Transcript Chapter 5 Family Influence and Generational Connections • • • • Family influence - powerful. Due to: Heredity - inherited predispositions Environment - especially family of origin experiences • Heredity deals the.

Chapter 5
Family Influence
and
Generational Connections
1
•
•
•
•
Family influence - powerful.
Due to:
Heredity - inherited predispositions
Environment - especially family of origin
experiences
• Heredity deals the cards, the forces of the
environment and our own initiative play
the hand.
2
Heredity
• Studies linking heredity to one’s
personality
• Emotionality, Introversion/extraversion, sensationseeking, etc.
• Explorer, Builder, Director, Negotiator - Fisher
• Interaction - heredity & environment
3
Family of Origin Experiences
• Family relationships - not replicated in any
other setting
• Mother/child, father/child, sibling/sibling
bonds
• A complex web of connections.
4
Why is family so important?
• Hereditary influence
• Its influence _______________
• Its influence is _____ - influencing so many
things.
• Is usually _________
• In summary: heredity, environment, esp. family
environment, are all important .
5
Differences
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Couple comes together to create their own culture
Where do their differences originate?
Gottman; ____ of problems – perpetual, p. 126
Household chores
Emotionality
Separateness/togetherness
Money: worry/conservative—little worry/spend
Child rearing philosophy
Neat/organized—sloppy/disorganized
Communication: talk/quiet
6
Generational Transmission Principle
• Families tend to _______ learnings that
reach far into the future.
• Self concept/concept of others
• Child rearing philosophy
• Roles we play
• Emotional philosophy
• Attitudes
• “In your couple relationship, you either
repeat what you learned in your family or
you tend to do the opposite.” David Olson
7
Generational Influence
•
•
Cowan and Cowan’s Becoming a Parent Project
Studied 96 couples from pregnancy through
kindergarten
• Studied 4 things:
1. Problems with alcohol in family of origin
(F.O.O.)
2. Conflict in F.O.O.
3. Secure/insecure attachment in F.O.O.
4. Family distress & academic/social problems
8
Alcohol – p. 133
• 20% had parents with problems
• None of new parents reported problems
• On every index of adjustment to
parenthood, men/women whose parents had
abused alcohol had significantly greater
difficulty
• Depression, self-esteem, parenting stress,
role dissatisfaction and satisfaction with
marriage
9
Conflict
•
•
1.
2.
3.
4.
Assess conflict in F.O.O./correlated with marital
satisfaction
4 pairings
Both parents from high conflict homes. Report a
substantial decline in marital sat.
Husband’s F.O.O. low conflict/wife high.
Avoided serious drop in sat.
Husband’s F.O.O. high conflict/wife low.
Increased dissatisfaction for both.
Both parents come from low conflict homes.
Report least drop in marital sat.
10
Attachment
• Assessed /memory recall/working model of
relationships
• Correlated with observed interaction with spouse
and child
• Husband secure/wife secure—positive outcome
• Husband insecure/wife insecure—negative
outcome
• Husband secure/wife insecure—positive outcome
11
Distressed families – child outcomes
•
•
•
•
The most distressed families…
Findings:
Children more aggressive or shy
Lower reading and math scores
12
Object Relations Theory and Attachment
Theory
• Attachment theory-- Bowlby, Ainsworth
• Object Relations Theory--Margaret Mahler
• Understanding adult relationship behavior begins
by looking at ______________________
• How we relate to significant others as adults is a
reflection of the relationship we had __________.
• The infant/child develops an “unconscious mental
____________ of parents”
13
• This serves as a basis for how the child thinks of
____ and ______, thus . . .
• influencing the person’s ability to develop healthy
attachments in later life
_____________________
• I find it relatively easy to get close to others and I am comfortable
depending on them. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about
some one getting too close to me. (56%)
• I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others. I find it difficult to
trust them completely. I am nervous when anyone gets too close and
often lover partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable
being. (25%)
• I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often
worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with
me. I want to merge completely with another person and this desire
sometimes scares people away. (19%)
14
• Young children develop different attachment
styles: s_____, a______, and anxious _________
• Ainsworth’s research – Strange Situation Test
• Research: adults also seem to have secure,
avoidant, and ambivalent styles
• Adults remember early parent-child experiences
that are consistent with the style they utilize
• Adults who have a secure attachment style-likely
to be _____ in relationships (married and stayed
married).
