Transcript POVELL´$ ´HMP´s newspaper

POVELL´$ ´HMP´s newspaper
Pavel, Ondra, Verča, Evča, Lukáš, Lenča´ $ ´Hanča, Milan, Pája´s newspaper
Bye bye swine influenza –page 1
The urinal man – page 2
Mountain climber saved – page 3
Usian bolt on Zlatá Tetra – page 4
Tina Turner in the Czech Republic – page 5
Couple arrested for sex on the lawn at Windsor Castle – page 6
Horoscope - Today characterization of signs – pages 7,8
Monthly horoscope – pages 9,10,11
Funny pages – 12,13
Weather and television – page 14
Bye bye swine influenza
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Nové Město na Moravě – After the first ill person in the Czech Republic,
everybody was afraid of the swine influenza. Now there’s no reason to be
stressed about it. A team of doctors and scientists in Nové Město na
Moravě solved this little pandemics problem. The solution is that all pigs
will disappear in salamis. The virus of the swine influenza can’t infect any
animal or human from salami. If a pig is your pet or a close friend, doctors
don’t recommend to eat or play much with you darling. Since next month all
the ill people will have been living in special camps. Because of their
weakness they will only write their memories and experience with the
disease. When the pandemics is over, all the memories will be printed in a
limited edition in this newspaper. Next Friday, the team of Nové Město
scientists will get a very important price called Big Brain.
paw-
The urinal man
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The Czech Republic - Jan Hénec (21) is from now on called only the urinal
man. He is very a demonstrative fan of the FC Horovice football team. Last
Monday, as usual, he went to the football match. Everything went right till the
moment when his favourite players started to lose. In that moment he got
angry and went away. He said: „I wasn’t able to watch it… I had to do
something.“ And as he said he did. He returned back after a few minutes and
carried a urinal made from porcelaine. The opponent players were shocked.
They even forgot that they were playing the match. Martin Hénec, Jan’s
brother took advantage of this situation and scored two goals. Jan Hénec told
us: „It was not my plan but I’m proud of myself. And I like my new nickname!“
Leny
Mountain climber saved
• Nepal - Last week we told you that our Czech mountain climber
Martin Minařík got lost in the Himalayas and had no chances to
survive. Today, our fear is away because of one Russian witch who
had developed a new flying technology which was able to overcome
such bad conditions as storm and slides. When she heard about the
tragedy of the Czech poor man she decided to undertake the
situation. And that was the right decision. She found Martin
overcooled and totally tired. She brought him on her extra-motorbroom to the nearest hospital. Now, Martin is nearly healthy and he’s
thinking of a fee for this unnamed witch. We detected that the lowest
value of the fee is planned about § 2,000,000. And what do you think,
how much does your life cost?
Hančulinda
Surprise: Usian Bolt on Zlatá tretra
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The Czech Republic - The most
famous athletic sprinter of these
days will arrive to Zlatá tretra in
Ostrava to compete with other
world athletes. The fastest man in
the world has decided to go there
to try how fast he is in comparison
with his opponents. He is also
going to beat world record on 100
metres track and 200 metres track
as well. Usian Bolt says: „It is
possible to defeat 9,4 seconds on
100 metres track and I will do it. I
don't know if the world record will
became real in Ostrava but I
promise that this season will be
very fast“. The starting bill for Bolt
is about 200 000 American dollars.
Everybody is welcome in Ostrava.
Yasek
Tina Turner in the Czech Republic
•
The Czech Republic - On Monday Tina Turner
entered the stage on O2 Arena in Prague. Rock
virago who is nearly one hundred fifty years old
missed only several concerts from two hundred
concerts. This tour is called Tina loves the
Czech Republic. Tina visited Leoš Mareš- the
Czech president and she gave him 10 million
dollars to buy a new Ferrari. This tour started
on the 1st October in American Kansas City.
During last year Tina Turner was travelling by
an air car through thirty- seven stops in USA
and Canada. All the concerts were sold and the
profit from 474 000 sold tickets was 100 million
dollars. American star accompanies seventy
musicians and thirty singers. And after the
concert there was a fire show with a man who
swam in the fire and after that he emitted fire
from his eyes and ears. Tina Turner sang
songs as Private Dancer or The Best and hits
from Eva and Vašek and in the end there was
our national anthem.
Vera
Couple arrested for having sex on the lawn
at Windsor Castle
London - Queen Elizabeth II was at home at Windsor Castle, the sentries who guard her were on duty,
and the large park surrounding the magnificent building was full of tourists on a Sunday afternoon.
So it didn't take long for people to realize that something was out of order when an drunk couple arrived
from a nearby restaurant and began having sex on the grass bank outside the castle, according to
witnesses.
"One window from the guardroom opened up and when a soldier saw what was going on he told his
mates — and lots of windows opened up," witness Mark Robinson told: "The couple did not care
who was looking and just kept going as if they were in their own bedroom."
Japanese tourists filmed the couple, who only stopped when police officers arrived on the scene,
witnesses said.
Thames Valley Police said the man and woman were arrested and given a written warning about
outraging public decency.
The Queen was in the castle at the time and she was very horrified by it.
Gregi
Horoscope
Today characterization of signs
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VIRGO - The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries.
Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard
to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.
SCORPIO - The Intense One
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can
become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long
relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.
LIBRA - The Harmonizer
Nice to everyone they meet. Can’t make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative,
energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful.
Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.
ARIES - The Daredevil
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge.
EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and
sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive.
Tends to be physical and athletic.
AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and
loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique
Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
GEMINI - The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express
themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous
and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, but is only changeable. Beautiful
physically and mentally.
