Transcript Conflict in Extension

Conflict Management
Chek-Yat Phoon, PhD, FCollT
NSD Education Department
Venue: HKMC
Sept 20, 2009
It may good to sit on the problem.
Objectives:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Describe characteristics of conflict.
Identify typical responses when needs are
violated.
Distinguish among three stages of conflict.
Define the five conflict handling modes
discussed in the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument.
Review various conflict management
resources.
Demonstrate methods to effectively resolve
conflict situations.
What do you know about conflict?
Write “True” or “False” next to each statement below…
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Conflict left alone will take care of itself.
Confronting an issue or a person is always unpleasant.
Conflict within an organization is a sign of poor
leadership.
It takes two people communicating effectively to
change the direction of a conflict.
Conflict can be constructive.
How we respond to others and situations is based on
the attitude we take.
What do you know about conflict?
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
Anger is always negative and destructive.
Communication is 50% verbal and 50% nonverbal.
Conflict is resolved once the goal switches from solving
concrete problems to proving you are right and
another person is wrong.
Communication and emotion are two key elements of
any conflict.
Conflict is best dealt with in the early stages when the
fewest number of people are involved.
In times of conflict it is important to speak loudly and
with authority in order to make a point.
Objective 1
Describe characteristics of
conflict.
Conflict…

Occurs when cares/concerns appear to be
incompatible

Internal Conflict:
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a disturbance that rages within a single
individual
Interpersonal Conflict:
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a disturbance that exists between 2 or more
individuals/groups
Conflict is….
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Something we face everyday.
A fact of life.
An opportunity to create an
understanding.
Often a result of miscommunication.
Not limited to fighting.
Not always negative!
Critical Elements of Conflict

Communication
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Verbal communication
 7%
Non-verbal communication
 93%
Emotional Aspect

Is this pushing a “hot button”?

What is your level of commitment to this person?

What else is happening in your life?

On a scale of 1-10, how important is this?
Emotional Don’ts:
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Don’t
Don’t
Don’t
Don’t
Don’t
get in a power struggle.
detach from conflict.
let conflict establish your agenda.
over-dramatize the situation.
“awfulize”!!
Objective 2
Identify typical responses
when needs are violated.
Four Basic
Psychological Needs:

To be valued and treated as an individual

To be in control
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To have strong self-esteem
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To be consistent
When needs are violated,
individuals respond.
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Retaliate
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Momentary
Always a mistake
Intimidate
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Short tempers
Strong opinions
Hard on the long term relationship
When needs are violated,
individuals respond.

Isolate
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Appear to accept the situation
They may actually be suppressing it
This is how small problems grow into huge
misunderstandings
Cooperate

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Confront the issue immediately
Address the problem by putting it on the table
Greatest long term benefit
Is this your wish for all of the
difficult people in your life?

If so, you might not
be in a cooperative
spirit! 
Objective 3
Distinguish among three
stages of conflict.
3 Stages of Conflict
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Stage One: Everyday Difficulties
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Low intensity
Day-to-day irritations
Discomfort & anger are quickly passed off
“No big deal” attitude
Strategies:
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Avoidance
Obliging
Jointly examine both sides
Evaluate the proportion of the reaction to the situation
3 Stages of Conflict
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Stage Two: Significant Difficulties
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Win-lose attitude
More personal investment
Self interest & saving face is important
Victories/mistakes are remembered
Alliances & cliques are formed
Strategies:
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Create a safe environment - informal setting, neutral turf,
agenda, control, set tone, be vulnerable
Hard on facts and soft on people
Do initial work as a team
Look for middle ground
Allow enough time
Seat people next to each other
3 Stages of Conflict
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Stage Three: Overt Battles
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Shift from wanting to win to wanting to hurt
Being right and punishing the wrong is a consuming
motivation
Positions are polarized
Logic and reason are ineffective
Strategies:
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Negotiation - discussion & compromise
Mediation - third party serves as a go-between in
order to reconcile
Arbitration - determination of a case in controversy by
a person selected by the parties
Objective 4
Define the five conflict
handling modes discussed
in the Thomas-Kilmann
Instrument.
What’s Your Conflict Management
Style?
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How do you react during a conflict...and how
do others react to you?
Thomas-Kilman Instrument (TKI) -Provides
information about an individual’s style of
handling conflict, compared to five distinct
modes.
ASSERTIVENESS (Trying to satisfy your own
concerns) vs. COOPERATIVENESS (Trying to
satisfy the other’s concerns)
Assertive
Graph of Conflict Handling Modes
Competing
Collaborating
Unassertive
Compromising
Avoiding
Uncooperative
Accommodating
Cooperative
TKI Conflict Handling Modes
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Competing: High assertiveness and low
cooperativeness —the goal is to “win”
 Occurs when you take a position that meets
your concerns but not the other person’s. A
win-lose mode.
TKI Conflict Handling Modes

Accommodating: Low assertiveness and high
cooperativeness — the goal is to “yield”
 Occurs when you accept a position that meets
the other person’s concerns over yours. A winlose mode.
TKI Conflict Handling Modes

Avoiding: Low assertiveness and low
cooperativeness — the goal is to “delay”
 Occurs when you try not to engage in a conflict
issue. It is a lose-lose mode.
TKI Conflict Handling Modes

Compromising: Moderate assertiveness and
moderate cooperativeness — the goal is to
“find a middle ground"
 Settle for a position that partially satisfies
your concerns and those of the other
person. A win-lose mode.
TKI Conflict Handling Modes

