Transcript ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES - Psychologist/ Writer/ Lecturer

ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES
Dr. Ruth Benjamin (PhD)
Clinical Psychologist
AGGRESSION CAN BE EXPRESSED
IN VARIOUS WAYS
THOSE WAYS CAN EVEN BE
COMBINED
ASSAULT
• PHYSICAL
VIOLENCE
AGAINST OTHERS.
• GETTING INTO
FIGHTS WITH
PEOPLE BUT NOT
DESTROYING
OBJECTS
INDIRECT AGGRESSION
• BOTH ROUNDABOUT
AND UNDIRECTED
AGGRESSION.
ROUNDABOUT
BEHAVIOR LIKE
MALICIOUS GOSSIP
OR PRACTICAL JOKES
IS INDIRECT IN THE
SENSE THAT THE
HATED PERSON IS
NOT ATTACKED
DIRECTLY BUT BY
DEVIOUS MEANS
UNDIRECTED AGGRESSION
• THIS IS A FORM OF
INDIRECT
AGGRESSION AND
INCLUDES SUCH
THINGS AS TEMPER
TANTRUMS,
SLAMMING DOORS, A
DISCHARGE OF
NEGATIVE
AGGRESSION
AGAINDT NO ONE IN
PARTICULAR.
IRRITABILITY
• A READINESS TO
EXPLODE AT THE
SLIGHTEST
PROVOVATION
• QUICK TEMPER,
GROUCHINESS,
EXASPERATION
AND RUDENESS
NEGATIVISM
• OPPOSITIONAL
BEHAVIOUR USUALLY
DIRECTED AGAINST
AUTHORITY. REFUSAL
TO COOPERATIVE.
• CAN VARY FROM
PASSIVE NON
COMPLIANCE TO
OPEN REBELLION
AGAINST RULES AND
CONVENTION
RESENTMENT
• JEALOUSY AND
HATRED OF
OTHERS
• A FEELING OF
ANGER AT THE
WORLD OVER
REAL OR
IMAGINED
MISTREATMENT
RESENTMENT DOES FAR
MORE HARM
• TO THE VESSEL
IN WHICH IT IS
STORED
• THN THE VESSEL
OVER WHICH IT
IS POURED
SUSPICION
• PROJECTION OF
HOSTILITY ON TO
OTHERS.
• VARIES FROM
MERELY BEING
DIDTRUSTFUL AND
WARY OF PEOPLE TO
BELIEFS THAT
OTHERS ARE BEING
DEROGATORY OR ARE
PLANNING HARM.
VERBAL AGGRESSION
• NEGATIVE AFFECT
EXPRESSED IN BOTH
THE STYLE AND
CONTENT OF SPEECH.
STYLE INDICATES
ARGUING, SHOUTING
AND SCREAMING.
• CONTENT INCLUDES
THREATS, CURSES
AND BEING OVER
CRITICAL
BOTTLED UP AGGRESSION
• WE KEEP NOT SAYING
WHAT WE THINK. WE
DON’T EXPRESS IT.
WHEN PEOPLE TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF US
WE SMILE AND
COMPLY, BUT WE ARE
BUILDING IT
UP..FILLING UP A
BOTTLE WITH OUR
ANGER
ONE DAY IT EXPLODES
• WE LET RIP AT
EVERYONE.
• THEY DON’T EVEN
RECOGNIZE US
• WE LET IT ALL
OUT…AT ONE
TIME
THE TIE UP BETWEEN
AGGRESSION AND TENSION
• TENSION CAN
OFTEN LEAD TO
OR BE MISTAKEN
FOR AGGRESSION
LEARNING TO BE ASSERTIVE
• This can make a
person free to be
himself in a world he
no longer sees as
hostile.
• We must learn to tell
people when they have
hurt our feelings or
ignored our needs, and
not be afraid.
STRIKE A BALANCE BETWEEN
AGGRESSIVENESS AND SUBMISSIVENESS
• BY USING
ASSERTIVE
TECHNIQUES YOU
ARE ABLE TO WIN
RESPECT AND GET
YOUR NEEDS MET
IN A WAY THAT
PRESERVES THE
DIGNITY OF
OTHERS.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AGGRESSIVE TO
GET YOUR NEEDS MET,BUT YOU DO HAVE
TO LEARN TO BE ASSERTIVE
• YOU WILL FIND THAT
• YOU GIVE
YOU WILL NOT BE
YOURSELF AND
REJECTED FOR NOT
YOUR NEEDS
BEING YOURSELF.
SAME RESPECT
• THE KEY IS KNOWING
AND DIGNITY YOU
WHAT YOU WANT AND
GIVE TO ANYONE
THAT YOU HAVE A
ELSE’S. YOU HAVE
RIGHT TO ASK FOR
THE SAME BASIC
WHAT YOU WANT.
RIGHTS AS A
HUMAN BEING.
4 SIGNS OF A TRULY
ASSERTIVE PERSON:
1) He feels free to reveal himself. “This is who I
am. This is how I feel, how I think, what I want.
2) He can communicate with people of all ages and
walks of life in an open, direct, honest and
appropriate manner.
3) He has an active approach to life and goes after
what he wants/ He makes things happen rather
than waiting for them to happen.
4) He acts in a way that he himself can respect.
WE NOW LOOK AT THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
AGGRESSION, PASSIVITY
AND ASSERTIVENESS:
AGGRESSION
• “WHAT I SAY IS RIGHT, AND YOUR
OPINION DOES NOT COUNT”
• Here we are standing up for personal rights
and feelings in an inappropriate way .
• We violate the rights of others.
• We attack and blame
PASSIVITY
• “I DON’T COUNT. YOU CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF
ME.”
• WE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO DISAGREE OR TO SAY
NO. WE ARE AFRAID TO UPSET OTHERS OR
WORRY ABOUT WHAT THEY MIGHT THINK.
• Here we are violating our own rights and not expressing
thoughts and feelings honestly, or we are doing so in such
an apologetic way that our words are disregarded,
• We may act helpless and try to get others to act for us.
• We may express our feelings in a dishonest way by gossip
or making others feel guilty.
ASSERTIVENESS
• THIS IS THE DIRECT, HONEST, AND
APPROPRIATE EXPRESSION
OPINIONS, BELIEFS, NEEDS, OR
FEELINGS.
• WE STAND UP FOR OUR RIGHTS IN A
WAY THAT DOES NOT IMPINGE UPON
THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS.
THE BROKEN RECORD
TECHNIQUE
• YOU KEEP REPEATING WHAT YOU HAVE
TO SAY ABOUT THE MATTER NO MATTER
WHAT HE RESPONDS
• IF HE KEEPS REFUSING, ASK AN
ASSERTIVE QUESTION SUCH AS : “IS
THERE ANY REASON YOU ARE HAVING
SUCH A HARD TIME WITH MY REQUEST?”
FOGGING
• When you are confronted with a Negative
statement, CALMLY repeat it.
• “You really irritate me”
• “I really irritate you”
DEFFUSING
• WHEN SOMEONE IS ANGRY WITH
YOU LET HIM EXPRESS IT.
• LISTEN WITHOUT BECOMING
DEFENSIVE AND THEN TELL HIM
YOU’LL TALK TO HIM LATER.
• YOU CAN THINK IT OVER, AND HE
CAN COOL DOWN AND LATER YOU
CAN SORT IT OUT