God’s Servants and Their Journey With Adolescents They Serve Mary Ann Bishay [email protected] Background Information On Adolescents.
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God’s Servants and Their Journey With Adolescents They Serve Mary Ann Bishay [email protected] Background Information On Adolescents What is Adolescence? Time of transition and change “Adults in training” Incredible changes that involve many areas of their life: neurological, hormonal, emotional, social, and spiritual Adolescent Psychosocial Development Teenagers They are seeking autonomy are separating from their parents in order to establish identities of their own and their own value system Erikson’s Psychosocial Theory Individuals progress through eight psychosocial stages during the life span Defined by conflict involving the individuals relationship with the social environment Erikson believed that a healthy personality depends on acquiring the appropriate basic attitudes in the proper sequence. Erikson's Psychosocial Stages Stage Basic Conflict Important Events Outcome Infancy (birth to 18 months) Trust vs. Mistrust Feeding Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliability, care, and affection. A lack of this will lead to mistrust. Early Childhood (2 to 3 years) Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt Toilet Training Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy, failure results in feelings of shame and doubt. Preschool (3 to 5 years) Initiative vs. Guilt Exploration Children need to begin asserting control and power over the environment. Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose. Children who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt. School Age (6 to 11 years) Industry vs. Inferiority School Children need to cope with new social and academic demands. Success leads to a sense of competence, while failure results in feelings of inferiority. Adolescence (12 to 18 years) Identity vs. Role Confusion Social Relationships Teens needs to develop a sense of self and personal identity. Success leads to an ability to stay true to yourself, while failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self. Young Adulthood (19 to 40 years) Intimacy vs. Isolation Relationships Young adults need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation. Middle Adulthood (40 to 65 years) Generativity vs. Stagnation Work and Parenthood Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive change that benefits other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world. Maturity(65 to death) Ego Integrity vs. Despair Reflection on Life Older adults need to look back on life and feel a sense of fulfillment. Success at this stage leads to feelings of wisdom, while failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair. Identity versus Role Confusion “Who am I” For the first time adolescents are seriously looking to the future and considering an occupational identity Identity crisis Adolescent Egocentrism Imaginary Personal audience fable Common Adolescent Disorders Opposition defiant Disorder Conduct Disorder ADHD Depression Eating disorders Anxiety Disorders Adolescent suicide Suicidal ideation Parasuicide Warning signs Use of drugs Giving away prized possessions Saying contacts Talking, writing, or listening to music with death themes Generation Gap The distance between generations in values, behaviors, and knowledge, marked by a mutual lack of understanding Often time the generation gap can be problematic to families. It can cause misunderstandings, confusion to each individual in the families behavior, etc Its important to be aware of these gaps and the difficulties and challenges that may arise due to these gaps Assimilation Process whereby a minority group gradually adapts to the customs and attitudes of the prevailing culture Self Esteem How often do you tell your youth you are proud of them? There is a drop in self esteem beginning at age 12. Encouragement vs. criticism Your contribution to building self esteem Use praise liberally Do you interact with your teen more through criticism than anything else? Catch your youth being “good” Set achievable and reasonable tasks for your youth Your contribution to building self esteem Ask for their opinions This lets them feel that they’re being helpful, and that you respect them and are open to their thoughts Look for areas where they excel Teenagers are pleased to learn that their opinions matter to you! When they are convinced that you’re genuinely interested in what they think, they are more likely to share their thoughts and ask you for your own opinions. Not to mention raise their self esteem! Internet The internet has been linked to teenage depression isolation suicide risk. Teens are creating “cyber relationships” to supplant “real time relationships” Pornography Problems Teens Face at School * Lying * Profanity, dirty jokes, etc. (students and teachers) * Drinking * Violence and fighting (students with students or with teachers) * Immodesty, lack of dress codes * Coed gym - immodest uniforms * Smoking * Peer pressure/bad crowds Problems Teens Face at School Drugs (7 of 8 students personally knew children who used drugs). Ridicule and making fun of children who are good or different Gossip, slander Cheating Stealing and vandalism Dancing Disrespect for teachers and parents False goals (popularity, wealth) Problems Teens Face at School Classes that justify evolution, abortion, homosexuality, situation ethics, contraceptives, divorce, premarital sex, disrespect for parents, etc. Reading assignments with immorality, violence, etc. Sexual promiscuity - petting at school, pregnant girls, children talking openly about sexual relations, everyone expected to do it, etc. Schedule conflicts with church activities “Evil Company corrupts good habits.” (1Corinthians 15:33). Servants Relationships to those they serve: Their quality and influence “How can I be a successful Servant”? God's word provides the best way to serve children/youth. God: Our true example “This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.” (Joshua 1:8) “How can I be a successful servant”? What are your goals for your youth? God’s Goal for Servants The Main Goal Is to Train Children to Serve God , So They Can Receive Eternal Life. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) What are your goals for yourselves as servants? Are they compliant with Gods’? Key to serving Teens Prayer! “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (James 5:16) “I am Your servant; Give me understanding, That I may know Your testimonies.” (Psalms 119:125) Being a Christ like servant Christ prayed for those He served “I pray for them, I do not pray for the world, but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours (John 17:9) We must pray for the youth by name “Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you; but I will teach you the good and the right way.” (1Samuel 12:23) • It is a sin against the Lord because he was given a responsibility before God? Are we not the same? What Teens are looking for: What is it that they want from you? Love Acceptance Trust Understanding Role model Involvement Commitment Consistency Things to consider Individual differences (age, gender) Sibling ranking (first born, middle, older) Level of education Culture and background (where were they born?) Psychological issues Communication skills Spiritual and religious background (their perception of God) What is their support system? What is the greatest gift you can give those you serve Expressing Love With everything else going on in the troublesome teen years, it often becomes especially difficult for teens to feel love on a regular and consistent basis Expressing Love Feeling loved encourages pride and self worth in teens, and places extra value on their actions It makes teens more receptive to your feedback, diminishes their need to seek harmful connections, and increases their desire to participate in activities of which you approve Translating those messages of love and care into action may not be easy It requires you to seek opportunities to demonstrate your affection When your teenager feels that you share in both his or her successes and their disappointments, they begin to gradually count on you, knowing you’re there for him through thick and thin Expressing Love Knowing vs. Feeling loved What we know cognitively and what we feel emotionally can be very different Of the two, you want to focus on your youth’s emotions The Bible and what it says about Love And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1Corinthians 13:13) “If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.” (1Corinthians 13:2 ) God as our example God loves us unconditionally Nourishes us with His love Open arms Forgiving Doesn’t hold grudges Approachable What can we learn from Him as a servant Communication Why is Communication Important? Good communication is a fundamental human need When unable to communicate our feelings to someone, we react with frustration, embarrassment, or anger Depression, poor self-esteem, and feelings of isolation and alienation can result from repeated inability to communicate with and relate to other people Speak wisely to your youth When speaking to our child we are: Repetitive Predictable Challenging ultimatums In their face LOUD When conflict arises remember…LOVE Lay your problem at God’s feet, pray Observe and listen: balance how much you talk with how much they talk Validate their feelings/frustrations Establish whether this is a good time to discuss the issue Communication Tips Don’t interrogate or lecture They are not on the witness stand Teenagers are very sensitive to intensive questioning and tend to withdraw when pressed What the Bible Tells Us About Communication So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; (James 1:19). Talk to your youth not yell at them Communication is more than just talk. Jesus said that “out of the heart’s abundance the mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45). So through good communication, we learn from others and reveal things about ourselves. Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back Shaping Behavior 1. Reinforcement 2. Modeling Reinforcement Positive reinforcement is the first way to shape behavior Reinforcement strengthens or increases the behavior to occur more Research indicates that there is no better or more effective way to change behavior Being a Positive Role Model Talking Spending Practice time with them what you preach Modeling Being a Positive Role Model “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7) Accountability to God “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matthew18:6) “My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.” (James 3:1) The importance of Boundaries Challenges with emotional involvement For the well being of those you are serving, you need to have a clear mind and not be consumed emotionally with any problems they bring May cause more harm Lack of clarity What are the signs that professional help is needed? Professional help is indicated whenever you feel that health and safety are in jeopardy and you feel powerless to positively affect the situation. Accurately assess the situation If suicidal, or having suicidal thoughts, immediate help is necessary. Symptoms that impair daily functioning… sleep disturbance, loss or increase of appetite, isolation, not finding interest in activities that were previously found pleasurable. Any signs of abuse, cutting, self harm, or harm to others Dug use, additions or substance use Confidentiality The importance of our involvement with parents Abuse Physical Emotional Sexual Physical Abuse Physical signs Behavioral signs Emotional Abuse “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. Emotional child abuse involves behavior that interferes with a child’s mental health and/or social development the effects can be extremely damaging and may even leave deeper lifelong psychological scars than physical abuse. Emotional Abuse Emotional child abuse takes many forms, in words and in actions. • Words. • Actions. Signs of emotional Behavioral signs child abuse Sexual Abuse Sexual child abuse Signs of sexual child abuse Behavioral signs Physical signs Encouraging verses “And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into this ministry” (1Timothy1:12) God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. (Hebrews 6:10-12)