15
• Adults who have an avoidant style,
___________
• May view partner negatively
• Have trouble with _____, displace anger
• May believe that romance rarely lasts
forever.
16
• Adults with anxious ambivalent style fall in love
many times, but have difficulty finding long-term
happiness
• They fear losing their partner and are quick to give
in to the partner’s wishes to keep him/her happy.
May become _______.
• Are more likely to fall in love with someone who
does not love them in return.
• Remember: an adults attachment style is related to
childhood experience.
17
Emotion-Focused Therapy
•
•
•
•
•
Sue Johnson
Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
Based on attachment theory
Similar to object relations theory but . . .
Secure attachment – an affectionate relationship
in which partners mutually derive and provide
closeness, comfort and security
• Attachment injury – when one partner violates
the expectation that the other will offer comfort
and caring, esp. in times of distress.
18
• Underneath the distress, partners are asking:
“Can I count on you, depend on you?”
• A primal panic – when partner is emotionally
unavailable or unresponsive we face being out
in the cold, alone and helpless
• We respond in one of two ways:
1. Demanding and clinging
2. Withdraw and detach
• Leads to anger, frustration, resentment, etc.
• If we love our partner, why do we not respond
with caring? (p. 31)
19
The Object Relations Theory of Harville Hendrix
• Imago Therapy, p. 138
• Impediments to aliveness/wellness
1) Infant—situations judged for survival
2) Safe—Threatening
• Psychological wounding
• Imago—mental picture of __________ who
influenced you most strongly at early age
• Stages of development
20
Minimizers - Maximizers
• Minimizers tend to withdraw into themselves in regard
to thoughts and feelings
• Maximizers move toward others as they express their
thoughts and feelings
• The Process of Socialization
21
Falling in Love
•
•
•
•
•
Hendrix disagrees with free choice
Process dictated by ___________
Primitive Brain—seeks ______ match
Hendrix: negative traits outweigh positive
Primitive Brain—re-creates the conditions of
upbringing in order to correct them (heal wounds)
• Choose partner – who behaves with us like parents did
• Choose partner who has traits that are a part of our
denied self
• Choose partner who has positive traits we lack
22
Role Theory
•
•
•
•
The scapegoat – takes on family’s pain
The superhero – be good, try hard, do right, please
The enabler – tries to work things out
The distracter – distract attention away with
humor or entertainment
• The lost child – uses withdrawal to avoid pain
23
Roles that bind and push away
Napier
Roles that bind
• Parental child - takes on _______ roles
• Companionate child - pushed to play _____ role
• Marital child - satisfy a _____________________ need of
parent or stepparent
• Dependent child - parent is _____________
Roles that push away
• The rejected child - often forced on child
• The delegate child - feels pressure to _______
• The rulebreaker child - to deflect attention away from parental
24
conflict
Determinants of Emotional Makeup
• Gottman: 3 things to examine
1.One’s emotional philosophy
• The __________ Philosophy – child’s feelings are
unimportant, trivial, made light of …
• The ____________________ Philosophy – similar
to dismissing but more negative
• The ____________ Philosophy – freely accepts all
emotions but offers little guidance
• The ________________ Philosophy – emotional
intelligence
2. One’s emotional history- Betty, Carolyn
3. One’s emotional vulnerabilities, p. 158.
25
Transitional Character
• Family Legacy - what is passed on to children and future
generations
• The __________ Character- changes destructive pattern
• 1. Deliberateness - consciously striving to be aware of and
change a flawed characteristic
• 2. Distinctive family rituals
• 3. Maintaining some emotional distance from family of origin
• 4. Marrying later in life
• 5. Reading good books about family
• 6. Joining organizations for support
• 7. Getting an education
• 8. Developing a positive philosophy of life
26
9. Reading Good Books About Family Life
10. Joining Organizations
11. Getting an Education
12. Developing a Philosophy of Life.
27