God’s Servants and Their Journey With Adolescents They Serve Mary Ann Bishay [email protected] Background Information On Adolescents.
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Transcript God’s Servants and Their Journey With Adolescents They Serve Mary Ann Bishay [email protected] Background Information On Adolescents.
God’s Servants and Their
Journey With
Adolescents They Serve
Mary Ann Bishay
[email protected]
Background Information On Adolescents
What is Adolescence?
Time
of transition and change
“Adults
in training”
Incredible
changes that involve many
areas of their life: neurological, hormonal,
emotional, social, and spiritual
Adolescent Psychosocial
Development
Teenagers
They
are seeking autonomy
are separating from their parents in
order to establish identities of their own
and their own value system
Erikson’s Psychosocial Theory
Individuals
progress through eight
psychosocial stages during the life span
Defined
by conflict involving the individuals
relationship with the social environment
Erikson believed that a healthy personality
depends on acquiring the appropriate
basic attitudes in the proper sequence.
Erikson's Psychosocial Stages
Stage
Basic
Conflict
Important
Events
Outcome
Infancy (birth
to 18 months)
Trust vs.
Mistrust
Feeding
Children develop a sense of trust when
caregivers provide reliability, care, and
affection. A lack of this will lead to
mistrust.
Early
Childhood (2
to 3 years)
Autonomy vs.
Shame and
Doubt
Toilet
Training
Children need to develop a sense of
personal control over physical skills and a
sense of independence. Success leads to
feelings of autonomy, failure results in
feelings of shame and doubt.
Preschool (3
to 5 years)
Initiative vs.
Guilt
Exploration
Children need to begin asserting control
and power over the environment. Success
in this stage leads to a sense of purpose.
Children who try to exert too much power
experience disapproval, resulting in a
sense of guilt.
School Age (6
to 11 years)
Industry vs.
Inferiority
School
Children need to cope with new social and
academic demands. Success leads to a
sense of competence, while failure results
in feelings of inferiority.
Adolescence
(12 to 18
years)
Identity vs.
Role
Confusion
Social
Relationships
Teens needs to develop a sense of self and
personal identity. Success leads to an
ability to stay true to yourself, while failure
leads to role confusion and a weak sense
of self.
Young
Adulthood (19
to 40 years)
Intimacy vs.
Isolation
Relationships
Young adults need to form intimate, loving
relationships with other people. Success
leads to strong relationships, while failure
results in loneliness and isolation.
Middle
Adulthood (40
to 65 years)
Generativity
vs.
Stagnation
Work and
Parenthood
Adults need to create or nurture things
that will outlast them, often by having
children or creating a positive change that
benefits other people. Success leads to
feelings of usefulness and
accomplishment, while failure results in
shallow involvement in the world.
Maturity(65 to
death)
Ego Integrity
vs. Despair
Reflection on
Life
Older adults need to look back on life and
feel a sense of fulfillment. Success at this
stage leads to feelings of wisdom, while
failure results in regret, bitterness, and
despair.
Identity versus Role Confusion
“Who
am I”
For
the first time adolescents are seriously
looking to the future and considering an
occupational identity
Identity
crisis
Adolescent Egocentrism
Imaginary
Personal
audience
fable
Common Adolescent Disorders
Opposition
defiant Disorder
Conduct Disorder
ADHD
Depression
Eating disorders
Anxiety Disorders
Adolescent suicide
Suicidal
ideation
Parasuicide
Warning
signs
Use of drugs
Giving away prized possessions
Saying contacts
Talking, writing, or listening to music with
death themes
Generation Gap
The distance between generations in values,
behaviors, and knowledge, marked by a mutual
lack of understanding
Often time the generation gap can be
problematic to families. It can cause
misunderstandings, confusion to each individual
in the families behavior, etc
Its important to be aware of these gaps and the
difficulties and challenges that may arise due to
these gaps
Assimilation
Process
whereby a minority group
gradually adapts to the customs and
attitudes of the prevailing culture
Self Esteem
How
often do you tell your youth you are
proud of them?
There
is a drop in self esteem beginning at
age 12.
