Transcript Bell Ringer • Define relationships, dating relationships, and communication

Bell Ringer
• Define relationships, dating relationships,
and communication
– Give examples for both
– What are some benefits of having a relationship
• Divide into 2 groups
– 1st group please list the characteristics of a
healthy relationship
– 2nd group please list the characteristics of an
unhealthy relationship
Building Healthy Relationships
When relationships Change
More than just friends?
Building Relationship
• Spending time
together in a close
relationship
• Can be complex
• Consist of friendship,
romantic love,
intimacy
Do you think there is pressure do date? If so,
where does it come from?
• Friends
- No set age or time to start dating
- Some people wait until they are finished school
because other things are more important
• Media
- Images of couples in movies, TV, advertising
- Not always realistic
Do you think there is pressure to
date? If so, where does it come
from?
• Some teens may feel
pressure to date from
friends. Many people do
not start dating until they
have finish school
because other things are
more important to them.
Dating Sterotypes
• What are some of the
“typical” stereotypes
when it comes to
dating?
• Who ask who out on a
date?
What about Sex?
• Who typically initiates sexual advances in a
relationship?
• Is it a stereotype that only males initiate
sexual activity and place pressure on their
partners.
Communication
• If a relationship is
going to move to a
sexual level, it should
be discussed prior to
the act… not 2
minutes while
otherwise occupied.
Sex continued…
• Every committed couple needs to have an open
relationship about what is expected on this subject.
• Always remember that moving a relationship to a
sexual level is an adult behavior.
• And unfortunately although being an adult may
seem great.. The adult consequences that come
from sexual relationships are very serious.
Are we ready for the
consequences?
• How about being a
parent at 18?
Instant Responsibility
Babies are cute, are STD’s?
Enough about sex.. Lets get back
to relationships
• What factors influence
the qualities we look
for in a partner?
• Parents – families?
• Media?
• Friends?
Activity
• In pairs, think of 10 questions you would
like to ask someone before you started
dating, or qualities the person should have.
What do you want?
• Think about the relationships that you
know..
• What are some of the good things that you
have witnessed growing up?
• What about some of the negative things that
you have witnessed that you never what to
have in your relationship.
Class Activity
Relationship Progression
• We are going to look at how a relationship
progress from the first feelings of attraction,
to dating, and perhaps a sexual activity.
• We are building it, step by step.
• We will be looking at the components of
relationships and putting them in the correct
order.
Feedback
• Does everyone agree that this is the correct
order?
• Will all relationships progress this way?
• Where does / should love be placed in the
progression?
• Have we build a “real” relationship or and
“ideal” relationship?
Mature / Immature love
• Often people think they are “in love” but
sometimes it turns out to be infatuation
rather than mature love.
• Signs of immature love could be one person
“taking” more than “giving”, jealousy, one
person making all the decisions, broken
promises, possible violence.
Qualities of a mature loving
relationship
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Showing that you care for the other person.
Having a sense of humor.
Communicating with each other.
Doing meaningful things together.
Maintaining relationships with other people.
Tolerate each other’s weaker moments
Sexual fulfillment – accepting the decision to wait
or participate.
Relationships,
Attraction and Love
Relationships
• 1. Friendships
• 4. Intimacy
• 2. Attraction
• 5. Communication
• 3. Dating
•
•
•
•
•
a.
b.
c.
d.
e.
Acquaintance
Build up
Continuation
Deterioration
Ending
• a. self disclosure
• b. listening skills
men vs women
• d. constructive
criticism
– 1. responding to
criticism
– 2. conflict resolution
Relationships
• 6. Trust
• 7. Commitment
• 8. Honesty
• 9. Empathy
• 11. Jealousy
•
•
•
•
a. Suspicious Jealousy
b. Reactive Jealousy
c. Gender Differences
d. Sexual Orientation
Differences
• 12. Love
• 13. Marriage
Friendships
• Friendship is a unique
bond. They are usually
more forgiving than
lovers. Friends develop
a greater tolerance for
growth and change,
because they also spend
more time away, and
lead separate lives.
Intimate
Relationships
• Whereas friendships may be casual,
intimacy by definition is deeply personal
and trusting.
• Intimate relationships are characterized by
sharing deep personal information.
• Intimacy grows out of friendship and
usually is nurtured through dating.
Stages of Intimate
Relationships
• 1. Acquaintance /
attraction stage
– When one person
tries to meet
another
– First impressions
1. Acquaintance /Attraction stage
• How do people meet?
