Transcript Document 7356880

Chapter 5
The contexts of adolescent
development:
FAMILIES
The nature of family processes
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Reciprocal socialization
– Just a parents socialize their children so,
too, do their children social the parents
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Synchrony
– the social “dance” that occurs between
parents and children; each are attuned to
the behavior and reactions of the other
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This socialization/synchrony can be +-
Parental changes during
adolescent years: Variables
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Marital satisfaction/dissatisfaction
Economic burders
Career reevaluations
Time perspectives
Health and body concerns
These can all influence how the
relationship synchrony unfolds during
adolescence.
Marital
satisfaction/dissatisfaction
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Mick Jagger: “I can’t get no satisfaction”
The married couple has been together
for at least 13 years in a non-blended
non-divorced family.
Conflicts that may have been buried
during the rush of early parenting may
now be resurfacing as teens are less
demanding in certain ways that children
Marital
satisfaction/dissatisfaction
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Teens can place additional burdens on
parents, I.e., there is another near-adult
in the house and this can increase
frustrations/conflicts.
It is not uncommon to see a 20 year
marriage end right after the children
leave home.
Spousal support is needed during
children’s teen years
Economic burdens
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Parents are making house payments,
car payments, credit-card payments and
the adolescent is asking for $30 to go to
the movies… or $1500 for school
tuition.
More teens are working now more than
ever before; average high-schooler is
working over 10 hours a week.
Career reassessments
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Parents have been at a job now for
about 20 years… is this what life is? Do
I work at a job I like? What about
changing jobs?
The parent does not have much
freedom from economic responsibility
and cannot switch careers easily…
there may be a “trapped” resentment.
Time concerns
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The parent is now about 35-50 years
old usually with teens. They are aware
that they have about 20-30 years left
before they die. There is a “is this all
there is in life” resentment that can
fester.
The midlife crisis and teens
Health and bodily concerns
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Some parents are beginning to have
health problems as a result of age and
they surely do not look like they did
when they were 20. There is, again,
this festering resentment of “is this all
there is?” coupled with a “if I am going
to make a change I have to do it now”
moderated by a “I must be responsible”
Adolescent issues
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Teens are feeling their autonomy
They are feeling their power and may
be working and making some money
They are idealistic to a fault
They are likely to tell you exactly what
they think
They may reject your guidance and do
the wrong thing despite your efforts
Adolescent issues
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They are increasingly independent and
are gone from the home more
frequently
They are less likely to contribute to the
maintenance of the house; their rooms
are usually a disaster area
There is a low-level power struggle in
many homes at this time
Statements in parent-teen conflict
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“If you don’t like it here, get the hell out!”
“If you live here, you will follow my
rules!”
“If you don’t start helping out around
here, I am going to charge you rent!”
“If you drive the car, put some damn gas
in the tank for once!”
Statements of parent-teen conflict
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“You are so old-fashioned, I think you
are a dweeb!”
“What is with you? Just mellow out!”
“I am not a little kid, I will do as I damn
well please!”
“Will you stay out of my room? It is my
private room! I will have it the way I
want it!”
Normal conflict
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keeping a bedroom clean
dressing neatly
being home at a certain time
talking long on the phone, and
not doing chores.
Conflicts about these issues happen
ALL the time in teen homes
When is conflict a problem?
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Conflict is problematic when:
– anger becomes too frequent
– anger becomes too intense
– anger is long lasting
– anger leads to aggression
– anger disturbs work or other relationships
The family
The Family
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It is a system of interacting individuals
with different subsystems, e.g., dyads,
polyads, etc.
There’s dad-son; dad-daughter1, daddaughter-2, mom-son, mom-daughter1,
mom-daughter2, mom-dad as dyads;
polyads are more complicated and each
has its own synchrony.
The developmental construction
of relationships
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What is the role of the parent?
What does the child learn from the
parent that can apply to the outside
world?
How do you learn to relate to authority
figures?
How do you learn to effectively get your
way in the world?