Encouragement
vs. criticism
Your contribution to building
self esteem
Use praise liberally
Do you interact with your teen more through
criticism than anything else?
Catch your youth being “good”
Set achievable and reasonable tasks for your
youth
Your contribution to building self
esteem
Ask for their opinions
This lets them feel that they’re being helpful, and that
you respect them and are open to their thoughts
Look for areas where they excel
Teenagers are pleased to learn that their opinions
matter to you!
When they are convinced that you’re genuinely
interested in what they think, they are more likely to
share their thoughts and ask you for your own
opinions. Not to mention raise their self esteem!
Internet
The internet has been linked to
teenage depression
isolation
suicide risk.
Teens are creating “cyber relationships” to
supplant “real time relationships”
Pornography
Problems Teens Face at School
* Lying
* Profanity, dirty jokes, etc. (students and
teachers)
* Drinking
* Violence and fighting (students with students or
with teachers)
* Immodesty, lack of dress codes
* Coed gym - immodest uniforms
* Smoking
* Peer pressure/bad crowds
Problems Teens Face at School
Drugs (7 of 8 students personally knew children
who used drugs).
Ridicule and making fun of children who are
good or different
Gossip, slander
Cheating
Stealing and vandalism
Dancing
Disrespect for teachers and parents
False goals (popularity, wealth)
Problems Teens Face at School
Classes that justify evolution, abortion,
homosexuality, situation ethics, contraceptives,
divorce, premarital sex, disrespect for parents,
etc.
Reading assignments with immorality, violence,
etc.
Sexual promiscuity - petting at school, pregnant
girls, children talking openly about sexual
relations, everyone expected to do it, etc.
Schedule conflicts with church activities
“Evil Company corrupts good habits.”
(1Corinthians 15:33).
Servants Relationships
to those they serve:
Their quality and
influence
“How can I be a successful
Servant”?
God's word provides the best way to
serve children/youth.
God: Our true example
“This
book of the law shall not depart from
your mouth, but you shall meditate on it
day and night, so that you may be careful
to do according to all that is written in it; for
then you will make your way prosperous,
and then you will have success.”
(Joshua 1:8)
“How can I be a successful
servant”?
What are your goals for your youth?
God’s Goal for Servants
The Main Goal Is to Train Children to Serve God , So They Can
Receive Eternal Life.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he
will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
What are your goals for yourselves as servants? Are
they compliant with Gods’?
Key to serving Teens
Prayer!
“The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous
man avails much.” (James 5:16)
“I am Your servant; Give me understanding,
That I may know Your testimonies.” (Psalms
119:125)
Being a Christ like servant
Christ prayed for those He served
“I pray for them, I do not pray for the world, but for
those whom you have given me, for they are yours
(John 17:9)
We must pray for the youth by name
“Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should
sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you; but I
will teach you the good and the right way.” (1Samuel
12:23)
• It is a sin against the Lord because he was given a
responsibility before God? Are we not the same?
What Teens are looking for: What
is it that they want from you?
Love
Acceptance
Trust
Understanding
Role
model
Involvement
Commitment
Consistency
Things to consider
Individual differences (age, gender)
Sibling ranking (first born, middle, older)
Level of education
Culture and background (where were they
born?)
Psychological issues
Communication skills
Spiritual and religious background (their
perception of God)
What is their support system?
What is the greatest gift
you can give those
you serve
Expressing Love
With
everything else going on in the
troublesome teen years, it often becomes
especially difficult for teens to feel love on
a regular and consistent basis
Expressing Love
Feeling loved encourages pride and self worth in teens, and places
extra value on their actions
It makes teens more receptive to your feedback, diminishes their
need to seek harmful connections, and increases their desire to
participate in activities of which you approve
Translating those messages of love and care into action may not be
easy
It requires you to seek opportunities to demonstrate your affection
When your teenager feels that you share in both his or her
successes and their disappointments, they begin to gradually count
on you, knowing you’re there for him through thick and thin
Expressing Love
Knowing
vs. Feeling loved
What
we know cognitively and what we
feel emotionally can be very different
Of the two, you want to focus on your youth’s
emotions
The Bible and what it says
about Love
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but
the greatest of these is love.