• Research shows:
–
–
–
–
–
35% through mutual friends
32% self introduction
15% family members
13% coworkers, classmates, neighbors
5% other
Non Verbal Signals
Positive Non-verbals
• Leaning forward
• Women are more sensitive to
nonverbals than men are
Negative non-verbals
• lets you know the person does
not want to talk to you.
• Non verbal signals-women
smiling, hair flip, leaning
close...
• Pupil size. Pupils will
increase when they look at
something they are interested
in
• Arms crossed, tight lips, cold
shoulder, expressionless eyes
• Looking bored, poor eye
contact - looking around the
room (could just be nervous)
What do we find attractive?
What do we find attractive?
• Attractive people are
judged to be more
sensitive, interesting,
smart, kinder and
happier
What do we find attractive?
• For women
– -neatness, occupation, education, and income
potential, men’s backside
• For men
– -physical traits (pretty, thin, not too “done up”
not too much make up or hair spray, breasts)
What do we find attractive?
• Some women consider taller men more
attractive.
• Some men prefer women about 4 1/2 inches
shorter than them.
What do we find attractive?
• Both genders rate people more attractive when
they are smiling.
• Research suggests men still prefer more demure
women than those who are more dominant and
outgoing.
• Characteristics such as warmth, fidelity, honesty,
and sensitivity were rated higher in importance
than physical appearance as desirable qualities in a
prospective partner for meaningful, long term
relationships.
What do we find attractive?
• The single most highly desired quality in a
long term relationship:
• Honesty
How do you approach?
• Women tend to use nonverbal, covert
communications to signal
availability and interest
• Men generally report that they find it
flattering to have a woman stare or
wink at them from across the room
How do you approach?
• Men initiate communication with an
opening line
• Women tend to prefer innocuous, non
sexual opening lines
• Women are not likely to respond positively
to cute, flippant or blatantly sexual lines
What are your favorite opening lines?
• What does it feel like to be the most
beautiful women in the room?
• I’m new in town, could you give me
directions to your apartment?
• Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my
phone number, can I have yours?
2. The Buildup Stage
• Partners move from
merely knowing each
other to caring about
each other.
• Test compatibility
• Look forward to being
together
2. The Buildup Stage
• Probing phase of building a relationship
• Seeking common ground and checking
feelings of attraction
• Small talk
• Superficial conversation
• Stresses breadth of topic coverage rather
than in depth discussion
2. The Buildup Stage
• People who disclose too much too soon are
seen as less secure, less mature and less
desirable to date. Being open and honest is
important, but don’t move too quickly
• Women disclose feelings more than men do
but research suggests that the difference is
rather small.
3. Continuation Stage
• This stage follows a
mutual commitment to a
long-term relationship.
• “Off the market”
• Mutual trust is essential
for a relationship to
continue
• Don’t let boredom set in,
don’t fall into a rut
4. Deterioration Stage
• Not all relationships go to this stage.
• In those that do, this stage marks the beginning of
the end
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
feelings of discontent, and dissatisfaction
feeling rejected, misunderstood
loss of affection, openness, trust and enjoyment
argue more
“growing apart”
failure to invest time and energy into the relationship
failure to cultivate the relationship
4. Deterioration Stage
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Maybe seek marital / couples therapy
Try new things
Make sure to spend time together
Don't take each other for granted
Don't forget to “date”
Do things to enhance the relationship
Work on communication
4. Deterioration Stage
• It is irrational and damaging to a
relationship to assume that good
relationships require no investment of time
or energy.
5. Ending Stage
• Reasons for leaving
– When the negatives outweigh the positives
– When social constraints are lessened
– When alternative partners are available
• Problems in communications and jealousy
are most common reasons.
5. Ending Stage
• Once you have decided you want to break up,
don’t prolong the inevitable. Face to face is better
than a call or e-mail. Don’t let them hear it from
someone else
• Use “I” statements, don’t make promises you can’t
keep
• Avoid jumping into a new relationship right away
Loneliness
• Causes
– Lack of social skills
– Lack of interest in
other people
– Lack of empathy
– Fear of rejection
– Failure to disclose
personal
information to
potential friends
• Causes cont.
– Cynicism about
human nature
– Demanding too
much too soon
– General pessimism
– External locus of
control
Coping with Loneliness
– Challenge your
feelings about
pessimism
– Challenge your
cynicism about
human nature
– Make numerous
social contacts
– Be assertive
– Fight fair
– Remember that
you’re worthy
of friends
– Use your college
counseling
center
Coping with Loneliness
– Challenge the
idea that failure
in social
relationships is
awful and is
thus a valid
reason for
giving up on
them
– Become a good
listener
– Give people a
chance to get to
know you