Transcript Writing Workshop

Writing Workshop
Bernie Cabral
Mike Wasserman
3/22/00
Today’s Agenda
• Quick Diagnostic
• Bernie and Mike’s Eight Easy Ways to Improve Your
Business Writing
– Prewrite and outline
– Write short simple sentences in the active voice
– Use commas correctly
– Cite sources correctly and consistently
– Make your subject and verbs agree!
– Use articles (the, an, a) appropriately
– Use transitions, format, paragraphs, headings help
emphasize your logic
– Proofreading, editing, peer review, and rewrite
• Time for Your Questions
Original paragraph - find the errors!
Faith Mountain Company focuses on the
needs of woman between ages of 20-50
who owns there own home’s and have
family incomes of $40,000-60,000. The
women, want to keep their family’s value’s
and use mail-order catalogs to order
products and gift items and enhance the
quality of their homes and family lives and
save there time.
Indent new paragraph and begin with an article (The!)
Faith Mountain Company focuses on the
needs of woman between the ages of 20-50
who owns there own home’s and have
family incomes of $40,000-60,000. The
women, want to keep their family’s value’s
and use mail-order catalogs to order
products and gift items and enhance the
quality of their homes and family lives and
save there time.
Corrected paragraph
The Faith Mountain Company focuses
on the needs of women between the ages
of 20-50 who own their own homes and
have family incomes of $40,000-60,000.
Customers like to order products and gifts
from catalogs. They feel this enhances the
quality of their homes and family lives and
saves their time.
Original paragraph part 2: find the errors
So the Faith Mountain Company intend to
establish itself as the leader of it’s industry
in high-quality, high values gifts, apparel,
and home accessories The Faith
Mountain Company offered a broad range
of high-quality products to its customers,
it includes Herb’s , floral arrangements,
sportswhere, gifts, and home and garden
decorations.
So the Faith Mountain Company intend to
establish itself as the leader of it’s industry
in high-quality, high values gifts, apparel,
and home accessories The Faith
Mountain Company offered a broad range
of high-quality products to its customers,
it includes Herb’s , floral arrangements,
sportswhere, gifts, and home and garden
decorations.
Corrected paragraph, part 2
The Faith Mountain Company intends to
establish itself a leader in its industry
(industry leader) in high-quality, high
value gifts, apparel, and home accessories.
The Faith Mountain Company offers a
broad range of high-quality products to its
customers. The product line includes
herbs, floral arrangements, sportswear,
gifts, and home and garden decorations.
Step 1 in the 8-Step ‘Bernie and Mike’ Program
Prewrite and Outline
• Prewriting is the process of developing and
organizing your thoughts on your subject
• Every thought you have about the subject
counts – this could occur while you are
driving, in the shower, or while doing research
• Capture these thoughts early
• Use an outline, if you choose, to organize
these thoughts.
• Now you are ready to write…….
Step 2 in the 8-Step ‘Bernie and Mike’ Program
Write short, simple sentences in the active voice
• Make life easier for you and your reader.
Write simply! Shorter sentences mean less
chance for you to make grammar errors, and
less chance of confusing your reader, OK?
• Write in the active voice. Subject-verb-object.
Not object-verb-subject or subject-objectverb, or any other of the wacky combinations
we have seen…..SUBJECT-VERB-OBJECTgot it? Here are some examples……
Short sentence – Active Voice
Correct: CEO Jack Welch developed
effective e-business strategies.
Incorrect: Effective e-business strategies
were developed by Jack Welch
Incorrect: Developing effective e-business
strategies was Jack Welch’s strength.
Short sentence – Active Voice
1. Subject
2. Verb
Correct: Jack Welch developed effective
e-business strategies.
3. Object
1. Object
Incorrect: Effective e-business strategies
were developed by Jack Welch
3. Subject
2. Verb (passive!)
1. Verb (passive and disconnected)
Incorrect: Developing effective e-business
strategies were Jack Welch’s strength.
2. Object
3. Subject
Ok, so what’s the lesson
learned here?
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Step 3 in the 8-Step ‘Bernie and Mike’ Program
Use commas correctly!