Parent-adolescent relationships
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The parent as a manager.
– You become a consultant
– You become a confidante
– You become a non-participatory partner
– You become a sounding-board
– You cannot dictate what will happen
– You cannot live your child’s life
– You can help them to learn to make good
choices
The parent as manager
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How do you transition out of being a
participatory-parent, establishing the
“you will do” and “you will not do” to the
manager?
Being a manager means that your
children may make the wrong choices
and that is OK (but frustrating).
Tolerating ambiguity is important
Parenting techniques
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Authoritarian parenting: restrictive,
punitive style where the parent
exhorts/warns the child to follow the
parent’s rules.
There are firm limits and exact rules.
Little verbal exchange is allowed,
certainly no debating the rules.
Teens are socially incompetent as result
Parenting styles
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Cold Neglecting/Permissive parenting:
parent is uninvolved in adolescent’s life,
there are no rules, no nothing… “go
where you want, do what you want,
leave me alone,” says the parent.
Warm Permissive/Neglecting parenting:
parent gives in to any request no matter
how silly, “here, have $100 and go to
the movies.”
Children from neglecting homes
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These teens learn there are no limits
and they can do what they want and
that there are no consequences to
behavior.
Net result: socially incompetent,
irresponsible, have authority problems,
will need a LOT of re-parenting at some
time or suffer a LOT of hard-knocks.
THE best parenting style:
Authoritative parenting
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It is a participatory management style of
parenting
Both the parents and the teen have
opinions about what should be and they
are free to express them
There are consequences to actions but
these are also augmented by how to
prevent the problem next time
Authoritative parenting
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Authoritative parenting is not a
democracy; it is not a vote. There are
expectations but these are established
together between parent/teen in a
reasonable give-take compromise with
a clear goal in mind.
Authoritative parents will not shield their
children from consequences.
Parenting style grid
Control
No Control
Warm
Authoritative
PermissiveIndulgent
Cold
Authoritarian
PermissiveNeglectful
Results on children of various
parenting styles
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Authoritarian: The parent-child
relationship is fearful, distant, cold,
resentful and rigid; the home
atmosphere is tense, rigid, militaristic
and oppressive.
Child is very compliant, socially
incompetent, cannot stand up for
themselves, may be taken advantage of
Results on children of various
parenting styles
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Permissive-indulgent/neglectful: Parent
uses pleasing, hoping, pleading, giving
in, and giving up as discipline tools.
The child's needs are considered more
important than the parent's, and they
attempt to use reason and manipulation
to get results.
Permissive/indulgent/neglectful
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The parent tries to be pleasant and
conciliatory while feeling tense, anxious,
and often angry. The relationship is
characterized by service by the parent,
demands by the child, and resentment;
the home atmosphere is chaotic,
uncontrollable and wild
Child is socially incompetent,
irresponsible, has authority problems
Parenting styles: Authoritative
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Nonverbal body language includes: eye
contact, body contact with child when
possible, communicating at the same
level (both sitting, parent kneeling with
small child, etc.). The parent child
relationship is characterized by warmth,
sharing, mutual respect, and conflict
resolution; the home atmosphere is
relaxed, orderly, and consistent.
Authoritatively-reared children
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They know there is authority
They know they can reasonably
negotiate with authority
They know that the real world is a givetake place and they should speak up
They know there are consequences to
actions, they know responsibility
Absolutely the best parenting here.
Adolescent-parent conflict
Parent-adolescent conflict
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Tends to peak about age 13 or so
More with mother than father, and more
with daughter than son
Average: 1 every 3 days or so
Domains of conflict: moral, personal,
and about social conventions
Often about really petty things… “who
last used the hair-dryer and left it out?”
Conflict
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With age, less time spent with families
More power with age, perhaps at
expense of mother’s power
Conflict may peak with extensive
pubertal changes
Emotional displays, particularly with
mothers, may increase
Moms have it tough in adolescence.
