Transcript BAD IRISH JOKES

BAD IRISH JOKES (1/12)
During the water shortage, Dublin
swimming pools closed lanes 5 and 6.
Heard about four paddies in a circle,
smoking? Police thought they'd found a
dope ring.
Heard about the Irish firing squad?
Formed a circle.
Sign on Irish parachute? Opens on
impact.
BAD IRISH JOKES (2/12)
How do you grow your own dope? Plant a
field of Paddys.
Can you really grow rice in a Paddy field?
How do you make a one armed Irishman fall
out of a tree? Wave to him.
How many Irishmen does it take to change a
light bulb?
Five; One to hold the light bulb and four to
drink until the room starts spinning.
BAD IRISH JOKES (3/12)
Mick asked the barman for a glass of
orange, the barman says "still orange?"
Mick says "oh yes, I haven't changed my
mind."
Mick goes into a shop and asks "what colour
are your Union Jacks?"
Paddy says "Red, white and blue", Mick
says "I'll take a blue one please"
BAD IRISH JOKES (4/12)
Paddy and Murphy in the jungle, Murphy
throws a brick at a lion, hits it on the back
of the head,
Murphy says "run for your life Paddy" Paddy
says "not me, you threw the brick
Paddy killed himself jumping off the 14th
floor after a mate told him he flew
Wellingtons during the war.
BAD IRISH JOKES (5/12)
Paddy says "Seamus, have you been
sleeping with my daughter?",
Seamus says "bejausus no, I never slept a
wink!"
Paddy says, "lend me a fiver Murphy",
Murphy says "I've only got 4 quid",
Paddy says "that's all right, you can owe me
a quid!"
BAD IRISH JOKES (6/12)
They've invented a new tea bag in Ireland,
it’s waterproof.
Traffic warden says, "you can't park your car
there",
Paddy says "I can - the sign says 'fine for
parking'"
What do you call 3 Irishmen in a huddle? A
thicket.
BAD IRISH JOKES (7/12)
What do you call a pregnant Irishwoman? A
dope carrier.
What do you call an Irishman on a bike? A
dope peddler.
What do you call an Irishman with 10 'A'
levels? A liar!
What do you call an Irishman with a Rolls
Royce? A thief!
BAD IRISH JOKES (8/12)
Where does an Irish family go on holiday? A
different bar.
Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland? They
couldn't find three wise men.
Riley said to Delaney, "How long has
Murphy been dead?"
Delaney said, "Well, if he'd lived until
Saturday, he would have been dead six
weeks
BAD IRISH JOKES (9/12)
What are the best ten years of an Irishman's
life? Third grade.
How do you sink an Irish submarine? Knock
on the hatch.
Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented
them and gave them to
the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't
seen the joke yet.
BAD IRISH JOKES (10/12)
Irish people love Muslims. They have taken
a lot of heat off us.
Before, we were "the terrorists" but now,
we're "the Riverdance people
Two guys came knocking at my door once
and said:
"We want to talk to you about Jesus." I said:
"Oh, no, what's he done now?"
BAD IRISH JOKES (11/12)
Paddy asked for a return ticket, Bloke says
"Where to?" Paddy says " Back here,
pillock!"
Paddy says "My mother in law's an
ungrateful bitch, I bought her a chair for
Christmas, and she still hasn't plugged it in".
BAD IRISH JOKES (12/12)
Murphy was arrested at the greyhound
track, police caught him trying to drug the
hare.
Paddy was asked what was Ghandi's first
name, replied "Goosey, Goosey“