If you write simply, you don’t need to use many
commas! See Rule #2!
If you do use commas separate prepositional
phrases (to, in, of, for, etc…), modifying phrases
(such as in the sentence above), coordinating
conjunction (and/but/or followed by a subject and
verb), and lists
Don’t throw them in if you don’t need them!!!
USE (but don’t rely on) the grammar checker in
Word – this is especially helpful with commas.
Don’t make the correction blindly, think about it…
Avoid colons and semi-colons – they are not your
friends!
Step 4 in the 8-Step ‘Bernie and Mike’ Program
Cite sources correctly and consistently
• Summarizing
• Paraphrasing
• Quoting
“Summarizing and paraphrasing are necessary skills in the
research writing process. While summarizing simply
reduces the information you gather, often into a list or a
short review of the main ideas, paraphrasing retells the
information in your own words an d sentence structure.
You have probably noticed how difficult it can be to
paraphrase If you keep too much of either the original
author's words and/or sentence structure, you are guilty of
plagiarism, a serious offense in all English writing. You are
guilty of plagiarism even if you indicate where the material
came from but have not paraphrased correctly.
Unfortunately, you cannot let the original authors do all the
talking either, since a paper filled with quotations indicates
a lack of thought and argument.”
(Exercises in Paraphrasing, GMU Writing Center,
http://www.gmu.edu/departments/writingcenter/handouts/parap.html, 3/14/00)
Step 5 in the 8-Step ‘Bernie and Mike’ Program
Your subjects and verbs should agree!
• First – identify the subject. The subject is
what the sentence is about. It is usually a
noun (person, place, or thing)!
• If you write in the active voice, the subject
should be at the start of the sentence. If the
subject is unclear, you probably need to
rewrite the sentence
• Singular subjects (no ‘s’) must have a
singular verb (no ‘s’); plural subjects must
have a plural verb
Step 6 in the 8-Step ‘Bernie and Mike’ Program
Use articles appropriately!
Articles are those little words that precede and modify nouns:
the teacher, a college, a bit of honey. Sometimes these
words will tell the reader or listener whether we're referring
to a specific or general thing (a barn, the garage).
The choice of the proper article to precede a noun or noun
phrase is usually not a problem for writers who have grown
up speaking English, nor is it a serious problem for nonnative writers whose first language is a romance language
such as Spanish. For other writers, though, this can be a
considerable obstacle on the way to their mastery of
English. In fact, some students from eastern European
countries, where their native language has either no articles
or an altogether different system of choosing articles and
determiners, find that these "little words" can create
problems long after every other aspect of English has been
mastered.
Step 7 in the 8-Step ‘Bernie and Mike’ Program
Logic is important. Use proper transitions,
paragraphing, and headings to emphasize your logic!
• All your major concepts/points/elements should be
addressed in your thesis paragraph. This will introduce
your logic
• Each concept in your thesis should be expanded upon
in a paragraph or two in the body of your paper
• Use transitions to move from one concept to the next
• Headings can make your logic clearer
• Your conclusion should mirror your thesis. This will
reinforce your logic
• LOGIC! LOGIC! LOGIC! Don’t be afraid to repeat key
terms to hammer home your logic
Step 8 in the 8-Step ‘Bernie and Mike’ Program
Proofreading, Editing, Peer Review, and Rewriting
• READ YOUR PAPER ALOUD TO
YOURSELF…if you have trouble reading a
sentence clearly and smoothly, chances are it
needs to be rewritten
• PROOFREAD!
• Use the spelling and grammar checker in
Word (cautiously)
• Write multiple drafts….good writing comes
from revision (for even the greatest writers)
• REWRITE! REWRITE! REWRITE!
Good questions for peer review
Do you have a thesis statement, a sentence or two
that states the main point or argument of your
essay?
Does the paper flow? Make sure one idea connects
clearly and logically to the next idea.
Do you have a conclusion?
Do you use a consistent method of documentation?
Do you use specific language? Avoid vague
language(some words to watch out for: aspects,
thing, factors, society)and too many pronouns (it,
she, they, there). Be clear.
Is all the information correct?
Does your paper answer the assignment?