(1Corinthians 13:13)
“If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood
all of God’s secret plans and possessed all
knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could
move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would
be nothing.” (1Corinthians 13:2 )
God as our example
God
loves us unconditionally
Nourishes us with His love
Open arms
Forgiving
Doesn’t hold grudges
Approachable
What
can we learn from Him as a servant
Communication
Why is Communication Important?
Good communication is a fundamental human
need
When unable to communicate our feelings to
someone, we react with frustration,
embarrassment, or anger
Depression, poor self-esteem, and feelings of
isolation and alienation can result from repeated
inability to communicate with and relate to other
people
Speak wisely to your youth
When
speaking to our child we are:
Repetitive
Predictable
Challenging ultimatums
In their face
LOUD
When conflict arises
remember…LOVE
Lay your problem at God’s feet, pray
Observe and listen: balance how much you
talk with how much they talk
Validate their feelings/frustrations
Establish whether this is a good time to
discuss the issue
Communication Tips
Don’t
interrogate or lecture
They
are not on the witness stand
Teenagers
are very sensitive to intensive
questioning and tend to withdraw when
pressed
What the Bible Tells Us About
Communication
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be
swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;
(James 1:19).
Talk to your youth not yell at them
Communication is more than just talk. Jesus
said that “out of the heart’s abundance the
mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45).
So through good communication, we learn from
others and reveal things about ourselves.
Two Steps Forward, Three Steps
Back
Shaping Behavior
1.
Reinforcement
2.
Modeling
Reinforcement
Positive
reinforcement is the first way to
shape behavior
Reinforcement strengthens or increases
the behavior to occur more
Research indicates that there is no
better or more effective way to change
behavior
Being a Positive Role Model
Talking
Spending
Practice
time with them
what you preach
Modeling
Being a Positive Role Model
“You
shall love the Lord your God with all
your heart, with all your soul, and with all
your might. And these words which I
command you today shall be in your heart;
you shall teach them diligently to your
children, and shall talk of them when you
sit in your house, when you walk by the
way, when you lie down, and when you
rise up.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)
Accountability to God
“But
whoever causes one of these little
ones who believe in me to sin, it would be
better for him if a millstone were hung
around his neck, and he were drowned in
the depth of the sea.” (Matthew18:6)
“My brethren, let not many of you become
teachers, knowing that we shall receive a
stricter judgment.” (James 3:1)
The importance
of
Boundaries
Challenges with emotional
involvement
For
the well being of those you are
serving, you need to have a clear mind
and not be consumed emotionally with any
problems they bring
May
cause more harm
Lack
of clarity
What are the signs that
professional help is needed?
Professional help is indicated whenever you feel that
health and safety are in jeopardy and you feel powerless
to positively affect the situation.
Accurately assess the situation
If suicidal, or having suicidal thoughts, immediate help is
necessary.
Symptoms that impair daily functioning… sleep
disturbance, loss or increase of appetite, isolation, not
finding interest in activities that were previously found
pleasurable.
Any signs of abuse, cutting, self harm, or harm to others
Dug use, additions or substance use
Confidentiality
The importance of our
involvement with parents
Abuse
Physical
Emotional
Sexual
Physical Abuse
Physical signs
Behavioral signs
Emotional Abuse
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but
words will never hurt me”.
Emotional child abuse involves behavior that
interferes with a child’s mental health and/or
social development
the effects can be extremely damaging and may
even leave deeper lifelong psychological scars than
physical abuse.
Emotional Abuse
Emotional
child abuse takes many
forms, in words and in actions.
• Words.
• Actions.
Signs of emotional
Behavioral signs
child abuse
Sexual Abuse
Sexual
child abuse
Signs of sexual child abuse
Behavioral signs
Physical signs
Encouraging verses
“And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me,
because He counted me faithful, putting me into this
ministry” (1Timothy1:12)
God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the
love you have shown him as you have helped his people
and continue to help them. We want each of you to show
this same diligence to the very end, in order to make
your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but
to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit
what has been promised.
(Hebrews 6:10-12)