Perfection (to get it right)
Complainers,
Negativists, Unresponsives
Approval Seeking (to get along)
Super-agreeables,
Indecisives, Negativists
Attention Getting (to get appreciation)
Exploders,
Think-they-know-it-alls, Snipers
Basic strategy - with time to think
Describe the behavior in detail
Write down your understanding of behavior
Review your interaction with this person
(what worked and didn’t work)
Choose the proper coping behavior
What do you need to learn and practice
Create an action plan and follow through
Basic strategy - no time to think
Determine positive intent and valued criteria
Listen (but stop destructive behavior)
Summarize (length depends on behavior)
Clarify
Speak to be heard
State your positive intent
Tell your story from your point of view
Don’t damage the relationship, if possible
Conclusion
Coping with difficult people is never easy
and hardly ever fun
Getting along with other people, even the
difficult ones, is as important a skill for us
as good writing and Java scripting
We make better decisions as a group, but
groups and teams also have tendencies
towards certain conflict styles
Conclusion
Practice coping techniques in safe situations
Avoid attributing internal motives to
behavior; assume good intentions
Remember that everybody is somebody’s
difficult person at least some of the time
Recommended Books
Bramson, Robert M. Coping With Difficult
People. Dell Publishing. New York: 1981.
Bolton, Robert and Dorothy Grover Bolton.
People Styles at Work. American
Management Association. New York: 1996
Brinkman, Rick and Rick Kirschner. Dealing
With People You Can’t Stand. R.R.
Donnelley & Sons. New York: 1994.