Collaborating: High assertiveness and high
cooperativeness — the goal is to “find a winwin solution”
 Occurs when you find a position that fully
satisfies your own and the other person’s
concerns. A win-win mode.
Uses of Each TKI Mode
Scenario: A parent has submitted a
somewhat controversial proposal to the
Church Board which has led to conflict
between the parent and the youth
department leader.
We’ll first look at a poor use and then a
more effective use of each mode.
Competing
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Poor use:
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Youth leader… “Look, I don’t care what you think or
how unfair you think this is! Rules are rules, and I’ve
been hired to enforce them with no exceptions! I’m
right in this situation, and the case is closed!”
Effective use:

Youth leader… “I understand that this is an
important issue for you. However, as your proposal
is currently stated, it does not fit in the guidelines set
by the youth department. As youth leader, it is my
job to enforce the rules that have been set no matter
how unpopular they may be. The Church Board has
set the rules so that the youth program is within
guidelines. I am not asking you to agree with my
position, but I do hope that you will respect it.”
Avoiding
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Poor use:
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Youth leader (has received a call from the
secretary)… “No, I don’t want to talk to him now.
Tell him I’m not in. No…tell him I’m in a meeting
and can’t be disturbed. I don’t care what you tell
him…just get rid of him!”
Effective use:

Youth leader… “Look, this is obviously an emotional
issue for you. I know that you have a lot invested in
it. Why don’t we take some time away from the
issue right now and plan to talk again tomorrow?
How does 10 a.m. sound? In the mean time, I will do
some research on your issue to see if I can find
additional options for us to consider regarding your
situation.”
Accommodating
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Poor use:
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Youth leader… “Hey…I understand this is important
to you. So, even though your proposal doesn’t fit
within the department’s guidelines, I’ll overlook it
this time and recommend it for approval. You’re an
important member of the church, and I don’t want to
damage our relationship in the future.”
Effective use:
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Youth leader… “I don’t want to seem unresponsive
to your concerns on this important issue. However, I
don’t have authority to overturn the Church Board’s
decision. So, what I suggest is that I put your issue
on the agenda of the next Church Board meeting and
invite you to attend, to see if the board has some
additional options for you to consider.”
Poor use:

Youth leader… “You’ve heard the expression, ‘You
scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours’? I bet we can
come to some agreement here. You’ve got season
tickets to the basketball games this year, right? How
‘bout you letting me have tickets for a couple of games,
and I’ll see if I can’t get this proposal to slip right
through the Board? They have so many issues to deal
with, they won’t even know!”
Effective use:

Compromising
Youth leader… “The Church board has set some pretty
tight guidelines for me to follow. However, they
understand that there are times that some allowances
may need to be made. If you would agree to a revision
here in Part A of your proposal to be in line with the
Board’s guidelines, I believe that they would be willing
to consent to your request in Part B. Would you
consider that revision?”
Poor use:

Youth leader… “O.K., we have an obvious difference of
opinion here. I’m not willing to take the responsibility
by myself, so let’s call together a series of meetings
with the Board, their sub-committees, some other
Leaders, parents, and members. We’ll see if we can’t
research this issue in depth, discuss it extensively, and
come up with a solution in which all parties are in
agreement. I’m guessing this process will only take
about 6-8 months. That’s not too long of a wait for you,
is it?”
Effective use:

Collaborating
Youth leader… “Since this is such an important issue
both to you and the youth department, I suggest that
we sit down at a special meeting of the Board to try to
better understand each others’ concerns. We don’t
want this issue to be unresolved too long, because
there are a lot of resources involved here, but I do think
it is important to try to reach a mutual decision that we
can all agree upon. Let’s plan for a one-hour meeting
with the Board next week, O.K.?”
What is the Best Way to Handle
Conflict???
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No silver bullet or magic formula.
Key is knowing when to use each strategy,
and not to let the situation get out of
control
Remember…Negative Behavior never
confronted, never changes!!!!!
Objective 5
Review various conflict
management
resources.
Conflict Management Resources
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Thomas, K.W. & Kilmann, R.H. ThomasKilman Conflict Mode Instrument,
www.cpp.com
Thomas, K.W. Introduction to Conflict
Management, Improving Performance
Using the TKI, www.cpp.com
Objective 6
Demonstrate methods
to effectively resolve
conflict situations.
Conflict Management
Scenarios
Scenario
The President of the board to which you
are an advisor works hard at each
meeting to make everyone feel welcome.
But, when it comes to encouraging
committees to work and the members to
complete their assignments, nothing
positive seems to happen. As advisor
you have been asked by some of the
board members to resolve this situation.
Tips to Handling Conflicts
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Keep program policies with you
Listen and ask clarifying questions
Write notes and keep record of
conversations
Consider various options
Tips to Handling Conflicts
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Learn from the conflict
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What did you do well?
What would you like to improve the next
time?
What changes (if any) need to be made as a
result of this issue?
Real-life examples and tips???
What do you know about conflict?
Write “True” or “False” next to each statement
below…
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Conflict left alone will take care of itself.
Confronting an issue or a person is always
unpleasant.
Conflict within an organization is a sign of
poor leadership.
It takes two people communicating effectively
to change the direction of a conflict.
Conflict can be constructive.
How we respond to others and situations is
based on the attitude we take.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
Anger is always negative and destructive.
Communication is 50% verbal and 50%
nonverbal.
Conflict is resolved once the goal switches
from solving concrete problems to proving
you are right and another person is wrong.
Communication and emotion are two key
elements of any conflict.
Conflict is best dealt with in the early stages
when the fewest number of people are
involved.
In times of conflict it is important to speak
loudly and with authority in order to make a
point.
Conflict Quiz Review
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
False
False
False
False
True
True
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
False
False
False
True
True
False
Questions?
…for
your
participation for your
certification