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Transcript Bramwell solutions - Executive Assistant Network
Assertiveness –Techniques
for the not so confident
Bramwell
solutions
Mark Bramwell
www.bramwellsolutions.com.au
Objectives
Concept of Assertiveness
Components of Assertiveness
Impact of not being Assertive
Role of Assertiveness in your career
Obstacles to remove
Realizing change!
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What is Assertiveness?
A method of communication
Seeks to increase the probability of successful outcomes
Is relevant to all aspects of our life:
Work
Social situations
Relationships
Critical encounters
Everyday interactions
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Assertive Behaviour
Defined by behaviour that is:
Direct
Honest
RESPECT
Polite
Persistent
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Assertiveness Involves
Direct and honest expression of one’s feelings, needs
and wants, beliefs and opinions…
….about what is relevant and appropriate!
In a way that neither threatens or punishes another
person
In a manner that does not involve undue anxiety or fear
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The ‘Intelligent’ Response
Fight or flight are the easy options
Assertiveness is the intelligent learnt response
Are we born assertive?
Are some predisposed to being Assertive?
Can you teach an old dog new tricks?
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Assertiveness Truths
Assertiveness is:
Based on respect – for self and others
Focused on win/win outcomes
Focused on long-term relationships
Can be appropriately strong and persistent
Solutions focused
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Assertiveness Myths
Therefore it is not:
About getting your own way
Dominating others with your opinion
A tool of manipulation
Something to only use when you feel in the mood…
…Comfortable? Threatened? Inferior? Superior?
Tired? Wide awake? Grumpy? Up for a fight?! Etc etc
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adopting an ASSERTIVE
communication style often
requires a re-examination of our
communication beliefs
Assertiveness Myths
The internet is a wonderful source of information, but beware
of the ‘tips’ you may find!
Humour – “Oh dear, I goofed again”
Not Engaging - “Never apologize, never explain”
Status Manipulation - “I am so stupid I can’t do this:
you’re so clever can you help me?”
Agreement - “You are right, I’m bad at this. You’d
probably better off using someone who is good at this”
Consider why the above are not ASSERTIVE
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Are you Hurting Your Career?
Not speaking out and expressing our ideas and opinions in a
constructive manner has the potential for numerous negative
impacts:
Lack of recognition
Do not realize full potential
Lack of self respect
Lack of respect from others
Self esteem issues
Self fulfilling prophecy!
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difficult people
difficult situations
What Stops Us?
Why don’t we speak out?
Fear of failure
Fear of getting it wrong or misreading a situation
Don’t know how
Defeatist self talk
Prior experience
Lack of self-insight
Can’t be bothered?
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Negotiation & Conflict
Resolution
Assertiveness underpins several key components of conflict
resolution and negotiation:
Constructing a win/win dynamic
Understanding deeper drivers
Empathy
Tabling ideas and opinions in a non-accusatory manner
Being clear and direct
Outcome/solution focused
Cooperative power – power with… not power over!
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Making the Assertive Shift
Understand the difference between Assertive, Nonassertive and Aggressive behaviours
Honestly and critically review your own behaviour
Recognise what your behaviours are – when, where and
with whom
Develop skills and techniques to increase assertive
behaviours and reduce the others
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Developing Empathy
There are some simple but critical steps:
ASK a question
LISTEN to the reply
PROVE YOU HEARD the reply
As appropriate – GIVE FREE INFORMATION
and
REPEAT
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A Consistent Message
Assertion requires you to make sure your…
WORDS match your…
…TONE of voice, which in turn matches your…
…BODY LANGUAGE
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Removing Obstacles
To be truly assertive, we must deal with a number of
potential obstacles:
Our SELF IMAGE
Our STRESS and our ability to cope with
stress
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To Sum Up
Be honest with yourself
Critically review your behaviours
What will achieve long term gains and respect?
Avoiding and not expressing your opinion is a short term gain
Aggression is a short term gain
Assertiveness achieves long term gains
Assertiveness achieves valuable change and improved
relationships
Constantly review and reflect
Do not slip into bad behaviours!
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Mark Bramwell
[email protected]
Ph: (03) 9395 5259
Mob: 0437 681 564