Dyadic differences in conflict
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mother-daughter: emotionally valenced;
close; high in discord
mother-son: close, but fewer joint
activities
father-daughter: bland, distant
father-son: a little more involving and
hence least conflict in “normal” homes
Autonomy/Attachment
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Autonomy: self-direction
– associated with
• authoritative parenting
• social structure (family composition)
• culture
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Attachment: closeness to parents
– correlated with
• self-esteem (+) and academic achievement (+)
• drug use (-) and deviant behavior (-)
Divorce and kids
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Why do children of divorce do less well?
anger, grief following break up
gender of caretaker (adolescents do
best with same gender caretaker)
attributions to divorce
poor parenting
financial changes
Divorce and kids
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Pre-divorce differences
Poorly interacting parents and the
effects on children
Is it ever “best” to divorce for the sake of
the children? Yes… but…
What things must be present before a
person divorces a spouse? What
reasons supercede the children?
Longitudinal studies of effects of
divorce
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In the U.S. about 40% of u.s. children
will experience divorce by age 18
on average, these children do less well
then their non-divorced counterparts
IF it is at all possible, it is best to not
divorce for the sake of the children
UNLESS it is so terrifically bad that the
conflict is eroding the children psyche.
British National Child
Development Study on divorce
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divorce occurring in families with boys
between the ages of 7 and 11
– more behavior problems
– lower academic achievement
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girls of the same age
– more behavior problems
– lower academic achievement
– problems persist
Effects of divorce
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Boys need to have their father; boys
who are aged 10 when divorce happens
have a very tough time with lots of
behavior problems and academic
losses.
Girls need to have their father; absence
of father can have persistent effects on
daughters as they grow older
Effects of divorce
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later divorce (11-16, vs 7-11) seems
more adverse
divorce may have more adverse effects
for healthy children, though these
children overall are better off than
emotionally troubled children
Divorce when kids are involved is no
easy decision
Other issues relative to family
Stepfamilies
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Adolescents living in stepfamilies have
more adjustment problems that their
counterparts in non-divorced homes
Early adolescence is a tough time for
the remarriage of a parent to occur…
divided loyalties and “you’re not my
dad!” kind of statements/feelings
Stepfamilies
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Restabilization takes longer in
remarriages than in divorced families.
Remarriage could complicate things for
the kids as well.
Boundary ambiguity is common in
stepfamilies… who is whose relative
and should we talk to them or what?
Stepfamilies
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Teens have better relationships with
their biological parents than with their
stepparents and show more problems in
complex than in simple stepfamilies
The “Brady Bunch” is not usually going
to be your happy family; 2 divorced
parents with each a flock of kids stand
to, if marrying, have a REAL fiasco.
Working parents
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Overall, having a mother working
outside the home does not have an
adverse effect on teens
Parental monitoring can reduce the
potential problems associated with
“latchkey” teens
Moving to a new town can have adverse
effects on teens… “military brats” have
a reputation for good reason.
Working parents
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Having parents that are unemployed
not-by-choice can have adverse effects
on teens both economically and through
the modeling of non-work behavior
What the teenager sees you doing is
what they, themselves, will be doing in
the years to come.
Culture/ethnicity and parenting
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Authoritative parenting is the most
common form of parenting around the
world
Ethnic minority families are larger, more
likely to be matriarchs, have a broader
social/kinship network, and be less
financially well-off and less educated
then white American families
Who is this? :-)
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Hints:
– Princess
– Bud
– Kathy
Gender and parenting
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These days being “just a mom” is not a
position of high social status (but it
should be)
Father’s role in family has changed, too,
over time as a function of mom’s
working
Fathers are less involved timewise with
kids than mom but that is changing
Teens, families, and social policy
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This is a long-neglected area of social
policy concern
There is no Big Brother/Big Sister
agency in Kewanee; the Youth Service
Bureau receives minimal support.
There needs to be more services for
teens and their families in the nation
and, particularly, in the Tri-counties.
Questions about Chapter 5
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Families?
Divorce?
Conflict?
Parenting?
Social policy?