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LEO - The Boss
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over
everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warmhearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important
to Leo s. Attractive.
CANCER - The Protector
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for
life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from
others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
PISCES - The Dreamer
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague.
Sensitive. Don’t like details Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish.
Good kisser. Beautiful.
CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny.
Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can
be unfriendly y at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.
TAURUS - The Enduring One
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted.
Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for
shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good
advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to
ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One
Good-natured optimist. Doesn’t want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful.
Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn’t like responsibilities. Often fantasizes.
Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn’t like rules. Sometimes
hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn’t like being
doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
Monthly horoscope
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Aries
Taking on ambitious projects around the home works well for you this month. Family life can be hectic, either due
to increased domestic activities or cantankerous family members. Work is mixed with pleasure, perhaps through
love opportunities on the job, parties or increased socializing, and efforts to make your work environment more
pleasant. Opportunity periods arrive on the 15-17th, when you are able to attract who and what you want into your
life. Partnerships require extra attention.
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Taurus
While you continue to focus on having fun, flirting, and enjoying hobbies this month, May is more balanced when it
comes to work and play. You are taking more pride in the work you do, and pouring over details is actually
enjoyable for you. Support, whether it’s financial or moral, comes from your superiors. Tensions between your
conflicting needs for friendship and intimacy with a partner re-surface. The 3-4 is excellent for all partnerships,
business and personal, and the 13-14 brings a new sense of order into your life.
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Gemini
The first half of May is especially productive and smooth-flowing for you, Gemini. Others are pleased with you
exactly as you are, and you don’t need to prove anything to anyone! Enjoying your hobbies, beautifying the home
or redecorating, and recreation are all favoured. You have been somewhat indifferent about business affairs and
finances, but your ambition is stimulated now. Some tension between your attention to a partner and to your
career arises, as you can be torn between enjoying your relationship and tending to practical matters.
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Cancer
It’s time to put your plans into action, and you are filled with the energy and gumption to do just that. Life speeds up
for you, and others close to you might notice you are atypically self-involved. That’s just fine--it’s time that you
thought of what you really want from life. You may jump into something impulsively, or do something you have
always wanted to do but haven't had the chance to act out. Competitive activities are favoured this month. Work
could involve travelling or teaching, and career opportunities knock at your door.
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Leo
The desire or need to tighten your belt with spending is in focus. Try to schedule important financial transactions in the
first half of the month. You have a finger in many pies in May. The phone could be ringing off the hook, you may be
running more errands, or you could be inundated with emails and paper work. Your energy levels are lower than usual,
however, so rest is in order. Your love life improves via a meeting of minds on most subjects, but it’s important to take
things step by step.
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Virgo
You are more conscious of making a good impression on others as well as making peace with people close to you this
month. You are stronger and more reliable, and others easily put their faith in you. You could have an admirer, and
there‘s nothing “secret“ about it! A strong opportunity period for you occurs from the 16-19th, when your powers of
attraction are high and when you could receive a gift or income boost. Activities requiring team efforts are highlighted.
Money from business income is strong. Working from home is successful.
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Libra
Your career and professional life pick up speed this month. You are more ambitious than usual, and less cooperative
when it comes to taking orders! Try not to be too demanding with co-workers--they‘re simply not working at the same
speed as you. Happiness is not dependent on others this month--it’s you who is creating it. Your love life becomes
deliciously private now--compassion and some personal sacrifices are in order. Secret admirers could be part of the
picture. Harmony in love peaks from the 15-17th. A friend or group leans on you mid-month.
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Scorpio
You enjoy a special fondness for your friends this month, as well as for anything new and unusual. Nevertheless,
privacy and down time will be needed in order to regroup. Wrapping up projects and efforts that have run their natural
course is in order. Harmony in love is most explicit on the 2-4th. You are turned to as an authority and looked upon
favourably by superiors on the 19-20th. A partner has an important declaration, or requires special attention, around
the 26th.
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Sagittarius
Your love life is especially intimate and perhaps intense this month, dear Sagittarius. You encounter people who stir up
powerful feelings inside you. Nevertheless, you are expressing yourself and your ideas spiritedly this month, and attempts
at pinning you down could be fruitless! Career matters are in strong focus, as the need to deal with practical matters, as
well as problems from the past, becomes insistent. You are beginning a long-term trend that points to a period of fruition,
greater responsibilities, and recognition in your professional life.
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Capricorn
Others are recognizing you as an authority this month, Capricorn. Honesty in your dealings is critical, as it is very hard to
escape attention now! Taking a trip or embarking on an adventure with a loved one is indicated in May. Singles might find
themselves attracted to people of a different cultural or emotional background than them. Romantic expression is
excellent all month. Your close personal relationships can be fiery, demanding, and stimulating.
Aquarius
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Much of your energy is poured into work, taking care of the little details of life, and health or fitness regimes in May.
Financial gains can come from others, or benefits may be realized through marriage and partnerships. Activities with the
outside world rather than home and family tend to dominate. You could impress others with a creative solution to a
problem on the job. In fact, your mind is in top shape and it will be necessary to show patience towards those who are not
moving at the same speed as you!
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Pisces
This is a month for romance, intense feelings, and the pursuit of emotional fulfillment for you, Pisces. While partnership
matters are more serious now, you are determined to experience more depth and intensity through others, and this
energy suits you just fine. You could be spending more money on entertainment, leisure, hobbies, and children in
October. However, avoid speculation from the 7-11th, when your decision-making skills could be compromised and your
tendency to act on impulse is high. Recognition and reward through your profession arrives in the last week of the month.
see son..this is why I save these bits
Weather and television program